This TV publicity image released by FX shows Keri Russell as Elizabeth Jennings, left, and Matthew Rhys as Philip Jennings in a scene from the spy drama “The Americans.” (AP Photo/FX, Craig Blankenhorn)
The situation is all too common. You have a close friend (“BFF”). You spend lots of time together. You adore one another. And then a major life change occurs: she discovers The Americans. Suddenly, you’re no longer her number one.
This can be a difficult time, but don’t worry – you’re not alone. As many as 75% of us will at some point have a friend who has recently discovered The Americans, according to a study conducted by a group of people. So how do you help your friend? Here’s exactly what she needs from you.
1. Listen and offer support. She may be distressed that she doesn’t own enough wigs or that her kitchen isn’t painted the perfect 1980s shade of pink. Tell her you’ll take her to Home Depot to try to find the paint. Offer to call the show’s producers and enlist their help.
2. Encourage her to leave the house, if only for a short walk. If she is resistant, remind her that the episodes will still be there when she gets back. Use a soothing tone, as if you’re speaking to a baby manatee.
3. Try to cheer her up. She may be depressed that her life isn’t interesting enough because she’s not a Russian spy. Perhaps she says things like, “I need to go to the grocery store to buy more Saran Wrap, but I wish I were checking on the cable traffic back and forth between Moscow.”
4. Stop by for an afternoon so she has time to take a hot shower and blow dry her hair. She doesn’t realize that she smells.
5. Try to ascertain how much red wine she has been drinking. The answer is probably at least one bottle per evening of The Americans. Encourage her to make chamomile tea.
6. Urge her to get some sleep. Although she’s unlikely to admit it, last night at 3 a.m., she moved from the couch to her bed, where she propped her laptop up on a pillow and proceeded to watch another three episodes.
7. Assure her that her eyebrows may not be Keri Russell’s eyebrows, but they are still fine eyebrows.
8. Introduce topics of conversation to distract her. She’ll want to talk about what an asshole Reagan was or how we just don’t fight secret wars the way we used to. Try to get her to discuss gardening or the weather.
9. Make some food and bring it over – preferably something that freezes beautifully, like a casserole or a lasagna. Remind her that people were really into lasagna in the 1980s.
10. Try not to judge. There are three seasons of The Americans on Amazon Prime. It is hard for your friend to handle Amazon Prime in a responsible manner.
11. Ask her whether she needs anything. Maybe she ran out of toilet paper and moved on to Kleenex and then to Vanity Fair dinner napkins. Get her some toilet paper.
12. When you stop by for a visit, don’t stay too long. Your friend doesn’t want to hang out with you anymore. She just wants to watch The Americans.
13. Help her to curb her shopping impulse. She will no doubt want to buy a lot of wool sweaters that look like Keri Russell’s sweaters. She may also seek out a pair of high-waisted Guess jeans or a bodysuit, which she will justify by saying, “Well, it wasn’t the 1980s unless you could feel snaps in your crotch.”
14. Hire a housekeeper for a month so she doesn’t have to worry about scrubbing the bathroom. Hire a professional organizer-slash-life-coach to help her to get off the couch.
15. Help her to plan for the future. When she says that now she also really wants to watch Felicity because she sort of missed the boat on that, give her a hug and remind her in a firm but kind voice that she has a job.
It is DEFINITELY hard for me to handle Amazon Prime in a reasonable manner. So much so that I am not even yet this friend.
Oh this was me, this weekend. whoops.
I know, I started watching The Americans a few weeks ago on Prime, and at this point (most of the way through Season 2), I feel this too acutely.
I’ve even taken to sometimes listening to fan mixes for The Americans on 8tracks while I’m at work (and away from my TV), because it’s taken over my brain.
Viewers of The Americans are encouraged to join the Cold War Reenarcment Society , information of when meetings are held can be found in the cryptic clues of the classified section of your major daily newspaper. Bring your own wig.
Yes. Accurate.
(during the second? episode I watched boyfriend ran into the room because I was screaming. Why was I screaming? I noticed that the Cyrillic on my screen was actually an attempt to transliterate the actors names and not just thrown in because “lol backwards R!”)
I know! I love that so much. It drives me nuts when people use the backwards R to denote “THIS IS RUSSIAN”. It doesn’t make an R sound!
Everyone who has ever been around me drunk has heard me “Cyrillic is an alphabet tied to real languages and not a fancy font!” rant. Which usually ends in me crying because no one ever has pelmeni when I’m drunk at 2am.
