Posts tagged “clothing”

  1. Hardly any of these things are on sale today because when I commit to a theme, rules be damned! This is the last Bargain Bin here at The Toast. Don't ask me what we're gonna do now because I do not even know. Just jerk off all day, I guess?

    41 comments
  2. OK, let's play a game. These rings are no longer available in the letters pictured here, but they do have A, B, J, M, S and W left. What words can we make across our knucks? I'll start: SWAB. Your turn. Make it count.

    109 comments
  3. My best friend in the whole wide world has a cluster of these hanging over her kitchen island and it is so infuriating. Some even have ivy rooting in them. First off, must be nice to have a handy huzz who'll rig up a complicated system to even hang them from in the first place. Second off, how do you find the time to change the water and wash them and keep 'em all sparkly…

    188 comments
  4. Let's all pretend for a moment that all that nonsense from last Friday was just a joke, eh? Speaking of jokes, get a load of these wine tags some drunk person must've confused for barrettes!

    117 comments
  5. Here's what I got myself for Mother's Day. My kid isn't old enough to buy me anything -- although Sonia at daycare made her hand me a cupcake-shaped foil balloon today with the words "Sweet Mom" scrawled across the bottom; the obvious mischaracterization being the main clue that this gift wasn't selected for me by my daughter. Still made me cry. Happy Mother's Day. Moving on!

    130 comments
  6. Around here we believe jokes and lies are the best and should be enjoyed every day of the year, not just April 1st. But here's a true statement: we've been looking for a bow like this all winter. See? Not as fun.

    168 comments
  7. OK, sorry to put underwear straight up in your face today, but I'd like to talk about something: why is it SO hard to find 100% cotton underwear anymore? And another thing: padded bras. Who needs 'em!?

    271 comments
  8. These are pretty dope, but what we really need to talk about is how they now sell metal-looking refrigerators that DO NOT attract magnets. What the actual eff?

    126 comments
  9. I'll learn to take up space without apology and, one day, I’ll be able to wait for a train without contemplating my possible murder; and maybe those two vows aren’t related, but it feels like they’re entwined together in the creases of my veil.

    30 comments
  10. It's not easy taking relationship advice from a double-divorcée, but engagement advice? Clearly you're dealing with a pro. This is a very sweet, modest ring that will not read as a question mark once it's sideways on the finger, but if you are worried that your love will want to choose their own gargantuan ring AND you'd like to surprise them with some jewels when you propose, this here is the perfect stand-in that can…

    39 comments
  11. According to your Instagrams, winter has finally begun. It looks horrible. Very cold, yet very uncool. If you plan to keep living way up there where ice falls from the sky and then sticks to the ground for months at a time causing much slippage and stir-craziness, might I suggest getting yourself a fashionable, wearable blanket to stave off impending death?

    78 comments
  12. While out with my sister in her mostly white neighbourhood, we walked by an elderly woman dressed in a velour tracksuit, plastic visor, and sunglasses I’m certain were purchased from an infomercial. She was speed walking but slowly strolled towards us, pulled down her sunglasses, looked us both up and down and hissed, “Jeeeeeezuuus.” It took a few seconds to register exactly what happened, but my sister and I couldn’t continue walking -

    101 comments
  13. Once upon a time, ladies decided to ride bikes.

    Since that time was the Victorian era, and ladies were tight-lacing themselves right into punctured lungs, this provided an excuse for upper- and middle-class ladies to celebrate recreational and sartorial mobility, a dovetail of causes for the rational dress movement, and a perfect storm of social reform fought in the public opinion. It was a defining moment in late 19th-century aesthetics, and became…

    37 comments
  14. 1. When you wear a home-made, puffed-sleeve, colonial-esque, lace-front dress, styled after your Felicity doll, to every Bible study your mom attends in the 3rd grade and wonder why the other kids aren’t taking your suggestion to form a Harriet-the-Spy spy club seriously. 2. When you realize the hand-me-down jeans you’ve been proudly wearing for all of 5th grade belonged to your male cousin, not your female cousin. No wonder the crotch area…

    114 comments