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Home: The Toast

This Classic Toast post originally ran on May 1, 2014.

“She was great. Wasn’t she great?”

“She was really great. And Tim loved her, which is key for a position like this.”

“Do you want to light the match this time, or should I?”

“Oh, I’d love to.”

they burn every trace of her application and existence, dancing naked among the flames

***

“How’d the interview go?”

“Really well. He had a lot of interesting ideas for the new campaign, and he’s perfectly qualified.”

“Oh my God, I just had the best idea. Call him and tell him we’ll ‘get back to him’ in two or three days.”

Karen, you are terrible.”

“I knoowwwwwwwww. Let’s go get drunk.”

“Oh my God, wait.”

“What?”

“Let’s also send him a request to connect on LinkedIn six months from now.”

“After never calling him to tell him we hired somebody else?”

“Exactly.”

“You bitch. I’m buying.”


“What are you doing right now?”

“Carving satanic symbols into my forearms. But that can wait. What’s up?”

“Want to go to a career fair and pass out business cards with slightly inaccurate phone numbers and made-up email addresses?”

“Yes.”

 ***

“What are you doing?”

“Putting that job posting up.”

“Aren’t we hiring Trish’s sister for that?”

“Oh, it’s done. I just took her over to HR to get an ID badge.”

“So why are you posting it?”

“To give them hope.”

You sick fuck.”

they do intravenous drugs together until the walls melt into an orgy of time and space

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