There should ALWAYS be pelmeni when one is drunk at 2am! I feel your pain.
I’ve made a game of saying all the “наииан вяуаит”-looking names out loud. It always involves a lot of awkward “ya” s.
Yes! I had that same moment of realization. It was Matthew Rhys’s name that clicked for me.
According to Instagram, I took this pic 49 weeks ago. I’m still mad about it tbh.
<blockquote class=”instagram-media” data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version=”6″ style=” background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% – 2px); width:calc(100% – 2px);”><div style=”padding:8px;”> <div style=” background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;”> <div style=” background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAAGFBMVEUiIiI9PT0eHh4gIB4hIBkcHBwcHBwcHBydr+JQAAAACHRSTlMABA4YHyQsM5jtaMwAAADfSURBVDjL7ZVBEgMhCAQBAf//42xcNbpAqakcM0ftUmFAAIBE81IqBJdS3lS6zs3bIpB9WED3YYXFPmHRfT8sgyrCP1x8uEUxLMzNWElFOYCV6mHWWwMzdPEKHlhLw7NWJqkHc4uIZphavDzA2JPzUDsBZziNae2S6owH8xPmX8G7zzgKEOPUoYHvGz1TBCxMkd3kwNVbU0gKHkx+iZILf77IofhrY1nYFnB/lQPb79drWOyJVa/DAvg9B/rLB4cC+Nqgdz/TvBbBnr6GBReqn/nRmDgaQEej7WhonozjF+Y2I/fZou/qAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;”></div></div> <p style=” margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;”> If you want to short-circuit a Russian speaker’s brain, do this. <p style=” color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;”>A photo posted by Leslie (@les_ja) on <time style=” font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;” datetime=”2015-05-23T21:10:44+00:00″>May 23, 2015 at 2:10pm PDT</time></div>
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Wow that embed code did not work at all, but if you click the link it takes you there. Sorry!
ahhhhhhhhh. weeping.
i. wat. That’s not legible in English *or* Russian, and I should know, since I theoretically speak both!
oh my god I hate this with the fury of 1,000 dying suns
why
why
why are people so terrible
Terrible flyer choices aside, though, The Phenomenauts are an excellent space themed surf-rock/punk band.
But yeah, that is a TERRIBLE flyer.
I’m almost completely unfamiliar with the Cyrillic alphabet, and I still hate that poster. From a design standpoint, and just on general principle. I’m sorry, comrades, but that poster is some bullshit.
Not even an attempt! It’s an actual, very competent transliteration.
And yes, I have also occasionally thrown things at screens, hissing “It’s. A. Language. Not. Decoration!!”
This Greek speaker knows that feel.
I think you mean “that fΣΣl”?
(sorry)
*eyelid twitch* Yep, that’s the one. That fssl.
The Slate podcast about the show recently did an episode with the translator for the show, which you might find interesting as a Russian speaker. She talked about some of the disagreements they’ve had about use of slang, and about the accents and cadence of the Russian-speaking actors.
Ooh that sounds super interesting!
Umm, what! There’s a podcast?! This whole piece can be rewritten about me discovering The Americans podcast.
I know, SQUEEE!!! About all I know in Russian is their alphabet and as soon as i saw the credits I was smitten.
I’m interested in watching The Americans but the last time i saw Keri Russel (in some post apocalyptic movie? The one with the apes?) I could not take my eyes off her (as you could probably tell by my inability to remember the name of the movie planet of the apes for godsake). Why is she so perfect.
I’ve been dreaming about her hair and wearing my own (far inferior) hair over one shoulder for months.
The same thing happens with her in the Americans. Only add in the wonderment about how she can wear some of those awful 80s fashions and make them look so good.
Her arm muscles were insane in that movie! Super buff perfect angel.
Timely! I am about to start watching this show as we speak. #13 will probably be too hard for me to resist.
Why does it seem supernaturally perfect that Rhys and Russel are a real life couple?
(Rhys was on an episode of Archer with his actual natural Welsh accent and it’s so hilariously thick you guys)
Wales is bad ass!
You could’ve knocked me over with a feather the first time I heard Matthew Rhys’s natural accent. Not at all what I expected, even though I knew he was Welsh.
I’m dying to know how Alison Wright sounds since she’s English. So much good accent work!
Here you go!
Thank you! She also doesn’t sound like what I expected – obviously we need more diversity in accents in tv and movies because it’s much more fun to hear different voices.
