POLICE CAPTAIN: Monseigneur Bishop
we have apprehended this man – a known criminal – outside your gates with a set of silver candlesticks he claims you gave him
what say you?
BISHOP MYRIEL: Yes, he stole them. [to Jean Valjean] You wretched leech, if you wanted silver candlesticks, you should have created them.
POLICE CAPTAIN: Thank you for your time; we’ll be going now.
BISHOP MYRIEL: Just a moment. If we accept the Christ story on face value, I am supposed to believe that a man of virtue sacrificed himself for nonideal men, and that this sacrifice ought to be celebrated. This disgusts me. Religion is a despicable fiction. Let me leave with you; I will tear down this church and replace it with a train depot.
Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.