Posts tagged “weddings”

  1. Virgin Mary and Joseph

    #BabyBumpBride

    #NoGroomAtTheInn

     

    Hester Prynne and Arthur Dimmesdale

    #HePoppedTheQSheGotAnA

     

    Bella Swan and Edward Cullen

    #CulledByTheCullens

    #ItsNotStockholmSyndromeISwear

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  2. Marissa Maciel's previous work for The Toast can be found here.

    The bride is a confirmed tea drinker; the groom worked as a barista at her local cafe. He knew she was interested when she ordered six shots of espresso.

    The bride is a children’s librarian; the groom restores and repairs books.

    The brides met while competing in Judo and Ultimate Fighting events. Their first dance will be to the

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  3. When my cousin invited me to her wedding, I couldn’t bring myself to repeat any of the auto-responses I’d stocked up over the years to get out of going home. Instead, I blurted out: “I’m super happy for you, but sick of pretending like I'm Single in the City -- like the love of my life doesn’t exist -- for the sake of other people’s feelings.” “So…” she said, “who is he?” “She,” I choked out. “Her…

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  4. LETTER THE FIRST

    To my bosom companion,

    The date approaches when I enter into the matrimonial state. Soon I am to be united in perpetuity with a widower who possesses both a middling income and modest grounds. Time, it would seem, is our greatest benefactor; a mere few years ago, when I thought the title “Mistress of Pemberley” within my grasp, I might have scoffed at such

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  5. Sulagna Misra's past prognostications can be found here.

    2025, the Year of the Appropriated Wedding

    The TV show “Say Yes to the Dress” will become diversity-inclusive, including not just white dresses, but red dresses like Chinese and Indian weddings, or green dresses like Muslim weddings, as well as black tuxes and sherwanis. This complicates things when everyone starts asking for cultural wedding dresses from cultures they aren’t from – like

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  6. Please send your etiquette-based questions to advice@the-toast.net, subject line: “Ms. Proprietypants.” The archives can be found here. On the subject of apologies, since y'all have been on the subject lately: what's your policy on apologies for epic bad behaviour like 10 years after the fact? I just had a debate about this with someone who suggested it's actually selfish when you contact someone you've lost touch with for

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  7. Jen Doll, who you have almost certainly read and enjoyed in your online wanderings, has given the world of wedding attendees a charming and appropriate gift in the form of Save the Date: The Occasional Mortifications of a Serial Wedding Guest. So we talked about it! Hi Jen! I read your book on the plane, and I always love your writing but, you know, it's about going to weddings, so I was pleasantly surprised

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  8. Women scream when their friends get engaged to keep the demon trapped inside her diamond from getting out. Brides traditionally wear veils over their heads during the ceremony in order to keep their faces from flying off. It is considered bad luck for the groom to die before the wedding day. After ceremonially "giving the bride away," the father of the bride customarily selects a replacement daughter from among the wedding guests, raising her as…

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  9. Previous installments of The Toast’s newly-renamed (thanks, Adrienne!) advice column from two disparate and imperfect persons can be found here. Last time: Job Dilemmas. Okay, so I know we're all disgusting meat bags, and that's cool, but I am hoping for some advice on being slightly less disgusting. In the past few years, since I graduated college, I've developed the gross habit of basically gnawing on my cuticles/the whole area around my nails.

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  10. Previous installments of The Toast’s advice column from two disparate and imperfect persons can be found here. (We are STILL open to better names for it.) I have a friend who, in the last few years, has become a very negative person. Or maybe she was always like that, but it seems to be highlighted more now. I understand she's not all that happy with her life situation--she's single and doesn't want to be,…

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  11. The bride and groom met outside of a singles yoga class; they were both too embarrassed to go inside. The groom's father is the Head of Cardiology at Cedars Sinai; his mother is a professional clogger and performs with the senior dance troupe The Clogged Arteries. The groom is a semi-professional hockey player. The bride is a dental implant artist. The brides are both Olympic athletes. Helen set records in the shot put; Greta in…

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