Previously in this series: If Kristen Stewart were your girlfriend. If Stanley Tucci were your boyfriend, he would never bother you about the fact that you own two clearly well-worn copies of both The Devil Wears Prada and Julie and Julia. If he knew you were going to have a particularly hard day at work, he'd call out "Gird your loins" after you as you left the apartment, because he would know how much that would mean to…