dorothy parker Archive

Dorothy Parker Swipes Left: A Poem

Men love to share their bathroom pics
Are these to be admired?
Self-portraits of Toms, Harrys, Dicks
Leave much to be desired

A scowl doesn’t turn me on
That grin seems insincere
They say choose brains instead of brawn
But you’ve got neither, dear.

...Read More

How To Tell If You’re In A Dorothy Parker Story

Previously in this series: How to tell if you’re in a Thomas Hardy novel.

You hate Katharine Hepburn, but the story of how much you hate her has rather outgrown the reality of your original dislike. It’s a great zinger, though.

You deliver a cruel pun to someone you barely know while wearing a fur coat.

You are at a party where you hate everyone in attendance. You are having a marvelous time.

People compare you to something Oscar Wilde said once in a vague and general sense.

A man who does not love you does not call you.

...Read More

Force-Ranking the Mitford Sisters

The Mitfords According to Nicole

1. Jessica: “You may not be able to change the world, but at least you can embarrass the guilty.”

2. Nancy: “If I had a girl I should say to her, ‘Marry for love if you can, it won’t last, but it is a very interesting experience and makes a good beginning in life. Later on, when you marry for money, for heaven’s sake let it be big money. There are no other possible reasons for marrying at all.” (Christmas Pudding)

3. Pam: “She had a great way with animals and introduced the Appenzeller Spitzhauben breed of chicken to Britain from Switzerland. She knew all about the mysteries of home-made yoghurt, compost heaps, ‘curing one’s own hams’, ‘making soup out of one’s head’, and growing rare varieties of vegetables long before such things became fashionable.”

4. Debo: STILL ALIVE. [victory lap]

...Read More