Author Archive

The Hug Dealer

Noemie walked briskly along the sidewalk. The rain had stopped an hour ago, but the street was still wet. The empty storefronts and fallen garbage cans echoed the click-clack-scrap of her heels striking against the concrete, and the thwick-thwok of her boots picking up the dew that stuck to warm streets on cold nights. She tightened her coat with one hand and held a cigarette in the other, throwing a glance behind her before crossing the street.

Noemie had left her apartment six minutes back after receiving a beep from her best client. She couldn’t be late. She wouldn’t be late. She was Noemie: she was never late, and that was why she was still in business.

There were very few cars out, very few people. The wet streets were eerie in their emptiness, but that didn’t stop her from coming to a halt at the corner of Chestnut and 18th. She let the red light wash over her, blanketing her chills. No matter how often she did it, she wasn’t used to being out so late.

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The Most Hetero Guy in the World

Jonathan Anthony Williamston Dunwith-Cable III was probably the most hetero guy you could ever hope to meet. Biddies? He’s bagged ‘em all. Cash? He’s never strapped. Jonathan A.W. Dunwith-Cable III knows he’s disarmingly attractive and often spends a good fifteen minutes each evening shooting finger guns in the mirror and repeating words of affirmation like, “Hey, congrats. You did a really good job looking amazing today.”

So it’s really no surprise that Jonathan Dunwith-Cable III, at seven o’clock on the dot in his drop top, cruisin the streets, considered it his right; no, his honor; nay, his duty to give a low whistle or a call of encouragement to every passing skirt, set of heels, thick thighs, and crop top, that he saw waiting on the corner for a bus, walking with a friend, eating from a bag of potato chips, or generally just minding their own business.

Some of Jonathon Dunwith-Cable’s favorite words of affirmation to pass on were:

“Damn ,baby, where are you headed? Want a ride?”

“Those legs are good enough to eat.”

“Nice bedroom eyes, sweetheart!”

“As long as I have a face, you’ve got a place to sit!”

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