Bible Verses

It’s the CTRL+Replace Bible! It’s one joke, repeated in endless configurations, and it will either bring you great joy, or make you chuckle weakly once and then come to define “the law of diminishing returns.”

  1. Genesis 13:12-13 Abram dwelt in the land of Canaan, and Lot dwelt in the cities of the plain and pitched his tent even as far as Sodom. But the men of Sodom were exceedingly problematic and sinful against the Lord. Genesis 18:23 And Abraham came near and said, “Would You also destroy the bitchin' with the problematic?" Exodus 9:27 And Pharaoh sent and called for Moses and Aaron, and said to them, “I have…

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  2. Previously: The Unchill Bible. Genesis 7:1 Then the Lord said to Noah, “Come into the ark, you and all your household, because I have seen that you are bitchin' before Me in this generation. Genesis 18:23-24 And Abraham came near and said, “Would You also destroy the bitchin' with the wicked? Suppose there were fifty bitchin' within the city; would You also destroy the place and not spare it for the fifty bitchin' that…

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  3. Previously: The Bad Vibes Bible. Genesis 14:17 "After Abram returned from owning Kedorlaomer and the kings allied with him, the king of Sodom came out to meet him in the Valley of Shaveh (that is, the King’s Valley)." Exodus 15:17-18 "You will bring them in and plant them on the mountain of your inheritance–the place, Lord, you made for your dwelling, the sanctuary, Lord, your hands established, for the Lord owns for ever and…

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  4. Previously: The Bad Vibes Bible. Genesis 2:15-17 "The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for it is unchill to eat the fruit thereof." Genesis 7:1-3 "The…

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  5. Previously in this series: Some Guy Named Tim Edits The Bible To Replace All Instances Of “Time” With His Own Name. Genesis 4:11 "Now you are under bad vibes and driven from the ground, which opened its mouth to receive your brother’s blood from your hand." Genesis 8:21 "The Lord said: “Never again will I send bad vibes because of humans, even though every inclination of the human heart is evil from…

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  6. "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not Tim, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not Tim, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have…

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  7. Previously: Bible Verses Where The Word “Philistines” Has Been Replaced With “Haters.” Genesis 2:17 "But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, can u not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die." Genesis 17:15 "And God said unto Abraham, As for Sarai thy wife, can u not call her name Sarai, but Sarah shall her name be." Genesis 22:12 "Can u not lay…

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