Hello? My name is Naomi Brattner.  I'm using the last of my walkie-talkie’s battery life to reach out to my best friend in the whole world, Jenn. Hey, lady, if you’re out there and can hear this, I just want to know, are you avoiding me? Or are you so busy dealing with the nuclear disaster that scorched our planet and extinguished most of humankind that you can’t return my broadcasts? You have a lot going on.

Previous installments in this series can be found here. Dear Dreamers, When last we convened, I asked for submissions of “pregnancy dreams” and promised the topic would be fodder for my next column. Just a bit of clarification: When I say pregnancy dreams, I mean dreams about being pregnant, or having a baby, or having a baby lion instead of a baby human (as a friend of mine once dreamed), or thinking you’re pregnant…

Come in, come in. Shut the door. Shut the door now, shut it now, I don't care who's still out there, shut the door--great. Thanks. Hi, you guys. How many of you are there? Six? Okay, great. Welcome to the Olive Garden. Have a seat. Do any of you need medical attention? Any bites? Anyone fallen asleep during one of the sandstorms? None of you have seen the Preachers, have you? Okay, great. We have a…