Texts From

Texts from literary characters.

  1. uuuuuuugghhhh my life
    what is it?
    what's wrong?
    uuuuuuuugh
    is there something specific that's the matter?
    or anything I can do to help?
    uuuugh
    my liiiiife
    do you want me to come over?
    uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuughghghghhhhh

    50 comments
  2. Previously: Texts From William Carlos Williams.

    this is just to say
    i have eaten
    the plums
    that were in
    the icebox
    but when i opened it again later
    the plums were back
    as if they had never left
    only this time
    they were
    glowing slightly

    13 comments
  3. Previously, once: Text Messages From a Ghost. October 21 hi hi i hope im not waking you but did you mean to blow out the candle just now sorry who's this im outside on the porch i just i wasn't sure if you meant to blow the candle out or not it's really dark outside without the candle do you want me to come out and relight the candle? that would be nice thank…

    96 comments
  4. darling Emma have you seen our friend Mr. Martin? he was to take me to tea this afternoon but he isn't here oh Harriet! do you really still like him?? oh I did yes i told him you were not virtuous and i think that got rid of him i didn't think you still liked him you wouldn't have liked him for much longer anyhow lol what would your name even have been if you…

    58 comments
  5. hi hi I got you a present you did? I drew you something oh wow is it horrifying? no do you promise? William? do you promise me that it's not horrifying? i drew you something William you know what I mean what do you mean by horrifying is anyone being flayed alive in it or committing suicide or does something have eyes that shouldn't have eyes you know what I mean horrifying…

    44 comments
  6. Previous entries in the series can be found here.  hey how do you pronounce “Soc” What? i mean is it like “sock” because it looks like that’s how you’d say it but in my head I think of it as being pronounced “soash” huh like rhymes with cloche I guess that makes sense why do I even know what a cloche is what kind of a gang is this what do…

    29 comments
  7. hey where are you? hi where are you? you’re like two hours late it’s almost midnight i can’t get out of the house right now is your car blocked? do you need a ride? no it’s like there’s this bird there’s a bird on your car? no he’s sitting on my statue it’s like mm it just keeps looking at me got those fiery bird eyes you know? what? fired up…

    42 comments
  8. THAT’S COMPOSTABLE YOU KNOW I’m sorry? POST-IT NOTES ARE ACTUALLY COMPOSTABLE SO YOU SHOULDN’T THROW THEM OUT Who is this? I AM THE LORAX the what I SPEAK FOR THE TREES okay well thanks for the advice   DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN ALSO COMPOST YOUR OWN HAIR I didn’t know that YOU CAN SO ARE YOU GOING TO TAKE THOSE POST-ITS OUT OF THE TRASH THEN   DID YOU…

    45 comments
  9. Previous entries in the series can be found here.  i have eaten everything that was in the icebox you should probably go to the store again. -wcw i have eaten the little red wheelbarrow that was in the icebox and upon which so much depended forgive me i don't even know why i did that i guess i thought it was one of those little ice cream cakes you know the kind that they…

    24 comments
  10. fine sfine syou want to know where the treasure is? i don,t care i dont care i'll tell you You will? tell you about treasures tell you about all the treasures i wanna tell you about Thank you Thank you so much this could end the fighting between the men no but Jim Jim Jim Jim Jim listen I'm listening I'm ready listen to me the real treasure is friendship, Jim you and me is…

    26 comments
  11. hey have you seen my work khakis? I think I might have lost them or something which is crazy because I had them on yesterday have you seen them? its only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything ok yes definitely you have to lose everything everything includes pants pants are a thing, so I am super on board with that like a noun or whatever, pants are I'm just wondering specifically…

    36 comments
  12. Previous entries in the series can be found here. Sarah, darling! Got your note oh lovely couldn’t possibly make it over for the christening as I’m simply swamped at the moment (you may recall I was left at the altar and have spent the intervening years reeling from the betrayal) yes I remember Wish terribly I could make it but you know how it is being jilted Well we'll set out a piece of…

    25 comments
  13. Brett Brett did you get that picture I sent you I did, yeah the picture of my penis I mean yes Brett guess how much of my penis I still have left you know after my accident after my penis accident I really don’t want to play this game, Jake no come on guess I don't have unlimited texting these messages are kind of expensive for me I’ll give you a hint:

    23 comments
  14. happy birthday Oh, Dag you remembered I got you something you did? that's so sweet I got you the greatest gift one human being can offer another person you didn't have to do that what is it? I have achieved something Oh, gosh well I made an achievement all by myself and no one can touch it or sully it with their dirty jealous fingers and no one can take it away from me, never…

    25 comments
  15. Previous entries in the series can be found here. I saw -- Today -- a Cricket Man, okay he did not stop to Chat -- is that it did anything else happen No -- let's go out tonight okay we don't have to do anything big but I think we should go out just for dinner or something I think that would be a good idea Go out, Again?- I went Out to Mount…

    43 comments