femslash friday Archive

Femslash Friday: Carmen Sandiego and Miss Scarlet

Previously on Femslash Friday, we’ve cut abusive tools loose and given fictional women the keys to direct their own lives. Today I want to talk about a board game character and a pretend lady from a game show for kids that prominently featured a capella music who stole stuff like “the history of medicine” and the leaning tower of Pisa, because it’s important to me that Miss Scarlet from Clue and Carmen Sandiego from Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego (oh, here’s a link to the damn song, go listen to it; I know you won’t be able to pay attention until you do) steal some diamonds and run off together into the sunset. A sexy board game piece and the evil female Indiana Jones? Yeah, I’m on board. It’s like two Catwomans (Catwomen?) getting married: awesome.

miss scarletThis is definitely the purest “Because I run this website” entry in the Femslash series. They’re not literary or even cinematic characters. Carmen Sandiego barely talks; Miss Scarlet is from a children’s board game. I can’t even claim the 1985 movie as part of this because I played the game all the time when I was a kid before I saw it so I never picture White Miss Scarlet when I think of her, just Regular Asian Miss Scarlet. I just feel like putting the two of them together, even though they don’t exist in the same game continuity, and I still own 1/3rd of this website so there’s nothing you can do about it; sorry.

...Read More

Femslash Friday: Bring It On

There are times I feel very sure that if I were to let a copy of Bring It On rest against a copy of But I’m A Cheerleader, some sort of lesbian osmosis will take place and I will be able to watch a version of this movie where Missy and Torrance make out in the last scene. That is how close Bring It On‘s subtext comes to text.

(An aside: did you know that there are four direct-to-DVD Bring It On sequels? Who would have predicted that Bring It On would become the Land Before Time of teen movie franchises, or that “racially fraught cheerleading squads face off” would become such a popular cinematic trope in the mid-2000s? End aside.)

Bring It On bridges the strange, ambiguous generation gap between Clueless and Mean Girls without ever being quite as popular or as enduring as either. It’s miles gayer than Clueless and only the slightest bit less gay than Mean Girls; Lizzy Caplan out-gays Eliza Dushku by the slimmest of margins.

...Read More

Femslash Friday: Bend It Like Beckham

Greetings, loved ones. My first foray into Femslash Friday was so much fun that I had to come back for more. Today, we’ll be covering a film more central to my babyqueer awakening than any other piece of media (besides the music video for Beyoncé’s “Naughty Girl”). That’s right, friends: we’re talking about Bend It Like Beckham.

...Read More

Femslash Friday: Choose Your Own Adventure

Here is a Femslash Friday poll for you; please tell me what girl-on-girl pairing we have not yet included in this series that you are yearning to see. I do not yet know how to make quizzes in Wordpress. Maria has promised she will teach me but I didn’t feel like waiting until I learned how, so you’ll just have to sit still and not complain about it. Just, I guess, tell me in the comments which ones you like the most.

Right out: characters who should by rights be lesbians but have no in-universe potential love interests (Jo in Little Women, Monica in Love & Basketball, Hermione in Harry Potter [THAT’S RIGHT]), literary characters whose canonical relationships have been downgraded to “just good friends” in the movie adaptation (Shug and Celie in The Color Purple, Ruth and Idgie in Fried Green Tomatoes), any character from The L Word. And I won’t do crossovers, no matter how perfect; that’s too confusing. And I don’t want to watch Rizzoli & Isles, so I guess don’t suggest that either. Okay, that’s all the rules I have.

...Read More

Femslash Friday: Kim/Lindsay on Freaks and Geeks and “Lesbian Jawline”

Almost every gay(ish) woman has a Kim Kelly in her past. You met in adolescence; probably in middle or high school, possibly in college but certainly no later. Your lives were deeply and intimately intertwined — although you may or may not have had an overtly romantic relationship, everyone who knew the two of you knew that for good or for ill that you were one another’s top priorities. Your Kim almost certainly smoked cigarettes and you almost certainly did not. You knew everything about her and you hated her boyfriend and you arranged your class schedules together and you drew on one another’s wrists in ballpoint pen and sometimes you couldn’t stand the sight of her. Your Kim was mouthy and wore dirty jackets and you were the only person she’d be gentle for.

