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This post sponsored by Toast reader Rose: “For my mum Diana, who has always made me laugh, and always will.”

Previously

61. For it is clear that for the remission of penalties and of reserved cases, the power of the pope is of itself sufficient.

POPE STRONG, YOU DON’T NEED HEAVEN JEWELS

62. The true treasure of the Church is the Most Holy Gospel of the glory and the grace of God.

THE REAL HEAVEN JEWELS ARE WITHIN YOU

63. But this treasure is naturally most odious, for it makes the first to be last.

THESE HEAVEN JEWELS MAKE THE WORST GUYS THINK THEY CAN TALK TO GOD AND IT’S EMBARRASSING

64. On the other hand, the treasure of indulgences is naturally most acceptable, for it makes the last to be first.

I DON’T UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THESE TWO

65. Therefore the treasures of the Gospel are nets with which they formerly were wont to fish for men of riches.

that was a misdirect, the real treasures are nets

66. The treasures of the indulgences are nets with which they now fish for the riches of men.

I JUST WANT TO TALK ABOUT NETS FROM NOW ON

67. The indulgences which the preachers cry as the “greatest graces” are known to be truly such, in so far as they promote gain.

I DON’T THINK WE CAN SCALE BACK ON CAPITALISM ANYMORE GUYS

68. Yet they are in truth the very smallest graces compared with the grace of God and the piety of the Cross.

GOOD LUCK FIGURING THIS ONE OUT, THE JEWEL-NETS ARE TINY NOW

69. Bishops and curates are bound to admit the commissaries of apostolic pardons, with all reverence.

look I get it if it’s your job to sell indulgences, I can’t criticize you for making a living. it’s rough out there. 

70. But still more are they bound to strain all their eyes and attend with all their ears, lest these men preach their own dreams instead of the commission of the pope.

But like, come on. It’s just your job. Don’t overdo it. 

71. He who speaks against the truth of apostolic pardons, let him be anathema and accursed!

THIS IS GETTING TOO REASONABLE, I WANNA CURSE SOMEBODY

72. But he who guards against the lust and license of the pardon-preachers, let him be blessed!

IF YOU DON’T BUY ANY HEAVEN JEWELS YOU’RE SET

73. The pope justly thunders against those who, by any art, contrive the injury of the traffic in pardons.

POPE’S MAD AT YOU IF YOU DON’T LIKE INDULGENCES THOUGH, TOO

74. But much more does he intend to thunder against those who use the pretext of pardons to contrive the injury of holy love and truth.

POPE’S MAD AT EVERYBODY

75. To think the papal pardons so great that they could absolve a man even if he had committed an impossible sin and violated the Mother of God — this is madness.

if you hit God’s mom you’re in trouble I don’t care how many popes you are

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