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Home: The Toast

Wow, bodies are weird.

IT CAN CRY WHILE IT’S STILL IN THERE??

D-:

You can totally have that glass of wine, babies seem resilient.

No I get it. That one time I held my baby nephew for an hour was really trying.

Well at least those overnight pads seem really comfy.

What do you mean, you crave hot dogs but can’t eat hot dogs? What sick torture is this?

Oh noooooo hahahahahahahha

I do not think I’d enjoy a child mass pressing into my organs like that, no sir, so you’re very brave for enduring it.

But what if you need to sit up quickly? No? Okay then.

[rummages around bag for birth control]

You are a warrior and I am worthless. You are staring pain and hormones and care of another human life straight in the face and I am changing out of heels into flats because I have a teensy blister. You are magic and I am nothing.

I never want to do this.

Your boobs look great though.

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