Feel free to add your own to the list. The important distinction here is that none of these can be intentionally condescending – none of your Shortstops, your Kiddos, your Sweethearts, nothing obviously diminutive or that calls out the uneven nature of your relationship. (Overt insults are also right out.) These must be friendly, even innocuous on the surface, and yet elicit a baffling, incomprehensible sense of indignation in the recipient.
- Guy (“Listen, guy“)
- Pal (“Hang on there, pal“)
- Friend (“And another thing, friend.”)
- Chum (“Sure thing, chum.”)
- Buddy (“You’ve got another thing coming, buddy.”)
- Partner (“Wait a second, partner.”)
- Fella (“Hang on, fella.”)
- Dude (“Sure thing, my dude.”)
What is it about the deployment of friendly monikers in an unfriendly situation that feels like a silent assassination? Thanks for your help, friends.
Thank you for saying what I’m thinking
First thing I thought of.
Bro (“No problem, BRO”)
bruh
And its Zoolander equivalent, “brah.”
I take a frankly disproportionate amount of joy at addressing men as “bro” and watching them grimace uncomfortably.
Same goes for calling teenage boys “kid”. Especially when they’re in the company of other teenage boys.
I LOVE calling men “bro.” The ensuing confusion is delightful.
“She called me bro…That means she must also be a man oh god what have I done.“
Ahahaha, I use “buddy” and “pal” all the time. I also have a friend who calls everyone “guy” and his delivery makes me laugh every time.
“Chief” which I once saw so masterfully deployed through a window from a male barista who was smoking outside to an incredibly obnoxious coffee shop patron. It was a beautiful show.
We call people ‘sir’ and ‘madam’ at the coffe shop where I work. On a good day, they leave feeling all glowy, like they’ve got some olde-world Italian style service. Alternatively, it is wayyyyyy harsh.
I find the Ma’am versus Mah-Dom to be quite effective when I have a patient acting like I’m their personal assistant not a health care provide.
Really pushing the American A has its own subtle effects (“Yes, meyam, I will come and refill the vanilla sugar for you just as soon as I finish making this latte.”)
A coldly delivered “sir” or “ma’am” is often the only weapon I have at my disposal, given that I am an attorney. It can make someone mad enough to come up out of their chair.
Homer Simpson: “But Marge, valets! Maybe for once someone will call me “sir” without adding, “You’re making a scene.” “
So I just made an intensedebate account to say that the mental image of someone being able to say ‘sir’ so coldly it makes someone angry enough to come up at you is *the best*.
In fairness it’s often the straw that breaks the camel’s back with people who are already mad that they’re being sued and that cross examination isn’t a warm bath.
I can’t hear “chief” used that way now without it being said by Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting.
It’s not your fault.
is “big guy” worse or better than just “guy”? I’m having a heck of a time deciding.
“Pass the Triscuits, big guy”
My BF is on the large side and he HATES it when people call him “big guy.” Thinking about someone calling me “big gal?” Murderous rage.
“Little guy” or “little buddy” ICE COLD
Exception: small animals. I have greeted any number of rabbits, kittens, and puppies with a very enthusiastic “hey there, little buddy!”
Any modifier = way way worse. That way there is no ambiguity to which guy you are deriding (even with sort of ambiguous adjectives like big)
Agreed! Also, I can’t think of any circumstance where modifiers like “big” or “little” guy wouldn’t be a bit condescending in context.
“Big man” drips with disdain, as it implies the opposite. “Big guy” too, now I think of it.
The two situations where I can see this deployed are when addressing an adult who is big relative to other adults, or a child who is objectively small but large relative to his previous size. Both would be within their rights to feel insulted.
“Big [Name]” is common here, but we more often use “tall” in your former example (hey! tall guy! gets said to my tallest roommate a lot around here when we require a tall person.)
Personally, I like to demean people with “tough guy”
I get “big guy”ed a lot, in a weird passive-aggressive way. I usually respond by calling the dude (it’s always a dude) who says it “little buddy.” Usually once is all it takes.
but but BIG GUYYYY http://thecollagist.com/the-collagist/2010/11/14/…
I hate this one. I’m both short and fat, and I can never tell which thing about me the person who says it is making fun of. Are they being ironic about my height? Are they being literal about my weight? I mean insult me, by all means, but at least be clear and distinct about it!
Small man here. It’s the worst.
I feel like this faux friendly thing only works for sort of male-associated nicknames? Like, there is absolutely no ambiguity about “Lady” in, “listen, lady”.
“Dear” is one that rubs me the wrong way.
Oh, true. I stand corrected!
I used to date a guy who somehow turned “dear” into the most diabolically condescending insult, I still twitch a little when I hear it.
You didn’t date David Cameron, did you?
I dated a dude who called me dear and I HATED IT.
But my current dude will call my “my dear” and I don’t hate it.
Delivery/feelings, I guess.
Makes me think of James Adomian’s impression of Tom Leykis on CBB, when he calls Amy Poehler “dear” in the most lecherous and condescending way possible.
Even worse is “young lady”…
Bonus awful points if the young lady is over age 50.
‘Love’ is a classic British one. Can be friendly e.g. old lady saying ‘Hello love, how are you?’ Can be condescending e.g. ‘Look love, let’s just agree to disagree.’ It’s not exclusively feminine, but it is female-coded (just as you can say ‘guy’ to a woman but the default is male). I mostly use ‘love’ to men in a condescending manner. Or babe, as in, if a man is whining I’ll say ‘Aw, babe.’
Yeah, there are clearly regional/national iterations of this! Where I’m from (big Canadian city) no one really uses “love” or even “dear”, neither do we have regular m’am-ing, in my experience.
Lots and lots of “buddy” though.
Your description of the use of ‘love ‘ reminds me of ‘honey’ but even when older women use ‘honey’ in what I’m sure is just supposed to be a friendly way, it really annoys me.
I used to volunteer with someone who called me “lovie” and it irritated me greatly.
I had a roommate who called me “lovie” and it always made my hair stand on end with rage. Whenever anyone uses a term of endearment with me I always want to lean in real close and hiss into their faces “did I give you PERMISSION”
I think you should do it.
I have a friend who calls me “petal,” and while I know she’s not trying to be condescending, she only started doing that after my mother died, so it ends up feeling that way, even if it’s well-intentioned….
I mostly hate “love” but will tolerate it if I believe the speaker would call an equivalent man “mate” (though I would rather just be called mate myself).
The other day a man trying to stop people for a survey at the station called me “love.”
He called the man after me “sir.”
I want to wear a badge that says “You May Call Me Madam, Or Comrade.”
The bus driver called me “miss” today. It was bizarre.
I commented below about someone doing the exact same thing to me (man in front of me is “sir”, I am “love”). It’s infuriating.
Oh! *growls*
Wretched caitiff.
If I’m talking to an adult who I don’t know, it’s “sir” or, as you say, “madam”. Because that’s the correct polite address for a stranger.
If I’m talking to a child who I don’t know, it’s “young sir,” or “young miss,” just because “young madam” always sounds like scolding to me.
I wish we could use sir and madam or ma’am here more. Britain has such a weird and counter-intuitive relationship with honorifics. In France everyone is “monsieur/madame.” In America, everyone is “sir/ma’am/madam.” But here it (sort of, kind of) implies you see the person as your superior, and are either abasing yourself or taking the piss. So the result is actually LESS formality rather than more, because mostly no one wants to imply that, so we can’t call strangers of any gender or perceived status ANYTHING neutral except “Excuse me!”
So we have this situation of endearments and over-familiarity filling the gap, plus sexism, and that’s how we end up with some people who remain fine with “sir” for men but not with “madam” for women. And 20-year-old male shop assistants explaining to me he was only calling me “my dear” out of *respect*!
If I call a man sweetie or honey I am being condescending/barely reining in rage.
Little Lady, though.
“Listen up here, little lady”
*fumes*
I once had a WOMAN use that one on me in a lesbian bar–as in, “can I get the little lady a drink?” She was rocking the whole butch stud thing, but bucking gender norms ceases to be hot when you adopt condescending attitudes toward non-butch women. Ugh. Still shudder when I think about it….
i often hear “hey lady!” as a friendly greeting between women. i do not like it when it’s applied to me, mostly because it illustrates that the person doesn’t know me well enough to know i’ll hate it.
I had a boss who used to use “hey lady” as a greeting when talking to me (and I assume to the other girls working there too). It never bothered me, but she’s the only person I’ve met who said that and I found it a little weird.
All I would be able to hear in my head is the voice that used to play when I read the title of the “Hey Ladies!” pieces.
Now feeling weird cause I say ‘hey lady’ to friends all the time. Sometimes as a salutation, like Lady! in a text…*ponders*
Me too!
Me three, but only my bestest friends get called “hey lady!” and I think they know I mean it in a friendly way.
Now feeling weird because other women say this to me but I never ever have the courage to say it back.
“Young lady” is even worse, IMO.
Someone I work with routinely refers to me as ‘miss’ as in ‘Have you finished with the printer then, miss?’ I think it’s probably just because I’m new and she doesn’t know my name and is too embarrassed at this stage to ask but it still feels faintly patronising.
“Wow, you’re a funny guy”
Boo. “Sure thing, boo” it drives me insane, especially when my friends use it.
i’m pretty sure that every single word in the english dictionary can be suitably condescending if spoken using the right tone.
“I’m prettty sure that every single world in the english dictionary can be suitably condescending if spoken using the right tone”
I call only my son ‘boo’ so, yeah.
