Perhaps some of you were surprised by the recent news that, even before it was cancelled, Castle decided not to renew star Stana Katic’s contract. “What?”‘ you may have cried. “She was arguably the lead!” And in many ways you are correct, and this did seem to come as a shock. However, if you are, say, me, and you spent a year of your life writing a thesis in which you argued that Beckett’s storyline has always been steamrolled by the overarching theme of “It Doesn’t Matter What You Want, Beckett, Because Castle Wants To Fuck You,” you would not have been surprised at all.
Think about it, people. This is the show that opened with “Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but I’m a millionaire who wants to exploit your life for profit and I’m gonna use my connections with the local government to force myself into your work life against your will.”
This is the show that tried to spin “You’re a woman in a male-dominated workplace and I guess that could be a struggle, but I’m gonna write a hypersexualized version of you and then write myself into the story and then my character is gonna bone your character and also I live my life super publicly so everyone’s gonna know it’s you and make some ASSUMPTIONS” as…I don’t know, some sort of romance?
And LET US NOT FORGET the rousing ensemble chorus of “We know your mother was murdered mysteriously and that you care about it or something, but HAVE YOU CONSIDERED fucking Castle?” interspersed with the solo Castle refrain of “I am the gatekeeper of your happiness (and the only way through is on my dick).”
This show had some issues is what I’m saying, and all of them stemmed from the showrunners thinking that Beckett’s only value was as Castle’s love interest and that the only storyline people cared about was Will They or Won’t They. Time and time again the show manufactured drama from the idea that Detective Kate Beckett could not A) solve her mother’s murder and concurrently B) be happy (in a relationship with Richard Castle). These characters even got married and then broke up because the previously solved mother’s murder somehow became unsolved and Kate, having a personal stake in the whole dealio, wanted to look into it again. Like, at some point you should probably just support your wife without making her jump through hoops to prove she likes you, Castle. It’s not rocket science.
Also not rocket science: realizing that the way to add some variety into your show/revive a flagging audience is probably just “try to write some new stories” rather than “fire the lead actresses because surely they are the problem.”
There may have been Reasons for this decision that we’re not privy to, of course, and, thankfully, the door is now shut on any “Let’s explore how Castle is probably a sleeper agent for the CIA, because no one would’ve seen that coming, and now watch as he avenges Beckett’s death with the full support of his friends and family and succeeds where she failed” plotlines. But in case you are also feeling stung by the whole idea that a long-running show with two established main characters even tried to pitch a future in which, whoops, oh well, the action star/emotional linchpin of the series is dead, here is an alternative ending that, I think, makes a lot more sense:
INT. CASTLE INVESTIGATIONS — MORNING
The room is still. Not a single pen is out of place on the desk. The elegant decorator items – anything with a price point above $80 can no longer legally be called a “tchotke” – are perfectly arranged on each shelf. An engraved nameplate in the middle of the desk boasts “Richard Castle Investigations.” The place looks more like an exhibit titled Rich Man’s Mid-Life Crisis than a functional office.
A photo, black and white, hangs in pride of place on the wall. This is Richard Castle. Mid-40s, hair perfectly arranged, careful smirk. His portrait draws the eye. It dominates the room. It screams for attention, to the point where you wonder what sort of man hangs a photo of himself this large in his office. What sort of man wants to stare at (and be stared down by) his own image.
A key rattles in the doorknob. The door opens and a woman walks in. Kate Beckett stands in the threshold – hair perfectly arranged, somewhat weary – and surveys the room. Her eyes linger on the chair behind the desk, as if used to finding a presence where now there is none. Something in the air shifts, and the room takes on the tenor of a shrine.
From the back of the room, there is a soft whirr. One of the shelves begins to move. A secret doorway opens up, revealing a hidden room. From the depths, Alexis emerges. She is poised, ruthlessly efficient. She looks up from her tablet, sees Beckett and smiles.
ALEXIS: Kate! I didn’t expect you this early. Give me one sec, I just need to finish up.
Beckett nods and gestures around the room.
BECKETT: Not much has changed, I see. Martha told me you had decorators in.
Alexis glances around briefly, but remains mostly intent on her screen.
ALEXIS: Yeah, I decided to keep this room mostly as is; it’s what people expect. You can go on through the back, take a look around.
Beckett takes another look around the office, exhales, and walks through the bookshelf doorway. The back room is bright, warm and perfectly functional as an office slash hideaway for a young professional. Alexis follows her in and sets her tablet down.
