Dog.
While I was traveling recently, my husband started chatting with another woman, which eventually led to him sending a nude pic of himself. The woman had asked him to download an app that essentially stole all his phone contacts. She told him to send money and threatened to send his picture to his contacts if he didn’t comply. He reported this to the police, and the next day she sent his photo to several people, including my mother and his boss. He is completely humiliated and in shock. I know he is a victim here, and I want to support him, but a part of me is livid that he got involved in an intimate chat with a strange woman online. I feel like he cheated on me, even if there was no physical contact involved. It is hard to describe how betrayed I feel, but I can’t talk to him about it while he is dealing with such a public humiliation. How do we deal with this in our marriage? Do I let it go, demand counseling—what?
It’s my site and I can link to two Prudies in one day if I want to:
Q. Husband’s inappropriate jokes: Please don’t judge—my husband came home early unexpectedly one afternoon, and my boyfriend went out of the window through the balcony to try to make an exit. He ended up falling from the apartment and was hospitalized. My boyfriend also has a wife, and I have no idea what his medical progress is or what is happening with him. The story made local news—about a naked man falling out of the apartment and injuring himself. My husband, who thinks it happened from a neighbor’s apartment, keeps making vile jokes about the incident (his sense of humor is usually quite dark). It is like a fresh knife through my heart each time I hear him casually joke about my injured boyfriend. I have asked him to stop, but he thinks it’s hilarious. He has told his friends and family about it with me within earshot. I don’t want to make a huge deal out of this, but it hurts a lot, not to mention that I can’t believe my husband makes light of another man’s serious accident. What’s a subtle way to get him to stop?
A: My God, of course I’m going to judge you. What a strange request.
I do not acknowledge any remake of Pete’s Dragon, this is Pete’s Dragon, and that is Helen Reddy, and the dragon should look fake and ridiculous:
Adolescence, pen pals, and the Manson Girls:
One August, I drove six hours south from Sonoma County to see the place where the girls had lived. The drive took me past the apocalyptic wind farms and down the bleached interstate, the exits littered with tomatoes that fall from the produce trucks. The ranch was ten miles outside of Los Angeles, in the commuter town of Chatsworth. I had to call my sister on the phone to give me directions to the place.
“Spahn,” I said. “Spahn Movie Ranch.” I heard her typing. “Wait, it’s loading,” she said. “It’s Santa Susanna Pass Road—” I found the place, across from a grim, corporate-looking Baptist church and adjacent to a baseball field. When I pulled my truck over, I saw the field was dotted with uniformed boys in the middle of a game, their avid parents watching from the low bleachers. What was this place I was going, my sister wanted to know. I told her it was where Charles Manson had lived with his followers.
Sarah Hepola is on her second week of doing “Ask a Former Drunk” over at Jezebel, and I think it’s really good and even-handed, as was her book (this is her responding to a woman who thinks she has a drinking problem, but knows her husband will blow off her concerns about it):
I’ve heard so many stories about couples that drink together. Sometimes the alcohol is what keeps them bonded, and sometimes the alcohol is what tears them apart. (Often both.) It’s hard to see exactly how the alcohol is functioning until you remove it, and examine the relationship on its own terms. I wonder if this is what your husband fears — that removing alcohol will disrupt a dynamic that feels cozy to him. These are not low stakes. I’ve seen sobriety end marriages, although I’ve also seen sobriety save marriages. It sounds like quitting drinking will make YOU happier, but it will make HIM less happy. That’s tough. Although I would gently suggest that neither you nor your husband really have any idea what removing alcohol from your life will do. You are operating on assumptions and Hollywood stereotypes and fear, like most humans when confronted with change. I swear half my conversations with drinkers are like, “I have to change!” and the other half are like, “I don’t want to change!” And sometimes the same person is saying both.
Lab-grown diamonds are about to take off in a major way, and De Beers is shitting itself:
Official numbers are hard to come by, though there have been some speculating reports. According to Bloomberg, 360,000 carats of lab-growns were made in 2014; research firm Frost & Sullivan believes the demand will jump to 20 million carats by 2026.
In addition to synthetic diamonds’ lower price point, some consumers are drawn to the stones for ethical reasons. Accusations of exploitation and inhumane working conditions in mines cast a dark shadow over the diamond industry. Mining is also said to be devastating to the environment, due to the amount of energy it requires, the potential for chemical leaks, and the harmful effects that removing large amounts of earth has on local ecosystems.
Even with the implementation of a system like the Kimberley Process, a certification program established in 2003 that requires governments to verify that the diamonds they export are conflict-free, Diamond Foundry founder and CEO Martin Roscheisen says the mined diamond industry is one that has almost zero accountability.
ooh, this is a thorny one, also, I would want to know HOW you know they are having an affair (nothing short of “one of them told me” is acceptable if you’re gonna blow up their spot – the OP confirms in the comments that she heard directly from one of the affair partners, FYI):
Two colleagues (“Chris” and “Jamie”) are having an affair, and have been for several years. They’re both married. Only a few people know (I think), and I haven’t heard anyone gossiping about it.
But now, Jamie’s up for a promotion that would make Jamie a C-level exec and Chris’s boss. I don’t work directly with either of them, but this seems like a terrible idea. It would technically put Chris’s spouse in Jamie’s reporting line. We’re also a large employer in a small town. If things blow up, it will have a real impact on the company’s reputation. We’re already just getting over a low-key sexual harassment scandal from a few years ago.
What’s my responsibility here? I don’t want to gossip, but Jamie’s well-liked and -respected and has a good shot at getting this promotion if no one says anything (and I could even support that if I wasn’t worried about the potential fallout from the affair). If I need to say anything, who do I say it to? The search chair? HR? Chris and/or Jamie?
I did see this article, but I’m in a different position — I’m not making the hiring decision. I’d say I’m roughly equal in the hierarchy, in a very different function.
LOVED this feature on the creator of UnREAL, which also confirmed all my suspicions about exactly how accurate its depiction of reality TV production is:
“The night they were going to get dumped, I would go to the hotel room where they were staying and say, ‘I’m going to lose my job for telling you this, but he’s going to pick you—he’s going to propose,’ ” Shapiro said. After the contestant left the set, disconsolate, Shapiro joined her in a limousine while the stereo played a song that the contestant had been primed to see as “ ‘their song’ for their love story with the Bachelor.” Shapiro kept jalapeños or lemons hidden in her jacket pocket—dabbing something acidic in her eye allowed her to cry on cue, which helped elicit tears from the contestant. “I’d have arranged with the driver to have the song play just until I got a shot of her crying—then cut the music so I could start the interview,” Shapiro explained. “They’d often tell us to drive up and down the 405 until the girls cried—and not to come home if we didn’t get tears, because we’d be fired.” In hindsight, Shapiro said, being fired “would have been a great solution to my problems.”
A quick housekeeping note! IntenseDebate has always had this feature where if someone reports a comment (for spam or grossness), it goes into moderation, I get an email about it, which I either ignore (if it’s something like “crude language!”) or respond “delete” to, which automatically deletes it. But since IntenseDebate is no longer really maintaining itself, apparently that feature broke about a month ago. I had been confused, because I’ve gotten emails once or twice like “a lot of people reported this comment and nothing happened” and I’m like “but I responded ‘delete’ right away!”
What this means in practice is just that reported comments won’t go anywhere until I am physically in front of a real computer, and also that we may have to lock comments once the site ends, which I had hoped not to do (we will obviously open them when new things are posted.) But I’m going to talk to Marco about our options there!
Oh goodness that first Prudie letter! I would be livid.
Also, I tried a thing this order weekend where I mashed up Hamilton lyrics and Bible stories under #hamible. I came up with about 10, but it feels like something Toasties might have more ideas for. I’m particularly proud of this one. http://twitter.com/christinaemoss/status/74182020…
I am really having a hard time picking which “Dear Prudie” letter-writer is worse. They are both terrible stories. +10 points to Mallory for use of “What a strange request.”
Your #Hamible are all so good!
Just off the top of my head…
David and Goliath: “I am not throwing away my shot!”
God in Genesis: “Every action’s an act of creation!” (almost too easy!)
Moses: “Legacy. What is a legacy? It’s planting seeds in a garden you never get to see.”
I love them! The Moses one is especially brilliant
For some reason, the image of God, alone in the void, getting all pumped up and shouting “I’m smashing every expectation! Every action’s an act of creation!” while furiously creating the universe is hilarious to me.
I stand with you in solidarity on the very important Pete’s Dragon issue.
I think one of the things I’m going to miss most about the Toast is Nicole’s editorial asides. They are biting and delightful and I’m not on Twitter, so that will suck for me.
Are any of the Toast Overladies on Instagram? I like Instagram. Twitter frightens me.
I’m on instagram at lastprettygirl, but are you in the Toastie Slack chat? You might enjoy that and be less frightened! There’s always Toasties in there chatting and we have a ton of different channels for numerous topics (including a link roundup channel!).
