Posts tagged “sequels no one asked for”

  1. Death Becomes Her
    Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn as resentful exes playing an increasingly dangerous game of lesbian one-upmanship. One-updykeship. I don't know, puns aren't my strong suit. All of Bruce Willis' scenes are replaced with that shot of Isabella Rossellini wearing a necklace for a shirt and purring "You're scared."

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  2. NARRATOR: They go on. They leave Omelas, they walk ahead into the darkness, and they do not come back. The place they go towards is a place even less imaginable to most of us than the city of happiness. I cannot describe it at all. It is possible that it does not exist. But they seem to know where they are going, the ones who walk away from Omelas.

    ME: Yeah...

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  3. DEXTER: Three years ago I did you out of a wedding in this house by eloping. Which was very bad manners. I'll make it up to you by going through with it now as originally planned. TRACY: No, I don't believe I'll marry you again at all, Dexter. DEXTER: Not marry me again? Why on earth not? I've been skulking around your house for absolute hours, insulting your fiancé and making veiled, insulting insinuations about your…

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  4. Previously in this series: The sequel to The Beauty And The Beast those hot blonde triplets deserved. MRS. DE WINTER: How could we be close when I knew you were always thinking of Rebecca? How could I even ask you to love me when I knew you loved Rebecca still? MAXIM DE WINTER: What are you talking about? What do you mean? MRS. DE WINTER: Whenever you touched me, I knew you…

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  5. The year is 11 ABY, shortly after the events of Champions of the Force. Kyp Durron has just been returned to Coruscant with the Sun Crusher by Han Solo after having destroyed the entire Carida system, along with its 25 million inhabitants, for a trial.  LUKE SKYWALKER speaks before the council headed by MON MOTHMA, Borsk Fey'lya, and Leia Organa Solo. LUKE: ...so, anyways, if you guys could just release Kyp back into my custody, I'll just, uh,…

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  6. INT. DAY. TOM HANKS is in a building or wherever, I don't care. He's on the phone with HELEN HUNT, is the point. You remember Cast Away, I'm not going to explain it to you.  TOM HANKS' CHARACTER: So your daughter, Katie, is like...one year old, right? HELEN HUNTS' CHARACTER: Eleven months. TOM HANKS: I figured, because there was that one scene where we see Chris fucking Noth feeding her baby food and she's sitting up unsupported…

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  7. Part One here. The itsy-bitsy spider Climbed up the water spout Down came the rain And washed the spider out Out came the sun And dried up all the rain And the itsy-bitsy spider Climbed up the spout again There he was culled by his larger and more genetically fit female mate She harvested his nutrients to feed herself and she was right to do it.

    ***

    Frère Jacques, Frère Jacques, Dormez-vous?…

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