Nobody Knows What Old Newspapers Were Going On About -The Toast

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So I’ve been doing a lot of research for this book I’m writing (!!!! ?????), which has me poking around on ProQuest and old newspaper archives a lot, and I know we talk a lot about the sad state of Internet media a lot, but can we talk about the ridiculousness of old newspaper headlines? In a way I think they’re much worse, because at least on the Internet you don’t need to post anything if you have nothing to say (which I wish more places would remember), but in a newspaper you literally have pages to fill. So you get headlines and news items like this:

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Because you know I’m all about that beef, ‘bout that beef, beef butter

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Maybe the word had more heft to it in 1954.

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Is this not the saddest headline you’ve ever read? “Man understands his chosen activities are meaningless in the scheme of the universe, continues to milk cows.”

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Like, iced tea good?

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I get it.

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We’re just informing you because we’re a newspaper. That’s what we do. Now you know. You’re welcome.

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I’ll need to see some evidence.

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