I think its Jim Gaffigan that had a bit about his reactions to the awkwardness of being called “boss” by the security guy at one of his gigs
I use “boss” both lovingly and derogatorily with people who are not in any sense my boss.
I use it with jocular familiarity on my actual boss. His other nickname is “wood chief” (from a plaque somebody found on an old wood stove and put up next to his desk), so it’s all good.
Ugggggggh, I used to supervise a guy in his fifties who called me “boss” all the time (I was, like, 30 at the time) and it was so awful but never anything I could call him on.
Could “guv” be used in this context? (Been reading Ben Aaronovitch)
Only an adopted Brit here, but ‘guv’ doesn’t really ring the same way to me. It’s usually meant more or less respectfully, or at least, not as a secret insult.
ymmv of course
Yeah, ‘guv’ is neutral at worst.
It does drive Ruth Rendell’s Inspector Wexford up the wall, but in that case, it’s because it’s replaced “sir”.
Hat-tip for the excellent reading matter.
😉 I paused on A God in Ruins to read Moon over Soho because Peter Grant is sexy.
I REALLY hope for a good BBC adaption of the Peter Grant books, and I want them to cast Toby Stephens as Nightingale, and then I’ll die happy.
I LOVE the Peter Grant series. Bought the first at an airport, but go the next on audio book and now listen to them all because Kobna Holdbrook-Smith is fantastic!!!!
No, but “mate” would be. Can be used affectionately between friends, but between strangers, particularly outside a pub, it’s the verbal equivalent of shots fired.
“Listen, mate…”
(I’ve just been re-reading them by listening to the audiobook read by Kobna Holdbrook-Smith, who will now be the Voice of Peter inside my head forever. A+, will listen to the rest of the series.)
Where I live and have lived (rural), “buddy” or “bud” is a substitute for “male whose name is do not know and whose acquaintance I have not made.” Usually deployed by other men.
Scene: Beer Store parking lot. One man’s Habs toque has fallen off his head and is blowing away toward another man.
Man: Buddy! Hey, my hat!
Other Man, grabbing it: Here, bud.
Man: Thanks man!
Other Man: No problem, buddy.
This is a 100% accurate reconstruction of events I witnessed last week.
I believe my husband could be both Man and Other Man interchangeably, including said toque (he has SEVEN Habs toques!) and Beer Store adjacency.
googled Habs toque, not what I was expecting
What were you expecting?
Me, I imagined a Habsburgian fur toque.
🙂 Could also happen, just not _quite_ as likely.
Scene: Archduchy of Austria, Zweigelt merchant’s porte cochere. One man’s Habsburgian fur toque has fallen off his head and is blowing away toward another man.
Man: Kumpel! Hey, mein toque!
Other Man, grabbing it: Hier, Freund.
Man: Danke Mann!
Other Man: Kien Problem, Kumpel.
*falls at your feet in rapt adoration*
stuff like this makes me just want to take a BATH in maleness sometimes
Bud is my go to placeholder name of choice for everyone. Always has been, always will.
I call all animals and children Bud. Gets weird with my friends who have three cats, one of whom is named Bud.
I use Buddy all the time. It’s a heavy regionalism.
As a west coaster I use dude lot, but I picked up buddy when I moved out east. I mostly use it in sympathy (“aw, buddy, that sucks” or to children too small to have preferences, like babies or toddlers I encounter at work).
When I was home for Thanksgiving, my parents and I were watching an interview with Gregg Allman (I would not have chosen to watch this had I been home alone), and he was telling the story of how his dad was killed.
The dad and his friend picked up a hitchhiker, who turned out to be a low-level criminal, and he tried to carjack them. The dad was trying to calm the hitchhiker down, and he said “Look, buddy…” just as a placeholder.
It turns out the man’s first name was actually Buddy, and this made him think the two guys knew his identity and would report him, so he panicked and shot the dad.
Most unfortunate use of a nickname that I’ve heard about.
Buddy Wakefield has a much less horrifying line in his Convenience Stores piece where the woman that’s part of the story says “Listen Buddy (not knowing my real name)….”
my theory is that in all of human history, no one has used the word “Pal” in anything but derision.
also “Ace.” Because: Fuck Logan Huntzberger.
Right?! Ugh.
“Ace” sets my teeth on edge every time.
Agh that reminded me of “champ” which is the one my sibling deploys to really push my buttons.
IT IS SOMEHOW INFANTALIZING. it’s just “hey, Mary” for a new season of entitled blond dolt with rich-boy-daddy issues.
I love how this is a conversation we can just slip into. No one needs to say “remember Logan from that show Gilmore Girls” it’s just “FUCK LOGAN HUNTZBERGER” and we’re off. Bless the Toast.
I was always waiting for him to pat her on the head or ruffle her hair when he said that. *shudder*
which he DID DO
I call people pal all the time. I guess I more refer to people as my pal? Like “my pal Chelsea was saying…” It fits a niche that’s chiller than friend but not so formal sounding as acquaintance.
My husband uses the word “buddy” the same way. He never calls anyone buddy, but uses it exclusively to refer to his friends in conversation with someone else. e.g. “My buddy Paul is looking for an apartment.”
that is exactly the way I use buddy as well.
me also
Buddies are always people who are either looking for some sort of assistance, or happen to have exactly the set of skills you’re looking for in a given situation.
I have a friend who calls me pal, and it doesn’t bug me at all coming from her. Not sure how well I’d like it from anyone else, though.
HE NEVER STOPPED SAYING IT EVEN WHEN SHE ASKED HIM TO AND THEN SHE JUST KIND OF HAD TO GET USED TO IT. I HATE LOGAN.
My retired Marine coworker cheerfully calls everyone pal! His teen children, me, other grown retired Marine men. I had only ever thought of it as a condescension, but he just uses it so sincerely! For every sort of person!
Counterpoint: Ace Rimmer.
Admittedly, that’s a rather different situation.
No one ever called him Ace. Ace-hole maybe…
Ace is my dad’s (and now my) go-to in-car insult.
“Nice signal there, ace.”
Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one that actually adores Logan’s use of Ace. And likes Logan in general?
*ducks*
I do! But I love love interests who call each other something other than their first names…Mulder and Scully being the prime example, but I like nicknames too. Even when they are condescending (see Han calling Leia “princess” and “your worshipfulness”).
I like Logan.
You’re not alone. I liked Logan and I still root for him.
One of my friends is called Ace, which very effectively prevents me from deploying it as a nickname elsewhere.
“Dummy” is different, I guess, since it’s blatantly rude, but I hate hate hate hate hate when Dennis calls Liz Lemon Dummy even though I know it’s just a tv show
I’ll add “camper.” Which I’ve been known to use. Not infrequently.
I knew a man (since passed, alas), who brought doughnuts to the campus computer center night shift student workers at least once a week. He called everybody pal or buddy or chum because he wasn’t good with names and it was the sweetest thing ever. But the circumstances under which those aren’t insulting are incredibly rare.
I’m very bad with names and I do this a lot at work (I work at a hospital). Every time I see a patient whose name I should definitely know at this point, it becomes “hey, you!” or “hey buddy!”
I’m hoping no one catches on.
Your secret is safe with me.
There was a great professor back when I was an undergraduate at Trinity U, Aaron Konstam. He’d eat dinner in the dining hall several nights per week so he could talk to the students, hear their thoughts, opinions, and so on. He didn’t have great social skills with respect to small talk, remembering names, etc., but he was a great listener and paid attention. He would often recognize people he’d talked with before and come sit with them (us). He was terrible with names, so he’d just roll up with his tray, sigh, and say, “Oh, it’s you.” And then sit down. It sounded insulting the first time, until you realized it was a coping mechanism (plus it helped that he never, ever insulted people). It was great, and he was great, and when I read last year that he’d passed away, I was far, far sadder than I might’ve expected.
I cried when I learned my “pal” guy died in 2004. And then I cried again two weeks ago when I heard KU is tearing down the building they named for him. And now I’m crying now. Damn it.
RIP, Mr. Burge.
Aw, dang, I didn’t mean to make you cry. 🙁
It was the good kind of cry (no tissues necessary–just a big sniff or two). It’s good to remember him and be reminded that there is hope for humanity.
I like a good x-men related one like “bub” or “mon ami”, but if I’m using an x-men reference to sass I’m not really that mad.
I don’t know anything about x-men, but I do know that whenever I am mad at a driver, biker, or pedestrian while driving, I address them as bub.
“Nice maneuver there, bub, maybe try sticking to your own lane next time”
“Come on, bub, sometime this century would be nice”
Does this make me a secret x-men fan?
Or a secret Canadian.
In our house the insulting nicknames of choice are: “Chet” and “Chief”
Chief is a solid one. Devastating when deployed correctly.
I sometimes call my son Cletus.
SPORT. Aaaargh.
I worked with a woman about a decade ago who would use this whole list (plus “sport”) in her greetings to anyone in the office.
I’m just shocked that a non-Dad would use “sport.” That is exclusive television/movie Dad lingo.
The spread of “folks” throughout the workplace gives me the willies. Though it’s not as bad as emails that begin with “All,”
Ha, I was just coming here to say “sport.”
I only ever use “buddy” to address dogs (good!) and other drivers (bad!). I also sometimes use “Tex” on the drivers, for reasons I cannot even begin to explain. I’m not from Texas, I don’t know anybody from Texas, I don’t have anything against people from Texas. I think it’s just somehow mixed up in my mind with “buddy” and “pal” and all those.
when my dad is feeling particularly hearty he will refer to the entire family as “sports fans”
Has anyone read The True-Blue Scouts of Sugarman Swamp? The narrator refers to the readers as “sports fans” and, at least as read by Lyle Lovett on the audiobook, it is perfection.
