Mrs. Bennet, Pride and Prejudice It becomes abundantly clear after the birth of Mary that things are not going to get better; Mr and Mrs Bennet at last have an overdue conversation about the state of their finances and reluctantly agree that trying again and hoping for a boy is a terrible plan of action. With only one overtly ridiculous relative (Mary's much less dour when she's not trying to distinguish herself from four beautiful sisters), Jane has…
For no real reason, and in no particular order, here are some people doing worthwhile and interesting things in [waves arms expansively] the media. They all have something in common. I can't quite put my finger on it. Shani Hilton, Buzzfeed Shani Hilton is a big fucking deal and you should pay attention to everything she does. She's the Deputy Editor-in-Chief at Buzzfeed and when she's not being ignored by stupid Top 40 Lists,…
A little chat on gender expression and performance on Twitter this morning turned into a lively and frolicksome mass-interview that I invite you to join in, should you feel so inclined.
ok what book/movie/media WHATEVER best encapsulates your gender expression and why, GO (if you feel like it)
Previously: Song lyrics improved by cats. The world is a dark and a terrible place. Horrible, morally insane things are happening. Let us resist them as best we are able, and in the meantime replace various nouns in the lyrics of well-known pop songs with the word "cats," that we might whistle against the coming of the night together a while longer: cats keep a-fallin' on my head just like the guy whose cats…
"Well, here we are, at the lighthouse." It had been a wonderful day, walking to the lighthouse. - “To The Lighthouse,” Virginia Woolf
"Don't feel bad," his father said, clapping a hand on his shoulder. "Things fall apart sometimes. We'll just buy a new one." They did, and then everything was fine.
Previously: My prestigious literary novel. "This book is absolutely searing." "This book is like being baptized in lightning and in blood." "If you pick this book up, it will never put you down. You will never be the same."
***
I am running, but I do not know what I am running from. The sound of my feet slapslapslapping against the pavement and my heart slapslapslapping against my ribs are my only friends. I…
Ta-Nehisi Coates is a chum of the Toast and an all-around jet-setting, aces kind of dude. He writes very smart things and I think he's just tremendous. But I had a question for him. .@tanehisicoates ok be 100% honest have you ever put on a big peacoat and whisper "I'm Ta-Nehisi COATS" to yourself in the mirror — Mallory Ortberg (@mallelis) June 18, 2014 Turns out yes!…
Aw, Toad came back! There...there he was. Toad. Okay, so the ending of X-Men: Days of Future Past sort of nullifies the events of X-Men: The Last Stand and maybe also X-2 and I think possibly X-Men Origins: Wolverine, which is a lot of nullifying. It feels like between the Monster Retcon of DoFP and the brand-new First Class cast the studio's trying to halfway-reboot the franchise without actually rebooting (mostly, I would guess, to preserve the Patrick Stewart/Ian McKellan/Hugh Jackman moneymaking…
After last week's startling announcement about Ron and Hermione's relationship, J.K. Rowling surprised the world again today by releasing, in full, "The Ron Weasley Diaries," which narrate the Harry Potter series through the eyes of his best friend. The Toast has been authorized to excerpt these diaries in part below. Dear Diary, My name is Ron Weasley and I have one friend. I think friends are better than brothers. I don't think brothers are…
Season One Mole Hunt: "Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants." Malory Training Day: "You know, I'll bet there's a lesson to be learned from all this, but -- Oh, shit, my rug!" Archer Diversity Hire: "Oh, this is just a detergent pen. I just put a little blue sticker on it." Cheryl Killing Utne: "Um. Sorry." Lana Honeypot: "Not that -- Woodhouse! He's all tied up somewhere, scared and alone. Probably…
"You thought I loved Rebecca? You thought I killed her, loving her? I hated her, I tell you. Our marriage was a farce from the very first. She was vicious, damnable, rotten through and through. We never loved each other, never had one moment of happiness together. Rebecca was incapable of love, of tenderness, of decency. On a certain warm day in summer Rebecca's thirst exceeded the bounds of propriety. When she asked a third time…
"It is my belief that an acute [NOUN A] of (the) [NOUN B] is the cause of your [BODY PART] [NOUN C]. The only possible treatment is to apply [NOUN D] [LENGTH OF TIME], otherwise avoiding [OBSOLETE/MADE-UP DISEASE] may prove impossible."
Lawful Good: A lawful good character acts as a good person is expected or required to act. He combines a commitment to oppose evil with the discipline to fight relentlessly. He tells the truth, keeps his word, helps those in need, and speaks out against injustice. A lawful good character hates to see the guilty go unpunished. While strict in their prosecution of law and order, characters of lawful good alignment follow these precepts to improve…