I’m not! I’m tempted to join, but I’m not a huge comment anyway (although increasingly, of late). But I do like reading the comments.
How do I join the Slack, again?
It’s nice even just to read through, tbh, without commenting. There’s a lot of great discussions and stories and links. To get access you can email ppyajunebug (at) gmail!
I’m on instagram (annecara)!
I’m on instagram as mshuntingcreek if you enjoy dog, cat, and flower/cookie pictures
Oh man, mine are like 95% knitting pictures and any cats that I can find (none of which are mine).
I am on Instagram crescentmelissa, and also on Slack! Slack is excellent.
I am! Would love to see a little toast instagram community pop up, the way it seems to have on twitter!
I’m @emilykpowers
me too! I just looked you up but it isn’t coming up? I have #Toastie in my bio to help other Toasties differentiate me from a rando.
I’m on Instagram! My personal account is hot_doom and my “fun” account is shoes_and_booze. It’s literally pictures of me drinking booze with some fun shoes. COME AT ME BROS!
I’m on Instagram too! @goonerkate (it’s mostly records,food,movies,and outfits)
Also on IG, @ladyfreelove – nature and my cat and anything I find funny and my friends and family. I don’t know, it’s fun and it makes me happy!
I’m on Instagram as HieuzOn1st, but there’s very little commentary, mostly pics of 1) my cats, 2) my husband, and, in a distant 3) Baltimore and what I see on a day to day basis.
It’s mostly 85% cats. I should’ve just made IG accounts for them.
That is such an amazing name.
instagram is also my favorite social media. i’m amoc419. it’s 90% things i cook for dinner, 5% pictures of my bookshelves, and 5% misc.
um I just looked you up and your food pictures are amazing, so I followed you and also I am now hungry
There’s an instagram column on the Toast Connections Spreadsheet
You are always there when we need you! xoxoxo
I’m on Instagram as physicistic!
I’m breakdownhat on instagram.
I’m on Instagram! [email protected], it’s mostly my artwork so if you like horses and whatnot, welcome aboard!
Nicole’s Twitter is chockablock with fantastic asides! It might be an inducement for you to join #ToastieTwitter! She is my best resource for appalling r/relationship posts.
Instagram: edub19711
I’m a gemologist so there’s lots of pictures of jewelry and gemstones! So the lab grown diamond article was very apt-
I’m on there as faye.up.north. I don’t post super often, and it’s generally either travel photos or dogs, with the occasional flowers or alaska-life.
Your sweater in your avatar is awesome. I just finished knitting a lopapeysa a few weeks ago. Which is perfect for DC.
Thank you! I wish I had the attention to detail and stick-to-it-iveness required for knitting anything more than a plain scarf. We had just bought these the day before at Vik Wool, and we were being super dorky tourists.
See, I find you need more stick-to-it-ivness for a plain scarf, because I find them more boring and I get distracted so I knit pretty, more complex things. I’ll never quite forget the time I knit 12 6′ long scarves in a month. It did make me really good at garter stitch, though.
And I am so envious that you can wear those sweaters regularly. It’s too hot here, really even in the winter (for me! I prefer the cold by a large margin.)
That is one of the decided advantages of living in the Far North! Sweater season is a solid nine months long.
I’m from the continental far north! I grew up in Northern New Hampshire and moved to DC a couple of years ago and the summers here make me weep and long for the cold.
A friend of mine is moving to Alaska next month and I cannot wait to visit her.
It is really great! I moved here from Maine (which I also miss like crazy) and the thought of living in any place that isn’t either north of, or at least adjacent to, the Canadian border just horrifies me. The heat! The humidity! The number of people! HOW DO YOU LIVE?
I spend June through October just consistently angry. I also just refuse to go outside. I’m knitting another sweater right now and I just sit in front of the air conditioner and knit. And then I angrily drink wine. I’m going to Massachusetts in August for a bachelorette and I’m hoping to use that as an opportunity to go up to northern NH for a week and hide out at my parents’ house and go swimming in mountain stream fed lakes and go up Mt. Washington where it is always cold.
Gosh I hate summer.
I am at @cartoonminie, which is 99% my dog and 1% my dog and me. I like to fill my feed with Toasties, dogs, and dogs of Toasties.
I’m on Instagram as ‘ser.duncan’. Well, my dog is on Instagram and I make an occasional appearance.
Today in (Feminist) History! [Archive]
There was nothing extra special enough for a long post today, so here are a few smaller ones:
• On this day in 1878 was the birth of Margaret Abbott, the first woman to win first place in an Olympic event when she won the women’s golf tournament. The year she participated, 1900, was the first year that women were allowed to compete– but only in ‘ladylike’ sports such as tennis, yachting, and golf. The Olympics were so disorganized that year that many competitors didn’t even realize that their events were actually part of the Olympics; in fact, Margaret herself never knew she had won an Olympic event, as the tournament she played in wasn’t established as officially part of those Olympics until after her death.
• On this day in 1920, was the birth of Amy Clampitt, an American poet and author. She was born to Quaker parents, and studied at the American Academy of Arts, and Grinnell College. She was not published as a poet until 1978, when she was 58 years old. She went on to publish her first full-length collection, The Kingfisher in 1983 (aged 63), and would eventually publish several more books of poetry. Her last book, A Silence Opens, was published in 1994, the year she died. Just a year or so before she was diagnosed with cancer, however, Amy won the MacArthur Foundation’s “genius grant”, and used the money to buy a small clapboard house. Not wanting the house to be broken up upon her death, her husband promised it would always be theirs and that he’d keep it safe. After her death (and before his own in 2001) her husband came up with the idea for a fund to benefit poets and literary artists. Since 2003, that little house has been a part of that dream, offering “Clampitt Residencies”– helping new and rising poets by offering 6-12 month residencies in the house, where they can find inspiration among the books, trinkets, and other objects that inspired Amy herself. You can read some of Amy Clampitt’s poetry here.
• On this day in 1996 was the death of Ella Fitzgerald an African-American Jazz Singer popularly known as the “First Lady of Song” and the “Queen of Jazz”. Having started singing with an Orchestra known for performing especially in the Savoy Ballroom in Harlem, Ella eventually signed with Norman Granz, who created the label Verve Records based in part on Ella’s talent. It was here that she recorded most of her popular music, including her take on the Great American Songbook. Some of her most notable performances and songs were collaborations with artists like Duke Ellington, and Louis Armstrong. By the time of her death, she had won fourteen Grammy Awards, a National Medal of Arts, and a Presidential Medal of Freedom.
And finally, this last one isn’t about a woman but is still important from an intersectional/civil right’s perspective:
• On this day in 1877, Henry Ossian Flipper (who was born a slave in Georgia in 1856) became the first African-American cadet to graduate from the U.S. Military Academy at West Point. He was never spoken to by a white cadet during his entire four years at West Point, and after graduating, was appointed a second lieutenant in the 10th Cavalry (an all-African American cavalry), which was stationed at Fort Sill in Indian Territory. He was the first non-white officer to lead the soldiers of that cavalry, and though he served with distinction and was more than competent, he could never escape the same discrimination he faced during his four years at West Point. He was followed by rumors alleging improprieties, and eventually was court martial-ed and dismissed from the U.S. Army. In 1994 his descendants petitioned the U.S. Military to review his dismissal. The review found that his conviction and punishment had been “unduly harsh and unjust” and changed his dismissal to a “good conduct discharge”. His family then filed an application for pardon with the Army, and on February 19, 1999 President Clinton pardoned him. The first African-American cadet to actually be admitted to West Point was James Webster Smith in 1870, but he never made it to graduation. Female cadets were not admitted into West Point until 1976.
At my military school it was always a point of pride that we admitted female cadets two years before West Point (1974) and 21 YEARS before the Citadel followed suit (1995, by court order).
Nice! Although I’m also half amused because it’s kind of like your school is going “hey it took forever to let women into military schools, but we did it way before those other schools so there!”.
I just want to say how much I love your Feminist History posts. They are like a balm to my Brexit-angry soul.
Lord. The things people write in to Mallory are bananas.
Also guys: I gave notice at my horrid job yesterday! I have 12 more days in the office! July 8th is my last day!!!!! I can see light at the end of the tunnel!!!!! I’ve begun cleaning out my desk!!!!!
I haven’t given notice yet because I’m still waiting for the official job offer letter but July 8th is my last day too!!! And I took this Friday off so I have 3 long weekends in a row!
all the YAYS for you!!!!
That’s great!
I am giving notice when my boss gets back from vacation at the beginning of July. Only a couple of years after I probably should have left.
Hooray! That is wonderful news!
A couple years ago, I made a resolution to stop being judgmental of people. It’s gone pretty well, and I wrote some stuff about how surprisingly liberating it was.
However, Nicole’s posts of Reddit relationships and Dear Prudie’s are beginning to strain my resolve. I find myself thinking things like, “WTF is wrong with you?! Are you serious right now?!” or imagining all the spiteful, petty vengeance I would seek if I were subjected to these poor people’s horrible spouses/SOs/parents/etc.