I do this to groups of people from time to time AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH IT.
I’ve caught myself saying “boys and girls” once or twice. That and “would you like to share with the class” most definitely come from actually working with kids in a classroom setting, but I still cringe when I hear myself….
My grandpa does this and i love it. It’s pretty much exclusively “sports fans” and “gang” with him.
When I was a dirtbag teenager the fact that “sport” could be used this way but also meant “mutant” filled me with immense glee. I used it frequently.
My BFF at work was forced against his will to watch the Baz Luhrman version of the Great Gatsby, and he especially loathed Gatsby’s excessive use of ‘old sport’. I occasionally call him this when he’s being tetchy. His cranky face is priceless.
Champ : “Good job, champ“
Champ is my go-to for criticizing others’ driving. “Nice merge there, champ.”
One of my coworkers jokingly called me “champ” after I sucked at bowling at the holiday party, and I have hated him ever since.
ahhhh. i was part of a church group back in that day that used this all the time. hearing it now makes my skin crawl.
Ooh. That makes me think of family terms like ‘sister,’ ‘brother,’ ‘father,’ etc. (‘Mother’ doesn’t really get used in that way, but it’s become a more general swear word–“that hurt like a mother.”) One can throw ALL SORTS of shade at a fellow church congregation member with a well emphasized “brother so-and-so.”
My dad calls every dog he meets Champ – including his own dogs. Sometimes he calls my boyfriend Champ, but I don’t think it’s insulting? Or maybe it is. He’s an enigma.
Red.
i think it’s supposed to be a compliment? not being a natural ginger i can’t be sure [exactly how annoying it is], but i’m an unnatural one sometimes, and i Do Not Like it.
I don’t think I’ve ever been called Red! My dad used to call me (still does sometimes) “Ginge”, which may be worse.
dads have a blanket exemption. (provided they are the Good Dads of the Toast, that is.)
I call my redhead cousins gingi sometimes, which is Hebrew for exactly the same thing you’re talking about. It’s meant with love.
Seconded. I had an older man walk up to me one time and say “Hey, Red!” and it made me super angry. I do not walk up to you and say “Hey, White!”
The only person who ever called me “Red” was back in 6th grade, by, in hindsight, a boy who probably was trying unsuccessfully to flirt. It did not go well for him.
I’m a redhead and I get red off and on, mostly from more grandfatherly types. I don’t mind it!
I get “hey, red!” from men on the street occasionally. I flip them off and go about my day. I haven’t encountered it from anyone I have to converse with.
I’m also an unnatural redhead, but the only person who’s used “Red” on me was the hairdresser who dyed my hair, and thus it was more of a fun inside joke.
I’d probably mostly be confused if someone used it outside of that context.
I’ve never been able to tell if it’s a compliment or not. There’s this guy who calls me Red, and I haven’t had red hair a day in my life. He also introduces me to other people as Red.
Guy, what are you doing, why are you doing it.
That’s both hilarious and a little creepy.
Or in Australia ‘Blue’
I have a red-haired friend who gets this in pubs all the time. “So what can I get you Blue?’
But then aussie slang and condescension is a whole other topic.
All babies and small children are “buddy” to me until I learn their names. Or if I can’t remember their names.
ooh i will have to use this instead of just calling everyone “baby!!!!”
Same. That or “my friend.” It’s something my Nana used to say.
I used to work with a sweet Brazilian man who always referred to his co-workers as “my friend” or “my good friend.” He had a really thick accent though so “friend” always came out sounding like”frenj.” For some reason or another it made it even more endearing >_<
i’m a teacher. every early ed teacher i know (and some other professions, like my doctor will occasionally say “my friend” or “my dear” to me) calls kids “my friends.” Especially in groups, but individually as well.
I often call small children “kiddo”, including my own! (when I’m scolding her, it gets truncated to “KID!”)
kiddo is my favourite. I will call any kid or friend this.
If I call a small human kiddo it means I love them immensely.
“kiddo” rules
Even when I know their names babies and small children still get “buddy” or “bud” from me. I’m not even sure why.
If I can’t remember the name or even gender of a friend’s child, my go-to query is, “How’s the little one?” Covers all manner of ignorance!
same. also pets. which may say something about my attitude towards small children.
Mine for babies and wee ones is “lil critter” –deployed like “hallooooo there lil’ critter!!” It’s my favourite and I came up with it my own self. (I think.)
I use buddy for all males, human and non-human, my approximate age and younger with whom I am on friendly terms. Male friend of almost 10 years, with whom I’ve vacationed and lived in a dorm situation? Buddy. My mom’s rescue dog? Buddy. Cool grad school cohort-mate? Buddy. The last horse I rode? Buddy.
My dad always uses buddy that way and I picked it up along the way too. He still refers to my brother and I as “bud” as a term of endearment. I can see how buddy could be used in an insulting way though.
This is how I use it too!
I call them bubba.
My daughter’s daycare teacher calls them “buddy” sometimes and the other day my daughter “buddy”d me but (presumably inadvertently) used really hilarious, sarcastic intonation. Nothing like being told “Thank you, BUDDY” when you hand a 2-year-old her bowl of peas.
“Broad.” Old-timey 50s misogyny at its finest.
I hear you, but I adore being called a broad.
I always associate “broad” with film noir. If I am addressed as “broad,” I choose to interpret it as “this person must instinctively recognize that I am fully capable of putting a cigarette out on his hand and that my legs go all the way to the floor, as a rabbit recognizes the weight of a wolf’s gaze from afar.”
Hilariously, Bertie Wooster’s descriptions of particularly attractive women always seemed to me to be equally suited to broads. “Blonde hair and all the fixings,” “a figure filled with oomph and espigliere,” and all the rest.
I have never read Wooster, and “all the fixings” made me ask aloud, “Was there mustard?”
I believe that’s one of the condiments often invoked when referring to appealing figures, yes.
… I had never made that connection before.
I see your “broad” and I raise you “dame”.
I feel I would quite like to be called a dame; it would make me feel scornful and tragic and mysterious and I maybe kill men with a pearl-handled revolver, and the men whom I do not kill shake their heads and slowly drawl, “Yeah. What a dame.”
Unfortunately, most people I’ve met who use dame are actual Fedora wearing MRAs, before Fedora wearing became a recognizable meme for that kind of terribleness, so that kind of spoils the effect. Unless you happen to be carrying your pearl handled revolver.
My dad always meant it as the finest compliment, tho!
Love, Duck (particularly in Stoke) and Dearie.
Duck!! So endearing, so hard to get used to. *spent the past year in Nottingham*
Reminds me of being called “lamb” a million years ago in London.
EH UP DUCK haunts my dreams.
It’s the double whammy of sheer weirdness (why this animal?) and loudness. I have yet to be called DUCK in anything less than a booming tone of voice and it freaks me out every time.
Boss man. It’s a Southern thing that my Northern husband gets called and hates.
“Boss man” is nearly always a veiled insult.
That makes it especially appropriate that I unironically referred to my ex!boss by that moniker.
I think southerners are the true masters of the veiled insult. “Well bless your heart.”
I use “son” a lot. I have no children.
I also use it when talking to women, because, idk, “daughter” doesn’t have the same impact.
“FIRST of all, son” sounds way better than “OK, you know what, daughter?”
I feel meh about the gender-neutral “child”, but I’ll use it when I have to.
Call me son one more time!
Go home, Alexander. This is an order from your commander.
(sorry Mallory)
“Dad, why is my name Carson?”
“Because you were born in a car. Now go call your sister, Hospitaldaughter. It’s time for dinner.”
“Son” is straight-up disrespectful in that context, though. Nothing inexplicable about that.
I use “child” a lot in the very traditional southern way. “Chiiiiiiiiiild, what on earth do you think you’re doing?”
My wife, daughter, and I all call each other “bro” thanks to the Tracksuit Draculas in Matt Fraction’s Hawkeye.
this is ALSO a thing I do!
Aw, Tracksuits, no.
Every time Captain America refers to a young man as “son,” I get a giddy thrill.
My son called his stepfather ‘son’ one night to much hilarity.
Ross: “What’s that on the stove?”
Nick: “It’s dinner, son…”
Maybe not so much outside Australia, but mate. Like, you know you’ve fucked up conversationally when you get a cool “righto, mate” lobbed your way. And there’s no coming back from it.
Was coming here to say this! Also, I suspect it’s kind of gendered? As a woman, I can’t think of any tone of voice to say “mate” in that doesn’t make it mean “we are not friends”.
I’ll grin and say “for fuck’s sake, mate” in the aftermath of a friend’s pun, but yeah otherwise I too cannot think of an instance where I would use mate genuinely. Until now I never realised that it is kinda gendered, so thanks for expanding my perspectives on slang.
And even that (for me at least) would be an “I’m insulting you by calling you mate, but in a joking way” thing… A double-double cross?
I use ‘mate’ when I’m swearing under my breath at someone. Like the guy dawdling across the pedestrian crossing glued to his phone got a “Jesus, move your fucking arse, MATE”.
Or if someone does something incredibly stupid that gets a sarcastic “Nice one, mate”
I don’t think I’ve ever used it in a friendly sense. But I’m also not a very nice person.
I’m an Australian woman, and I quite often use “mate” in a sincerely friendly way, but only to boys younger than me. I also tend to use it as a conciliating form of address for uneasy situations where I don’t know the other person’s name – the same way I’d say “sir”, but for younger and/or angrier men.
I have a friend who reserves it for use as an insult; going by his example, if you want to make it extra emphatic, drop into a Queensland accent and bite that final “t” off hard.
