By Anna Pulley

Anna is a freelance writer living in Oakland. Get overly personal emails and haiku from her here.

  1. No really, what would
    Tilda Swinton do? I am
    super curious.

    90 comments
  2. 1. love brains
    2. often found in large gatherings in the woods

    18 comments
  3. When you dress in the
    same outfit by mistake, who
    is the one to change.

    Sometimes you’d rather
    watch the U.S. women’s soccer
    team than have sex.

    Whether this dolphin
    documentary is too
    triggering to watch.

    82 comments
  4. Perfect the art of
    leaning on things. Once mastered,
    hook thumbs into jeans.

    Drink excessively
    the whole night. When she’s nearby,
    talk a lot louder.

    53 comments
  5. Anna Pulley's previous haiku for The Toast can be found here.

     

    Tegan and Sara’s

    jawlines once saved a kitten

    from a burning house.

    *

    Tegan and Sara’s

    jawlines proved Pythagoras’

    theorem factual.

    *

    Their faces inspired

    the movie Jaws five years

    before they were born.

    *

    A rock brushed against

    Tegan’s jawline and was turned

    5 comments
  6. Anna Pulley’s previous work for The Toast can be found here. 

    Fifty Shades of Spay

    Our heroine finds

    herself enslaved by the CUTEST

    tripod tabby.

    *

    Fifty Shades of Stay

    Surprise! That “contract”

    you signed was for a time-share

    in Provincetown!

    *

    Fifty Shades of Gay

    A bisexual

    is born and no one questions

    her identity.

    *

    20 comments
  7. Girl has sexual

    awakening with teacher/

    roommate/friend. Dies.

    *

    Girl has horrible,

    traumatic past, present, and

    future. Then she dies.

    *

    Girl has sexual

    awakening with drug addict.

    Drug addict dies.

    *

    Girl has sexual

    awakening. Kills her

    mother/lover for “funsies.”

    *

    39 comments
  8. Petite Red Head and Caliente Latina Roommates Surprise the Pizza Delivery Man

    With a lecture on

    how his employer should

    compost pizza boxes.

    *

    Two Blondes Engage in Some Much-Sought-After Pussy Play

    Susan and Chris knew

    33 comments
  9. Where are all the real people?????

    Open-minded,

    non-judgmental girls only please!!!

    No bisexuals.

    *

    Why is a good friend so hard to find??

    We must free the

    libido from orgasmic

    tyranny! Namaste!

    *

    36 comments
  10. Picture foreplay that
    lasts longer than a few minutes.
    Now, add crying.

    30 comments