Rachel Marcy's previous work for The Toast can be found here.
My mom and I were in our front yard when the Environmental Police pulled over their pick-up truck. The officer in the passenger seat leaned out the window.
“Do you have a bear in your house?” he asked.
They’d received a 911 call about a bear in the caller’s home, but the line went dead before they got a location.
A group of college students asked for the student price. I’d previously gotten in trouble for failing to thoroughly check student IDs, so I figured I should follow through. They didn’t have them.
I was on my own and I ordinarily wouldn’t care, but one of the guys annoyed me, so I told them they would have to pay full price.
The attending physician asked me to hop up on the exam table. There was a smattering of dried red flakes on the sheet, which he wiped away. “What’s that from?” he muttered. I lay down, and saw the origin of the red flakes: congealed globs of blood, adorning the overhead lamp. “Ummmm…” I nervously giggled. “There’s blood on the lamp.” The doctor apologized and I was ushered into a new room, where I came to…