ALEXIS: What do you think?
BECKETT: It’s perfect. Much better than that dim spaceship thing your dad had going back here.
ALEXIS: I guess he didn’t really try to work much in this room, but, man, I felt like I was going blind even coming in here for a glass of water.
BECKETT: He wasn’t much known for his practicality, your father.
They smile sadly at each other, then Beckett breaks the silence.
BECKETT: All done?
ALEXIS: Sure am. Is Lanie coming for breakfast?
BECKETT: Not this week. In her words, she’s “too busy being important and appreciated and getting to showcase her many and varied talents.”
ALEXIS: Well, it’s about time. I just hope the Medical Examiner’s office realizes what a poor substitute Perlmutter is and what a mistake they made in promoting him over her.
BECKETT: If they don’t already, they soon will. Is Martha coming?
ALEXIS: No, she’s got rehearsals all day, the big Broadway success story. So it’s just you and me.
BECKETT: The dream team.
They grin and link arms to exit the room. As they pass through into the outer office, Alexis pauses.
BECKETT: Do you need your tablet?
ALEXIS: [hesitantly] I can live without it.
Beckett just stares.
ALEXIS: It syncs to my watch anyway.
Beckett stares.
ALEXIS: But I won’t look at it, because it’s fine, because I definitely blocked out my whole morning for this and it’s fine.
BECKETT: Just get the tablet.
ALEXIS: [already halfway back into the room] I won’t look at it the whole time, I promise.
BECKETT: It’s okay. You’re running a highly successful business here. I’m just happy you could fit me in to your busy schedule.
ALEXIS: Sure, Ms. Mayor, I’m the one with the schedule we work around.
BECKETT: Young lady, sarcasm does not become you, nor should you speak to an elected official in that way.
Alexis laughs, and the two exit the office.
EXT. NEW YORK STREET – DAY
A man in a dark suit with an earpiece waits outside the building. A black, official-looking town car is parked in front. The man at the newsstand nearby is moving fresh stacks of newspapers onto his shelves, but the front page is obscured by the car.
Alexis and Beckett emerge onto the street.
ALEXIS: Any suggestions? Any places you’ve been dying to try? Whose turn to pay?
BECKETT: I’ve got somewhere in mind. And yours.
ALEXIS: But —
BECKETT: We’re celebrating me today.
The man in the dark suit approaches. Beckett nods. He opens the door to the town car and the two women get in, bickering good-naturedly. The car pulls away from the curb, revealing a bright row of newspapers featuring a familiar face. The text reads:
IN MEMORIAM – RICHARD CASTLE
It’s been well over a year since author Richard Castle (of Derek Storm and Nikki Heat fame) was shot in the line of “duty” – a civilian in a police shoot-out, unqualified and woefully untrained. In the wake of his death and the outpouring of mourning that swept the city, Mayor Katherine Beckett, former police captain and widow of the deceased, called for stricter requirements for police consultants.
“My husband had a brilliant mind and contributed much during his years as a consultant,” the Mayor said in her first public press conference following the author’s death. “But no amount of insight into the criminal psyche can take the place of proper police training. Consultants have always had their role in the NYPD, but it is far past time we should be regulating what that role should be.”
Mayor Beckett proposed a strict “no field duty” policy for consultants, as well as a stringent screening process for potential police consultants. Today, her vision becomes law. Senate Bill S245, dubbed “The Castle Walls” in the media, comes into effect, putting an end to what some have deemed “frivolous PR stunt” consultancies.
“Police work is not a hobby,” Commissioner Raymond Holt said in a statement he released supporting the bill. “It is a full-time job that should only be offered to the best and brightest of us all. This bill is just one small step towards ensuring that only those who can meet the highest moral and physical standards are given the responsibility of protecting our citizens.”
Commissioner Holt and Mayor Beckett are currently heading up a taskforce dedicated to exposing and eradicating corruption at all levels of the public service in New York State.
FIN
COMMISSIONER RAYMOND HOLT!!!! I have never watched Castle, but this is absolutely perfect and is now exactly how the series ends in my mind.
I whispered “nine-nine!” and did a little fistpump at my desk when I reached that quote.
Seriously had to stifle a delighted laugh at Commissioner Raymond Holt! So perfect.
How did I not catch that?! THIS IS THE BEST!!!!!!!!
This is beautiful and everything I have ever wanted and canon. Pure, delicious, non-misogynistic canon.
How much would it cost to get this filmed? Because this is what needs to happen.
