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Home: The Toast

manIf you are a woman under 28 and a man over 40 says to you:

that you have “an old soul,”

anything about your “zest for living,”

that what he likes best about you is your “curiosity” (or worse, your “boundless” curiosity),

anything vaguely complimentary about your “energy,” “enthusiasm,” or “passion,”

any sentence that begins with “My wife used to,”

that you’re not like other women your age,

that he thinks of himself as “always learning,”

that he’d like to send you some of his poetry that he’s “still working on” and “wouldn’t normally show to anyone,”

anything about that one summer he lived in the Bahamas,

that you inspire him to be more creative and flexible,

“Have you ever read ____?”

that he sees something of himself in you,

that you seem to “think a lot,”

that your work “has promise,”

any sad rhetorical question on Facebook messenger (“when is the last time I even went out on a week night?”),

that he considers himself to be young at heart,

that you “seem sad” when you’re not sad at all,

anything explaining how the stock market works without asking if you already know how the stock market works,

any sentence beginning with “I wouldn’t normally say this, but,”

run until you escape the earth’s gravitational pull.

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