Oh man, my dad’s Australian and this explains a lot about his tendency to call people ‘mate’ when he’s really angry. I thought it was just him.
Strayan here also. I got mate once by a guy in a carpark and I’m not sure if it was ungendered mate or gendered mate (I’m a little butch looking.)
I don’t really use it, it feels very affected. But for some reason some of the other terms that are *more* affected, I do use sometimes? Like buddy. Probably started out ironically – but I usually am like “he’s my buddy” rather than HEY BUDDY
a few NYEs ago my significant other said “steady on, mate” to a cab driver (who’d just made the most outrageously racist comment about minorities commiting most crimes, like wtf dude) and I knew we had to get out immediately otherwise there was going to be violence between them
Also a London thing? Possibly elsewhere in England, but I have been in insufficient pub brawls. (If I am in a pub it is usually either to play folk music or to hang out with old morris men, who are generally well behaved around me.)
[/Australian in the UK]
Last year in the workplace, I asserted myself assertively to a not-awesome male colleague. “Easy, tiger!” was his response.
Oh god I hate him
Everyone does! The “easy, tiger” thing soon became a short-hand way for us (particularly the women) to mock him. The boss even ended his going-away speech to me with a particularly hearty version of it. Everyone laughed and laughed. Except for him. He looked petulant and angry and never spoke to me again.
I heard that he recently said to one of my friends who still works there, “Since you’ve been pregnant, your boobs have gotten HUGE.” We obvs all told her to go to HR with that one, and I hope she does. This tiger justly thirsts for his utter destruction.
WOW
Jesus fuck, I can picture the exact tone he would have said it with.
“Tiger” should be said by Mary Jane Watson to Peter Parker and by no one else in any situation.
truth. I tried adopting it for a while. It did not go well.
“Easy, ___” is the WORST. One time I told a guy I was dating that I’d gotten sunburned and he asked “spend a lot of time outside today?” I rolled my eyes and said “no, just sat near an open window. What do you think?” and his response was “easy there sarcastic Sally.”
It’s such a copout. You know it means they have no quick or witty response to obvious sarcasm so they go with something that lets them off the hook.
did you then turn into a tiger and eat him, please say yes
It’s really the only appropriate way to respond
He fled the room in fear before I could. BUT after my righteous indignation wore off, I went out and bought myself a shirt with a tiger on it, which I wore to work on the regular.
Maybe you should leave a hungry tiger in his office for him? Just to show how chill you are, as a funny joke.
This is a Winston-on-New-Girl level of prank response and I love it
ETA: the response being the prank; OP’s co-worker was not pranking anyone, he was being a dick.
Throws up
Here in the Mid-Atlantic, “Ma’am” is almost never used except to convey infinite frustration. Going to other regions, it makes me very nervous.
Oh shit, I’ve been saying “ma’am” to basically everyone I’ve met in the time since I moved to the mid-Atlantic region. I have absolutely no idea how else to address a stranger, though. I mean all the other options are already on this list.
It’s really a tone thing, but most people don’t use an honorific at all. A pleasant “excuse me” to a stranger covers everything. “Ma’am” through gritted teeth (generally from a person in retail or the equivalent) is a “go fuck yourself.”
I keep overhearing my boss greet coworkers as “bubba”. Nobody seems to be insulted, but I always wind up raising an eyebrow.
My brother refers to both his son and his dog as bubba or bubs like a hilarious term of endearment.
I definitely call both the dog and the daughter “bubba” from time to time. But ditto on the endearment angle.
I had a hard time with the ‘r’ sound when I was little. One of my mom’s brothers (Greg) was living with us at the time and jokingly said “just call me bubba.” Toddlers don’t always pick up on tone. He was Bubba Geg for ten years. 😀
Down here “bubba” can be like “champ” and totally insulting, or a term of endearment. If it’s a stranger you’re trying to start a fight.
This makes me think of that scene in Ocean’s 11 where the two brothers (Casey Affleck and Scott Caan?) are bickering. I can’t find a YouTube clip but…
Turk Malloy: Watch it, bud.
Virgil Malloy: Who you calling bud, pal?
Turk Malloy: Who you calling pal, friend?
Virgil Malloy: Who you calling friend, jackass?
that’s what I thought of when reading!
My favorite is always “hoss”, because no one really seems to know what it means, and also I don’t know what it means? Just that they said it on Bonanza, and Race Bannon always called people Hoss on that reboot of Johnny Quest.
I was about to respond to this with “duh, it means horse” but I examined my memory and cannot find any explanation for why I think that, or why it would make any more sense for someone to be called “horse.”
Apparently it is from “horse” and according to the Wikitionary was first used for slang for “a big, strong and respected or dependable person, usually a man; one who is large like a horse.”
in the real old school Boston accent people did, in fact, ride hosses.
I’ve always thought of it as a weird way of pronouncing “horse” but now that I think about it hat doesn’t really make a lot of sense as a thing to call someone.
I knew an oil-patch guy who called his hardest workers “mules” which is sort of the opposite of what Mallory’s talking about in that it sounds incredibly insulting but is actually nice. (Simply dependable workers, for the record, are just “hands.”)
what does it mean to be an “oil patch guy”? Did he run an oil field?
Basically! No, this was a contractor who runs a crew of roughnecks (real job description, which I think is fairly amazing) who do the actual drilling. He managed the crew and was the liaison between the field hands and the office that owned the well sites.
Where I am from in Texas, it usually means a big dumb person who is about to get out of control. It’s sort of a placating word. As in, “Look, hoss, no need to get angry.” But like all slang words it can be used ironically or to varying degrees.
Hoss = Horse
Just like
Dag = Dog
why would Race Bannon call someone “horse” though?
How the shit would I know?
well you knew what hoss meant!
I can’t imagine an accent rendering Dog as Dag (Dawg, yes).
It’s a very particular Irish dialect.
Have you seen Snatch? Brad Pitt actually does a pretty good imitation! (And says dag a lot)
I remember reading Hoss in a Stephen King book that I can’t recall. I now use it on my husband when he is being That Guy and he hates it. Which means I love it.
“Hon” is only acceptable for use by diner waitresses, as far as I’m concerned.
also hairdressers and your mom’s nice lady friends.
Yeah, it’s a very “friendly older lady” word.
I have two people who call me “hon.” One is the two-decades-older-than-me cashier at the grocery store and when she does, it’s endearing. The other works at the local Subway and is probably my age +/- 5 years and for some reason it just doesn’t seem right
It never seems right if they’re too young. Definitely an older lady term, ‘hon’.
30s-with-sun-and-smoking-related-premature-aging-and-a-world-weary-stare can also deploy it effectively. Or so I hear.
“Hon” follows the same rules as “bless your heart.” Unless you are of a certain age (and southern), you come across as so, so patronizing.
I loathe being called “hon/hun” by people I am not friends with; it feels so condescending.
I have ONLY ever heard weaponized ‘bless your hearts’
My little sister uses it on me sometimes. I want to tell her to stop, but if she knows I don’t like it, she’ll probably start using it MORE often, so….
Fun (terrible) fact: It’s been suggested that the use of “hon” as the stereotypically common Baltimore greeting came out of the civil rights era, when white Baltimoreans had to figure out a way to be vaguely polite to their new Black customers but sure as hell weren’t going to call them “sir” or “ma’am”. Ah, Baltimore.
I once fell into an internet rabbithole after watching an episode of Kitchen Nightmares in which a woman in Baltimore tried to copyright the word “hon,” which is apparently A Baltimore Thing, none of which I knew anything about before.
I saw that episode and people were SO MAD!
ugh i had to call an urban outfitters the other day and when they didn’t have the thing i wanted in stock and i very reasonably said “but it says on your website that you have it, so are you sure you don’t?” (i’ve WORKED in retail, i KNOW there are good reasons this might be the case, but she hadn’t offered me any of them!), the seemingly like 17 year old sales associate on the phone said “sorry, hon, we just don’t” and it suddenly struck me that “hon” could be literally the most infuriating single syllable in the english language if deployed by a teenager to an adult.
A man handing out Evening Standards next to Chancery Lane tube station addressed the man in front of me as “Sir” and then me as “Love” (or “Dear”? Something overly-familiar, anyway) and it filled me with rage. I loathe it when people I don’t know (or sometimes “know but dislike”) call me pet names. (A co-worker told me yesterday how she has had male library users calling her “poppet” and “clever girl”. She is an adult.)
This is a diminutive, so it does not really count, but I hate “hubby”. Also “mama” when used as a name and addressing someone who is not your mother. If I ever have a child and someone who is not them calls me “mama” I might kick them.
I loathe both hubby and mama with a violent passion. VIOLENT. If anyone ever addresses me as “mama” who is not my actual child, I may have to destroy them and I will do so with joy.
I don’t mind mama from another child (like, ‘mama lemonadefish, can I have some more cheese?’), but mama from another adult will get several laser holes bored in your skull.
I thought it had been definitively established that the phrase “clever girl” is only appropriate if one is about to die at the hands/claws of the clever girl in question.
I have a friend who once called me clever girl after I figured something out for a problem set we were working on and the instant it left his mouth he started trying to backpedal. Of course, we were friends and I knew he knew I was better at the subject that he was, so I didn’t even mind in the first place.
If anyone calls me “clever girl” I will feel fully justified in devouring their entrails while they yet breathe. I’m just saying.
POPPET.
Now I’m having Tim Curry flashbacks. That man makes that word TERRIFYING when applied to a little girl.
I HATE “good girl.” it’s the worst, most condescending shit ever.
