Almost certainly one of the silliest things I have ever done.
our house
is a very very very fine house
with two cats in the yard
with three cats in the yard
no
with nine cats in the yard
wait the ca
cats know what cats want
cats know what cats like
cats know what cats want
cats want
cats want cats
cat’s in the cradle and the silver cat
little cat boy and the cat on the moon
when you coming home cat
i don’t know, cat
is this cat real life
is this cat fantasy?
cat in a landslide
no catscape from reality
plenty of cats at the hotel catifornia
any time of year
you can find cats here
got cats
in pocket
gonna make cats, make cats, make cats
make cats notice
And I was standing on the side of the road
cats falling on my shoes
Heading out for the East Coast
Cats knows I’ve paid some dues getting back
Tangled up in cats
Oh, cats going on
Cats going on
Yeah, cats going on
Ah, cats going on
okay that’s it there’s no more of this post to read, please share the songs you think would be improved by the liberal addition of “cats” in the lyrics below, in the comments.
Tags: bohemian catsody, cats, songs, things mallory does for no reason, welp
there is no earthly reason that this should exist
Sure, but the firmament is pretty happy about it.
Hang in there! *Eddie Vedder dangles by one arm from tree*
It’s perfect.
My partner and I used to make up lyrics to “Our House,” including this one, I kid you not…
“My cat is a very very very fine cat
She likes to meow and play
She tore apart upholstery todayyyyy”
Mine is
“Oooour cat is a very very fine cat
With four paws on the floor
All heading for the door.”
And yet we’re all glad that it does.
You down with C-A-T?
YEAH YOU KNOW ME
Jaya
It already has “another way to call a cat a kitten” in the lyrics, c’mon
I withdraw my previous naming.
This immediately came to mind. Of course. http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8436/7972878726_eab…
http://steotch.com/2012/09/10/frame-by-frame-it/
eta: argh how I post image
If the entirety of The Toast could pitch in for this as my and Matt Lubchansky’s wedding gift that would be fantastic.
Alas, it’s sold and they don’t have a pattern! DAMN. Although I /could/ be bribed into making you both a “Mawwaige” sampler. http://www.etsy.com/listing/84862251/mawwiage-cus…
there’s a lady who knows
all that glitters is cats
and she’s buying a cat-cat to cats
“Lose Yourself” – Eminem / “Lose Your Cats”
His cats are sweaty, cats weak, cats are heavy
There’s cats on his sweater already, cat’s spaghetti
this is my favorite, because I’m imagining Eminem in that grimly lit bathroom wearing a whimsical knitted cat-sweater.
This is exactly what I had in mind when writing this.
Take a cat off, fanny
take a cat, for free
take a cat off, fanny
and, (and) put the cat (put the cat) right on me
I came in like a kitty cat
I never catted so hard in love
all I wanted was to pet your cat
all you ever did was cat me
Now, this is a story all about how
My cat got flipped-turned upside down
And I’d like to take a minute
Just sit right there
I’ll tell you how he became the prince of a town called Cat Air
Once I had a love and it was a gas
Soon turned out had a heart of cats
If you leave, don’t leave meow
Please don’t take my cat away
Here I am! Rock you like a hurricat!
Here I am! Rock you like a hurricat!
My cat is purring
It starts to meow
Scritches’re comin’
It starts to growl
Here I am! Rock you like a hurricat!
Oh there you go again, you say, you want your cat back…
well who am I to keep a cat?
Here on these cliffs of Dover
So many cats, you can’t see over
And while the seagulls are flying
Cats fall and chase them crying
I’ve been looking so long at these pictures of cats
that I almost believe that they’re real
I’ve been living so long with these pictures of cats
that I almost believe that the caaats
are all I…
*crying pretty hard*
cat… feel.
🙂
This one doesn’t require any changes: it seems obvious to me that “Perfect Day” is written from the perspective of a cat whose human continually yanks the object-on-string out of reach, never allowing that satisfying moment of complete capture.
Oh, it’s such a purrrrrrrrrrrrfect day
I’m glad I spent it with you
Oh, such a purrrrrrrrrrrrfect day
You just keep me hanging on
You just keep me hanging on
You’re going to reap just what you sow
You’re going to reap just what you sow
You’re going to reap just what you sow
You’re going to reap just what you sow
“Legally Blonde” would have been way better if it had starred a blonde law student and her incredibly bossy talking cat. Sabrina The Teenage Witch Goes To Harvard would have been so much better.