Her accent is great! The best thing about her accent is that it is not an English accent Americans are used to hearing, and therefore I am amusingly confused by it (apparently she’s from Sunderland, which Google maps tells me is kind of near Newcastle, but, really, I don’t know what any of that means). Basically, I expect everyone from England to sound like Paul McCartney, Adele, or the Queen.
Sunderland! That makes sense. I don’t know their accents specifically, but she definitely sounded like she was from somewhere in northern England. I like the northern accents a lot, they’re great, and we hardly ever get to hear them in the US.
I’ve been watching a lot of Happy Valley lately, and now I’m hearing everything in a North Yorkshire accent.
Knock me down with a feather! I almost come in my pants every time I watch The Wine Show trailer. http://www.vulture.com/2016/03/watch-a-clip-from-…
I read the title of this as “How to Help Your Friend Who Recently Discovered the Americas”, and now I don’t know what to do for the time-travelling Christopher Columbus and Leif Ericson who appeared in my garage last week.
Let Leif chill for awhile, maybe get him some Netflix, teach him about frozen cookie dough, send him back way more mellow. Push Columbus into a well.
No, no, send Columbus to the nearest reservation, or if you live in an area without a reservation, contact a local tribal council. They’d like to have a few words with him.
Oh thank god it wasn’t just me
Do not tell her about that episode of Archer that Matthew Rhys is in where he uses his real Welsh accent because it is so charming she will die.
There’s a wig joke because of course there is
This was me like a month ago. I shamefully admit that I only made it through a season and a half. I will finish eventually but it just gets so heavy sometimes I needed a break. I’m on a scifi binge at the moment, I’ve finished Killjoys, Dark Matter, and almost all of The Expanse in less than a week, so if anyone has any recs along those lines they are very welcome here. But once my attention span wavers from futuristic space scifi I’ll be back to the Americans.
Killjoys is WONDERFUL and I’m so excited for it to come back!
same I partly regret watching it all at once because now I have to wait but there was just no way I could stop and now I’ve got my roommate hooked, too.
I LOVE Killjoys (season 2 this summer yessssss) but I haven’t tried Dark Matter or the Expanse yet. How are they?
I CANT WAIT!!!! They are both really good. I think I’m actually enjoying The Expanse more which I honestly didn’t think I would at the beginning, but mostly I think it’s because the characters feel a lot more developed to me. Dark Matter is good but everyone on there felt a little more trope-y and predictable. It was still good and I will definitely watch the second season, but the Expanse definitely wins on that side. The only thing I don’t love is there are a lot of parts that get very political and those tend to drag for me but for the most part it’s really well paced and well written.
It is very crucial to take breaks with The Americans when binge watching. I was a regular viewer from the first episode, but I fell behind in seasons 2 and 3 and it took me ages to catch back up because you can’t just marathon it. Too much!
The Expanse is so great. Wes Chatham is KILLING IT as Amos even though he is theoretically the actor who least resembles the character.
I’ve actually never read the books but I just ordered them last night so I’m hoping I can start this weekend. I’m really excited to see how they differ from the show. Also I love Amos and honestly Wes is too beautiful the show could just be him gazing intently for 45 minutes and I’d be like yes absolutely.
Combine interests! There’s a scene in episode 7 of this season where they’re driving through Gowanus and you can clearly see the giant inflatable TARDIS that’s up on top of a warehouse. Then you have a starting place for some wild fan fic.
I’m BEMOANING the fact that I’m so late to the comments section for this. I am so ready for tonight.
AMERICANS FANS, THE PRAYER CIRCLE FOR MARTHA STARTS HERE.
We could invite Paige to the prayer circle!
She’d bring Pastor Tim along, and I feel that rather than a hindrance, it’d be an opportunity ripe for Significant Looks passed between us all, followed by his untimely and yet somehow instantly forgettable disappearance.
I volunteer to take care of Alice. Vanishing them both is way overdue 😉
Please kill Stan too while you’re feeling murderous…
Oh, yes! Stan’s “Are you sleeping with my wife?!!?” , er “-Ex-Wife?” landed him on my list
Then, Stan’s “Do you think Martha’s attractive?” made me extra stabby.
And when he and Aderholt discuss Martha having an abortion, Aderholt says she did it back when it was dangerous (like he is actually concerned for her health and safety) and Stan is like ‘AND IT WAS ILLEGAL’ as if that is what matters most.
