By Austin Gilkeson

Austin Gilkeson writes middle-grade witch fiction and lives with his wife and son in Chicago.

  1. You long to go on an adventure, but only so long as the adventure is not in any way uncomfortable or inconvenient.

    Orcs are chasing you, but this does not bother you nearly as much as the inadequate breakfast you had earlier today.

    You once fulfilled an ancient prophecy and overturned gender expectations at the same time.

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  2. Aragorn, son of Arathorn may have been a great leader and high fantasy’s hottest octogenarian, but his claim to the throne of Gondor was bullshit.

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  3. The Toast's Tolkien correspondent, Austin Gilkeson, previously told us of his legal battle with the Tolkien estate, which was a marvelous piece of satire whose satiric nature was largely lost on Reddit. It is also one of Nicole's favourite pieces of all time, so please go read it.

    J.R.R. Tolkien may have been the epitome of the tweed-wearing, pipe-smoking Oxford don, but his books have inspired a lot of heavy metal over

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  4. No one who gets a postgraduate degree in Hobbit Studies ever imagines they’ll be sued by the Estate of J.R.R. Tolkien. I certainly didn’t expect to wind up in court against Christopher Tolkien and his lawyers, like Frodo Baggins facing down the Nazgûl on Weathertop. Little did I know I was heading into a legal and scholarly Midgewater when I wrote and published The Lord of the Rings: A New English Translation.

    As

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