By Jessica Ellis

Jessica Ellis is an award-winning screenwriter who has never written anything you've seen. You can find her hawking her wares like a Dickensian fishwife on Twitter at @baddestmamajama.

  1. You've always dreamed of seeing Italy, but your parents discourage this. They discourage most things, living as they do in a battered farmhouse in the west, where they consider cake a foolish luxury and don't much care for gifts.

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  2. Dear Toast Readers, before this relationship we have goes further than you reading the title and my name, there’s something you have to know about me. It's very sad, and I want you to prepare yourself: It’s about my family. Look, it’s a tragic fact of biology- some genes just don’t mix right and you get conditions endemic to a whole set of otherwise nice people. In my family, however, it’s a little worse than…

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