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16. Hell, purgatory, and heaven seem to differ as do despair, almost-despair, and the assurance of safety.

Sometimes I too have been able to distinguish between despair and almost-despair!!! One is slightly more bearable! 

17. With souls in purgatory it seems necessary that horror should grow less and love increase.

HOPE SO BUDDY

18. It seems unproved, either by reason or Scripture, that they are outside the state of merit, that is to say, of increasing love.

IT IS ENTIRELY POSSIBLE THAT THINGS MIGHT JUST NOT GET WORSE, FINGERS CROSSED

19. Again, it seems unproved that they, or at least that all of them, are certain or assured of their own blessedness, though we may be quite certain of it.

Also can’t prove I’m not a monster, sounds about right to me!

20. Therefore by “full remission of all penalties” the pope means not actually “of all,” but only of those imposed by himself.

GOOD NEWS: The pope does not know everything about me; seems accurate

21. Therefore those preachers of indulgences are in error, who say that by the pope’s indulgences a man is freed from every penalty, and saved;

BAD NEWS: even the pope cannot help me, also seems accurate

22. Whereas he remits to souls in purgatory no penalty which, according to the canons, they would have had to pay in this life.

No one can make me pay for things once I’m dead, I very much like this plan, I will not be emerging from the grave to pay you guys

23. If it is at all possible to grant to any one the remission of all penalties whatsoever, it is certain that this remission can be granted only to the most perfect, that is, to the very fewest.

If you’re not already pretty great you seem fresh out of luck!! MARTIN you are a very exacting dude and I wish you were not so mad at me, please emerge from the Early Modern Era and pat me on the head and tell me that I’m doing my best and deserve a nap!!!

24. It must needs be, therefore, that the greater part of the people are deceived by that indiscriminate and high-sounding promise of release from penalty.

Somebody’s getting screwed, I knew it

25. The power which the pope has, in a general way, over purgatory, is just like the power which any bishop or curate has, in a special way, within his own diocese or parish.

POPE OF PURGATORY WOULD BE A SOLID BAND NAME

26. The pope does well when he grants remission to souls, not by the power of the keys (which he does not possess), but by way of intercession.

this is like when someone helps you but you want them to admit on a technicality that they didn’t ACTUALLY help you

27. They preach man who say that so soon as the penny jingles into the money-box, the soul flies out.

That sounds so dope! I mean, it’s bad, obviously, but just, what a great mental image, fling some pennies at me and I’ll fly out of a box, soul-like!

28. It is certain that when the penny jingles into the money-box, gain and avarice can be increased, but the result of the intercession of the Church is in the power of God alone.

JINGLE THOSE PENNIES INTO THE MONEY-BOX

29. Who knows whether all the souls in purgatory wish to be bought out of it, as in the legend of Sts. Severinus and Paschal.

WAIT is there honestly a saint named Easter??

30. No one is sure that his own contrition is sincere; much less that he has attained full remission.

NEVER STOP DOUBTING YOURSELF FOR EVEN ONE SECOND, I’M ON IT, MARTIN

31. Rare as is the man that is truly penitent, so rare is also the man who truly buys indulgences, i.e., such men are most rare.

IF YOU BUY AN INDULGENCE YOU DON’T NEED ONE, WHICH SEEMS TRUE FOR PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING GOOD, SURE HOPE THE NEXT PHASE OF THESE THESES IS MORE CHEERFUL, MARTIN LUTHER, ok see you guys next week

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