Lies nothing could make Legally Blonde better it is perfect.
I once had a cat
or should I say she once had me
she showed me her cat
isn’t it good
Norwegian cat
Everybody rock your kitty
Everybody rock your kitty right
Backstreet’s cats, alright?
I don’t care who you are
Where you’re from
What you did
AS LONG AS YOU LOVE CATS
You are my cat
The one kit-tay
Believe when I say
I want it cat way
But we are two worlds apart
Can’t reach to your ears
When you purr
That I want it cat way
Tell me cat
Ain’t nothin’ but a meowache
Tell me cat
Ain’t nothin’ but a mistake
Tell me cat
I never wanna hear you meow
I want it cat way
Quit playin’ games with my cat (with my cat)
Before you tear us apart (my cat)
Quit playin’ games with my cat
I should’ve known from the start
You know you’ve gotta stop (petting my cat)
You’re tearin’ us apart (my cat, my cat)
Quit playin’ games with my cat
More than a feline (more than a feline)
When I see that old cat and we play
More than a feline (more than a feline)
When I see Merricat* stalk away
*With Shirley Jackson bonus.
Bad bad Big Cat Brown,
Baddest cat in the whole damn town
She’s a BABY CAT, BABY CAT and she’s miiiiinneeee.
(“She’s a Maniac”)
So it ain’t no use in callin’ out my name, cat
Like you never did before
And it ain’t no use meowing out my name, cat
I can’t hear you anymore.
I’m thinkin and wonderin, walking down the road
I once loved a cat, a kitten I’m told
I gave her my heart, but she wanted some Sole
But don’t think twice, it’s all cats.
DON’T THINK TWICE IT’S ALL CATS
ahahahahaha, this is just good for life.
This is much better than “tangled up in cats,” which sounds…really ominous.
Black cat yowling in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and leave them on my bed
All bloodied
You were only waiting for the pillow to be free
Black cat yowl
Under the glare of the yellow streetlights
Thank you for reminding me of that website! Hahaha
Aha! That’s what I thought of immediately upon seeing this post but I couldn’t remember the name of it! <3
of course this post was darker than that (because it’s toasted, you see)
And so he spoke, and so he spoke,
that lord of Catsamere,
But now the cats meow o’er his hall,
with no one there to hear.
Wow that was more depressing than I intended. Also +1 already has cats in it, I suppose.
Kitty’s got a squeeze ball
She likes it the best
When Mama lays down
She never gets no rest
‘Cause she’s playing all night
And the squeakin’s all right
Kitty’s got a squeeze ball
Mama never sleeps at night
Well the kittens don’t eat
And the dog can’t sleep
There’s no escape from the squeakin’
In the whole damn street
‘Cause she’s playing all night
And the squeakin’s all right
Kitty’s got a squeeze ball
Mama never sleeps at night
She goes SQUEEEK and SQUAWK and SQUEEEK and SQUAWK and SQUEEEK and SQUAWK and SQUEEEK and SQUAWK
‘Cause she’s playing all night
And the squeakin’s all right
Kitty’s got a squeeze ball
Mama never sleeps at night
She goes SQUEEEEEEEEEEEZE ME, don’t bother to feeeeeeeed me, go on and sqeeeeeeeeze me like you do, I’m going to squeeeeeeze on you
‘Cause she’s playing all night
And the squeakin’s all right
Kitty’s got a squeeze ball
Mama never sleeps at night
Oh kitty kitty
Oh kitty kitty
How was I supposed to know
That your food bowl was empty
Oh kitty kitty
I shouldn’t have let you go
Hungry – now you’re pukin’ in my shoe yeah
(with apologies to Britney Spears)
I was playing with the cat
And my heart was beating fast
I began to lose control
I began to lose control
Cause I can’t maaaaake you love cats, if you don’t!
Psycho Kitty, qu’est que c’est?
meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,meow, meow
Oh this must be recorded for all to hear. With a cat dressed in a white blazer, skinny tie, and white slacks with a big guitar.
Standing at the door of the Pink Flamingo, crying in the rain
you were a kind of so-so cat, and I want to make sure that never happens again
what about me, well, I’ll find some cat
who’s not going cheap in the sales
a nice little house cat will give me a steady life,
and won’t keep going off the rails
And cats are the beautiful brutal beasts
They can eat everything
You put in the bowl
Then they say: “Portions were too small”
They leave scratch marks on every wall
You’re the cushion to break their fall
Cats triumph over all.
