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  • BECAUSE YOU REFUSE TO CONCEDE THAT ANY FIGHT MIGHT BE ABOUT A SPECIFIC SET OF CIRCUMSTANCES AND REPEATEDLY INSIST IT’S ABOUT “THE PRINCIPLE OF THE THING,” BUT IF EVERYTHING IS A PRINCIPLE THEN NOTHING IS
  • BECAUSE YOU CONTINUE TO REACT TO THE LAST FIGHT YOU HAD WITH SOMEONE ELSE RATHER THAN THE FIGHT YOU ARE CURRENTLY IN; LIKE MILITARY ADVISORS IN VIETNAM, YOU ARE ALWAYS FIGHTING THE PREVIOUS WAR
  • BECAUSE YOU INSIST ON TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR THINGS YOU HAVEN’T DONE SINCE ENDING CONFLICT IS MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU THAN EMOTIONAL INTIMACY
  • BECAUSE YOU ARE INCAPABLE OF ACKNOWLEDGING THAT YOU, LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, OCCASIONALLY DO THINGS FOR SELFISH AND UNKIND REASONS, AND HAVE BECOME DESPERATE TO FIND A PURE MOTIVATION TO JUSTIFY SOMETHING YOU DID OUT OF SELF-INTEREST
  • BECAUSE YOU REFUSE TO ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL ANGER AND INSTEAD SEARCH FOR A NEARBY REPLACEMENT EMOTION YOU DO NOT ACTUALLY FEEL BUT WOULD PREFER TO EXPERIENCE INSTEAD
  • BECAUSE BOTH OF YOU ARE CONVINCED THAT YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO FEEL OR WANT SOMETHING UNREASONABLE AND REPEATEDLY DENY YOUR ACTUAL DESIRES
  • BECAUSE THE TRAJECTORY OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP REPRESENTS A SINUSOIDAL GRAPH AND YOU ARE UNABLE TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN A CONSISTENT UPWARD DIRECTION AND A MERE REGRESSION TOWARD THE MEAN
  • BECAUSE YOU CONSTANTLY PRETEND NOT TO WANT ANYTHING, EXCEPT IN MOMENTS OF EXTREME DISTRESS OR AGITATION, WHEN YOU CAN NO LONGER DENY THE FACT THAT YOU POSSESS PREFERENCES
  • BECAUSE YOU BELIEVE YOU DESERVE LITERALLY ANY TYPE OF TREATMENT AS LONG AS IT COMES FROM THEM
  • BECAUSE YOU BELIEVE THEY DESERVE LITERALLY ANY TYPE OF TREATMENT AS LONG AS IT COMES FROM YOU AND YOU HAVE GOOD INTENTIONS
  • BECAUSE YOU ASSUME YOU ARE TELEGRAPHING WHAT YOU WANT EXTREMELY BROADLY WHEN IN FACT YOU ASSUME OTHER PEOPLE CAN INTERPRET YOUR MINUTEST REACTIONS IN EXACTLY THE WAY YOU INTEND THEM TO
  • BECAUSE YOU’RE TERRIFIED OF ONCE AND FOR ALL DEMANDING WHAT IT IS THAT YOU WANT AND FINALLY HEARING A DIRECT “NO”
  • BECAUSE THEY’RE ONLY WILLING TO PULL THEIR OWN WEIGHT WHEN YOU REMIND THEM OF WHAT THEY’VE PREVIOUSLY AGREED TO DO AND YOU FEEL LIKE HAVING TO REMIND THEM MEANS YOU’RE ESSENTIALLY DOING IT FOR THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE
  • BECAUSE NEITHER OF YOU CONSIDER “CONTEMPT” AND “LOVE” TO BE MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE
  • BECAUSE AS LONG AS YOU MAINTAIN A CONSTANT STATE OF TENSION AND EXHAUSTION YOU’LL BOTH BE TOO TIRED TO ACTUALLY SEVER TIES WITH ONE ANOTHER
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