1. It’s so nice to see you! (My Xanax just kicked in.)
2. My hair is different, thank you for noticing. It was time for a change (...back to the way it grows out of my head).
3. I’m very seriously considering grad school. (Tisch’s MFA program had an open reception at the MoMA one night, and there was an exhibit I really wanted to not pay to see.)

The children are fed first. Do not think of getting in line until the last offspring under 10 has left their soggy, half-eaten plate on the counter above the trash can. You will not receive The Look this year, you won’t. The children. Are fed. First. There is no alcohol. Do not go into the garage to the blue cooler where you will not find a selection of PBR, Coors, and Keystone from nobody knows…