I fear I’ll again soon be yelling at careless drivers and waxing on how stupid you must be if you purchased that particular bumper sticker.
Some people deserve to be judged for their actions.
You’re not judging them for who they are, you’re judging them for their stupid choices and the belief that they’d be vindicated by whoever they’re writing to.
Ah! This is a slippery slope, requiring me to use my good judgement to determine whether I should call people out for their poor judgement.
A couple years ago, I made a resolution to stop being judgmental of people. *very Lady Catherine de Bourgh voice* good heavens, why?
I didn’t realize Lady Cathering de Bourgh sounded so much like my wife. 🙂
THIS IS MY FAVORITE COMMENT.
Seconded. “I am MOST. SERIOUSLY. DISPLEASED.” comes in handy for me several times a day!
How did you do it? Any pointers? I’m asking… for a friend. A really snarky friend… who delights in casting judgment on other people…
This is going to sound super rainbows and unicorns, but I was prepared to just suppress the urge to comment on all the dumb shit people do and was concerned it would feel kind of suffocating.
But I found that having a genuine desire to NOT do what I had always done made the urge to make negative comments about others dry up pretty quickly.
I have no idea if this is normal, because I don’t know anybody who heard about this idea of mine who didn’t look at me like I was a madman.
Very Buddhist of you. I’m impressed.
Oh of course it’s a good idea, it’s just less fun for those of us who agree to say so.
It’s ok to be discerning. You can avoid hot irons and sociopaths without judging them. I say this mostly to myself.
It was quite a week for fake Prudie submissions. Guy falling off balcony was apparently stolen from a headline somewhere, and in the Prudie comments, someone was bragging about successfully getting a movie-themed question (Zoolander) answered in the chat.
Dick-pic blackmail guy is apparently real, though.
I’m super curious about the Zoolander on. Since I haven’t seen anything about tragic gas station fires, you mentioning it made me immediately think of Too good-looking in this chat http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/…
that’s the one.
A poster named “LumpyClaus” or something like that confessed to it at the beginning of the comments
I’m a bit surprised because that is what happens in the pilot of Bored to Death.
How did the balcony one get exposed? Because although I 100% believe it is fake, the letter writer DID say it was in the news, so just the existence of a headline doesn’t prove it is fake, does it?
Somebody in the chat itself sent in a link to the headline it was pretty obviously stolen from. When Slate published the chat, it didn’t run the entry with that link.
Also, it seems like a terrible cliche, but people cheat, and it’s not impossible that this has happened multiple times. Like finding bodies under motel room beds! An urban legend that has been true a bunch of times: http://www.snopes.com/horrors/gruesome/bodybed.as…
In my heart of hearts, I really want it to be true.
This should be a lesson: the odds that anything good comes from a total stranger (1) asking for dick pics/nudes and/or (2) asking you to download an app are extremely low. I don’t understand a world in which this even needs to be said but apparently this is the reality.*
*zomg – so we could totally trick Trump into sending nudes to the networks/newspaper pool right?** Of all the people who believes that America would want that. Next time he says anything about his wang “Pics or it didn’t happen!”
**What, no, I have no idea what that would accomplish, except maybe giving Anthony Weiner an entree back into national politics.
Totally OT, but it’s really looking like we’re going to Brexit, and I cannot handle how ANGRY I am at Cameron for throwing away the country’s future in order to get re-elected. AHHGH.
FUCK, seriously?? UGH UGH UGH
Oh no 🙁 🙁 Sending you and the others voting “no” a lot of support! 🙁
I am REALLY HOPING that all the polling is just wrong a la last year’s election. Also I reckon that some people currently thinking Brexit will get cautious when it actually comes to voting and go with remain instead. But that’s looking like an increasingly forlorn hope.
I’m reading this page http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-politics-32810887 since I haven’t been following Brexit much, and I’m already getting angry:
“Child benefit – Migrant workers will still be able to send child benefit payments back to their home country – Mr Cameron had wanted to end this practice – but the payments will be set at a level reflecting the cost of living in their home country rather than the full UK rate”
Why do you need to stop that policy? Who does stopping that policy help? Seriously, I don’t understand.
Also, maybe I’m overly ignorant, but that web page says Cameron does want the UK to stay in the EU. How did he cause the Brexit problem?
Cameron is pro-Remain, but he is also a slimy political weasel and when he was campaigning in the last general election one of his campaign promises was that if re-elected his government would hold a referendum on Britain’s EU membership.
It’s quite clear he didn’t actually think people would vote to leave. He made a calculated gamble to remain in power, and now he is watching helplessly as his campaign promise comes back to bite him.
Oh, okay. Politicians who think they’re clever but are in fact completely miscalculating are very frustrating.
Not going to lie, I would REVEL in watching him squirm were it not for the fact that the whole country is going to suffer for his fuckwittery.
This is not similar to my feelings about the Republican party in the US right now re: sowing the wind.
Do we need to start having political orientation camps with mandatory performances of Faust? Because it seems people have forgotten that particular lessor.
It’s like watching the barely-concealed panic in John Boehner’s eyes during the government shutdown.
Yes! I should never have to feel sorry for him and yet I text I was.
I am terrified and angry that we are in this position, but the most british farce has happened involving two combatting flotillas on the Thames, and Bob Geldof. http://www.thepoke.co.uk/2016/06/15/highlights-eu…
It has brought me some joy in the vale of tears amongst the weeping and gnashing of teeth. What even is this country, and we should not be allowed to go anywhere alone.
I was completely unaware of this but it is the /best/. I was half expecting someone to be attacked by a swan halfway through.
I cannot believe this is real. I really hope its still going when I’m heading home as I cross over blackfriars bridge on my way and I wanna see all the stupid.
I should have seen it out of the window at work – we’re not far from the Thames, and they must have gone past us to get to the Houses of Parliament – but no, I remained blissfully unaware until later in the day.
this is genuinely incredible, this surpasses all of my expectations of british politics torn straight from episodes of The Thick of It.
My favorite response on that article is “Wanna feel old? This is what Leonardo di Caprio and Kate Winslet look like today”
The most frustrating thing to me about this is that some of the recent swing toward Leave is from people going “they keep trying to scare us about what will happen, so I’m going to vote Leave to spite them”. (Had a co-worker express this very attitude this morning.) It’s all so stupid.
Yeah, spite-voting is stupid and incredibly short-sighted but I don’t blame people for disliking the way the Remain campaign has been run :/
How very American.
@Alan! Can you use gcf’s point as a way to convince your coworker not to vote Leave? (“It’s just such an … American thing to do, isn’t it?”)
my entire feelings on the matter are UUGgGGghHhHGGGgghhh. Also I live in scotland, so brexit will probably equal another referendum for us and I just…UGGGggghhHHGgGGghhh….. :/
EXACTLY. there’s no way imo that brexit won’t lead to another referendum and whether or not you want scottish independence (i don’t, but either way) i think so soon after the first one it’ll be a really nasty messy thing
Don’t say that! I’m remaining resolutely positive and refusing to acknowlege that it might happen.
It won’t happen. People generally vote for the status quo unless there is some very good reasons not too, if they’re at all unsure they’ll vote no.
Neither campaign is particularly good, but the Leave campaign have absolutely no plans or policies, they’re just throwing a temper tantrum and telling everyone to leave without any plan to actually make that happen, its all just posturing. (what happens to the millions of EU immigrants currently living in the EU? are they just going to round them all up and stick them on a train? I think the UN/Rest of EU might take objection to that. And what about the 5million brits currently living in other EU countries? How quickly do you think the UK government can set up bilateral Visa agreements? I imagine not that quick, and in the meantime do those people get temporary residence or do they all have to come home? Pretty sure Farage and his clown car haven’t mentioned a single solution.)
Personally I know how I’m voting and I’m avoiding the rest of it. I have to believe it won’t go through, plus god forbid, if it did, nothing will really change, the UK will have to agree to any terms the EU sets in order to be allowed to trade with the biggest trading bloc in the world (Or have its exports die completely and kill the entire UK economy.*), so there will still be freedom of movement and they’ll still pay all the taxes, but instead of getting a say in how the EU works, the UK will just be at the mercy of whatever the EU wants. And the EU will not be fucking happy and will probably screw them completely.
*Ireland is one of the biggest importers of British goods (and similarly, The UK is Irelands biggest export market), Ireland is the EU’s bitch, for a lot of reasons, and while Ireland and the UK have separate agreements (Like Irish people getting all the benefits of being a British citizen while living here. Also we get to vote.), the EU will put a lot of pressure on Ireland to impose trading restrictions since the EU is probably the most protectionist economy in the world (Trading within the EU = great, Trading with anyone outside the EU = tightly controlled with heavy quotas and import taxes.)
Yes, you’ve basically echoed all my thoughts. I hope the high polling results for Leave will spur some apathetic voters into turning out for Remain.
I also just tweeted about this, but I have a date next Thursday and I’m considering asking him how he’s going to vote now, because if I turn up to the date and we inevitably end up talking about it and he’s a Leaver, it’ll be awkward.
