Heterosexuality In Action
explain it again
I told you
it’s perfectly simple
a man and a woman
one of each
they get together and they push their genitals together
what earthly reason could anyone have for doing that
listen I didn’t invent it I’m just telling you what it is
well it sounds like something you made up
another one of your wild jokes
you’re not going to fool me that easily again, Charles
what on earth would I want with your genitals
or you with mine
you stay on your side of this bench with all your mad talk of hedgerows
what had been his name again
they all seemed so indistinguishable once they were black specks wriggling against the vast expanse of the sea
Henry, or something
what if he comes back
soon we we will both be dead
touch each other with your hands
TOUCH HIS HAND WITH YOUR HAND
what are you doing
i’m holding your hand
what on earth for
come with me
everything’s going to be heterosexual from now on
i don’t like this any more than you do
no one does
but we all have to have a good attitude about it
…and then what?
we’d live together
as man and wife
for the rest of our lives?
that’s the general idea
and you’re telling me people do this?
people we know?
many of them do
i look better in the gold brocade than she does and she knows it
she only wears it out of spite
just keep a hold of him until he refills the glass
then you can run
you can either let go or sink down to my level but there’s no option where I get up for you
oh, sweet pea
this is embarrassing for all of us
all of you
so now is when I stab him?
when do I stab him them
there’s no part
where you stab them
but it seems like the perfect moment
his neck is just there and exposed
I know but just because you can stab him doesn’t mean you should
well that doesn’t make any sense
heterosexuality doesn’t seem like much fun
can’t I stab anyone?
why do you think that stabbing is a part of this?
this is no fun
Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.