In my heart of hearts, I think Beckett, Alexis, and Lanie would be IN for it.
I am at my desk at work or I would have stood up to applaud. This is perfect.
*contented sigh*
“But in case you are also feeling stung by the whole idea that a long-running show with two established main characters even tried to pitch a future in which, whoops, oh well, the action star/emotional linchpin of the series is dead…” So season 4 of Sleepy Hollow, which is apparently still happening? (Ugh. I am so angry at that show. You broke my heart, Sleepy Hollow!)
Broke it HARD. (I weep for the innocence of Season 1.)
Season 1 was amazing!!! Absolutely brilliant batshit insanity. And then things got so bad. I only made it a few episodes into season 3, which is apparently a good thing.
A moment of silence for Abby Mills, ladies and gentlemen.
I LOVE IT SO MUCH
Yup, I’ll watch this version.
This is a much more satisfying ending than the non-ending that came from the network with news of the show’s cancellation. Excellent analysis of the problematic narrative at the heart of the show.
HOLT
I loved Castle so much at the beginning despite its flaws/creepiness because of snappy writing/chemistry but…that only sustains so long. This ending is 10000x better than what (I heard) went down.
As a Castle hate-watcher, this is wonderful. The women in Castle were always the bosses of the show. Also, as a writer who actually works with police (as a newspaper reporter) I am desperately annoyed with the central conceit of Castle.
Honestly, I don’t even feel like I have to watch this show anymore. This is perfect.
Brilliant. <standing ovation>
That was perfect.
And in a world where Castle and Brooklyn 99 exist in the same universe, I desperately want Santiago to take Alexis on as a mentee when Beckett is too busy doing mayor-stuff.
Mayor. Kate. Beckett. YES.
And yay for giving Lainie an awesome ending as well!
I will admit I had a fair bit of schadenfreude when I heard the season got cancelled. I could never really get past the conceit that they would let Castle just waltz around the department like he did (why didn’t they just make him go to the academy or something?)
Beckett and Castle are on my list of Least Believable Heterosexual Romances on T.V. and I never saw the chemistry there because Castle was just to smarmy and Beckett always looked like she wanted to shot him in the face. The top of the list atm are Callie and Brandon from the Fosters. Feel free to tell me who I should add.
“Callie and Brandon from the Fosters”
OMG YES, I cannot even count how many times I have yelled at Callie to stop smushing his face with her face. Telling Brandon to knock it off would be useless, as Brandon is useless.
Can we add Rachel and Jeremy from UnREAL to the list? Because I don’t even understand that. Like, Jeremy is the human version of plain oatmeal made with water instead of milk.
I don’t watch UnREAL (is it good?) but that description of Jeremy made me snort and gave me a very immediate understanding of the type of guy you’re describing. Well done.
Brandon is the most useless. I liked/ empathized with him for maybe five episodes before he became pretty insufferable.
You should watch UnREAL. Everyone should watch UnREAL as it is amazing. Not if you have triggers around domestic violence or suicide though.
I just bought and downloaded season 1 a few weeks ago based on seeing it talked about here, and I liked it quite a bit! It wasn’t my favorite show ever (among current shows, that title might be tied between iZombie and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend), and there were a few things I wish were different (like, there’s at least one character where they drop hints that she has a really interesting backstory, but then they never really do anything with that, which is kind of frustrating), but I don’t think that the hype around Shiri Appleby’s and Constance Zimmer’s performances was unwarranted — they’re both amazing. And just seeing a female anti-hero in the vein of both of those characters is wonderful and interesting. I would say that, even though one of the co-creators used to be a producer for the Bachelor, the show doesn’t feel like a super-honest tell-all about what it’s “really” like behind the scenes — it’s a bit too soapy for that — and I think if that’s what you’re looking for, you might be disappointed. But as a (somewhat cynical) character study of the types of people who might get involved with a show like that, including the behind-the-scenes people, the female contestants, and the guy himself, I think it was incredibly well-done.
Except for Jeremy.
Oh Jeremy! He was such a jerk, and I was never sure if the show really understood that or not. But I think they did understand that no one was rooting for him and Rachel by the end. I also feel like Rachel also thinks Jeremy is the human version of plain oatmeal made with water instead of milk.
(and s2 is starting so soon!)
Oh, Callie and Brandon.. creepiest couple ever. Plus, in real life Brandon would be a date rapist. And then a serial killer.