My dad isn’t too worried, as a) he says that even if there is Brexit vote BoJo will use it to get concessions off the EU, come back, talk it up and we’ll stay in and b) Greece has voted twice against EU directives, and France voted against the EU constitution, and both are still in it, so we’ll probably still stay in.
I wasn’t worried until a few days ago, because I live in an echo chamber of similarly minded people, but there’s a whole disaffected class of people with whom I don’t interact who have very different ideas and priorities. Also, one of my students (16 years, private school) asked my opinion about the EU vote as she’d only read negative things about it. These negative things which were blatant lies (about punishments, all the Turkish migrants moving to the UK, the amount we spend v how much we receive), and I realised that’s the information on the ground. That’s what’s out there. So I’m going to hand out fliers in my town for the remain campaign on Saturday and just hope that the status quo does prevail.
The Leave campaign is full of so much bollocks that just isn’t remotely true. There’s such a lot of racist scaremongering (I got a leaflet in the post which implied that Turkey was going to join the EU any day now – look, they’ve wanted to for about a decade, it’s not going to happen any time soon – and as soon as they did the entire Turkish population would come straight here. It also helpfully pointed out that it is bordered by Iraq and Syria (emphasis theirs). Oh, and leaving the EU will allow us to make our own laws! Because it’s not like we’re doing that at the moment.
It makes me so mad. We have a lot of our own sovereignty as it is, especially within Europe; the Empire stopped existing years ago; and we’re living in a world where large alliances and blocs are both beneficial and necessary. I just hate how so many things are being jeopardised for political careers.
I think that if there is a Leave victory we have about two years to actually put that into practice – it’s not like the morning after the referendum all non-UK citizens will get thrown out. It still seems like far too much stuff to organise, though – leaving the EU would have such a massive knock-on effect on so many people.
(Turns out that it’s more like 4-7 years.)
I spent most of last night watching Farage on Question Time and just yelling. Mostly about how he’s a huge racist and a liar. My poor SO just sighed.
I cannot even with the Brexit. I’m one of those horrible EU immigrants currently being hating on – though obviously all the Leavers would tell me that it’st not like that which is only because of white privilege + flawless English. (They don’t hate ME, they just hate everyone more obviously “foreign” than me!)
And I work in a sector (academia) that benefits hugely from the EU, and which is brimming with other “immigrants”.
This is literally upending my life. I know I’m probably safe from immediate deportation or whatever, but my long-term job security will get much bleaker, and my motivation to stay on and make a life here has hit absolute zero. All I want to do is take my degree and professional experience and my wife and her PhD and our two adorable cats and move somewhere slightly less determined to self destruct… but then I look around and it’s not like the rest of the world is doing great right now. (She’s American, we’re both women. Ahaha. Yeah.)
We could move to my own home, but it’s always seemed unfair to me to drag my wife somewhere she doesn’t speak the language. Plus I’m afraid people will be more racist than she (American-Chinese) is used to, because we’re kind of shitty that way.
Does anyone have any leads on getting into countries not turning themselves into giant garbage fires? (Preferably gay-friendly and English speaking!)
Ireland is a bit of a trashfire at times, but they’re English speaking and welcoming (If you’re white collar) especially to Americans. If you’re in Tech even better because that’s pretty much all the jobs there are, although there can be some acedemia stuff too, there’s enough universities.
ETA: Ireland/Dublin also have a brilliant gay scene and all of the lesbians are lovely if you can get past the fact that they’ve all dated eachother at some point. (There’s even a lesbian camp in the middle of nowhere every year. Its well fun.)
That does all sound rather lovely right now – it’s good to have an invitation somewhere!
If brexit happens, can Scotland leave the UK and stay in the EU? Because during that referendum, Scotland was told they’d be out of the EU if they left the UK.
unfortunately, I think they’d be stuck, have to have ANOTHER referendum, vote secede, deal with THAT and then go through the quagmire of trying to join like any other country. I’ve already seen some cranky brexiters upset that Scotland will keep England in, as if England is the UK and all that matters, and the same people wailing about “better together” in England are now throwing a hissy fit because Scotland is, whoopsienow, an important part of the U.K. and making their mostly “remain” camp voices heard.
I really, really hope enough people vote to remain; thinking about the alternative is scary.
I actually had a terrible dream the other day that we were having an in/out referendum on Britain’s membership of the EU, and it was stressful and awful. And then I woke up, and about a minute later there was a crushing sense of doom when I realised it wasn’t a dream.
So angry at Cameron right now! How dare he throw away our future to appease some crank who can’t even get elected as an MP.
Am I the only one diamonds do nothing for? I tend to think that, even when they are real, the look fake and kind of cheap. I love all sorts of other stones (emeralds and fire opals represent!) but I have never understood our cultural obsession with diamonds. I feel the same way about yellow gold though so maybe I am just weird.
Not weird at all! I’m left cold by diamonds and yellow gold also. I have a very nice sapphire ring in white gold from when the mister and I went engagement ring shopping.
Well, our cultural obsession with diamonds is literally a scam perpetrated by DeBeers to raise the price of a mostly worthless product they hold a monopoly on. Okay, I realize I’m an asshole, but, no, you aren’t alone. I don’t really like stones at all.
It’s time for the honest jewelry ad! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=giu23Ii3PAA
And, why engagement rings are a scam! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5kWu1ifBGU
I love both of these videos. TY
You’re not alone! Opals are BEAUTIFUL, and I think colorful gems are generally more interesting looking.
I agree with Anne Shirley. Diamonds should look more like Amethysts
“Fancy Deep Greyish Bluish Violet”
Give me something with the indestructability of diamond and the colors of an amethyst and I’ll be satisfied for ever after.
I pretty much think that all jewelry looks the same (and boring!), so you’re not alone! I own none!
I like some of the weirder things they do with diamonds, like raw cuts and some older shapes. I’ve seen some really pretty interesting older settings and cuts. I also love opal, but I do recognize that diamonds are less likely to get totally wrecked by being worn, so I think they are a sort of practical jewelery choice- although I wish they’d be priced at what they’re actually worth, which is much much less than every other stone.
I used to hate yellow gold too but I switched from silver to gold about 4-5 years ago, inexplicably.
The thing I’m saddest about with diamonds, is that it turns out cremation diamonds are a total fraud. That was my big plan for my death! Be turned into a giant haunted diamond! Turns out after you are cremated the carbon burns off, so they can’t possibly be using your carbon to make a diamond. Now…if they chopped off your head preburning….they could get some carbon from that, so I do have a complex and slightly illegal backup to work on.
I love that you’re working through this cremation-diamond problem.
I have been having a tough time at work, and knowing I could be a haunted diamond was really getting me through it. Now that I know it’s sort of a sham, I want to be the one to crack the case and make it the real deal. Being beheaded is not too high a price to pay. Alternative some kind of satanic ceremony where my soul is transported into the diamond.
10/10 would be down to posses a piece of jewelry.
“I have been having a tough time at work, and knowing I could be a haunted diamond was really getting me through it.”
This is too witches. A+ Toasting right here.
Um please update when you figure this out- this plan ticks all of my interest boxes.
I had consoled myself for work with the plan that, when I have achieved my ultimate goal of Benign Galactic Dictatrix, I will have my life-size Gothic Lolita style victory statue studded with gems formed from the ashes of my enemies.
*sigh*
Don’t despair, you can use their hair or brains to make the gems, then use the ashes in the concrete!
On a related note, I might need you all to donate to my kickstarter….
awe damn I totally wanted to go the cremation diamond route! I wanted to have kids just so that I could be passed down. “anyway, here’s grandma, she hopes you have a very happy marriage and if your cake is dry she’ll probably haunt you extra.”
Oh my gosh! I’ve been banking on cremation diamonds for so long, I didn’t know they weren’t real. 🙁
Don’t despair witches! Just make sure you get beheaded before they cremate the rest. Cremation is wasteful of all your precious diamond making carbon!
I don’t even know, if it needs to be your head. Maybe it would work better with your…HEART. I vow to do this research.
Ok it could even be done with hair. http://pubs.rsc.org/en/Content/ArticleLanding/201…
BORING, but it’s probably legal so that’s a pro versus the whole cranium.
It’s sneaky memorial hair jewelry! I love it!
Would mummification help at all? I have literally no reason to think that it would, I’m just trying to make your haunted diamond dream come true.
You know what. Mummification would be great! I don’t know about the relationship between that and carbon and diamonds, but I do like a world where the number of mummified people in it is growing, not shrinking, plus it has excellent applications in the field of ghost population growth. I have a theory that it’s hard to make new ghosts becuase newer buildings are harder to haunt. It’s not easy to haunt like…a mass produced house in the suburbs built in 1990, with beige walls, its not conducive to vibrations.
Yeah, a good haunting requires mysterious, shadowy corners. Architectural features have gotten much less mysterious in the last 70 years or so, and shadows build up so slowly.
