Posts tagged “the bible”

  1. Exodus 4:23

    “Can I be honest with you for a minute? Let My son go that he may serve Me, because if you refuse to let him go, indeed I will kill your son, your firstborn.”

     

    Ezekiel 2:8

    “But you, son of man, can I just be honest with you for a minute? Do not be rebellious like that rebellious house; open your mouth and eat what I give you.”

     

    Matthew

    13 comments
  2. Matthew 1:1

    "An account of the genealogy of Jesus, King Shit of Fuck Mountain, the son of David, the son of Abraham."

     

    Matthew 2:3-4

    "When King Herod heard this, he was frightened, and all Jerusalem with him; and calling together all the chief priests and scribes of the people, he inquired of them where the King Shit of Fuck Mountain was to be born."

    54 comments
  3. Genesis 42:21

    "And they said one to another, 'Fuckin' A, we are guilty concerning our brother, in that we saw the anguish of his soul, when he besought us, and we would not hear; therefore is this distress come upon us.'"

    42 comments
  4. Genesis 3:21-23

    "Also for Adam and his wife the Lord God made tunics of skin, and clothed them.

    Then the Lord God said, “Look, buddy, the man has become like one of Us, to know good and evil."

    26 comments
  5. Genesis 37:19-22

    "They said to one another, “Here comes this dreamer! Now then, come and let us kill him and throw him into Arrakis; and we will say, ‘A wild beast devoured him.’ Then let us see what will become of his dreams!” But Reuben heard this and rescued him out of their hands and said, “Let us not take his life.”

    14 comments
  6. Exodus 5:3

    So they said, “The God of the Hebrews has met with us. Please, let us go three days’ journey into the desert and offer skin to the Lord our God, lest He fall upon us with pestilence or with the sword.”

    Exodus 8:25

    Then Pharaoh called for Moses and Aaron, and said, “Go, give skin to your God in the land.”

    12 comments
  7. MONK #1: if I wanted to illustrate the rain of fire that destroyed Sodom
    what should I use for my model
    visually I mean
    MONK #2: can can dancers
    red legs, blue skirts
    MONK #1: oh thanks

    64 comments
  8. Exodus 32:31-32

    Then Moses returned to the Lord and said, “Oh, these people have committed a great sin, and have made for themselves a god of gold! Yet now, their sin was a joke. Jesus. They were kidding – but if not, I pray, blot me out of Your book which You have written.”

    18 comments
  9. Genesis 13:13

    "Now the people of Sodom were wicked, real posers against the Lord."

    Psalm 26:9-10

    "Do not sweep me away with posers,
    nor my life with the conformists,
    those in whose hands are evil devices,
    and whose right hands are full of bribes."

    Proverbs 1:10

    "My child, if posers entice you, do not consent."

    14 comments
  10. 2 Timothy 1:7

    For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. Except for you! Except for you! The spirit of fear has made your heart her home, and she will never leave you! No power, no love, no soundness of mind – the spirit of fear is yours!

    56 comments
  11. Proverbs 26:24-28
    "Whoever hates disguises himself with his lips and harbors deceit in his heart; when he speaks graciously, believe him not, for there are seven abominations in his heart; though his hatred be covered with deception, his wickedness will be exposed in the assembly."

    "I detest cheap sentiment."

    7 comments
  12. Genesis 15:1-3
    Abram said, “Lord God, what will You give me, seeing I go childless, and the heir of my house is Eliezer of Damascus?”

    After these things the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision, saying, “Um. Yikes, Abram. I am your shield, your exceedingly great reward. Wow. Where is this coming from?”

    21 comments
  13. Jeremiah 29:11
    "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope."

    "Well, never mind! Your Auntie Mame will open doors for you. Doors you never even dreamed existed. What times we'll have!"

    31 comments
  14. Previously: The Problematic Bible. Exodus 23:22 But if thou shalt indeed obey his voice, and do all that I speak; then I will be an enemy unto thine enemies, and an adversary unto PC culture. 1 Samuel 1:6 And PC culture also provoked her sore, for to make her fret, because the Lord had shut up her womb. 1 Kings 5:4 But now the Lord my God hath given me rest on every side,…

    9 comments
  15. Previously: The Unchill Bible. Genesis 7:1 Then the Lord said to Noah, “Come into the ark, you and all your household, because I have seen that you are bitchin' before Me in this generation. Genesis 18:23-24 And Abraham came near and said, “Would You also destroy the bitchin' with the wicked? Suppose there were fifty bitchin' within the city; would You also destroy the place and not spare it for the fifty bitchin' that…

    18 comments