Everything about Callie and Brandon bothers me so much, it is not a great relationship and problematic on so many levels. The actors don’t even have the chemistry to make it work, they have literally no compelling interactions with each other beyond “I tolerate you because we share a domicile”
I couldn’t deal with her “I hate you and think you’re wasting everybody’s time, let me say something incredibly sexual now so that you stop sexuaiizing me” thing. The writers never seemed to be able to figure out if she was supposed to be combative or flirtatious during those, and the narrative railroad just took over.
Yeah, she had the potential to be so much more and the writers kind of went with the blandest and most unoriginal take of having her character subsumed by Castle’s personality. I also just hate the type of character Castle is in their relationship- the dude that is just always their and annoying, but making sure never to quite cross the line so you can’t get rid of him. I don’t know why writers think annoying boy-men like that are endearing.
Presumably, because they need to remind the world that they themselves have something to offer.
Thank you for the ending we deserved. I’m so glad it’s cancelled. I watched for a long time, took a break, am watching again and mostly filled with regret and confusion as to why I keep watching. At last! Dobby is FREE NOW.
As much as I love Castle and Nathan Fillion, the show definitely has its flaws, and this version is now headcanon. I have never understood the move of just getting rid of the women as a viable way to salvage a flailing show (ahem, Criminal Minds).
I’m a terrible shipping apologist (or I would be if I apologized for it), because I refuse to see relationship-based plot lines as some feminized distraction from the Serious Work of punching people or solving crimes, but … yeah, there are a lot of cracks in the Caskett ship, and it’s been completely unwatchable for at least two seasons.
I refuse to even consider this ship, in my reality no one has ever shipped any of Fillion’s characters. Period. Every last character he’s ever played deserves to die alone and then be eaten by opossums.
If anything is “the Caskett ship” it is Ishmael and Queequeg. I mean, come on.
I started to type “that is the best name for a ship and I am so sad the toast is ending because I want to be your friend forever” and then I scrolled up to make sure it wasn’t someone I hate, and it’s Amy! This is serendipitous.
Hah!
Nathan Fillion is the worst, just the worst, and I can’t remember the last time I didn’t want to punch him in his giant smug head. Maybe on 2 Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place since that was like 20 years ago and I don’t really remember him because I was too busy watching Ryan Reynolds and going into early puberty.
Saaaaame.
Honestly, I feel like a ship with the name “Caskett” is probably doomed from the start.
I wish I liked Stana Katic’s performance or even the Beckett character enough to “woohoo!” on this, because you’re not wrong about the WTF premise elements.
But the character always struck me as a basic retread of the”Bizarrely Glamorous Officer Motivated Entirely by Something Bad Happening To A Parent Or Little Sibling, And Now She Must Seek Justice to Achieve Peace” cliche.
Fillion can coast by on self-deprecating smarm, but her coast should’ve been “I am a bad-ass action hero and brilliant supercop” and neither the show writing nor her performance ever convinced me of that. (Maybe it was the shoes.)
Agreed 100%. And when they resolved the Something Bad Happening To A Parent subplot, they were like OH DIP BETTER HAVE A SERIES OF MASSIVE CONSPIRACIES FOR HER TO SOLVE, FOR SHE CANNOT SIMPLY DO HER REGULAR JOB OF BRILLIANT SUPERCOP
When the show first started, she was much more tough-looking and realistically dressed for a cop. Somewhere around the second season, I read that Katic wanted to be more feminine and lobbied for longer hair, makeup, sexier clothes, etc. Whether that’s true or if it was in response to focus group feedback, I don’t know. Someone wrote an article on livejournal about how female cops are often “de-butchified” in later seasons: http://ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com/53291773.htm…
Original Beckett:
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/56/31/4…
Yeah, as soon as she started wearing those weird high-collared shirts and stiletto heels I thought “She got finally full control of her wardrobe.”
I will give props to Mariska Hargitay – Detective Benson may have longer hair these days, but apart from the required “woman on TV” overabundance of makeup, she still looks like somebody who might actually work for the government. She just earns enough to go to a hairdresser now.
I agree that Benson still looks like a cop. Also, Mariska Hargitay has had a billion different haircuts on that show, many of them short and not ultra feminine.
I loved how they always tried to write off Beckett running in those heels with her saying “oh it’s just practice.” Um…I don’t think so. Wear cop shoes, lady.
Aww beautiful!!
The Castle Walls. OMG.
HOLTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
I hate the death of Castle or Beckett! Why can’t u end it with her pregnant about to have the family they were fortold they would have.! Let’s end on a HAPPY NOTE!!