If you figure out, maybe you could have a death-diamond watch designed…(wait for it)…because then it would always be SKELETON TIME!
(Or ghost time, I guess. IDK, let me have this.)
Engraved on the face: Valar morghulis
Engraved on the back: we are not men.
Thank you for introducing me to the concept of cremation diamonds. I was leaning toward the Bios Urn that you use to plant a tree (I think it would be hilarious to use my ashes to grow an ash tree), but now I am debating with myself. Maybe I could do both?
Why not both?, is our personal motto at EEGGHH’s House of Sparkly Doom!
I’m a big fan of Labradorite as far as gemstones go, but I would rather just have simple silver jewelry.
In the unlikely case I get married, I adamantly do not want an engagement ring of any type, let alone one with diamonds in it. That money could be way better spent on a vacation trip to a cold place or yarn.
Are we the same person? I also don’t want a (probably never likely) engagement ring, only wear simple silver, and would infinetly prefer a trip to Iceland to a wedding.
I didn’t say it out loud, but I was absolutely thinking Iceland. I’ve only been once and I loved it and want to go back again with more money and not staying in a six-bed hostel.
But seriously, my dream wedding at this point is to go to the local courthouse and then go have dinner and go home. It’d be like a Friday afternoon and I would just take a half day from work, or something.
I recently found that plane tickets there are much cheaper than I thought and I have been obsessing over it ever since! Everyone I know who has gone there has absolutely loved it. I really need to make it happen. Any suggestions on must-visits?
I was only there briefly and without a ton of money, but I would say definitely go on the Golden Circle tour, so you can see Thingvellir and Gullfoss. Thingvellir is the old Norse Parliament and it’s just a beautiful rift valley. I really enjoyed wandering around there. Gullfoss is a waterfall and I’m just a sucker for every waterfall I can find.
I heard great things about going up north, as well! I was just too poor. And that’s the thing — Iceland is reeeaalllly expensive. The exchange really threw me off so I accidentally bought way too many gin & ginger beers that turned out to be $19 (USD) each.
And if you knit, go to the Alafoss Lopi store. It’s beautiful in there.
I am saving all that info!! The knitting store- I can only dream how amazing it must be!
Can I jump on this little mini convo and ask– do you think Iceland would be a good solo trip? I’ve wanted to go for YEARS, and I can finally afford it and have the time, but none of my friends can/want to go.
I found an amazing deal for October so I would be there solo for about 8-10 days.
I’ve moved across the country alone and flown alone a ton (US and Europe), but always to a city where I knew at least 1 other person. My major concern here is: I get the impression it’s easier to do more of what you want with a friend, where you can get a car and explore together (I’m not a great driver), etc.
I don’t want to be on a random tour bus with me and a bunch of german grandparents (as fun as that might be for a day or two).
Any thoughts at all would be so appreciated!
I went by myself! I generally prefer traveling alone because I prefer being alone. I made friends with people at the hostel or on the tours I took — and a lot of the tours have young people on them. Iceland has a very large adventure tourism contingent, so you’ll just as likely meet young people. On my last night I stayed out drinking until like 4 or 5 in the morning? Something crazy like that. And I did so with a large group of people. But I’m very outgoing, so that’s part of it.
8-10 days might be a bit long for your first sojourn on your own, but maybe not! The first time I took a big trip by myself was 6 months in New Zealand.
Dang, now you have me looking for tickets to Iceland. I live on the East Coast…it would be so easy.
This is so helpful! Thank you!! And yes….it would be so easy. You should do it! (I am terrible at helping people save money, can you tell?)
Side note, I would LOVE a toastie meetup in Iceland, if anyone else decides to go this fall!
I am really excited to hear you hung out with lots of young people and everyone was friendly. I’m pretty outgoing/friendly/open (esp now that I moved and am no longer living in 24/7 misery). So I think that could work for me! My previous experiences traveling, we would wind up at hotels in the middle of nowhere with large groups of aged german nudists. Not to say they weren’t interesting… but I would definitely prefer a younger crowd if I had a choice haha.
I’ve always met amazing people in hostels. They’ve always been Australian.
Iceland! Go to all the hot-springs and pools you can. There is nothing better than floating in cozy warm mineral water while surrounded by snowy mystical mountains.
My first day there I did the golden circle + secret lagoon tour by Sterna Tours, and it was perfection. Lots of time napping in a van or looking at pretty countryside in-between sites to help survive the day after the red-eye flight over and of course, finishing up with an amazing soak at a hotspring.
So much fancy wine! And books. Yes.
Diamonds are ok I guess but there’s so much gross baggage associated with them. Like beyond even the horrifying environmental/human rights shit, there’s the patriarchal implications of diamond jewelry. Like those goddamn Jared commercials that are basically like “Give your woman diamonds and she will fuck you” and the whole “I purchase your hand in marriage with this diamond ring” and also the entire idea that possessing a vagina automatically means a person wants fancy jewelry more than any other item on earth.
So yeah, fuck diamonds.
Oh man. Those “Every Kiss Begins With Kay” jewelry ads are the ones that get me. Every time one comes on I’m like “That is an expensive exchange rate for physical affection, Jewelry Ad Dude, but you do you.”
my best friend at gemology school worked at Kay (before she went to gemology school) and said it was TERRIBLE, so everyone can feel justified in their hatred of Kay/Jared’s/Zales, yay!
Given the quality level of an average dude, I’m 100% on board with that exchange rate. I demand fair compensation for my time.
I don’t like diamonds either. I’m more of a colored gemstone kind of person.
I like diamonds sometimes (more in vintage and older jewelry for some reason) and in other colors (yellow and pink diamonds are pretty!), but I agree with you on yellow gold. I have never liked yellow gold. I make allowances for rose gold, which is nicer, but I tend to prefer silver/white-gold/etc. And there are so many other prettier stones than diamonds! Opals, emeralds, rubies, sapphires, THE COLORS, ahhh.
I feel like yellow gold works better on olive/darker skin tones; at least that’s my excuse for not wearing it (I’m ‘cool’ toned, aka super pale and blotchy pink at times, yellow gold brings out the red in my skin, so no.), but even though I don’t like it on me, I think it looks beautiful on people that it works for, my SIL is Italian and gold jewelry looks stunning on her.
Plus all of my jewelry is silver/white gold now, so if I do get a yellow gold piece it just stands out and I can’t wear it. My mother likes to buy jewelry for me, and she’s always telling me to invest in jewelry (‘Wear your money’), but even though I’ve never worn gold, she’ll still occasionally buy me gold pieces which I then have to explain that I’ll never wear.
I’m with you on the vintage diamond front. I basically think there’s no reason to buy *new* diamonds when there are so many in circulation with a low resale value/ethical concerns.
And I happen to like very fine yellow gold, but mostly in a Minimalist Pixie Dream Girl kind of way. Sometimes, yellow gold can look too 80s, but I really like it when it’s very thin/nearly invisible. (http://thefinancialdiet.com/the-minimalist-pixie-dream-girl-who-she-is-and-why-i-hate-her/)
I don’t have anything against diamonds, but I don’t quite get why they’re valued over other gemstones so much. (I mean, other than marketing.) A lot of things are pretty! Heck, moissanite may be the “cheap” alternative, but it is damn sparkly. My mom is the queen of funky, semi-precious stone jewelry, and she has some moissanite rings that’ll blind you.
I’m loving this defensive diamond quote in that piece, too: “The woman expects the man to give her something valuable that retains value just like their relationship. Snapchat Millennials or not, getting engaged to be married is not about creating a snap-relationship with a snap-synthetic diamond that does not retain value.”
Huh?? Resale value on natural diamonds is terrible! What are you talking about, diamond shill.
Yea, if you want to give someone something that will retain value you would be better off with a house in a good area. Or fancy artwork. It’s not as romantic, but at least they will actually have some ‘resale’ value, unlike diamonds.
so true, I always compare jewelry to cars, not houses- once you walk out of the store you lose at LEAST 30% of the value
Also, forgot to mention, MOISSANITE. love me some moissanite. whenever i was identifying gemstones i always WANTED the moissanites to be diamonds, but i knew they weren’t because they were MORE SPARKLEY (and also grayish green and didn’t have adamantine luster, but whatevvvves)
^ I agree completely, but for whatever weird reason, boys are much more amenable to buying me jewelry than they are real estate.
I definitely prefer other stones to diamonds, especially ones that are less precisely cut and retain more natural color variation. I do think diamonds as a whole suffer from the fact that so many of them are put into very boring solitaire settings to be sold to men looking for “an engagement ring” rather than customers who want “a beautiful ring that I personally like and will want to wear.” A lot of stones can be made to look like boring glass if a jeweler is really determined.
I felt the same way until the day I held a 2-carat diamond in my hand and was suddenly taken over by a visceral covetousness. Once manufactured diamonds come down in price, I will be ON IT.