You always feel the sting of words
As kittens are so cruel
They called you ugly, ugly cat
When you were at school
My cat sleeps like an angel
Bites like a devil
And sheds on velour
My cat is a living disaster
But that’s
What I adore
Taaaake your cat off meeee
I don’t meow for you, you see
Take a look at my paws for the last time
I never licked you, you never licked me
Meow hello, goodbye
(We’ve never met, but I adore you.)
Half past twelve
And I’m binge-watching Netflix in my flat all alone
How I hate to spend the evening on my own
Autumn winds
Blowing outside the window as I look around the house
And it makes me so depressed not to hear meows
I need to find a cat
One who’ll sit on my lap…
Gimme gimme gimme a cat after midnight
Won’t some feline help me chase the shadows away
Gimme gimme gimme a cat after midnight
Meow at me through darkness to the break of the day
so purrr-fect
Just a cat boy
Born and raised in Cat Detroit
He took the midnight train
Goin’ anywhere
Ca-ats waiting
Up and down the boulevard
Cat shadows searching
In the night
I want to start a whole tourism campaign for Cat Detroit now.
(to the tune of Clementine)
oh the stretchy
oh the stretchy
oh the stretchy, stretchy cat
Stretchycat is a cat I’ve looked after in Germany a bunch of times. I have many Stretchycat songs. The Stretchycat Macarena deserves a mention also.
I like big cats and I cannot lie
You other tabbies can’t deny
That when a cat walks in with an fat fuzzy face
And gets fur all over your place
You get hung – up on how cute it is
‘Cause you notice that cat is fluffed
…
…
Baby got cats!
(Maru face with a Garfield belly)
Baby got cats!
PERFECTION. [insert obligatory “the internet is complete” comment]
Thank you! Though I’m upset with myself that I hit a creative wall so early in the song.
Maru face with a Garfield belly = making me laugh forever
Whooooa, we’re halfway cat,
WHOA-OH! Livin’ on a cat!
Take my cat, we’ll make it I swear!
Which half is cat?
Took this cat and I took it down
Climbed a cat mountain and I turned around
And I saw my catflection in the snow covered hills
Till the catslide brought me down
I really didn’t think that I, a non-cat-owning person, would find this funny, but it is so so so so so so so so so SO funny.
Ahem, I believe you meant “MEOW covered hills”
A whole new world
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us no or where to go
Or say we’re only dreaming
A whole new world
A dazzling place I never knew
But when I’m way up here, it’s crystal clear
That now I’m in a whole new world with you
(You don’t need to change the lyrics if you imagine an older cat showing a new kitten how to get on top of the bookcase)
I’m not content to play with you in the nighttime
Girl I want to play with you in the daytime
The only time you want to play is at bedtime
Girl I cannot play with you all of the time
All day and all of the night
All day and all of the night
All day and all of the night
I believe that you and me last forever
Oh yea, all day and nighttime yours, leave me never
The only time you want to play is my bedtime
Girl I cannot play with you all of the time
All day and all of the night
All day and all of the night
Oh, come on…
Ooh Kitty, you so fine
You so fine, here’s a ball of twine
HEY KITTY
clapclap clap
BEAUTIFUL
A+ for doing that to a song that was originally called Kitty.
Also:
Take me out to the cat game
Take me out to the cat
Buy me some catnip and catker jacks
I don’t care if I never get cat
Another night another dream about always cats
It’s like a vision of cats that seem to be cats
Another night another dream about always cats
In the night I dream of cats so cat
vision of cat, that seems to be true, where we do all the things that only cats do,
vision of cat, that seems to be true, where we do all the things that only cats do.
In the night in my dreams I’m in love with cat,
cuz you meow to me like purrers do, I feel joy I feel pain,
cuz it’s still the cat, when the meow is gone I’ll be alone.
But you’re a good caaaat!
(I know you want food, I know you want food)
But you’re a good caaat!
Blurred cats! (I know you want food, I know you want food)
But you’re a good caaat!
The way you snag me, must wanna eat kibbles, go ahead, get cat me
You’re the hottest cat in this place!
this is the best thing I have ever seen.
He’s a kitten!
He’s fat and furry
He’s very friendly
Talk about being fluffy
He licks his butt!
(Um, this is to “Blurred Lines,” but I cannot link at work. And I have problems.)
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the cat does go on
Once more you open the cat
And you’re here in my cat
And my cat will go on and cat
—
Cat it up. cat it in
Let me begin
I cat to win, battle me that’s a sin
I won’t tear the cat up
Cat you better back up
Try and play the cat and the whole crew will cat up
(I can’t stop and think I have a problem.)