I think Stan’s salient point there is not that OH NO LAWBREAKER but that, like anything illegal, Martha’s then-illegal abortion offers possible leverage for pressure or blackmail — something that in bureau employees and others in security-clearance positions can offer a point of vulnerability.
I think it’s pretty clear that Martha’s vulnerability was loneliness, particularly given that they know she married Clark. It would be strange for blackmail to be part of that seduction.
I also have a feeling that she wouldn’t have taken blackmail bait, particularly over an abortion from her youth, because unlike Nina, who would be severely punished for a minor infraction, Martha would likely not have gotten in any huge trouble if she went to Gaad and told him that the KGB was trying to blackmail her over such a small potatoes offence. They’d be more interested in hearing about the KGB agent making the threat.
Watching Stan and Aderholt react to Martha over the course of the last few episodes, it just seems like Aderholt has balanced concern for her potential as a mole with respect for her well-being, whereas Stan doesn’t appear to care that much about her as a person. I also have no reason to believe that Stan would give a damn about the nuances of reproductive choice given his record of disrespect for women in general (Nina, Sandra etc). He probably would privilege the law over women’s actual needs.
It’s obvious to viewers (and to Philip) that loneliness was Martha’s leverage point. It wasn’t obvious to Stan until, and maybe even after, the time of that conversation, and that’s part of what (I think) he’s saying: they’re all presumed to be more or less open books — if not to each other, at least to the agency that vetted them all for their higher clearance ratings — but each of them is a secret after all, an unknown quantity, a mystery.
I don’t have a particular interest in defending Stan as a person; I’m just saying there’s more nuance to this remark than pearl-clutching over a broken law.
You inspired me to review the scene (ah the boredom of sick leave). I don’t think it’s pearl-clutching so much as a kind of judgmental offhand remark that reveals something about Stan’s approach to the issue. Aderholt’s first response is that the abortion would have been dangerous, and Stan’s first response is to highlight its illegality. I don’t think he’s going to bomb a Planned Parenthood but it points to a lack of empathy for Martha and women who have illegal abortions.
They talk about the abortion as they are discussing Martha’s lack of romantic life and judging whether or not she is attractive. I guess how much Stan would know is up for debate. I think that given the immediate segue into the topic of her loneliness and their discussion of her married boyfriend would already have given him enough hints to point in the loneliness direction. I apologize if it came off as though I thought you were defending him. I might see it differently but I do respect your point.
Oh, god, Martha. I am worried for her in tonight’s episode in ways that I haven’t been in ages, after Nina.
I have a theory that the FBI will catch Martha so that we can see a parallel to the Nina situation. Will the US be as ruthless? Probably. Poor, poor Martha.
Yeah, I wouldn’t be too surprised if they opted for that angle – Martha is the only one left still really tying together the FBI and the Soviets and I don’t know how that’d work if she was out of the country. But I don’t think the US would be as ruthless with her. Prison, yes.
I have SO MANY FEELINGS about Martha. I wish she could run off with Agent Aderholt and live in the country but I know this roller coaster only goes down from here.
I’ve been deeply stressed about Martha for like 3 episodes running.
I’ve been deeply stressed about Martha since episode 1. I think this is the first time I’ve even referred to her as “Martha” and not “Poor Martha”.
So, I should watch The Americans then?
I want this friend! I deserve this friend!
Guys, I am basically, personally the Beyhive of this show, and none of my friends watch it so I have no one to talk about it with. It’s so, so excellent right now. And, yes, it is basically like one long con to brainwash me into thinking that high-waisted jeans are a good idea.
my dad half jokingly but also kind of seriously thinks i am a communist, and watching the Americans and maaayyyybeee? feeling sympathetic to the Soviets* is shockingly not helping my case
*just kidding government!!!!
Everyone should be watching Felicity all the time, it had a perfect first two seasons and then becomes incredibly boring yet so soothing as they get older and are still only 21-22 and start wearing beautiful suede coats and carrying leather bags that are a million times nicer than anything I’ve ever owned and never going to a single party and relating to each other as if they are deep into their 30s. It is my standard show to watch before sleeping – it’s all whispering and extreme close-ups of Scott Speedman and Keri Russell’s perfect, gorgeous faces and you can and should skip past anything relating to Noel.
No I love Noel! I’m sorry, Noel all the way!!
They try to have sex and there’s all the candles that there normally are on TV and I say “WTF why so many candles the rooms going to catch fire” and THEN THE ROOM CATCHES FIRE!!
love Noel.