Also “Mum” used by someone who is not the woman’s child. Like “what does Mum think?” said by a salesperson. Just say “what does *your* Mum think” – or you know, don’t say it because she might have been my aunt or my older friend or something, you don’t know.
I have used ‘maman’ that way when talking to kids I nannied before, but it’s only when I was TRYING to make someone else (in a store, on the metro, etc.) uncomfortable. You know, the sort who can see you’re old enough to be the parent of the child with you, and who keeps glaring at your unadorned ring finger? Then I like to say “let’s show it to maman when we get home” in the hopes that Mr/Ms. Morals on the subway thinks I’m talking about my wife and is even more put out. 🙂
ETA: That said, I would NEVER call a kid’s mother ‘maman’ to her face.
Yeah I find “hubby” horrifying. And I am distinctly… puzzled by the number of adult women I see calling each other “mama.” At least it is usually in a context where the addressee has been talking about her kid or parenting or some related subject, but it still seems weird! But as someone who has no interest in being anyone’s mother, I figured it was not for me to judge, haha! I also get a little weirded out when people refer to me as my rabbit’s “mom.” I guess it’s better than being called her “owner” which I also find a bit creepy, but, I mean… it’s a bit strange to me. Although I DO call the rabbit my baby, so… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
YES! I was complainig about this exact thing just upthread — except it was a survey, a DLR station, and I got the “Love” first and he got the “Sir”, second.
There are so many of them! Maybe we should just turn and glare next time it happens.
You will do a lot of kicking. ‘Mom’ as all round term is also often deployed.
Thankfully, I am not planning to have children, so people are safe from my kicks (on this count, anyway. I reserve the option to kick them for other reasons).
“Mama” is okay with me only in specifically parenting-related contexts (so, a breastfeeding support Facebook group or a babywearing group meeting or a NICU) because it feels like insider language – more of a cue or even a title than a depersonalized nickname, if that makes sense. Never mommy or mom, always mama or dad/daddy, though.
Hubby though. NO.
also this is not the same thing but I cannot stand the superfluous acronyms in some corners of the mom internet – why “DD2” “DH” “AF” etc? Why can’t you just say “my younger daughter” “my husband” “my period”? Gahhhhh.
Watch early Law & Order with Ben Stone. No one can make “sir” sound like an insult quite like he can. (I’ve been known to try at work, though. The service industry sucks.)
First episode of Cabin Pressure does this well, too. “Sir” is employed in a way where it is clear that the more accurate translation would be “imbecile”.
Cabin Pressure’s use of “Skip”, however, is nothing but charming.
Cool, whatever you say, slick…
Thank you for tracking this down so I don’t have to.
The use of “ladies” by another woman in a sports-related context always puts my teeth on edge.
Ooh, yes, it’s so infantilizing somehow! “C’mon, ladies, we can do this!” Yuck. No.
I still have some random sports paraphernalia lying around from my high school soccer-playing days, and the mascot drives my boyfriend nuts. “Why LADY Cougars? COUGAR IS NOT GENDERED.” (At least not the animal. Ugh.)
I mean…because sexism, obviously, but I appreciate the outrage.
God, yes. Our high school female athletes were the “Lady Rebels.”
Ours were the “Lady Raptors.” After, by the by, we changed it from The Bucks in order to be more gender-neutral.
But … “bucks” are explicitly gendered?
As distinct from does, yes. People decided that “Lady Bucks” sounded incredibly ridiculous.
My high school’s mascot was the Buckskins and our female sportsball players were indeed the Lady Bucks.
I would note, at this point, that Lady Raptors, while it’s less contradictory, also sounds stupid. Unless everyone said “clever girl” whenever the team won, but nobody ever did that. It was very sad.
It bothers me too but I never know what else to say! “let’s go, guys!” doesn’t sit well either.
“Let’s go, team!”
“Go team” is, in fact, my preferred way to wrap up any moment of achievement by two or more people.
“Ladies” as in “come on ladies, let’s go in the basement to hang out” when used by a preteen five years younger than you is even more infuriating.
I hate “ladies” pretty much all the time. I feel like I’m in a real life Hey Ladies post when my friends use it (which Hey Ladies lady am I D: ???)
Somebody needs to make a Buzzfeed-style “Which ‘Hey Ladies’ lady are you?” quiz, STAT.
YES! I need to know
Commenting on The Toast for the first time to say: “ladies” does not bother me nearly as much as does “girls” in a co-ed sports-related context. As in: “We don’t have enough girls for our next game, will you ask your friend to play?” or “That girl playing third base is awesome!”. It mainly only bugs me when men say it though.
I have started assertively using “lady” and “woman” in softball season and my team seems to be catching on, at least while I’m there.
Girl bugs me SO MUCH. And I call my friends ‘Lady’ all the time.
Girl might imply youth or lack of power but it’s the only commonly used word that isn’t dominated by men: feMALE, woMAN. I will proudly describe myself as a girl, even though I’m over fifty.
A lot of the women on my college team did this. Every time I was like, have you noticed that some of us aren’t high-strung filthy rich thin white girls from the suburbs? Do I look like a “lady” to you?
I use “dude” and “guy” as generic, gender-neutral terms for people fairly often, but if I add any modifier:
There’s a real cool guy
Sounds like an awesome dude
They suddenly become venomous. Sometimes unintentionally!
I yell “SIR” at all the cars I see misbehaving on MA roads. “SIR?? SIR!? SIR! NO! SIR!”
Yes! I use “sir” in the car too. And “friend.” “Really, friend?”
and madam, as in “that was a rolling stop, MADAM.”
MA roads? I’m surprised you haven’t lost your voice by now!
This is fascinating, because I almost exclusively use profanity to refer to other drivers, but when my computer freezes I call it “hon,” “sweetie,” “dear,” etc. while encouraging it to get its ****ing act together.
My wife does this to our cats and (less often) our dog when they fuck up.
I’ve occasionally used “SIR” with especially obnoxious or mansplain-y library patrons. Yelling would be completely unprofessional, so one goes for ICY POLITENESS instead.
Likewise! The worse they are, the more I call them “Sir”.
I call the misbehaving other cars “my friend.”
“I see you’ve chosen to ignore that stop sign, my friend!”
Ah, I see you subscribe to my preferred brand of passive-aggressive road rage. “Oh hey, anytime you felt like using turn signals, that would be cool. Oh, ok, not now. Awesome.”
My sister uses the phrase “good job” as part of her passive-aggressive road rage. As in, to a car that has tailgated and then passed dangerously, “Good job getting one car-length ahead of me!”
“Madam,” when “Ma’am” would do.
In my house we use “Madam” all the time, both respectfully and dis-. We got it from Barbara Parks’ “Junie B Jones” books, which are a great source of nicknames and other language fun. Also, my sisters and I call our dad “Sir”, which drives him mildly nuts.
Oh man that’s fascinating, because I loathe ‘Ma’am’ with the power of a thousand fiery suns and would be delighted to be addressed as ‘Madam’ instead.
…I realise I may be an outlier, as I also wish for the return of ‘Mistress’ as a married woman’s title instead of ‘Missus’. I feel weird saying I am ‘Missus Enthusiast’, but ‘Mistress Enthusiast’ brings a touch of class to my life and makes me feel special, heh. Like I belong in a manor wearing a fancy dress.
I grew up around a guy who would say, “Settle down there, nitro” and it drove me BANANAS.
OhmyGOD
“Easy there, Turbo!” was a common one for a friend (“friend”) of mine in college.
That scene in The Iron Giant gets a lot of play in our house. “Sport, Champ, Slugger…”
Mama & mija (context: South Texas)
I’m pretty loose with what I let people call me (even students) but the second you try to “Hey mama,” or “Oh mija” me (if you’re not my grandma) I will cut you.
Yuuup, I hear mija from a stranger and I brace myself for the worst. Mamita también.
No eres mi mamá, no soy tu pinche hija, is my policy.
stolen
Not deliberately, but it’s a big old Internet, and somebody else could easily have thought the same thing.
No no! I mean I’ve stolen it from you.
You are an original wordsmith as far as I know.
I had never heard anyone use mama as a general term of address until I moved to South Texas. It is pervasive here! But I have only ever heard people use it on young girls, like toddler and young school-age kids (although as a parent of several young girls, it may just be my context). It’s sort of interesting to hear adults call my young daughters mama, but I think I would be pretty irritated if they were calling me that. In a new twist, I heard someone call a little boy papa the other day – only time I have ever heard that!
‘Pépère’ in French technically means ‘grandad,’ but I think I’ve only ever heard it (non-insultingly) used to address baby boys. People are strange….
Fellow South Texan here! A couple of my FB friends call their sons “Daddy”, which is the worst. THE WORST. My family is guilty of using mama and papa, though it is only on the small children related to us!
My neighbor calls her children mama and papa sometimes, and it’s both adorable and very weird. She doesn’t call other people’s children that, though.
In Hawaii you had to refer to nearly every woman you knew as “Auntie”. It was so common you basically insulted someone if you introduced them by name instead of “Auntie Jane”.
Most of my actual family members haven’t “mija’d” me since I was little, but my cousin’s grandmother brings out the “Oh, mija…” a LOT. I actually kind of love it because it’s something I never hear in Boston, but the combination of worry/disappointment in her voice can get to me.
Family’s fine (only my grandma says it to me though) but a stranger using to be condescending? Ugh, no.
My favorite is “bub.” It truly perplexes people and makes me feel like Wolverine.
Additionally, straight cis men almost universally reeeaaaally hate it when I address them as “girl.” I love it very much.
