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Previously: Don’t You Dare Try To Tell Me You’ve Never Thought About Punching A Priceless Work Of Art.

“Fuck you right into eternity if you try to pretend even for a second that you are not consumed with jealousy for this man, that you would not be in exactly his positionif you possessed the merest suggestion of a spine:

A man who punched a hole through a painting worth nearly £8 million painting has been jailed.

Andrew Shannon, 49, ruined the Claude Monet masterpiece hanging in the National Gallery Ireland in 2012 by attacking it in front of stunned art lovers.

On Thursday a court finally brought him to justice for his crime.

The famous painting, titled Argenteuil Basin with a Single Sailboat, was left with a large hole through the middle of it.

It is valued at $10 million (£7.8 million).

Mr Shannon told the police after his arrest he committed the thoughtless act of vandalism in an attempt to ‘get back at the state.’

1. That is a perfectly good way to get back at the state.

2. Look at how incredibly satisfying that punch-hole is. Just imagine punching through an old piece of art with your own hand. It feels incredible. Don’t pretend you’re not thinking about it.

3. Monet painted like 800 paintings of sailboats, we’re not exactly hurting for pastel dots in the shape of old French boats, as a society, and also Monet is dead. It’s not like this guy punched something rare.

4. DON’T PRETEND YOU’RE TOO GOOD TO WANT TO PUNCH ART. YOU’RE JUST RULED BY YOUR FEARS. THIS MAN IS BRAVER THAN US ALL.”

Toast reader Lydia Marik has taken a while to come up with the correct response to this post, but all good things eventually arrive. She writes:

“Don’t You Dare Try To Tell Me You’ve Never Thought About Punching A Priceless Work Of Art” was the best thing I read online in 2014. I talked about it so much that my Secret Santa gift that year was based around it. My coworker Jamal printed out Argenteuil Basin with a Single Sailboat in full color, punched it, and framed it for me. Now it hangs on my wall.

I go to a weekly, themed potluck. One week, the theme was “inspired by art.” Taking my fake, desecrated Argenteuil Basin from the wall, I made a palette of icing and food coloring and recreated Monet’s scene as best I could on a white sheet cake.

Over dessert, I read “Don’t You Dare Try To Tell Me You’ve Never Thought About Punching A Priceless Work Of Art” to the group, then solicited a volunteer to punch the cake. Here is my muscular friend Luke daring to punch a priceless work of art.

lydia1

Over dessert, I read “Don’t You Dare Try To Tell Me You’ve Never Thought About Punching A Priceless Work Of Art” to the group, then solicited a volunteer to punch the cake. Here is my muscular friend Luke daring to punch a priceless work of art.

lydia2

Then we ate the cake.

Your fan,
Lydia

Go thou and do likewise.

Go thou and do likewise.

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