I will be singing all these to my cats tonight and driving them CRAZY.
This is *exactly* how I sing my cats to sleep.
Kitty you know that
I’ve got you on my mind
Your secret admirer
I’ve been watching cats
At night I dream of cats
Oh, won’t you be my kitty baby
If your fur is soft, give me a call, boo
If your claws are sharp, gonna make sure they get groomed
Keep your head up, ooooh cat,
Things are gonna get easier,
Keep your head up, oooooh cat
Got your dinner right here (oh oh oh)…
In a bit kitty
dreams stay with you
like a kitty’s voice
down a kitty’s side…..
(In a Big Country, of course…add “meows” as necessary in place of the guitar riff).
EVERYBOOODDDY (yeeeeaaah)
RUB A TUMMY (yeeeeaaah)
EVERYBOOOODDY
RUB A TUMMY TONIGHT
THAT SWEET CAT’S ALL RIIIGHT
Spotted me a tender thing
There you are, come on, lady
Don’t you wanna scritch with me?
Can you handle, handle me?
You gotta do much better
If you’re gonna scritch with me tonight
You gotta work my belly
If you’re gonna scritch with me tonight
Read my paws carefully, if you like what you see
Pet, pause, prove you can scritch with me
By the looks I got you shook up and scared of me
Buckle your seatbelt, it’s time for takeoff
I don’t think you’re ready for this belly
I don’t think you’re ready for this belly
I don’t think you’re ready for this
‘Cause my claw’re too kittylicious for ya, babe
We are cat
Meowache to meowache
We purr
No cat toys
No catnip
Cat is a battlefield
We are cat
No one can tell us we’re dog
Searching our ears for so long
Both of us purring
Cat is a battlefield
Another great idea is replacing “girls” with “squirrels.” I’ve done this at karaoke with the Beastie Boys’ “Girls.”
SQUIRRELS
to do the dishes
SQUIRRELS
to do the lawwwndry
hahahaha
You guys should team up with Kitties and Bullshit!
Also, my contribution:
And everycat is going to the scritch
And everycat is going to the scritch
And everycat is going
And you meowed, it was like cats around the bowl
Mewing solid, mewing through the yowling rim
Like cats batting mice right through the night
Flicking mice like food pellets into my mouth
You were one inch from the edge of this bed
I dragged you back a sleepycaaaaaaaaaaaat, sleepycaaaaaaaat
meow meow meow meow meow meow meow
meow meow meow meow meow meow meow
Oh yeah. This actually predates this article (which is brilliant, by the way), but my boyfriend sang “I know, it’s only rock and roll, but I like cats” one day. He’s proud to be a cat fancier.
Get out the cat! (get out the cat)
And lay your kitten anywhere down
We’ll leave the kittening to those we cat
On the cat out of town
Oh my darlin,
Oh my darlin
Oh my darlin Bonny cat
You are soft and very fuzzy
A sweet good-natured little cat
It’s a shame you’re
so damn stupid
you forget how catflaps work
but you’re small and very sneaky
and you know just how to lurk
(rpt chorus)
With your sister,
You cause trouble
and you puke up on our floor
but when you cuddle
and you purr, dear, all I ever want is more
(rpt chorus)
Yellow eyes and
black and white fur
and little pink bean toes
you’re the cutest little thicko
that ever slept all on my clothes
(i may have sung this to Bonny once or twice. Don’t ask what I sing to Anne)
My catshake brings all the cats to the yard
And they meow,
It’s better than yours,
Damn right it’s better than yours,
I can pet you,
But I have to charge
I know you want cat,
The cat that makes me,
What the cats go crazy for.
They lose their fur,
The way I purr,
I think it’s cat time
Meow meow-meow meow meow,
Warm milk up.
Meowmeow-meowmeowmeow,
The cats are waiting
I can’t be the only person who will song along to any song with only “meows.” Sometimes it happens at work and I don’t notice until one of my coworkers starts laughing their asses off.
No, you aren’t! In fact, there are evenings where this is all my husband andI do for a half hour.
We’ve also meowed along with another couple we’re friends with during a beach trip.
My first time commenting. This is what I often sing to my cat:
If you’ll be my kitty cat, I can be your long lost pal.
I can call you kitty, and kitty when you call me you can call meow.
