Posts tagged “lists”

  1. 10. That Enormously Long Bummer

    It's just...really awful things happen for six hundred pages, right? You'd never say this, obviously, because you're not really sure what happens for however many pages it is, but you do know it's a stone cold bummer from start to finish.

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  2. That one chapter would be a lot better if you included that obscure quote from Virginia Woolf that you don’t quite remember. Re-read all of Virginia Woolf’s diaries.

    Netflix.

    Have you called your mother recently? Now would be a good time to properly consider doing that, and then to also not do that.

    141 comments
  3. In the early 1950s you could walk around almost any small town and, if you kept your eyes above shop window level, you would have no difficulty in finding a bookseller. Lower your eyes and you would most probably discover that he was selling not books, but stationery or toys or tobacco or fancy goods. No doubt he had started out with good intentions in his heart; but over the years the “other goods” had…

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  4. Waking from a dream you don’t remember but that nevertheless was powerful enough to leave you with a sense of of having been with people who are somehow both friends and strangers, as well as—you suspect—your ex + complete empty space in the part of your brain where today's day of the week should be + encroaching dread that it might, after all, still be a weekday + rueful…

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  5. Geo Tracker – I didn't have a driver's license yet, just a ticket for underage drinking Buick Century – Bench seats in the front and the back Honda Accord – His mom and dad were home Volkswagen Beetle – Technically, we just got high in the airport parking lot Dodge Turbo convertible – "Exile in Guyville" was stuck in the tape deck Dodge Tradesman – Fuck yeah, you can reach the mini-fridge and the ashtray…

    44 comments
  6. 1. Open a document and try writing a funny list of what to do when you get writer's block.

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  7. For no real reason, and in no particular order, here are some people doing worthwhile and interesting things in [waves arms expansively] the media. They all have something in common. I can't quite put my finger on it. Shani Hilton, Buzzfeed Shani Hilton is a big fucking deal and you should pay attention to everything she does. She's the Deputy Editor-in-Chief at Buzzfeed and when she's not being ignored by stupid Top 40 Lists,…

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  8. It cannot be denied that the closer a human being comes into proximity with a plant, the more unlovely and unsettling the plant becomes. This is why it is impossible to trust anyone who owns houseplants; they are unstable and untrustworthy people, and there is something eldritch hiding just behind their faces. Plants are a parody of sentience. They sway passively in the wind while emitting secret poisons and secretly burrowing roots downward to hold…

    252 comments
  9. The Bombchu Bowling Alley Operator

    "zzzzz...zzzzz... Huh? Wha--! Uh-oh! A customer!"

    Granny

    "Granny's Potion Shop
    Closed
    Gone for Field Study
    Please come again!
    —Granny
    "

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  10. Kitchen witches "A "kitchen witch" may also refer to a human figurine placed in kitchens for good luck. These dolls are made from materials such as fabric, corn husks, and dried fruits and may be in the form of a witch riding a broom. Such dolls traditionally protect residents and visitors to the home and also guard against cooking failures in the kitchen." "Good Walker" Witches  "The Benandanti claimed to travel out of their bodies…

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  11. It's true that the pen is mightier than the sword, but when you add looks to the mix, it’s a captivating combination.  From best-selling wretches to rising publishing stars with unbearable personal habits, we rounded up ten of the least attractive male authors.  We hate to judge a book by its cover, but in this case—wow! 10. The Vaguely Bearable Humorist. Attached to some dying former industry tent-peg, and knows it. Somehow managed to score…

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  12. Every woman fondly remembers the moment she first realized that, like it or not, "the way Kids in the Hall cast members look in drag" was going to be a deep and integral component of her sexual identity. For me it was the summer I turned eleven, and also every day since then, with the occasional Thursday off. Let us now rank the relative attractiveness of several prominent British and Canadian sketch comedians in drag, for…

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  13. It's The Pilot's Wife or The Daughter of Ice and Grief or something like that. You can't remember. The front's just crammed with a random assortment of objects against a dark grey background. Maybe dark blue. There's a girl's shoe, a faded postcard, an old-timey hand mirror, jacks, shit like that. The Scrivener's Woman. The main female character goes unnamed for the first fifty pages. Someone Who Briefly Held A Minorly Important Job In Another…

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  14. 10. The Maddeningly Gentle Food Blogger With The Completely Unjustified Book Deal Whose Posts You Read Every Day "This is so stupid," you tell your best work friend over gchat. "Why does anyone read these posts? It's just glossy pictures of icing and domesticity porn." Your friend does not respond. "Do you want to get lunch," you ask. Still no response. Five minutes later, you write: "Most of her recipes are just stolen from somewhere…

    103 comments