First half of first season Noel is OK, I will grant you that, but then he gets all judgy and sanctimonious and has no sex appeal and his nostrils basically flare right off his face whenever he feels he is wronged, which is constantly. Team Ben, 100%.
Okay, but Reagan was an asshole. I’ve never seen an episode of The Americans (although now I realize that I really need to), and I find ways to go on at length about the assholery of Ronald Reagan on a semi-regular basis.
Yeah, there need to be MORE conversations about how Reagan was an asshole, not fewer. If only to counterbalance the ongoing revisionist hagiography of the jerk. When we get to the point where Hilary praised Nancy’s nonexistent AIDs work, we need some shouting from the rooftops.
It wasn’t even nonexistent, it was negative AIDS work. The Reagans were anti-activists wrt HIV/AIDS, and there needs to be a hell of a lot more naming and shaming.
Preach
Ronald Reagan: he made the 80s terrible for so many people, and in so many ways, and then fucked over generations to come, just for good measure. Assface.
My favorite thing is how Elizabeth, iron willed stone cold super spy true believer, cannot deal with her teenage daughter because THEYRE THE SAME DAMN PERSON.
Also I looked up the people they based the show on and wow the people caught were …not the smoothest secret spies. “yes clearly this person who speaks in a Russian accent , has been hired from nowhere, and has no shared American cultural references is a totally legit”
I love that Elizabeth is weird and spiky and sometimes has trouble remembering how to do human emotions (esp. in her personal life).
Like you’re saying, she can pull off incredibly dangerous missions and take on a million personas etc., but she gets awkward when she has to try to be a parent to a teenage girl, and it’s great.
P.S. Who watched Assets on Netflix? Because OMG.
ohgod yessssss the assets – so much obsessing in inkwashedCastle!
So many British actors! So many American characters!
I created an account to gush my love for The Americans, after lurking at The Toast for ages.
Re: #1 Dusty rose – the 1980s shade of pink. Oh, and the large round eyeglasses disguise (ala Jennifer/Elizabeth) – bane of my nearsightedness as a kid!
Re: #6 Unable to sleep. A different take on sleeplessness. I have so much dread before each episode, then shock and anxiety afterwards, I’d be a hypocrite to suggest peaceful sleep is possible after watching. BTW, I love every stomach knot that this spy thriller/family drama causes me.
How am I so invested in the Jennings marriage and every tiny step towards better communication more than any other couple, on-screen, in books, or in IRL?
This show!
This is an outrage! Please remove those hidden spy cameras from my house AT ONCE.
I NEVER comment on articles, but this is spot on. Best (and most accurate) thing I’ve read in a long, long time.
does anyone know if there is a lot of violence on this show? or animals/kids getting hurt? I’m such a weenie but I think I’d really like to start watching this…
There is a fair amount of violence. Personally, I don’t find it a gratuitous amount of violence or very showy, but if you’re sensitive to it, that might be a problem.
IIRC, animals and kids thus far have been safe, though! Minus one kid-on-kid scene this season anyway.
There is a fair amount of violence on this show, but it’s treated with a great deal of weight and seriousness – it’s not gratuitous in the slightest. I also have a problem watching/enjoying violence stuff, for the record. The violence on Breaking Bad prevented me from liking it, the violence in Game of Thrones has kept me from trying it, I’m still really angry that I let myself get talked into seeing The Revenant because of the violence, and so on. But I love The Americans.
You can always shut your eyes during the violent bits (there’s probably <1 per episode) – the significant glances are more important to the show than the murders.
I tried to watch but didn’t make it past (or even through) the brutal rape scene in episode 1. I really want to watch as everyone says it’s great, but onscreen rape is just a deal breaker for me now. Anyone else have this problem?
I think Stan's salient point there is not that OH NO LAWBREAKER but that, like anything illegal, Martha's then-illegal abortion offers possible leverage for pressure or blackmail — something that in bureau employees and others in security-clearance positions can offer a point of vulnerability.
It's obvious to viewers (and to Philip) that loneliness was Martha's leverage point. It wasn't obvious to Stan until, and maybe even after, the time of that conversation, and that's part of what (I think) he's saying: they're all presumed to be more or less open books — if not to each other, at least to the agency that vetted them all for their higher clearance ratings — but each of them is a secret after all, an unknown quantity, a mystery.
I don't have a particular interest in defending Stan as a person; I'm just saying there's more nuance to this remark than pearl-clutching over a broken law.
thanks! that is exactly what I wanted to know 🙂 I think this sounds like something I can handle…
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