Previously in this series: Two monks invent cartography.
MONK #1: oh hey what did St. Mark look li–
MONK #2: tornado with a face on it
MONK #1: what happens to your body when you hide behind a curtain
what’s the best way to draw that, I can’t get it quite right
MONK #2: it disappears entirely
MONK #1: really!
MONK #2: just…mmp. Vanishes.
you pretty much just turn into a floating head
MONK #1: oh and this probably goes without saying, but most people’s feet are–
MONK #2: criss-crossed in barbed wire, yeah, exactly
MONK #1: ahhhh
MONK #2: whats up
MONK #1: nothing
it’s just like
i cannot remember how big the letter C is today for some reason
MONK #2: what like
on the page?
MONK #1: yeah
MONK #2: big enough to fit Jesus and like nine of his friends in it
MONK #1: right right
MONK #2: no don’t feel bad about it
MONK #1: ok haha well as long as im bugging you
D is like…pretty much the same size as C, or…
MONK #2: oh my god no
let me see what you have
MONK #1: bigger, right?
MONK #2: way bigger
bigger than that
look let me draw it for you
MONK #1: ohhhhh
MONK #2: you should always be able to fit a modest castle inside the letter D
MONK #2: hey dont forget that when people sit down they lose their knees and turn into pointy ovals
MONK #1: do you remember Eadwin the Scribe
MONK #2: Kind of
MONK #1: big guy, right?
like, used to sit on top of houses-big?
MONK #2: that sounds right
MONK #1: blue hair?
MONK #2: blue-ish, yeah
and he always wrote with two pens
two-pen Eadwin, we’d call him
but he was so tall he never heard
MONK #1: uuuuuuggghh
MONK #2: whats up
MONK #1: how many eyes does a dog have
MONK #2: oh man
MONK #1: RIGHT?
MONK #2: that is a good question
MONK #1: because like
i can tell that for sure seven is NOT RIGHT
but beyond that
i have no idea
MONK #2: ok well it’s time for lunch
so i feel like
seven is fine
MONK #1: you sure?
MONK #2: yes im sure
we’re having bread today and i don’t want to miss it
MONK #1: how far away are stars
MONK #2: pretty much just as far away as a tall tree with jewels on it
MONK #1: yeah?
MONK #2: yeah
a good rule of thumb
is that your hand is about the same size as your whole head
and stars are about three hands away from the top of your head
MONK #1: okay great
MONK #2: also humans don’t have spines so their heads and necks can go in just
MONK #1: what does it look like when people sit in a row?
MONK #2: they just turn into heads
MONK #1: hey just checking, Jesus is —
MONK #2: like forty feet tall
covered in mustaches going in like six different directions
MONK #1: yeah ok cool
MONK #2: and one lady sitting under him has a smushed-in head
MONK #1: UUUUUUUGGGHHHHHHH
MONK #2: hey
MONK #1: I HATE THIS
MONK #2: is it eyes again?
MONK #1: HE IS LITERALLY COVERED IN EYES AND I KNOW THAT CAN’T BE RIGHT
MONK #2: do you want to just go get lunch
MONK #1: yes
Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.