Jessie Guy-Ryan's previous work for The Toast can be found here. It was snowing. They told him when he took the gig--taking care of the resort during the winter season--that it'd be a lot of snow. A hell of a lot of snow. "I don't mind," he chuckled, "Don't gotta mow the lawn at least!" Shoveling the front walk was a bitch, though. At least it just had to be cleared for him and…

I read Dracula for the first time when I was ten years old.  It kind of made me feel weird about sex -- at least, I realize now it made me feel weird about sex. But I still got up at 6:00 one morning to watch the Hammer Horror version of Dracula on Turner Classic Movies, starring Christopher Lee as Dracula (it's great!). My mom was into Dark Shadows and Anne Rice’s Vampire Chronicles—although she…