WHERE IT ALL BEGAN: "If Channing Tatum were your boyfriend, he would get you the worst birthday gifts, but he would look at you with such love that you would never care. Then he would dance for you."

Alternate Gilmore Girls' Series Finales: The Many Imaginary Deaths of Christopher Hayden
I. The Motorcycle Crash
II. Eaten By Bear at Zoo
III. Slowly Crushed By His Collection of Sweet Lids

Dirtbag Hamlet

A GHOST appears.
GHOST: have you ever listened to Sublime
HAMLET: [makes j/o motion]

Oh, two monks, I think I'm going to miss you most of all.

Two Medieval Monks Invent Art

She was a monster. She rewrote everything. I loved her. It began with Texts from Dagny Taggart.

Where, I am pretty sure, it all began: Western Art History Is Just 600 Years Of Women Getting Out Of Bathtubs

How To Talk To Babies About Postmodernism:

BABY: [knocks plate off of table]
ME: that’s right
in postmodernism we reject the notion of ‘totality’

Movie Yelling With Jaya and Matt: Fear
Jaya: but also, and I know this is BOTHERSOME, but if a boy I liked just showed up in my room shirtless when I was 16 I would absolutely be DTF
Matt: glad that media is finally recognizing how horny ALL teens are

I love Nicole so much, and I'm getting hit with the yearbook feelings, where I want to grab all of you in the hallways and make you promise that we are really going to keep in touch, and I have been going through her archives this week and I wanted to remind you of some of her greatest hits. WE NEVER APPRECIATED HER ENOUGH.

We can all think of actors who aren’t as appreciated as they should be, whether they are consistently stuck in roles that are beneath their talent, their screen persona is chronically misunderstood, or they have become a cultural meme that obscures the true beauty of what they create on that flickering screen.

In our opinion there is no filmic presence like that of Keanu Reeves. He’s unique, a gift to us all. We live here within

…

Next time you feel like you've been banging your head against the wall and it's time to give up your dreams and passion projects, do what I do: read a list of famous "late bloomers" to convince yourself that you still have time.

If you are a current or recovering Person Who Observes Lent In Some Fashion, feel free to weigh my sacrifices in the balance and find them wanting. If you feel like it, tell us the weirdest/hardest/dumbest thing you ever tried to quit (for any reason, not necessarily religious) and we can revel in our successes and failures together.

The classic era movie studio heads! They were awful. But which one was the worst?

Putting the finishing touches on a scathing satirical novel about this place.

As the two people who usually read and respond to Toast submissions, we the Nicoles thought it would it be fun to come up with a short list of our favorite freelance pieces this year.