Wuthering Heights is the story of a group of people who eat the most miserable meals imaginable, and cannot experience love as a result. Sometimes they have tea, but more often they are merely offered it, and decide they are too furious to have tea, and die instead. Here is every meal the characters of Wuthering Heights almost eat before being interrupted by sex-rage and dying.

Almost-Mulled Wine And Laughter, But Don’t Get Used To It
“She brought me some warm wine and gingerbread, and appeared exceedingly good-natured, and Linton sat in the arm-chair, and I in the little rocking chair on the hearth-stone, and we laughed and talked so merrily, and found so much to say: we planned where we would go, and what we would do in summer.”

The Smell Of Spices And The Promise Of Future Beer
“I smelt the rich scent of the heating spices; and admired the shining kitchen utensils, the polished clock, decked in holly, the silver mugs ranged on a tray ready to be filled with mulled ale for supper.”

Almost Enough Cake
“There’s a little cake for each of you, nearly enough.”

Literally A Spoonful Of Wine And A Compliment
“He bid her add a spoonful of wine from a bottle on the table; and having swallowed a small portion, appeared more tranquil, and said she was very kind.”

Candy And Apathy
“Linton lay on the settee, sole tenant, sucking a stick of sugar-candy, and pursuing my movements with apathetic eyes.”

A Little Wine
“I gave her a little wine.”

Angry Breakfast
“‘And my money,’ she continued; returning his angry glare, and meantime biting a piece of crust, the remnant of her breakfast.”

Almost Not Crying Long Enough To Have A Bite Of Goose
“I waited behind her chair, and was pained to behold Catherine, with dry eyes and an indifferent air, commence cutting up the wing of a goose before her. ‘An unfeeling child,’ I thought to myself; ‘how lightly she dismisses her old playmate’s troubles. I could not have imagined her to be so selfish.’ She lifted a mouthful to her lips: then she set it down again: her cheeks flushed, and the tears gushed over them. She slipped her fork to the floor, and hastily dived under the cloth to conceal her emotion.”

Cold-Hand Bread
‘Come now,’ I exclaimed, pushing some bread against his hand, ‘eat and drink that, while it is hot: it has been waiting near an hour.’

No-Hand Bread
“I vainly reminded him of his protracted abstinence from food: if he stirred to touch anything in compliance with my entreaties, if he stretched his hand out to get a piece of bread, his fingers clenched before they reached it, and remained on the table, forgetful of their aim.”

Basin Tea And Dirty Bread
‘The clown at my elbow, who is drinking his tea out of a basin and eating his bread with unwashed hands, may be her husband.’

A Tray Someone Looked At But Didn’t Want
“Joseph rattled some fire into the shovel, and went: but he brought it back immediately, with the supper-tray in his other hand, explaining that Mr. Heathcliff was going to bed, and he wanted nothing to eat till morning.”

Porridge Someone Put Their Hand In
“The contents of the pan began to boil, and he turned to plunge his hand into the bowl; I conjectured that this preparation was probably for our supper, and, being hungry, I resolved it should be eatable; so, crying out sharply, ‘I’ll make the porridge!’”

Beer With, I Guess, Oatmeal In It? Was That A Thing? The Thing That’s ‘Bristling’ Is The Quart Of Ale, Not The Table, Right?
“Joseph seemed sitting in a sort of elysium alone, beside a roaring fire; a quart of ale on the table near him, bristling with large pieces of toasted oat-cake.”

Drinking Tea From A Plate
“At first she sat silent; but that could not last: she had resolved to make a pet of her little cousin, as she would have him to be; and she commenced stroking his curls, and kissing his cheek, and offering him tea in her saucer, like a baby.”

It Just Sucked, I Will Not Be More Specific
“I made a somewhat cheerless meal, and bade adieu early.”

The Promise Of As Many Apples As Can Fit In A Man’s Pocket So At Most Three
“He promised to bring me a pocketful of apples and pears, and then he kissed his children, said good-bye, and set off.”

A Milk Jug What’s Had Lips On It
“It was rather a rough mess, I own, when poured into the basins; four had been provided, and a gallon pitcher of new milk was brought from the dairy, which Hareton seized and commenced drinking and spilling from the expansive lip. I expostulated, and desired that he should have his in a mug; affirming that I could not taste the liquid treated so dirtily.”

Shan’t Porridge
“While he was speaking, Joseph returned bearing a basin of milk-porridge, and placed it before Linton: who stirred round the homely mess with a look of aversion, and affirmed he could not eat it.”

Nope
“I can’t eat my dinner.”

Neither Of These Things Are Food, Though
“‘Don’t mention his mother to me,’ said the master, angrily. ‘Get him something that he can eat, that’s all. What is his usual food, Nelly?’

I suggested boiled milk or tea; and the housekeeper received instructions to prepare some.”

And Yet More No
‘I wouldn’t eat or drink here, if I were starving.’

I Don’t Know What That Is But It Is Obviously Terrible Based On Context Clues
“He told me to let her live on whey and water-gruel.”

Uuuuughhhh
“The meal hardly endured ten minutes. Catherine’s cup was never filled: she could neither eat nor drink. Edgar had made a slop in his saucer, and scarcely swallowed a mouthful.”

Not-Wine
“‘Take a glass of wine?’

‘No, thank you.’”

Dry Toast Followed By Passing Out
“I kept it to myself and brought her some tea and dry toast. She ate and drank eagerly, and sank back on her pillow again.”

No Cheese And Also No Cake
“His cake and cheese remained on the table all night for the fairies.”

Being Locked In An Attic
“Send him into the garret till dinner is over.”

Fruit-Induced Frustration
“He jumped at the fruit; I raised it higher.”

Murder Formula
“You’re to nurse it, Nelly: to feed it with sugar and milk, and take care of it day and night.”

Ice Water And Fury
“‘How long is it since I shut myself in here?’ she asked, suddenly reviving.

‘It was Monday evening,’ I replied, ‘and this is Thursday night, or rather Friday morning, at present.’

‘What! of the same week?’ she exclaimed. ‘Only that brief time?’

‘Long enough to live on nothing but cold water and ill-temper,’ observed I.”

Why Bother
“Nelly, there is a strange change approaching; I’m in its shadow at present. I take so little interest in my daily life that I hardly remember to eat and drink.”

I Said I Didn’t Want Anything
“As she never offered to descend to breakfast next morning, I went to ask whether she would have some carried up. ‘No!’ she replied, peremptorily. The same question was repeated at dinner and tea.”

Hallucinations
“Afterwards, she refused to eat, and now she alternately raves and remains in a half dream; knowing those about her, but having her mind filled with all sorts of strange ideas and illusions.”

Death Singing
“From dinner to tea she would lie in her breeze-rocked cradle, doing nothing except singing old songs.”

An Actual Just Straight-Up Curse
‘Oh, I hope you’ll die in a garret, starved to death!’