Let’s end it on a REALLY HAPPY NOTE!! and have Beckett take to the sea with Lanie to become pirates. Then ABC can launch a spin-off about the adventures and hijinx of Esposito and Ryan, who had considerably more chemistry than Beckett and Castle ever had.
ESPOSITO/RYAN SHIPPERS 4EVA
But why babies ever after? Can’t a couple be happy without having children?
Let's end it on a REALLY HAPPY NOTE!! and have Beckett take to the sea with Lanie to become pirates. Then ABC can launch a spin-off about the adventures and hijinx of Esposito and Ryan, who had considerably more chemistry than Beckett and Castle ever had.
I’d never thought about Castle this way, but this is incredibly spot-on. Basically, Nathan Fillion is playing a richer, better-looking iteration of Noel from Frasier and I didn’t realize it for…eight years? What is wrong with me?
Or it’s _Remington Steele_ again. Ew.
“Commissioner Holt and Mayor Beckett are currently heading up a taskforce dedicated to exposing and eradicating corruption at all levels of the public service in New York State.”
In the spinoff this inspires, Commissioner Holt acquires a protégé, the very talented and very alive recent transfer Abbie Mills.
*sobs*
oh god her and Rosa would get along so well/awfully
Together, their side-eye will save the world.
I’ve stopped watching at some point because Repetitive and both Nathan Fillion and Kara Static Deserve Better Roles, so from now on, this is how I believe the series is ending. It is glorious and fitting and even contains a Firefly reference if you squint.
“in case you are also feeling stung by the whole idea that a long-running show with two established main characters even tried to pitch a future in which, whoops, oh well, the action star/emotional linchpin of the series is dead”
Sleepy Hollow what now
So, so true about Castle issues. The whole “plot” is “Nathan Fillion is so charming.” He is, but that’s not a substitute for competent writing, good stories, and MUCH less contempt for women and the audience by the show decision-makers. Ugh!!!
“Elementary” is so much better by all those measures and more. I hope it can continue at its high level.
You are so pitch-perfect on the character voices. And 1000% better at writing for these characters than the writers room.
I just realized that Castle is the sort of character I’d only find endearing if he was tragically deceased. For a lot of reasons, really: characters I like better claiming he was worth mourning, the unexpectedness of a show actually killing off the resident pain in the ass, plus, of course, him not being around to annoy me any more. So basically killing his ass off works on so many levels.
Okay what do people think of the finale?? I’m showering the internet to see a discussion and there’s not much of one…maybe everyone was too disappointed. V weird right? Seems like it’s going off the air, though, rather than have just beckett die, which I guess is nice? Let’s discuss! Hopefully it’s not just me going back to this thread to see what people are saying..
It is going off the air – it was cancelled completely in The Network Culling a week or so ago. The ending seemed really tacked on. Like, oops, you were both shot (again!), fade to audio montage, oh hey now they have kids hurray the end! Which makes sense – they filmed it to work as a cliffhanger (with Beckett dying if she wasn’t on the next season) if they were renewed and then added on a quick ender scene when they weren’t. I’m not really disappointed. I stopped watching a couple seasons ago when it started being soooo repetitive with Castle/Beckett being in mortal danger and only Beckett/Castle can save them, and all the fake-out break ups.
It was the fake-out break ups that made me the angriest. Like, really? Haven’t we already hashed out these issues in exactly this same way several times? We’re going to go there again? Ok, fine, I’m just here for Alexis, Ryan, and Esposito now. Oh, and the increasingly infrequent Lanie appearances.
This is amazing and my new canon.
This is amazing and my new canon.
A moment of silence for Abby Mills, ladies and gentlemen.
<img src="http://66.media.tumblr.com/47118088f495d6897cdd5a2b52657a55/tumblr_mrp9k7xI6Z1se189mo1_500.gif">
*sobs*
oh god her and Rosa would get along so well/awfully
<img src="https://66.media.tumblr.com/e3eaa30cf22cb0955cac43d5cddd3045/tumblr_o5haz8lzPw1rmltcao1_500.gif">
<img src="https://media.giphy.com/media/MLFojHUDMOMlq/giphy.gif">
I liked the end for Beckett, but could have done without including Alexis. Her character should have gone off to college and all but disappeared from our screens several seasons back. It did not help that the actress is/was not particularly talented either.
.
If only CBS had renewed Person of Interest. Stana/Beckett would have been an excellent addition to that show…a show that does respect female characters.
No, just misandry.