Skip to the article, or search this site

Home: The Toast

Previously: Women praying furiously in Western art history.

pray1

hello, “god”
the contents of this prayer I hold in my hand here just might interest you
the real question is
what’s in it for me

 

pray2

our Father
who art in heaven
had better fucking stay up there if he knows what’s good for him

 

pray3

no, no, don’t get up
I’m so used to doing everything by myself
I don’t think I could handle the shock if someone helped me

 

pray4

go ahead and kill me, fuckdicks
good luck scrubbing my ass out of the afterlife
I’ll crawl into heaven and shit up the place

 

pray5

excuse me, do you MIND
I’m trying to PRAY here
no, it’s a PRIVATE prayer
I don’t ONLY JUST pray to YOU, you know
you’re not the only recipient of prayers in the whole world
when I pray to you, you’ll KNOW, trust me

 

pray6

seeing how it’s me that’s holding both keys to heaven
I wouldn’t say you’re in much of a position to bargain with me about anything, old man

 

pray7

I’LL PRAY TO YOU WHEN AND ONLY WHEN YOU’RE READY TO LISTEN TO ME TALK ABOUT MY MANUSCRIPT

 

pray8

YOU COME DOWN HERE AND SAY THAT TO MY FACE
YOU
GOD
I’LL ROCK YOU UP BUT GOOD
YOU COME DOWN HERE ON MY LEVEL AND YOU GOD AT ME AND YOU’LL GET ROCKED AT WITH BOTH HANDS

 

pray9

what’s going on up there
i don’t like any of this
you stay up there
all of you
you put a shirt on and leave my forearms alone
you mind your own business up in Heaven and leave my forearms to me

 

pray10

are you there, God?
it’s me,
your worst
fucking
nightmare

[Images via]

$
Select Payment Method

Loading ...

Personal Info

Donation Total: $1.00

Add a comment

Skip to the top of the page, search this site, or read the article again

(Close this.)