Great Expectations is a book about a boy who is never allowed to finish a meal in peace, and a woman who stays in wedding-dress shape for her entire life. It's pretty good. Here are all of the upsetting meals that are served in it.
Because all of his shows are on public-access television, and so you can watch them for free on YouTube, and he embodies the deep and profound safety of being middle class, real middle class, the kind of middle-class where your father had a good job and a house and his father had a good job and a house and so on and so on, an unbroken chain of good men with real jobs...
In February 1943, when wartime rationing was at its height and many foreign luxuries were unobtainable in Britain, Marjorie Barber sent her friend, novelist Dorothy L. Sayers, a lemon in a jeweler's box.
I will be honest: the first time I tried making babka, I fucked up so badly I felt like I’d brought shame on several generations of my family. A year later I was finally ready to try again. My family, tired of schlepping to the Lower East Side for babka, was delighted.
Welcome back to Crush Cakes. When you sit around breathlessly swooning over your crushes nonstop like me, well…we are worldly people here, you know what happens next. I make cakes expressing my feelings for them, and then sit back and wait for my destiny to be fulfilled. It all makes perfect sense.
We Have Always Lived In The Castle is a book about what would happen if everyone wanted to murder everyone else all of the time. All of the meals eaten therein are either poisoned or should have been. Here all of those meals are, in order of their sinister undertones.
Jane Eyre is a book about a woman who hates feeling comfortable. Every meal that passes her lips is full of gravel and self-sufficiency. Sometimes she drinks tea, but more often than not she turns it down suspiciously, for what if within the tea someone had secretly placed the bonds of servitude?? Here is every meal she begrudgingly eats before running away into the hills.
Wuthering Heights is the story of a group of people who eat the most miserable meals imaginable, and cannot experience love as a result. Sometimes they have tea, but more often they are merely offered it, and decide they are too furious to have tea, and die instead. Here is every meal the characters of Wuthering Heights almost eat before being interrupted by sex-rage and dying.
Let us gently drift back to the year 2004. I was 18, I got my first pair of Chuck Taylors (bright red, low tops); I was obsessed with Pink Floyd; and a TV show called The OC was the hottest ticket on a Friday night in the dorm of the Anglican girls’ boarding school that I lived in.