I LOVE calling dudes “girl.” Every time I do it, there is always a reaction. If I can get over someone calling me “dude,” you can handle the occasional “giiiirl!”
That is EXACTLY what I say when the lads doth protest too much. If they go so far as to try to claim that “dude” is gender neutral, they get the baleful-est glare I can muster and then a view of my back as I walk silently away.
ETA: lad and lass are lookin’ like good options now too
I call my male coworkers Miss Thing and they giggle. My coworkers are awesome.
How do we feel about “captain”?
For maximum sneer go with “o captain, my captain”.
For maximum maximum sneer stand on a desk.
i’ve been sneering wrong my whole life
“Aye aye captain” is basically bulletproof
‘Cap’ is my variant of choice. Sure thing, cap.
Is Fearless Leader also applicable?
Only to be used if A) you are referring to someone holding the actual military rank, B) you are referring to the person in charge of a ship, or C) it is immediately followed by “America” and is in fact a proper noun.
I love all the beautiful variations of “bro”. There is nothing better than addressing an obvious bro as “broseidon” or “brosephine” and watching his baffled reaction. (File to: my hobbies)
!! and then talking to him about the brosé they are drinking??
Bros love a good brosé, brah.
PatBroClus, Brodin, Bromide, Broseph and the Bro of Many Colors.
Brochacho.
Broseph of Arimathea.
Brosef Stalin.
Brosephine Baker
Bro-anna Newsom
Bro v. Wade
Brotal Recall
Josh Bro-lin
Brotoceratops
Bropane and bropane accessories
HA stealing all of these, I love Broanna Newsom and Bro v. Wade
Bonus Shakespeare round:
Bromeo and Juliet
The Two Gentlemen of Ver-brona
Brosencranz and Guildenstern
Bro-thello
Horati-bro
brocephalus, for your beautiful-headed horse-bros
brocephus is common here for redneck bros
YES. Bro-ing people is my sport.
(Someday I’m gonna bro the wrong guy and it’ll become a full-contact sport.)
Yeah, my slight, white-boy lawyer friend almost did that outside a metal gig. Except instead of bro-ing people, he was reflexively ‘your mama’ joking.
[His your-mama jokes are great because they veer into absurdism. Standard pattern:
STROPHE: “Sentence containing a [noun].”
ANTISTROPHE: “Your face is a [noun].”
EPODE: “I [noun]ed your mum last night.”
Example:
STROPHE: “Oh no, I missed my bus!”
ANTISTROPHE: “Your face is a bus.”
EPODE: “I bussed your mum last night.”]
You’re giving me a broner just talking about it.
“Dear.” I. hate. it.
Although I worked with a guy I always called “Sparky” for no good reason. He called me “Sparkette.”
I’m getting that from some people lately. I try to remind myself that it’s well-intentioned, but dear God, it would never occur to me to use it.
It reminds me of that Jenny Diski piece where she talks about being of a certain age and people saying to her, “Oh, bless.”
On a tangent, my group at work has decided that any time “actually” is used, the “asshole” is implied. As in “Actually, [asshole], I was planning to take the day off.”
As a result, whenever any of us catch one another saying “actually” someone will snort or raise an eyebrow, and the speaker immediately becomes self-conscious and loses his/her train of thought.
“Love, Actually”. Yep. Still works.
Any sentence begun with “Actually…”, usually as a rebuttal to my opinions (which I rarely give)…drives. me. crazy. Two men in my life were fond of doing this. To me it says, “Little darlin’, you are not in possession of all the facts, and I, with my steel-trap brain, am in possession of the facts and I will now tell you how you are wrong.”
But I love your implied {asshole}. I’m going to start thinking that. I’ll be happier.
On my birthday, my husband asked our two-year-old if he wanted to sing “Happy Birthday” to mommy. His response was “Actually … no.” We laughed and laughed.
“Dear.” I. hate. it.
But I tend to employ “Sparky” freely.
OMG, I forgot about “sparky”! I love that one when I’m mad.
Came down here to add Dear.
“Excuse me, dear.”
“I’ll do it, dear.”
“That’s not going to fit in there, dear.”
i get ‘dear’ and ‘hun’ quite a lot from “real adults”. i kind of hate it unless i am in the middle of one of my “i’m getting old and i still don’t really know what i want to do with my life maybe i should get that MBA my dad wants so bad??” phases. then it’s a nice reminder that i’m still a baby, no matter how old college kids make me feel
I’ve always been charmed, but baffled, by “Sparky”. What does it mean?! Where did it come from?
My last name is “Sparks” and therefore “Sparky” is THE WORST.
ETA: I didn’t even notice how late I am to this discussion, because i have such strong feelings about Sparky (THE WORST).
I think there is a profound difference between “dude” and “my dude” though. I can’t imagine someone addressing a person as “my dude” with any contempt or negative feelings whatsoever. If they were just a dude, then sure, silently assassinate away. But they’re your dude!
The last time I heard this being used was last fall in a pick-your-own apple orchard in Vermont. There were three 13-year-old boys engaged in some harmless apple-related tomfoolery. Two of them wandered off, and when the third realized he’d been left behind he yelled, “WAIT UP, MY DUDES!” and scampered away between the trees. It was a sun-dappled and purehearted moment. I’m sure they’re all together right now.
Fact: “harmless apple-related tomfoolery” is New England’s #1 most popular hobby.
I use “pal” and “friend” a lot and, like “dude” there is a HUGE difference between “pal”/”friend” and “my pal”/”my friend”.
“Aw, it’s always so good to see you, pal!” vs. “OH HO HO WOW, MY PAL, UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE”
“I would be delighted to join you, friend!” vs. “The fuck outta here with that shit, my friend”
Oh my goodness, that’s delightful. Such frolicsome lads.
Champ. There is no situation in which you can address someone as champ. I’m pretty sure at this stage of human evolution that even if you clapped a skinny, 8-year-old ginger little leaguer on the shoulder after he hit the winning home run in The Big Game and said “good work, champ,” he would still deadeye you and tell you to go fuck yourself.
That explains a few things.
What about “chap”?
Said with the right inflection, even someone’s name can be insulting. “I’ll get right on it, Margaret.”
And why is the carpet all wet, Todd?
I don’t know, Margo.
I see someone ate the last of the ice cream, Johnathan.
I see someone ate everything that was in the icebox, William.
I just snorted soup out my nose.
See also, calling kids by their full name and husbands suddenly calling you by your actual name….
My mom used to call my dad “HEY, BUSTER” and it is no surprise that they are divorced.
My mom always called/referred to my dad as “Frank.” His name is not Frank. Also divorced.
My seven year old niece just used the phrase “What the fuck, Frank” (correctly!) for the first time last week. Hilarious!! We think she got it from her Dad watching the BatDad facebook channel.
Awwww, my very much in love aunt and uncle call each other “Frank” as their pet name, this made me :/.
Mutual Frank-ing seems delightful!
It has created some confusion when work associates of my uncle find out he’s not gay. But it’s the cutest.
back when I was playing World of Warcraft with the gigantic LGBT guild Rough Trade I had a raid leader who called everyone “sweetie.” he was unable to end a direct sentence without a “, sweetie.” or a “, sweetie?” he was terrible at his job and it got to the point me and the people I actually liked opened a private channel named sweetie where we could bitch about him. gay men are very good at intolerable diminutives. I use the “dear” Eloise mentioned above as a weapon of contempt.
Hun. “Hun, could you, like, knock it off?!” “Hey hun, could you be a dear and get that thing for me in the other room that I am much too lazy to get even thought I’m closer & it’s completely inconvenient for you.” “Oh, hun, why would you ever think that??”
when I taught preschool we called all the students “friends” as a way of fostering like, idk community I guess?? but sometimes we used it to make the kids feel bad like if they were talking out of turn we would say something like “Excuse me, friend, my other friends are trying to listen but they can’t hear because your voice is turned on.”
except now I call everyone friends?? Like its not a term they use at the elementary school I’m at now but when kids ask me who someone they don’t know is I always say, “she’s one of my other friends” or if we’re getting other kids “we have to pick up more friends from another class” It’s honestly a pretty handy phrase.
I love “your voice is turned on.” I must use it at least once every day, just in random conversation.
Yeah, I did that working in early years. It really annoyed the school age kids, though, I’d go from nurseries to afterschool clubs and say ‘Let’s be kind to our friends’ or whatever
I’m so glad it’s not just me.
We associate “friend” with our functional alcoholic headmistress from high school, who would cover for forgetting people’s names (badly) by calling them “friend.” “Hello Allison,Beverly… friend!” She was a sweet lady but it persists two decades later.
I used to use Bucko in this way, and then I was in school with a guy named Buck and I had to stop. But maybe I should start again!
Adorable. CALL ME ADORABLE ONE MORE TIME.
I *live* for brusque, not-sentimental nicknames though.
I had an amazing physics professor from Jersey who would call you “kid”, but in the best, Bogartian way, if you did well on a test. Or did miserably and were contemplating drowning yourself in the lake.
“You’ll be alright, kid.” with a smile and a twinkle in his eyes.
I don’t know what magic he had that made it not offensive or patronizing, but I hope I find someone who has it again.
There was an after school bus driver at my school when I was a kid who had this thick new york city accent (no idea what he was doing in tiny town upstate NY) who was the nicest and called me doll in a way that did NOT make me want to murder him. To this day he’s the only non-parent human who’s ever succeeded in calling me any sort of pet name without eliciting rage, and I’m not entirely sure why.
My former landlady (still in my life 20 years later) was the only person on earth allowed to call me Susie.
I had a physics teacher in high school who had that power. He would call me kiddo and I would stop despairing about getting into college.
