[Originally.]
Oh my God, Jenny, you’re such a mystery
You like money and making out both, which is wild.
Just straight-up nuts. You’re asleep, almost as if
you were tired or something. Maybe tired from your lifestyle
of Doing It. Which is your job, Doing It, for money.
I wonder which one you’re dreaming about
doing it or money, that is.
Sometimes flowers die, Jen. They die!!!
Like: they were beautiful yesterday, and then,
BLAMMO: torn and bare. Jen does that remind you of anything.
Jenny, full of grace…like Mary
I described you the way we describe the Virgin Mary,
I don’t know if you get it, I mean, you can’t
(you’re asleep) but when you wake up, I’ll tell you
and then you’ll get it, or I’ll tell you how to get it,
You’ll wake up and get it, is what I’m saying.
Imagine, someone describing you the way they do when they’re praying.
Wild stuff. But I’m open-minded like that.
Because you’re both women, you know? Only
one is a virgin and one is a whore,
which are different.
But similar too, in some ways. What a dichotomy!
Jenny my room has more books in it than your room
Jenny in some ways it’s almost like
YOU’RE a book
and I’m always reading you. You know?
also, I can see your boobs right now, I’m pretty sure
and like a good three-quarters of a nipple through your shirt.
I wonder if you’re dreaming about how nice it is
that I’m letting you sleep right now. I bet that’s what you’re dreaming about, probably, because everyone’s a real dick to you about sex work, except for me. You probably like being asleep because no one is mean to you there. You’re welcome, Jen!
Here’s some ways flowers make me think about sex.
Oh my God, Jenny, did you know that you sleep the way all women sleep?
like
holy shit
what if other women did things the way you did
not just sleeping I mean
no Jenny I’m serious
like I have a cousin who’s a woman
idk if you knew that
Jesus.
really makes u think
also: what if the sun turned into a goblin
It’s such a riddle, how other women probably don’t like you
like if you were a dead flower, or a toad trapped inside a rock
ohhh my God, Jenny, I can’t wait for you
to wake up so I can tell you all the stuff I was thinking about you while you were asleep.
[Image via]
I once misguidedly took a module which had a lot of Swinburne and this shit and it was so so boring I still get occasional flashbacks so thanks for that.
I hate this poem so much. I hate it even more than ‘If’. I HATE IT.
Lazy, laughing, languid Jenny
aaaargh why can I still remember the line
Because alliteration is the tits.
As is your username.
Tits which we can totally see, Jenny, it’s amazing.
omg lizzie sidds your name made my day
Man alive, you’ve really tripped my inner undergraduate switch with this one
I had not read the poem and I was 99 percent sure “Jenny” was a late-90s alternative rock song, probably by Ben Folds, or maybe Third Eye Blind. As in, I felt like I could remember the words if I thought hard enough.
Oh boy I am HERE for pre-raphaelite misogynist bullshit!
THIS IS PERFECT, that is all
You know she’s faking. She’s lying there with her eyes closed thinking please don’t wake me up, please don’t talk, oh god how much longer will he stay, he’s making poetry again isn’t he, will morning never come?
If I open my eyes, he’s gonna play Wonderwall at me I just fucking know it.
oh good gravy
I read this in Forrest Gump’s voice.
JENNNAAAAAYYY.
I went straight to Flight of the Conchords:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mlYkIJVguCU
” I can’t wait for you
to wake up so I can tell you all the stuff I was thinking about you while you were asleep.”
Every single work of literature by men since the dawn of time
I like how at the bottom of the Poetry Foundation page there is a little link to (and I quote) “Report a problem with this poem.”
So many problems.
I know the toast dot net’s misandry is seeping into my bones, because when I clicked over to the Poetry Foundation page and saw the wall of text of Thoughts: By, A Man that comprises the original poem, I said “Oh hell no” out loud to my cup of coffee and closed the tab. If some dipshit wants me to read a thousand words of his meandering self-centered thoughts about his opinions on femininity, I’ll bill it out at $400/hr. Fuck that noise, I’m so tired of it.
Ok but it is totally worth it to read it as though he is a deleted Toast commenter. Especially since way more people read “Goblin Market,” which is basically his sister’s takedown of this poem.
On second thought, just read “Goblin Market.”
Really, this can be extended to “just read Christina Rossetti’s work instead, it’s way better.”
OH MY GOD THIS IS AMAZING. And is basically my tone when I teach this poem.
I think you might have missed a part, though:
So like wouldn’t it be amazing if a virgin-lady could be your friend? But yeah haha what was I thinking, you are basically a crushed up flower in a porno book, right? And virgin-ladies can’t read porno books, so… My bad.
A superior version and my tfriends be, of course. 😉
A superior version and my tone, of course.
I actually taught this poem just last semester as part of a course on gender in British history (paired with Goblin Market, because Christina is 100% better than Dante), and this is so accurate I can’t even.
more like dante gabriel BROssetti, amirite
*fist bump*
Aaah, Rossetti, such a creeper.
Is this one of the poems he took out of Lizzie’s grave? Shoulda left it there.
Poor Jane Morris!
You might say you’ve…
[sunglasses]
…got her number.
YEAHHHHHHH
Man, not even looking like Aidan Turner is enough to make up for this poem. Jesus, Dante.
I don’t know, looking like Aidan Turner covers a freaking multitude of sins, you know 😉
To reference other Mallory:
… the prostitute had read his manifesto, why couldn’t She?
Spot on!
‘Fond of a kiss and fond of a guinea’
I suppose you might need the guinea for food or something,
I don’t know. I’m indifferent to grubby money.
Did this start to sound like “If Jenny were your girlfriend” to anyone else?
If Jenny were your girlfriend, you’d describe her the way we describe the Virgin Mary. She would get it when she woke up.
Thanks to this series, I’m now reading more Pretentious Dude Poetry than I have since high school.
I am such a child of the 80’s. My brain really want to remember the original as:
Lazy, laughing, languid Jenny,
You don’t know me, but you make me so happy.
Is it just me or does that whole thing really unravel in the first stanza when he goes all sideways with his rhyme scheme? Daintier/hair, incomparable/tell? NO those are NOT RHYMING WORDS. If you can’t even get out of the first stanza with a reasonable grasp on your couplets, I am certainly not going to follow you through the next 53.
Duuuuuude, SHUT UP, no one wants to hear about your sad sad situation.