Your job isn’t to fix your friend. It’s to empathize. To remind her that help is available, and that your help is also available.

Listen, as a father of daughters, I'm really against this kind of behavior, this kind of treatment of women. The kind where they get hurt or they can't vote or we don't give any money to them. You know the kind I'm talking about. The kind I don't want my daughters to experience, and then I just sort of extrapolate out from there. It didn't always used to be this way. I used to only…

Yes, we tried feeding her. The crying didn’t stop and we also forgot to make a sign that said “we already tried feeding her.” Thanks, though.

He was wearing a sunhat, but we lost it on the motorcycle ride over here.

I’ll cut his hair when I know he’s ready: after he’s bagged his first werewolf, like his grandfathers before him.

Previously: A guide to flirting with plausible deniability.

The worst thing that could possibly happen to you is thinking someone is making a pass at you when they aren't, full stop. There is no worse outcome.

Suffering from technological ignorance, indecision, or insouciance? Why don't you ... ask Diana Vreeland all of your fascinating technology questions?

That one chapter would be a lot better if you included that obscure quote from Virginia Woolf that you don’t quite remember. Re-read all of Virginia Woolf’s diaries.

Netflix.

Have you called your mother recently? Now would be a good time to properly consider doing that, and then to also not do that.

Ask about his passions, hobbies, and interests! Learn his weaknesses. Exploit his fears.

It’s exhausting to be imposed upon, to be the always responsible party – to be, in essence, the parent in what is supposed to be a household of grown-ups.