I had no idea this was such a “physics/ny/jersey accent” related thing, but it MIGHT BE.
also aw, that sounds like the best.
I call everyone dude. 🙁
Then again I do think of myself as superior to most people!
Aw man, dude is my word. I call my dogs dude, lovers dude, parents dude, my coworkers dude, someone I just met at a conference dude, hell, given the right circumstances and sufficient level of excitement, I’d call the provost dude.
I’m a dude, he’s a dude, she’s a dude, ’cause we’re all dudes, hey!
I also do this! But I have made a very specific point to try really hard to not say it to people I don’t really know, just in case they don’t like it. It very much does not always work.
But if I know you? Oh, you are always called dude. I call my girlfriend dude, my mom, my friends, EVERYONE is dude.
“Chief”, which seems to imply you respect them, but always manages to be condescending.
Oddly enough, we all call our boss that sometimes, and it sounds condescending, but manages to imply both respect and affection instead. It’s like magic.
It may be unique to South Dublin, but Chap is always a favourite of mine.
‘You alright there, Chap.’
Hun is another Dublin thing that can be nice, but is usually insulting. (A Hun is a very specific kind of Dublin Woman)
‘Here, did you see the state of that Hun in the club?’
(We’re not nice people in Dublin.)
My spouse is from South Dublin & he’s regularly called our sons chap / chappie / cheeky chappie.
Cheeky chappie!! I haven’t heard that in ages!
You haven’t been on my sofa recently, then. Alas.
‘Bud’ always seemed like a slightly threatening one to me. I mostly heard it used by bouncers.
“Sweetie.” Employed with just the right syrupy, condescending, sarcastic tone, it can put the recipient’s teeth right on edge.
Cafeteria ladies who call me “mija” are inexplicably annoying.
“Anything else, mija?”
I was going to say “Boyo,” but I’m pretty sure that’s never not sounded insulting and creepy.
Anytime a stranger calls me “friend” it creeps me out. It just feels wrong. Same goes with “cuz,” you aren’t my cousin.
I busted out “bruv” a few times after watching Attack The Block to the great consternation of everyone.
I caught bruv fever after watching Kingsman.
Chief.
As in, “Whoa, settle down there, chief.”
No one likes to be chiefed.
My (male) partner uses some of these on occasion when speaking to other men. It always sounds insulting to me, but he insists it is not meant that way. But really, are men just insulting each other all the time?
Pretty much. I would say my communications with many of my male friends are like 60% us insulting each other. There is an email thread that has been active between a group of us for…9ish years now? And it is all dudes and is just constant, blistering insults about everything.
“Young lady.” Sets my teeth on edge in even the most polite forms (“thank you young lady!”)
In the interest of full disclosure, I have been known to use “darling” when being intentionally condescending (ramping up the southern accent for full effect, of course).
GAWD. “Young lady” is the worst, especially if you aren’t one. “‘Young lady’ my ass!” as Maya Rudolph retorts in “A Very Murray Christmas.”
Anything that comes after “bless your heart.” Literally anything. It’s never a compliment.
“Bless your heart, darlin'” = you are dumb as a ROCK.
I am fascinated by the mechanics of “Bless your/their heart” because I was 18 when I moved down south and discovered that as long as the heart has been blessed, the speaker can proceed to say literally anything and get a free pass for it.
I dunno, my grandmother used to use it in all sincerity, no insult implied at all. But my grandmother was not overly inclined to insult someone even in couched language, so maybe that’s the difference. Goodness knows her daughter has no such qualms about just using ‘bless your heart’ as the opening to pretty much any outright insult (e.g., ‘bless his heart but he’s about stupid’).
I have delivered both the sincerest, deep-gut “oh, bless her heart” and the bitchiest, “well, bless her heart,” sometimes in the same day. It is all in inflection, tone and how much the other person knows about the drama, if any.
“Bless her mama’s heart” is never not insulting, however, unless you literally like her mama.
‘Buck’ as in ‘your time’s up Buck’
I work with someone who refers to me (and my female coworkers) as “girl.” I think he actually means it in a friendly way. It makes me furious. (I can’t wait until the day when I work up enough courage to start calling him “middle aged white man” in response.)
DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! Do it now, and report back right away. *chin cupped in hand*
I share an office with the World’s Worst Coworker — shockingly, a middle-aged white dude!!!!! — and I once overheard him on the phone refer to two of our female coworkers as “the girls.” I’m still surprised I didn’t just burst into flames right there at my desk.
I often refer to my dev team as The Boys, and every time I do it feels like a glorious bit of misandrist revenge for all the times a groups of women is referred to as girls or the girls
do it
do it
DO IT
A childhood of watching “The Music Man” makes me instantly assume anyone using “friend” this way is an amoral con man. I can hear Robert Preston delivering “Wherever the people are as green as the money… friend” every time.
SO ACCURATE. He’s so, so wonderfully slimy.
Aw, I used (and still do when occasion warrants) the term “kid” when working as a ski lift operator and the senior-aged skiers LOVED IT. As in “Okay, kids, here comes the (chair*) pony…giddy up!” Always got a laugh and it got to the point where they would shout out “Hey, your kids are here!” before even hitting the load line.
*For the younger crowd, the chair would turn into “the big banana” as in “howyadoin boys here comes the big banana” and THAT turned into a crowd favourite for some inexplicable reason.
YEAH, i totally call all of my customers kids. i’m younger than most of them.
“Hen”, addressed to a woman in Scotland. Still milder than when we call a man “pal” though. There’s nothing veiled about that in the auld country, it’s a declaration of war.
‘Easy now, tiger.’
‘Whoa, slow down champ.’
&
‘Where’s the fire, friend-o?”
In academic science land, if you call your colleague “Dr.” you are taking the piss out of them. As in, “Hey so I guess you meant to leave the incubator door open all night, eh *doctor*?”
i work at an academic publication where we call people “professor ___” in rejections. now i have a kneejerk negative reaction when students call me “professor ____.”
This holds true all over academic land. The most satisfying thing to say to end a conversation with someone who is Clearly Wrong is, “Well, of course you know best, Dr. Clearly Wrong!”
I am sure my professors have noticed the “ohSHIT” eyebrows that my friends and I make when they are Doctoring at each other, but it’s too funny to stop.
Inquiring minds wish to know: do you say “Doctor Clearly Wrong”, or “Doctor [Surname]”?
“Doctor [Surname],” but there is a sort of airy, nonchalant lilt to the “doctor” that makes it very obvious that one means “Doctor Clearly Wrong.”
Chummmmmmmp
I also love how in the UK parliament, MPs can make the words “my esteemed colleague” or “the honourable member from West Cuntingstone” sound like the most grievous insults.
tbh, the last one is, but with lots of extra letters thrown in for British misdirection.
Yeah, I was gonna say. That one’s not very veiled.
I used to LOVE watching Question Time for that reason.
we do this in law with “counsel,” with and without adjectives.
Robin Williams described the House of Commons as being “like Congress with a two drink minimum.”
GAL!
gal.
Big Guy
Chief
Chap
“My learned friend.” (for lawyers)
yesssssss the evil.
Meaning quite the opposite 😉
“dude” is basically punctuation for me! it’s a big big thing amongst twentysomethings on the west coast, unfortunately. also i NEVER call someone straight up “guy” but i do use it as a modifier for inanimate objects, like at work: “where’s that funnel guy?” or “can you run and grab me some more whiskey? but the wheat guy, not the rye guy.”
imo the more humphrey bogart a nickname sounds, ie “doll” or “dame” the more likely i am to let it slide. i did have a customer call me “babyface” last week, though, and i was so instantly full of rage that my soul almost left my body.
Questions about nicknames in general:
Is a man calling all other male family members- brothers, uncles, nephews, etc.- brother a Maine/New England regional thing, or is it just my strange strange family.
Follow up point- my friends and I once sent out a dorm wide email asking people what their dads call them. Surprisingly most people responded. A lot of kids, chiefs, and sons, but sadly no champs or sportsfans.
Could be more of a Maine thing, I don’t know about the whole of New England. I lived in eastern Massachusetts for about eight years and didn’t really hear it much. You do hear “kid” used in a similar way a lot out there though.
At my work there is a woman who calls all the other women either “Girly” or sometimes “Honey” and we all passionately hate it.
If you’re talking down to to a group of friends or family members, you can call them “team”, as in “all right, team, let’s get a move on!”
One of the principals I worked for used to do this, and it made my eye twitch every time.
I use bub, bro, Mister Man, and hon when being condescending.
Also, I’m never quite sure if it’s an insult, but I LOATHE when other women address me as girlie. Like “Hey, girlie, how ya doin?” UGH.
This is probably particular to church communities, but “sister” (as in, sister in Christ). But anyone who calls me sister, particularly if I don’t know them well or they clearly don’t know my name… just, no.
I don’t directly call people this, but I use the phrase “hard charger” which I picked up from Ze Frank’s internet show like 10 years ago, and no one ever knows what the hell I’m talking about. I’m not even sure what it means! But sometimes it’s just perfect, to describe someone who’s just way too gung-ho and intense.
I tend to call young children “Cutie” if I can’t remember their name. Also works on embarrassing teenage boys.
my mum has called me ‘boots’ all my life, which while not inherently rude, has always irritated me.
My mother addresses me almost exclusively as “girl” or “Ah Girl” (“ah” is like a marker of direct address in Cantonese). There are days when I genuinely wonder if she remembers my name.
What does it say about me that my immediate reaction to this was “Aw, just like Caligula!” ?
Pookie.