I have two friends whose entire marriage is built on exactly this
It’s getting hot in herre
So put out all your claws
It is getting so hot
I’m gonna put my claws out
Why you on the floor if you ain’t playing with kittens? (c’mon)
What good is all the yarn if you just knitting some mittens?
All the single kitties
All the single kitties
All the single kitties
All the single kitties
Put your paws up!
If you liked it then you shoulda put a cat on it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a cat on it
You get your your kitties for nothing and your cats for free.
( I want my, I want my cat tv)
My cat wants to party all the time, party all the time, party all the tiiiiime
Here come old cat-top, he come groovin’ up slowly
He got cat-cat eyeballs
He one kitty roller
He got cats down to his knees
Got to be a cat ’cause he just do what he please
He wear no catshine
He got cat-jam football
He got kitty finger, he shoot cat-ca cola
He say “cats know you, cats know me”
One thing cats can tell you is you got to be free
Cat together, right now, over me
(and in the end the cats you take are equal to the cats you make)
Oh, no, she knows where to hide in the dark.
Oh, no, she’s nowhere to hide in the dark.
She’s a caaaa-aaa-aaa-a-a-a-a-at,
She’s a caaaa-aaa-aaa-a-a-a-a-at.
—
Last Christmas, I gave you my cat,
But the very next day, you gave it away.
—
If I go with “Why do we crucify our cats? Every day, I crucify my cat”, that’s going to be too dark, right?
ooooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh, we called shelters again last night
but ooooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh, this time, i’m telling you, i’m telling you
we are never, ever, ever
getting cats together
we are never, ever ever
getting cats together
you go talk to your cats, talk to my cats, talk to me
but we are never, ever, ever
getting cats together
I’m not a cat. Not yet a woman.
All I need is time, a moment that is mine,
While I’m in between.
(Shapeshifters need time to themselves during the painful transition process).
They were singin’:
Scat, scat, Miss American Cat
Drove my kitty to the city, where she caught a big rat.
She dragged it home and ate it on my door mat,
Saying, “What’s the matter, don’t you like that?
What’s the matter, don’t you like that?”
Inner
Inner kitty
Inner kitty pressure
(Inner kit-ty press-ure!)
One less meow to answer,
one less fish to fry,
one less box to scoop up after—
since my cat left me all I can do is cryyy.
Never gonna give cat up
Never gonna let cat down
Never gonna run around and desert cat
Never gonna make you cat
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt cat
MALLORY HAVE YOU BEEN SPYING ON ME
This is what happens when I’m alone with my cats.
Some of my best work:
I’m a little kitty, short and stout
Here is my tail and here is my snout
When I get all steamed up hear me shout:
MEOWR!
And:
Rubber kitty, you’re the one
Who makes bedtime not so fun
Rubber kitty, I’m awfully fond of you!
Every day when I
Make my way to the bed room
I find a
little kitty who’s
cute and little on my foot!
Bite-a-bite, kitty.
(can you tell that I used to work in a daycare)
I can’t BELIEVE I’m late to the cat song-lyric post
I did the rubber duck song with socket wrenches!
No Lovecats guys?? Is it because it’s already about cats?
Purr-pose
It's that little thrum
That lights a fire inside your cat (ha)
Purr-pose
It keeps you going strong
Like a writer with a full lap of cat
Everycat else has a purr-pose
So what's mine
Oh look, it's some catnip
It's from the year I was born
It's a sign
Thumbed my way from LA back to catsville
Found out those bright lights
Ain’t where cat belongs
From a phone booth in the rain I stopped to call cat
Had a change of fleas I’m comin’ home
But tears filled my eyes when I found out cat was gone
And we’ll never be cats
it don’t run in our cat
that kind of cat just ain’t for us
we crave a different kind of cat
Let me be your cat
You can call me Queen Cat
and baby I’ll rule…
let me live as that cat.
This makes me so happy, I could cry. I am not the only crazy person that sings songs like this to her cat.
This makes me so happy, I could cry. I am not the only crazy person that sings songs like this to her cat.
I believe you mean to say “from meow on.”
There is a cat in New Orleans
They call the Rising Cat
And it’s been the ruin of many a poor cat
And God, I know I’m a cat.
I am he as you are he and you are cat and we are cats together
(See how they run
like cats from a gun
see how they meow
I’m meowing)
Sitting on a black coat
Waiting for the cat to come
Corporation catshirt, stupid catty Tuesday
Man you been a naughty cat
You let your cat grow long
I am the fishman
They are the fishmen
I am tinned tuna
Goo goo goo joob!