I once stood in line at a Washington DC Starbucks next to a woman wearing, I shit you not, two ENORMOUS diamond rings. One of 5 carats and one of 6. Before I worked up the nerve to ask her about them, my head was following her hand around as she gestured with it in the exact manner of a Labrador Retriever when it knows there’s a treat in the hand in front of it.
I want them. I want them SO BAD. Because I love the sparkly. But I won’t buy anything so aggressively over-priced. Also, fuck De Beers and the rest of the exploitive diamond companies.
*carefully hides yellow gold diamond engagement ring behind back.*
My engagement ring is a diamond solitaire, so you’re not alone in being hopelessly unhip and square. 😛
Ha ha, I swore I’d get something like a sapphire engagement/wedding thing, and then when we went out looking, I found a diamond set that I just loved. Whatever.
Hey, I love my yellow gold diamond engagement ring with a passion, and my husband saved up for a year and ate PB&J and salad to buy it while his only income was a graduate assistantship. So I’ll continue to wear it proudly, and remind everyone that life is a rich tapestry, which is good.
I love stories about how people got their rings, thank you for sharing!
My husband bought mine at an auction that I was at with him, and somehow I didn’t figure out what he was doing. rich tapestry indeed!
Same thing! I had this fussy branch-y emerald thing all picked out, but when we went to the jewelry store and I saw this odd bezel set little guy, I couldn’t look away. Even though the stone has a carbon inclusion, it’s still the most too witches thing I own.
My ring has a big inclusion, and I like it, because I can tell it’s mine, you know?
Same.
The only diamond ring I ever wanted was the Tobias Wong “tagger” ring, which yeah, should be diamond for maximum effectiveness.
I didn’t know I wanted a ring that could kill a man, but I really want a ring that can kill a man.
Is there one that kills all of them? Asking for a friend.
shit, I wonder if it’s too late to exchange the ring I have for this…
I literally gasped aloud. I…..I kinda want it.
Same for both diamonds and yellow gold. Give me an emerald or rose gold any day. (I know people hate rose gold too, but I think it’s super pretty.)
We might be the minority, but I think we’re a pretty large one! Although diamonds are my birthstone so I feel like an April-traitor in that I don’t care that much about them?
My sister is an April-baby and she shares your feelings. Fortunately for her, her middle name is “Pearl” so she just goes for those. I lucked out and was born in May.
Another april traitor here.
I like diamonds but not enough to pay 3X as much as for a different stone.
Though I also never really liked sapphires and now my engagement ring is a sapphire, so what do I know?
The only jewelry I find myself coveting is stuff like agate or polished wood, I know it isn’t as durable, but I don’t get excited about having possessions that will long outlive me. Having smooth-textured decorative objects that I want to fiddle with– that I can get behind.
I do have a ring from my grandma that has an opal in it, and I like it because it makes me think of her. But absent a connection to a prior owner, I am meh on stuff that I am culturally supposed to find precious.
Same. I want pretty colors in my gems (and I love gems).
My attraction to diamonds is that there is nearly nothing I can do to damage them. With other stones I am frequently concerned about the setting protruding too far, what if I whack into something and the stone shatters, what if I scratch the stone, etc.
My only concern with a diamond would be accidentally cutting myself because I’m capable of that kind of clumsiness.
I hate yellow gold, too. *fistbump of solidarity*
Diamonds I’m indifferent on. I tend to prefer other gemstones bar a few.
I’m not crazy about diamonds as a rule either. I usually prefer semi-precious stones to precious ones. I’d take garnet over rubies any day for example. And I love opals!
Garnets are lovely.
Garnets > rubies
Peridot > emeralds
Topaz > sapphires
Citrons are just a lovely colour.
I’ve made myself a lot of citrinejewellery!
Apparently tons of us are meh on diamonds! I own exactly one diamond piece, a ring that belonged to my husband’s great-grandmother that I wear in place of a wedding ring. We weren’t going to do rings at all, but his mother really, really wanted me to have this one.
Emeralds, fire opals, and rubies! I’ve lately come to appreciate my birthstones, pearls (especially big South Sea ones) and moonstones.
I don’t really like sparkly at all? The rings I wear in the reg are amber, labradorite and hematite.
But i do like yellow gold- I have olive skin and it looks nicer.
Not weird. I love yellow gold, but diamonds leave me absolutely cold. My whole family back three generations have non-diamond engagement rings
Lab grown diamonds! Oh they warm the cockles of my crystallography-loving heart. Sometimes humans are better at making things than nature, like flaw-free diamonds that don’t have to be harvested through environmental destruction and actual widespread murder. Plus, they’re cost effective! Also, is it too early to start hoping for diamond to use as electrically insular thermal conductors, instead of the slightly shittier sapphire? Diamond is just really good at thermal conduction– better than copper!
What I don’t understand is, DeBeers should have been the FIRST ONE to work on this technology, instead of being like “oh shit now our entire source of money is gone!” It’s like energy companies and renewable energy. Why not start doing the thing of the future?
Myopic marketing. Its a whole theory and area of study, but it essentially says that it usually takes an outside innovator/competitor to make big industries change. The common example is the gas and oil industry, one they figured out how to extract oil, the used it for lamps and left it at that and didn’t bother trying to think of any other uses for their product. When electricity started coming along they all freaked and it was someone outside the industry that invented the internal combustion engine that used their product and made them all rich.
So it doesn’t surprise me that DeBeers haven’t bothered expanding their product lines or streams of revenue. (Plus evil.)
The extractive industries, whose business model is entirely about monopoly and stripping of resources, aren’t the best at pivoting.
What the selma & bibliophilbian said, and also karma.
I know right? MANY years ago I saw on TV a couple of (female!) scientists who’d developed a method of making sapphires in the lab. They were indistinguishable from mined sapphires except for a compound they added specifically for that purpose; it made them fluorescent under a particular light. They said they’d been given lucrative offers to buy their business conditional on removing that compound, so their sapphires could be passed off as mined (“real”) sapphires, and they’d always refused.
Oh man, I would love a fluorescent sapphire!
I want my sci-fi diamond windows / domes!
That UnReal article is amazing. At points I lost track of whether I was reading about Shapiro or Rachel.
Really mad that the studio is trying to make Jeremy happen, though.
But those last two paragraphs! Where Shapiro convinces the Jeremy actor that he’s coming across as an anti-hero! And then when watching his takes she says to the reporter, “All I can say is we employ a veteran, and he’s a good person.”
That is undoubtedly the meanest nice comment I have ever heard, and I am a collector of Mean Nice Comments.
Super OT, but I am Angry and gotta vent for a quick sec.
My next-door county (we don’t live there, but I work in it and my husband works FOR it) just hired a new financial director and it’s the person who sent water bills to customers in Flint, I’m guessing because she was willing to accept the lowest salary offer. This hire is the latest in a series of fucking awful decisions by the county leadership and we’ve gone from being pretty confident that MrChouffe will be able to retire from the county in 25 years with a paid-off mortgage and a retirement account, to not entirely sure his position will exist in six months (and he’s got the only state-mandated position in the entire structure). It’s more than a little stressful and the more I hear my fellow locals talk about trimming the fat from government budgets, the angrier and more stressed out I get, SO.
This has been your friendly local-government rant for today.
(eta that if you want to read more about my tiny-ass area’s attempts to Tea Party its government out of existence, you can click here for today’s entry.)
Oh my word, that is a nightmare. I can never quite understood what the end game is of people like this. Like, do they truly want to live in the Wild West? Do they think they will be the ones with the best shot?
Apparently. They also believe that public employees don’t have, like, bills or mortgages or responsibilities and can therefore take pay and benefit cuts out of the goodness of their hearts.
Also that public employees don’t like, buy things or pay taxes or contribute to the economy in any way.
I do actually think that a lot of these folks don’t understand that public employees are ALSO taxpayers.
Oh, that’s very clear. They’re the same people who think university professors only work during the time they’re actually in class, lecturing (which lecture apparently descends on them from On High, direct from the lips of the Academia Gods).
I also work for local government which encompasses a next-door asshole county and wish to extend heartfelt sympathy.
One of our projects pipes city water into rural areas up there so that houses with nasty wells or whatever can hook up. Someone shot at one of the trucks again this week and I’m like WHY. WHY DO YOU HATE CLEAN RUNNING WATER arrgh
My husband works for the state of Illinois. All the rage. By my calculations, we are down by about 7 grand due to this budget nonsense blocking promotions, travel reimbursement, and cost of living raises. Whenever I hear someone talking about cushy govt jobs I want to set them on fire.
The people who have the HMO have had all their doctors drop their insurance, because the state has stopped paying the bills to the HMO, who has stopped paying doctors. The PPO payments are calculated differently, so they haven’t missed a payment on it yet. But sometime soon, no state worker will have health insurance that they can use anywhere.
It’s my birthday, toasties! My crusty ol’ cubicle is just a little brighter today.
Unfortunately, Blink 182 has spoken, and this is the year that nobody will like me.
Happy, happy birthday! Have a bluegrass Blink 182 cover:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56yrYNWU7_0
Happy birthday!
Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! My brother used to sing that ALL THE TIME to me when I turned 23 but don’t worry–we are here for you! In two weeks, I’m looking forward to being 30, flirty, and thriving 😉
Happy birthday! I just turned 23, too. (Plus that song was on the radio, yesterday!) SO many coincidences on the-Toast!
Happy birthday from someone who is as old as two of you arranged consecutively (by which time people don’t like you twice as much)!! Enjoy your day!
Happy birthday!! Your post has just reminded me that Blink 182 wrote this first; Taylor Swift just made the girl version of “I’m in my early twenties and kind of a fuck up.”
Happy birthday!
Only if you still act like you’re in freshman year!
Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! Of course somebody will like you!
The wind up chattering teeth icon for comedy on Spotify got me wondering what the origin of those are and I found out in about a minute, God bless the internet (especially Collectors Weekly) http://www.collectorsweekly.com/articles/yakity-y…
Ok, my level headed internet friends, what do you do if you suspect an employee you supervise is lying about being related to one of the victims in Orlando in order to leave work?
I have a pretty reasonable suspicion that they’re lying and am super uncomfortable with the notion that they might be using a national tragedy for avoidance of work. There are so many layers to this that I just can’t.
Halp.
Honestly, I’d just let them go. If they are such rat-bastards they’d do that when it’s untrue, surely they will soon show what a terrible human they are and you can call them on it without risking being seen, yourself, as a horrible person…? Maybe?
Because I am a horrible person, I’d call the bluff and ask for details so I could send flowers. However, you run the risk of a crow sandwich in the form of a large florist bill.
I think that’s an excellent plan. I mean, either 1. you know for sure they are lying or 2. they aren’t and they probably would appreciate the flowers anyway.
Mostly because I’m nosy: Why do you think they’re lying?
Unless you have airtight proof, you probably just have to let it go, but yikes. I agree that someone who would lie about something like that will probably screw up in an obvious way soon enough.
This person is white and we are ~18 hours away. Most of the victims are POC and that adds an extra layer of icky to the suspicion. No names match and from what I know of their family, they are not a “blended” family. They worked on Sunday and I, as their supervisor, asked them how they were handling the news of the tragedy and if they needed a minute to talk (they identify as non-het and so I figured if they needed a minute to decompress, they should have it before facing the public since we work in customer service) and they said they were fine and didn’t mention any relatives in Orlando or the vicinity. They said they were sad, but could work just fine, and they did.
Two days later, they call off, saying they got the news right as their shift would have started.
This person has also been caught in several other situations where they were exaggerating or embellishing the truth for their own benefit or attention, and since they didn’t call off work to me, but to another manager, and didn’t provide a name, but let the manager on duty assume the result…
This person also is an open book on social media and when a different family member died a few months ago, every other hour there was a mention, but on this? Radio silence.
There are just a lot of red flags.
I feel weird assuming the worst, but they called off and our projects suffered for it, and if they were going to lie to get off work, why not just say they were sick?
I’m also trying to be sensitive, because since they identify as non-het, maybe they feel like their co workers wouldn’t understand their grief over the shooting unless they had a “direct” connection?
It is all very strange. In our work, lying to a manager can result in termination… 🙁
This does sound weird. Maybe the person who died was someone who helped your coworker during a period of questioning/coming out, maybe it was a past hookup or a friend with whom they’d fallen out of touch, or for some other reason they don’t feel comfortable being honest/posting about it but they still felt like a ton of bricks fell on them when they heard the news? That’s all I can think of in terms of giving them the benefit of the doubt. It sounds like this person has received the benefit of the doubt many times already, though. I like the flowers suggestion.
Without any information about the person, their quality of work, the urgency of the work they do (ie if no one can cover for them) I would give them the time off they’ve requested. It’s better to be safe than be insensitive to a person’s mourning process. Perhaps they are a person who has been affected by the tragedy but not because they have a relative who was a victim, but because they are one of the minorities targetted (LGBT and/or latinx). They may need some time for this reason but may feel that they can’t explain this because they’re in the closet, are white-passing, etc.
If you can’t cover their time/work with other employees you might want to see what sort of compromise you can make with them. If they’re not affecting the workplace by taking the time off, I would say no harm/no foul.
However, you know this person and so it may be valid for you to ask for some sort of proof. If they can’t provide it, or you’re able to find out they are lying, that would be grounds for firing to me (or a serious talking to, along the lines of “why did you lie about this, I need the truth here…” which could identify some reason I haven’t thought of). If you don’t trust them enough and already suspect that they’re lying here, or have other problems with their work/trustworthiness you may want to look into the firing process anyway.
I defer to Ask a Manager here (and this may be a question for her!) but here are some of her articles about sick leave/taking time off:
http://www.askamanager.org/2016/06/i-think-our-em…
(this one is probably the closest to your issue)
http://www.askamanager.org/2011/09/how-to-deal-wi…
http://www.askamanager.org/2015/08/when-your-empl…
http://www.askamanager.org/2013/10/is-it-wrong-to…
(from the employee’s POV)
http://www.askamanager.org/2014/03/how-to-talk-to…
(if this is a frequent issue)
So it’s kind of moot because I have neither the financial or emotional wherewithal to navigate the american mental health industry but for toasties with depression (probably) did/do you guys just fucking loathe everything, like real anger at shit you’re pretty sure every one else is just fine with or even likes, and did anti-depressants (or something) help with that at all?
Yes and yes. Prozac is my friend.
Yes! I am way, way more irritable when I’m off my meds and my first sign of depression setting in is outsize irritation and anger. This manifests as crankiness (like having to leave the room when people are chewing audibly instead of just being a little annoyed by it), and a general “everyone sucks” outlook. Anti-depressants do help, although recently I had to change up my meds because they stopped working well and anxiety set in like whoa.
But anyway, yes, anger can be a depression symptom. A therapist once told me that depression is anger turned inward. I am not sure about the clinical validity of that statement, but it feels like it has some truth. It makes sense that some of that anger can leak out too.
oh yes! after medication, i no longer hate very many people at all! (still a few, who really work hard to earn it) and my road rage is down, and my annoyance at my husband and child is down, and altogether literally everything is nicer.
fwiw, i went to my regular doctor, told her i wanted to talk about depression, cried a lot as she asked me a series of screening questions, and walked out with zoloft and trazadone (anti-anxiety). you don’t necessarily have to see a psychiatrist or therapist or anyone like that, if you have a relationship with a regular physician. also the two drugs together are like $4 a month. i hope you will be able to get some help soon – it really does feel good to feel good.
I haven’t seen a doctor in… my… liiife?
Also like 4 dollars before or after insurance. Because while I have insurance the $5000 deductible before it kicks in makes it very much a theoretical thing.
I do have insurance, but my cheapest drug price under insurance is $15, so I am assuming the generic is just that cheap. not having a doctor does make it more complicated, and I totally get not having the energy to deal with all that, but I hope you will be able to work yourself up to it. You deserve to feel better!
The thing is I’m enrolled at the local massive state university now and thus have access to their student health center so
A) they probably deal with people who have no idea how to even get started talking to doctors all the damn time.
and/which being attached to their hospital/med school means
B) even if they don’t have some one on staff who can write prescriptions for more exotic drugs than penicillin they can probably hand me off to some one who can with very little friction.
So I mean I don’t know that ill actually bring myself to go through with it but for the next couple of years getting real help with this is going to be at a local-minima for activation energy.
Yeah, university systems handle people who are just getting started handling their own medical care all the time. It should be a supportive environment in which to check that out.
Do you have a friend you might feel comfortable asking for moral support? Maybe someone you can set goals with (“I will make an appointment today! Ask me at 4 if I have called yet.”) or who will sit with you while you make phone calls, go to appointments, etc?
It is exhausting to get started with all this when you already aren’t feeling well. I’m sorry.
Not really no, but if I can convince myself that it’s financially viable I might be able to at some point just screw up the momentum, flatten my emotions as much as possible and run head long into the building before I can talk myself out of it. That’s how I’ve managed to take most of the steps in my life.
I mean this is as legitimately close as I’ve come seeking help in the last decade, and while this thread is not much it is at least a symptom of me getting fed up with this bullshit so I might be on the slope, I might be near a point where I just need to find a clear run.
Oh my gosh, do itttt! One of the things about being in a bad place mentally is that it’s easy to catastrophize – like, even if I do go, it’s going to be hard and I probably can’t afford it, so what’s the point. Don’t listen to that voice! That is not a healthy voice.
One step at a time, and your first step is just calling and showing up at an appointment. That’s all you have to do right now. Take the rest as it comes. (And generic antidepressants are very cheap, so don’t dismiss your chances for help without even exploring them.)
Fully in favor of this. Can we help in any way? Keep you accountable? Cheer non-stop? Depict episodes from Family Ties using fresh fruit?
Please do it! If you can screw up your courage to go to campus health I think it might make your overall life so much easier. We are here for you!
