Hardly any of these things are on sale today because when I commit to a theme, rules be damned! This is the last Bargain Bin here at The Toast. Don't ask me what we're gonna do now because I do not even know. Just jerk off all day, I guess?
OK, let's play a game. These rings are no longer available in the letters pictured here, but they do have A, B, J, M, S and W left. What words can we make across our knucks? I'll start: SWAB. Your turn. Make it count.
My best friend in the whole wide world has a cluster of these hanging over her kitchen island and it is so infuriating. Some even have ivy rooting in them. First off, must be nice to have a handy huzz who'll rig up a complicated system to even hang them from in the first place. Second off, how do you find the time to change the water and wash them and keep 'em all sparkly…
Here's what I got myself for Mother's Day. My kid isn't old enough to buy me anything -- although Sonia at daycare made her hand me a cupcake-shaped foil balloon today with the words "Sweet Mom" scrawled across the bottom; the obvious mischaracterization being the main clue that this gift wasn't selected for me by my daughter. Still made me cry. Happy Mother's Day. Moving on!
It's festival season, y'all. Personally, I find the term offensive. Every season is festival season if you're willing to go to whatever festival is happening. Right now in California we've got a Renaissance Pleasure Faire (yes, "pleasure" is in the name), Coachell-ugh, and a bunch of film festivals because no one out here has a real job.
Around here we believe jokes and lies are the best and should be enjoyed every day of the year, not just April 1st. But here's a true statement: we've been looking for a bow like this all winter. See? Not as fun.
OK, sorry to put underwear straight up in your face today, but I'd like to talk about something: why is it SO hard to find 100% cotton underwear anymore? And another thing: padded bras. Who needs 'em!?
Rarely in our never-ending quest for the perfect drug store dupe do we come across one as perfect as this by asking the waitress at Red Robin what makes her eyes so beautifully catlike. Even the included brush works. Today is a miracle.