“You’re Terrible But Thank You For Inventing Oatmeal” -The Toast

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I realize that posting a screenshot of a tweet is not the same thing as providing you with the sort of thorough, quality content to which you have become accustomed here at Toast headquarters, and that you probably already have Twitter or can at least look at Twitter even if you don’t have an account, but I could not live with myself if there was even the slightest chance that you missed seeing this. Good morning.

Screen Shot 2014-02-09 at 9.53.32 PMI read this tweet aloud to my family at the dinner table last night, and my sister said, “It’s Oats, not Oh-eights,” and then she rolled her eyes and laughed and I said “Well, I’ve only ever seen it written out, not spoken, and usually an e after the consonant turns the previous vowel into a long one, generally, so there’s precedent for wanting to call it Oh-eights,” and she said “Don’t be ridiculous.”

We had pot roast; it was pretty good. Please feel free to develop your own Joyce Carol Oates-style Batman Logic Syllogisms in the comments. Here’s a starter:

“Though Woody Allen has been much denounced, very likely many of his denouncers think it was pretty fishy, what happened to me on that ladder. You mean, where there’s a fish, there could be a Penguin. But wait! It happened at sea! See? “C” for Catwoman! Yet — that exploding shark was pulling my leg! The Joker!  It all adds up to a sinister riddle… Riddle-er. No contradiction?”

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