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Home: The Toast

dishwasherI have visited this well before.

the dishwasher is broken
which we kept under the sink
i tried starting it but it makes that
thwumpa-thwumpa sound
i have left the dishes in the sink
which you were probably hoping
to use for dinner
i would wash them myself but
they never seem to get as clean
as when you do them
probably because i do a purposefully half-hearted job of scrubbing
in order to get you
to do it
without asking me
for help


we are out of toilet paper
but instead of buying more
i plan on tearing
of paper towels
and laying them carefully over the old toilet paper roll
(which i will not throw away)
i will do this indefinitely
until you buy more toilet paper


i have hit START on the clothes in the dryer
which were already finished drying
but which
i did not wish to fold
this way
when you get home
it will sound like they have just finished drying
and you will be the one to fold them

i have intentionally lowered my standard of living
so that when you say things like
“this place is a mess”
rather than acknowledge your implicit request
for acknowledgement
and respect
and help
i can simply grunt
neither agreeing
nor disagreeing
and not having
to do anything
knowing that you will do the work necessary to make yourself happy

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