But only if someone REALLY pisses you off.
“Sunshine” is always used by people in my office to point out to me that I am in a bad mood. It is ONLY EVER employed in this context, and I sincerely want to punch each and every one of them whenever they say this.
My coworker used to do this when I came in to work in a bad mood (which was not infrequently, as I’m not a morning person). I never minded her calling me out on it, though, as she’s like a combination mom/no-nonsense aunt type to me, and it usually helped me adjust (or at least cover up) my mood a bit before I had to work with customers. I work in a different office from her now, but she’s still the best.
Pookie.
But only if you really want to fight.
Baby girl.
not a nickname, but the current state of “individual” is fascinating–it’s a word ostensibly meant to convey respect for someone’s freedom and self-determination, but has evolved to often convey distancing from someone (“i am calling this homeless man/person my religion frowns upon/threat to social order an ‘individual’ because part of me revolts at the thought of considering them a person”) and lack of respect for someone’s judgment (a soupcon of “go ahead, it’s your funeral”).
see: “gentleman”
In my former job, 95% of the people I dealt with were men, many of whom knew me back when I was a teen answering phones at the company, and saw no reason to stop calling me ‘sweetie’ or ‘hon’ just because I’d become one of the owners. I found that nothing disconcerts a contractor-type quite so much as a woman cheerfully calling him ‘sweetie’ like it is perfectly natural.
This may be why the woman who only calls her coworkers and suppliers ‘toots’ is my favorite side character I’ve ever written.
“Sports fans”.
“Pumpkin”. A colleague asked me, “Aw, are you ok, pumpkin?” when I came in a bit flustered one day. “Sweat pea” = also good.
And for some reason “ma’am” pisses me off more than anything ever, every time.
Where does the Anglo-Australian “mate” fit into this catalog?
The same place as c#@t I assume. I’m censoring for the benefit of non-Australasian people whom, I assume, never yell ‘OI C%*t!’ In exasperation let alone call someone a ‘GC’ (good c^*t) as praise.
I really love how it’s an ambivalent term – “he’s a good mate of mine” = “he’s a top bloke”, but used in the right tone of voice, “Look, MATE“… = punches will be thrown.
[edited for a missing apostrophe]
Does Einstein qualify?
Also Ferguson.
Smooth move, Ferguson!
That one almost sounds too affectionate
“Your Obedient Servant”
I want to add “Old Sport” because while Nick may find it endearing, I believe 83% of the time Gatsby just couldn’t remember his name, 12% of the time Gatsby was talking aloud to himself in Nicks presence.
When my babysitting charges get naughty, that’s when the “kiddos” start coming out.
I work in a call center part-time, and tend to get increasingly polite the more frustrated I get with aggressive customers. With abusive customers I can end up sounding like a turn-of-the-century English butler. I am now incapable of saying the words “sir” or “madam” without thinking “and fuck you right back, asshole”.
Same for me. When people are being rude I am much more likely to call them “Sir” (like the man who made me cry a few weeks into my new job recently!).
I don’t know if this is a specifically Northern Californian thing, but there is definitely a certain intonation of “dude” that can be interpreted as “you are my best friend and I am so excited to see you because I love you more than I love most of my family members.” There is also an intonation of “dude” that is commonly interpreted as “oh, wow… I hope you die in a dark pit with a multitude of snakes.”
Dude.
In Northern California, that word in varying inflection can comprise an entire conversation.
“Dude!”
“Dude!”
“Dude?”
“Dude…. dude.”
“Dude?!”
“Dude!”
“Dooooood!”
“Dude.”
A coworker recently called me “Slugger”, which kind of fits in alongside these, except instead it made me feel quietly delighted–and more human than usual.
Since becoming visibly pregnant, hella old-man co-workers like to call me “Mom” which is not exactly in line with this post but still a hated moniker.
Also when I first started work here one dude took to calling me “little miss” which at least he stopped when I said “that’s DOCTOR little miss to you”
I’m from NZ and in a small town/Maori culture way ‘Aunty’ becomes a term of affectionate repect. As in my mum has been Aunty Firstname to everyone in town for a few years regardless of the age or relationship of the speaker.
Oh, cool, that’s an Australian Indigenous thing too. Like “Aunty Kath will now give the Welcome to Country.”
I’m a big fan of “WELL darling….”
I’m getting a lot of Young Lady recently (WHY?! I AM CLEARLY NEITHER)
I could almost respect that level of shade if I wasn’t too busy setting them on fire with my mind.
I actually have no problem with diminutives or such in certain parts of the country. When I’m out west, things like “sweetheart” “darlin” “honey” just seem normal by now. In fact, if I don’t hear it, I worry I did something wrong. That said, the second I hear them out east, I want to punch throats, so that their throats hurt too much to say it again.
Regardless, I hate “love.” Especially when Americans say that. You can only get away with it if you are Spike from Buffy, otherwise you just sound like a pretentious douche-nozzle.
“Kid”. Just today I, an adult woman, was given a “Thanks Kid!” via FB from some man I have never met. I replied: “…who’s Kid?”
“my dear friend” (mein lieber freund) is pretty hostile in german. Like in, “my dear friend, one more word and i will upend this bowl of sauerkraut”.
I posit that all regional variations of bird-themed nicknames are completely incomprehensible to anyone not from that region.
Case in point: my mum calls me ‘chicken’ but if I call anyone else that, they’re totally baffled.
My favourite passive-aggressive snidey thing to call people is ‘champ’ although I think it’s a little too obvious that someone who calls you champ probably hates you.
I hate “kiddo” Also, as a wheelchair user, the next person who calls me a variation on “speedy” or “wheels” is going to get their foot crushed.
I’m a big fan of “sir,” or “ma’am,” or “gentleman” when I’m 2460% done, as in “uh, sir, why are you parked there?” “ma’am, you need to stop,” and “so this gentleman on a bicycle has some interesting ideas about traffic flow.” I feel like I 80% of the time use the word “interesting” to mean “baffling and/or obnoxious.”
Conversely, I use “nice lady” in a completely genuine way and my friends and I routinely greet each other with variations on “hello friend.”
When I went to PT as a kid, the convention was to call the PTs Miss Firstname so when all of my college professors invited me to call them by their first names, it took them another whole semester to break me of calling them “Miss Lucy” and “Miss Emily” etc.
Wheels, Ontario. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NnB3LIzD_LI
Somebody yelled at me as I was jogging, “Way to go, Pops!” I wanted to pop him one.
I only use “ma’m” as an insult.
The thing about ‘mate’ that is confusing is that a few men of my acquaintance use it sincerely with people they are close to eg to congratulate them or offer condolences they feel awkward about. But the rest of the time it’s patronising or threatening. I really can’t get my head around it.
I served an old man at work the other day who called me “flower” – it did put my hackles up as all overly-familiar endearments from clients do, but I thought it was a bit nicer than love/darling etc. I reserve “good sir” for animals… if a dog is jumping up at me or a horse is using me as a scratching post they normally get “sir! good sir! please desist!” (which inevitably makes them all happy and more boisterous)
“Lady” is never said without exasperation.
Now, now, dear.
Older Female Relative has started adding “Prince” or “Princess” to the names of all the children she’s related to. As they age they become “Miss” or “Master” +name. It’s super aggravating.
She uses it on adults sometimes too and it’s hard to see it as anything but infantilising from her.
Lady is the worst. I get all Julianne Moore in Magnolia inside. Dear just causes nausea and immediate termination of conversation.
My (four-year-old) son pointed out to me the other day that, when ordering for him in restaurants, I always call him “young man” (as in “and this young man will have tater tots”). It is literally the only time I use that phrase to refer to him, and also 100% the only context in which a mom saying it doesn’t mean someone is in serious trouble (“YOUNG MAN, WHERE ARE MY TATER TOTS”).
Virgil Malloy: Watch it, bud.
Turk Malloy: Who you calling bud, pal?
Virgil Malloy: Who you calling pal, friend?
Turk Malloy: Who you calling friend, jackass?!
Virgil Malloy: Don’t call me a jackass.
Turk Malloy: I just did call you a jackass.
FACT: All small children of 40-something dads in Park Slope, Brooklyn are named “Buddy.” Or at least I assume that from all the “Hey, Buddy!” I hear deployed on the streets/in stores and restaurants as their wee sons careen into my shins with their Razor scooters.
FACT: All small children of 40-something dads in Park Slope, Brooklyn are named "Buddy." Or at least I assume that from all the "Hey, Buddy!" I hear deployed on the streets/in stores and restaurants as their wee sons careen into my shins with their Razor scooters.
My three-year-old nephew has recently learned the word "buddy" and is now using it as a blanket name substitute for anyone around him at any time. It's probably the only time I will ever accept this as endearing and is especially funny when he's standing at the top of the stairs yelling "BUDDY! HEY BUDDY!" down until at least one of us answers.
My daughter's daycare teacher calls them "buddy" sometimes and the other day my daughter "buddy"d me but (presumably inadvertently) used really hilarious, sarcastic intonation. Nothing like being told "Thank you, BUDDY" when you hand a 2-year-old her bowl of peas.
The one I can’t stand is “ma’am”. It’s reflexively insulting. Especially in scenarios like dealing with a snippy telephone banker. “As I just explained to you, ma’am…”
*shudders*
Another one: Mister. “Listen, Mister…”
In Oz "shag" = to copulate so………. I suspect he was calling everyone a f*&ker…… 😉
I am non-binary trans, but I get read as FtM a lot. Had a cismale gay friend call me his “Malebox”. 😐
“Girl”, especially from coworkers. I hit puberty 20 years ago, thanks.