Two Medieval Monks Invent Horses and Armed Warfare -The Toast

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MONK #1: traditionally, what do horses eat
MONK #2: traditionally? roofs
roofs, all kinds
MONK #1: and their faces are typically
MONK #2: human eyes and human faces stretched into a long horse oval, yep



MONK #1: horses are also mostly the size of dogs right
MONK #2: mm
but only if they’re facing backwards
MONK #1: which one
the dog-horse
or the horse-dog
MONK #2: oh it’s neither of both
MONK #1: ok thanks



MONK #1: okay but if there’s not a dog around, how big are horses
MONK #2: well that depends
are they going uphill or downhill
MONK #1: one of each
MONK #2: okay then however the size of whatever’s riding them is what size they are
MONK #1: thanks
MONK #2: also they have the same facial expression as whatever’s riding them, it helps them concentrate



MONK #2: when it comes to drawing a knight on horseback
just remember two simple artistic principles and you’ll never go wrong
1. no knees
2. pointed beak-feet
MONK #1: okay
MONK #2: if you have trouble remembering that
just remember how once you get on a horse your knees disappear
MONK #1: right
MONK #2: and your feet turn into claws
and that should help you remember
MONK #1: right right
MONK #2: also it’s VERY appropriate and good to bring a baby with a full head of hair to a battle



MONK #1: horses are how much just blanket?
MONK #2: mostly blanket, maybe 90%
or a cape or a gown if you can’t find one



MONK #2: also to make war more interesting a lot of people like to make sure their horses are blind before they get started
MONK #1: really?
MONK #2: just cover their eyes up with gold or blood or anything



MONK #1: where does the violin go
MONK #2: mm?
MONK #1: when two knights battle one another, where do you put the violin
MONK #2: over whoever is getting stabbed the most
MONK #1: really
not on the other one?
MONK #2: no
that one gets the cat



MONK #1: how about one-on-one combat, how does that work
MONK #2: one of you breathes fire but mostly you just talk it out


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