My Kim Kelly was named Shannon. She had long dirty blonde hair that she slicked back into a ponytail and wore the exact same outfit every day (men’s cargo pants, a white V-neck T-shirt, and one of those little metal ball choker necklaces that I don’t know what they’re called). She moved to town in eighth grade from Las Vegas. At the end of the year she moved right back. I still have a note from her explaining that I am her “second best friend after Alice,” a distinction I treasured at the time (I never thought to compete with Alice; Alice wore her hair in dreadlocks and played the guitar; I had only recently quit the school band and wore long-sleeved sweaters from the Limited Too), and listing all of her favorite Eminem songs. She was my sun and stars.

...Read More

Femslash Friday: How I Met Your Mother

Let’s begin with a disclaimer: I love Marshall Erikson and I only want good things for him.

You can’t discount Marshall Erikson and Lily Aldrin’s two decades of history with a simple handwave when it comes to the How I Met Your Mother-verse. They have one of the healthier, happier marriages currently airing on television. They’re best friends. There’s tons of love, support, and respect between them. Their fights run the full spectrum from hilarious to heartrending. They’re basically the sitcom equivalent of Eric and Tami Taylor.

However.

This isn’t about Marshall. This is about how there’s another fact that cannot be handwaved away, and that, my friends, is a little something I like to call The Canonical Bisexuality of Lily Aldrin.

...Read More

Femslash Friday: Buffy, Faith, and Slayer-on-Slayer Action

If you are a lesbian of a certain age, you know that nothing on television has ever been as formative to nascent girl-on-girl feelings as Buffy the Vampire Slayer. And I am not talking about Willow and Tara. Willow and Tara are lovely; they are attractive and accomplished and their relationship is nuanced and interesting and one time they sang to each other while dressed up for the Renaissance Faire (for reasons which will forever remain shrouded in brocade and mystery). And all of that is great. But when I speak of the one true sapphic couple of Buffy and also my heart, I’m referring to the hot Slayer-on-Slayer subtext of Buffy and Faith.

(As an aside: No, I haven’t read the Season 8 comics.  Yes, I’m aware that Buffy gets her lesbian on temporarily. Yes, my heart broke into a thousand pieces when I found out that it isn’t with Faith. I don’t want to talk about it.)

...Read More

Femslash Friday: Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn

“Stop in the name of the law!”
“Not tonight, baby.”

-Poison Ivy, “Harley and Ivy”

I’m going to try very hard to make sure this doesn’t just turn into a bullet-point list of reasons you should watch (or rewatch) Batman: The Animated Series, so I will confine my remarks about the series as a whole to this opening paragraph: it was the greatest animated series in the entire 1990s, a decade bursting and tumefying with great animated series (see also: Gargoyles). It was a little violent and a little stylized (a lot of the background scenes were painted on black paper; the producers called the design Dark Deco) and awash in brilliantly-rendered, nuanced characterization for villains and heroes and even bystanders. It resurrected Mark Hamill’s career, and I will still (loudly, without being asked) explain why his version of the Joker was so much better than Heath Ledger’s with very little prompting at dinner parties. It was cinematic without being pretentious, grounded in rich mythology, witty, tragic, complicated; it payed homage to previous incarnations of Batman while developing its own unique interpretation of major characters. And it had one of the best depictions of female friendship I’ve ever seen. Imagine a cartoon series with a male protagonist that has most of the plot of Thelma & Louise carefully threaded throughout an 85-episode arc, and you’ve landed on the reason that hearing this music still gives me chills.

...Read More