Posts tagged “australia”

  1. "Sorry, I need to put you on hold – or not hold, I need to put the phone down for a second because it's a hotel phone and they have cords. There's no milk in my tea. I have to go get some milk, I'll be right back, please don't worry."

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  2. I read every slide word-for-word, exactly like how they tell you not to! Hope you enjoy.

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  3. Previously in this series: "Ozten": Pride and Prejudice for Australians Emma Woodhouse, Ems, bright, skilled, with a happy disposition and a preoccupation with jam and her friends and the Great British Bake Off (and its offshoot, the Great Australian Bake Off, filmed in distant Melbourne). She loves knitting and amigurumi, which her great childhood friend Knightley regrets ever mentioning to her after he returned from a trip to Japan, and reaches 22 with a…

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  4. The night before I moved overseas, my friends and I went to the pub. We were there for about six hours and I don't remember much beyond a blur of yelling over each other, a lot of hysterical declarations of love. At one point some boys came up to try and hit on us and one of my friends looked up and said, cold and furious, "Our beloved is leaving

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  5. MRS BENNET: Someone’s finally moving into Netherfield! ELIZABETH: Really? I thought they were going to tear that down and build a Red Rooster. MR BENNETT: When the sailors come to town you all act like a pack of flaming galahs! No daughter of mine will be going to schoolies on the Gold Coast! But if you're very good, Kitty, in a few years you might earn yourself a Blue Light Disco. ELIZABETH: Bingo has the…

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  6. Stephanie Lai last wrote for The Toast about the pitfalls of voluntourism. The majority of Australia has just suffered through an unprecedented heatwave; at the same time, North America experienced a Polar Vortex. These extreme weather events are no coincidence: I'm here to explain to you Our Oncoming Dystopic Future!

    This is not an argument about whether climate change exists, or been caused by humans. This is an explanation of…

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  7. There is something to be said for journalistic restraint, and that is this: it has resulted in the perfect photo caption. TO WIT: Australia is a land of horrors where every day is like that scene from 10 Million Years B.C. where the T. Rex and the triceratops fight each other. TO WIT: A snake in Queensland has wrestled a crocodile to death and eaten it. TO WIT: This "surprised" residents. The people of Australia are…

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  8. Ivory cloche seated smartly atop her onyx bob, a seductive splash of red on her lips, and a swirl of white marabou wrapped around her shoulders, I first saw Phryne (pronounced fry-nee) Fisher lingering in the background of my Netflix account as I was looking for a new series to watch. Phryne, as I would find out, was the protagonist of the Australian series Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries, and she was absolutely fabulous. Set in…

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  9. This is a true story, or at least, as true as a memory can be. All names have been changed, including my own. My mother always said, “You can write anything you want about the family, darling, as you long as you do it under a different name. I want to pretend that’s someone else’s dysfunctional relatives. Did you see where I left my cigarettes?” When I was fourteen, my mother was fired from a…

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  10. I must have smelled the scent of a tomato vine stem at least a thousand times in my life, in so many different places throughout my life, but it only ever conjures up one memory. Standing at the kitchen sink, tearing the sun-ripened tomatoes off the vine, the smell hits me in the guts every time, green, fresh and sharp, yet somehow dusty. It transports me across oceans and back in time, to the garden of family…

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  11. Hello, you various old things. Are you currently reading this Internationally? Are you within reaching distance of a bag, not a carton, of milk? Have you strong opinions about your country of origin's relationship to Elizabeth II? Fantastic. We are holding, just for you, you special darlings, a Commonwealth Nations Day in the very near future.

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