Everything My Grandmother Said To Me Last Night As We Watched American Ninja Warrior Together -The Toast

Skip to the article, or search this site

Home: The Toast

anw“Tomorrow, if we go get rubber gloves – I’ll pay for them – I can clean your stove. Not that it’s not – you know what I mean!”

“Are these Tupperware clean or dirty, sweetheart?”

“[After seeing the contestant who custom-makes prosthetic limbs for people who have lost their limbs] What a nice thing to do. They say they can do it with those 3D printers now.”

“No, I’ll do it! Just tell me where to put it away.”

“Oh, my gosh, look at that. You’re holding yourself by just your arms!”

“Am I interrupting you too much?” (She wasn’t.)

“Oh, hot dog!”

“Uh-oh. He’s got to be exhausted.”

“No, he’s not going to make it – oh, he did make it!”

“Now what? He’s got to do something else?”

“There’s a woman! Oh, women do this? I didn’t know they let women do this!”

“Oh, his clothes are so baggy.”

“Is the cat near you? Do you suppose he got outside? Your window is wide open. Well, he’s somewhere.”

“Oh, my gosh.”

“Look at his muscles!”

“Oh, he thinks you’re going to feed him again. That cat’s like a dog, when it comes to food.”

“Oh. Oh, this is something else again. Careful. Right there!”

“Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, you can’t get a good grip that way.”

[Image via]

Add a comment

Skip to the top of the page, search this site, or read the article again