Part One here. The itsy-bitsy spider Climbed up the water spout Down came the rain And washed the spider out Out came the sun And dried up all the rain And the itsy-bitsy spider Climbed up the spout again There he was culled by his larger and more genetically fit female mate She harvested his nutrients to feed herself and she was right to do it.
Previous entries in the series can be found here. Most recently: Kaylee/Inara on Firefly. This is a big one. I'm a little afraid to touch it, to be honest, she said about two fictional television characters who never kissed even once. But there it is -- as you know, every woman over the age of menarche is required by law to watch Law & Order: SVU whenever reruns air on USA. SVU has been on the air…
It wasn't his coming back that surprised everyone, since people had been more or less expecting it for the last two-thousand-some-odd years; it was the fact that he was only interested in coming back as a carpenter. He was just there one day, in a way that he hadn't been before, and everyone knew without being told who he was. He looked just like he was supposed to, from the dark hair to the dark skin…
Last month (so long ago! we were but pale young curates then) I instructed you to acquire for yourself a copy of Alaya Dawn Johnson's The Summer Prince. Did you do it? You marvelous kittens; you may have some pie. As for the rest of you, you are cast out into the outer darkness, where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth. Go watch the Divergent trailer, or something. Let us admit this together: how long…
Dave Grohl enters an empty classroom, his jacket hanging off a forefinger draped over one shoulder. He places one leg on a chair and leans in real close.
"Hi, I'm Dave Grohl. Here at the Foo Fighters, we like to joke around a lot. But today I'd like to talk about something that isn't a joke: why I look so much like Tim Curry."
Once there was a tree and she loved a little boy. And everyday the boy would come and he would gather her leaves and make them into crowns and play king of the forest. He would climb up her trunk and swing from her branches and eat apples. And the apples stained his mouth a strange color and it wasn't green and it wasn't red and the stain wouldn't go away no matter how much…
Jane Air "Thanks for flying Jane Air. Are you escaping for business or for pleasure? Will you be stowing any wives today?" King LearJet "Welcome to LearJet. Are you traveling alone, or like two birds i'the cage?" The Quiet American Airlines "One has to take sides, if one is to remain human. Your side is just past the attendant's station, on the right-hand side of the plane."…
Previously: A Partial But By No Means Exhaustive List of Egg References in the Works of P.G. Wodehouse "'Talking of being eaten by dogs, there’s a dachshund at Brinkley who when you first meet him will give you the impression that he plans to convert you into a light snack between his regular meals. Pay no attention. It’s all eyewash. His belligerent attitude is simply—' 'Sound and fury signifying nothing, sir?' 'That’s it. Pure swank.
Previously: How to tell if you are in a Haruki Murakami novel. 1. You are on a train, but no one can find you. You are leaning out of your car window making cryptic statements about love to a man you have only just met. Your silhouette is impossible. 2. You are doing something you do not want to, for reasons you cannot explain, with someone you are obsessed with for no earthly reason.
I never know when someone's on drugs or had plastic surgery, or when a poem is supposed to "really" be about sex even though it's clearly about plants. I never get metaphors. Everything always has to be explained to me, like Ax in the Animorphs series.
React Mobile is a personal safety app that acts like a blue-light emergency phone you can carry in your pocket. You can use it to stay in touch with friends and family, update specific contacts with your location, and discreetly call for help. Who could have used ReactMobile: Victims of the London Beer Flood Update: Heading home from work. Track my progress using my phone's GPS. Update: A 135,000-gallon vat of beer has erupted, destroying…
Other entries in the series can be found here. Most recently: Ann/Leslie Are Endgame. I feel nervous about this one, like Indiana Jones right before he stole that idol and got crushed to death by the giant rock. Talking about Joss Whedon shows on the Internet is a fraught prospect. And yet I am willing to put my head in the lion's mouth, because for all the ink that has been flung about…
