This Classic Toast Post originally ran on Apr 15, 2015.

9:17 am: Sleep with a source.

10:00 am: Sleep with my boss.

10:58 am: Find a powder-blue Oxford shirt that doesn’t quite button up over my breasts. Buy eight.

11:13 am: Internet.

11:45 am: Cultivate moxie, “stick-to-itive-ness.”

12:11 pm: Return to source’s house for more sex/to steal the incriminating book he keeps locked in his nightstand.

1:03 pm: Naked interview.

1:36 pm: Refuse to perform on-air puff piece about a cat show, demand to be allowed to tag along on big story; decide to strike out on my own and get to the bottom of things after being rebuffed.

2:27 pm: Sex on newsdesk.

3:00 pm: Sabotage source’s career in order to get the big scoop after sleeping with him one last time.

3:02 pm: Stare expressionlessly at computer monitor as if to say, “What have I done?”

4:15 pm: Publish big scoop, receive “well done” from boss I am sleeping with, whose approval I am no longer sure I want.

4:51 pm: Sex in press room during office party. Feels hollow, somehow.

5:39 pm: Return to source’s house for a quick round of hate-sex and then to help him find redemption. Together we’re going to find an even bigger scoop. And then I’m going to have sex with that scoop.