I love the “just… run head long into the building” approach to health care (for specific definitions of ‘love’, at least). It’s how I got on birth control as a terrified and clueless 18yo, it’s still how I do most of my doctor’s visits (sometimes I can even manage to call, like, an hour before I leave home/the office if I’m adulting extra well that day).
Even if they have a ‘no walk-ins’ policy, I’m betting on good things happening if you’re able to walk up to reception and declare “I need a screening for depression, I don’t have an appointment but I do have the next several hours free.” Bring a great comic book and a good pair of headphones, in case there’s a noisy eater in the waiting area. The worst thing that will happen is they’ll make an appointment for another time, and you’ll be halfway done.
hi, I work at a student health care center at a massive state university attached to a hospital. Please do come in! We understand that it’s confusing and it may be the first time on your own at a dr’s office (or your first time period!), so it’s a learning process that we’re very accommodating to. Also, I can’t speak for other universities, but here referrals are easy as pie, especially for mental health, since most universities have dedicated centers. Please, PLEASE stop by! If you need help navigating anything, let me know and I’ll see what I can do 🙂
My husband struggles with depression and the anger is a very real part of it. His going onto Effexor saved our marriage and probably his life. The generic is $10 a month on our insurance, and for a few years he got it from his regular GP–he is seeing a psychiatrist now, but it took a while for him to make that particular leap. So maybe if you’re not ready to deal with finding a therapist you can talk to your regular doctor?
I wish you all the best, Onymous; I have watched him struggle for so many years and would not wish that on anyone.
Yes, yes, yes. Citalopram saved my marriage. Also, I tried to wean myself off of it once, and damn near punched one of the moms at my kid’s preschool. (Fortunately I just fumed silently and went back to my usual dose.)
Yes, and yes. And then I was angry because the drugs made me a better little capitalist, in that I was actually productive and stuff.
Time passed, and I realized that being able to feel happy was something I wanted to keep, good capitalist or no. So I take the meds.
Without Cymbalta, I am a much more emotional person in general, but the one emotion that is worst is anger. What you described–feeling rage about things others just shrug off, enjoy, or just don’t care about–is my base state when I’m not taking it (which is only when there’s some sort of prescription refill problem). The rage about these sort of nonsense and everyday things doesn’t happen nearly as much now, but when real things that most people feel angry about do come up (say, in the news), the full Inside Out Lewis Black rage monster appears. If you have the ability to find a doctor and try a drug, I highly recommend you do so. Most SSRIs/SNRIs have generics now, and they can be quite inexpensive. It can help make everyday life so much easier to get through. (Note: Don’t get discouraged if you try one and it doesn’t really work for you. I tried three or four different drugs before we hit upon Cymbalta as the right one for me.) Good luck and hang in there!
Yes. I think I am generally quite an angry and irritable person, but it’s definitely a sign of my depression when it’s worse than usual. I think anti-depressants make it less bad, but my mental health is not great at the moment, so it’s hard to say.
Yep! When I went on to anti-depressants (efexor/venlaflexine) one thing I definitely noticed was a decrease in my irritability. I was at a friend’s birthday dinner sitting next to some arsehole and I was able to smile and maintain a basic conversation without escaping to the bar with my book. Afterwards I was like, THESE DRUGS ARE MIRACULOUS.
Do it! See a doc! Ask to be screened for depression. I did. It’s the best thing that ever happened to me.
And you are a wonderful person. I like you. I don’t like just anyone, but I like you. You deserve to feel better. You deserve to feel good. I want this for you. I want it very very very much. Pleeeeease see a doc.
How can I help?
I actually called a bit ago (after I settled down enough) and they said I can walk in anytime 9-4 and I am really going to try and go tomorrow!
This might really happen.
Go you! You can do it. Please let us all know how it goes.
Oh, terrific first step, so proud of you!
I know how it feels when you’re depressed and it seems like too much to make an appointment or call.
Now go tomorrow and it will be such a big help.
If you haven’t read Sarah Hepola’s book, I highly recommend it. It avoids a lot of the clichés of the addiction narrative – she doesn’t revel in, “Look at all the gross stuff I did while drunk” – but there are some moments that really pack a punch. There’s a moment when her former boss makes a joke about her drinking where she perfectly captures the feeling of her self-delusion being punctured (also, the opening scared the crap out of me). Plus it taught me what a blackout was (you are awake, and functioning, but your brain has no capacity to form new memories).
This has been on my list to read. I’m glad to see a Toastie recommend it! I don’t love recovery stories that are drunk-a-logues, that was one of my issues with AA. It helped me get to a certain place, but I found there was a limit. I am happily sober but let go of meetings a couple of years ago. There are so many ways to get to a better place, and hearing others stories was a piece of it but it can become fatiguing.
Seconding this recommendation. It is a really remarkable book.
This book changed my life. Which sounds like such a cliche. I’d been a blackout drunk in my 20s and then went through a period where I didn’t drink as much, but I started binge drinking again on nights out with friends. I knew it wasn’t a good thing, but when I read Blackout, it galvanized me. And I haven’t had a drink since December 31.
That’s amazing! Hugs to you from an internet stranger.
Thanks!
Hey! Congratulations on 6 months+ and best wishes for the rest! <internet hugs if you want them>
Thanks! It really hasn’t been too hard. And virgin mojitos are actually pretty great.
I have not read the links yet but I have a fun OT question.
My boss got a gift basket yesterday from a client, and basically let me take everything. He claims to not like fruit, which is odd, but w/e. He also decided not to take the cheese b/c he’s trying to watch his weight.
Now on to the question. I have a big chunk each of Istara and Manchego cheese. What can I do with them, besides munch? I don’t think I will be able to consume all of that cheese before it spoils, so recipes are needed.
Ooh what a good problem to have. Dunno about recipes, but most cheeses can be frozen? You could have a freezer cheese stash.
Oh, I didn’t think of that, but it makes sense. Does it taste okay when defrosted or does water seep in?
I’ve frozen cheese for several months and defrosted it in the fridge and it’s been fine!
The taste is fine, but it’ll most likely be a bit crumblier than when it went in. If it’s quite a moist cheese in the first place then it’ll survive unharmed e.g. stilton, but semi-hard cheeses like the ones you have will be a bit awkward to slice.
I can help you with that! I love this Manchego/apple/fennel salad from Jaleo: http://www.latimes.com/style/la-fo-joserec24a-200…
Manchego, apple, almond, and bity greens = my favorite grilled cheese sandwich. Also nice as a salad.
Is the cheese still in wrappers, or is it already cubed? If it’s already cubed, you might have to suck it up and make a LOT of fondue or cheese on crackers.
No, it was still in the crinkly plastic wrap stuff. I did open each one to try them and then returned the plastic wrap. It’s probably not sealed tightly enough…
Ok, well, that’s probably less of a “surprise moldy cheese” than if it were just big old chunks of Manchego airing out! (I’m a squeamish person and my mother trained me to throw things out if they are moldy*; I’m not nearly as brave as HereKitty.)
*This is mostly because I have no sense of smell and therefore cannot tell if an item is spoiled without first checking the sell-by and then actually, like, consuming it (unless it’s very visibly spoiled). I imagine you have a sense of smell and therefore can be the best judge of your own cheese-consumption.
Cheese lasts a LOT longer than you might expect if you treat it well. To store, wrap enthusiastically in parchment and loosely in plastic — an unsealed plastic bag works well — then store in the back of the fridge where it’s coldest. Bring to room temperature before serving for the best flavor. And if it develops a “bloom” of mold despite your best efforts, just scrape off the mold and enjoy the delicious cheese underneath.
As to your actual question: cheese party! Ask everyone to bring something — great crackers, organic champagne grapes, fancy quince paste (SO GOOD with Manchego), fancy ham, sparking wine, port — and go to town.
> I don’t think I will be able to consume all of that cheese before it spoils,
Look sometimes you just have to rise to the occasion.
…
…
and maybe buy some extra toilet paper if thats a thing with you.
You could probaably grate a portion and freeze it, and use it in things where you want to have melted cheese- quesdillas and mac and cheese and the like. It might change the texture so I wouldn’t expect it to be good for eating in chunks anymore, but it would be perfectly fine for recipes.
Additionally though, they’re hard cheeses, and I bet you could keep them in the fridge a lot longer than you think. Proper cheese storage involves, taking them out of the plastic, scraping a bit off and then wrapping in wax paper or parchment and then I put mine usually all in one biggish plastic ziplock, mostly zipped. If you do this the cheese won’t harden that fast, and it can last up to 2-3 months if it’s a hard cheese to start. Occasionally change the paper, and you cna probably eat it all.
Manchego lasts, if you wrap it and pop it in the fridge. And it is YUM.
Manchego and mushrooms go really well together. I make a polenta w/sauteed mushrooms topped with Manchego and popped under a broiler for two minutes dinner that I love. Or on bread instead of polenta. Or just slice the manchego for the dish and eat it while you wait to add it because Manchego is the best.
post link to recipe please!
Uh, it’s from my head? Make a pot of polenta, spread it into a baking dish. Saute mushrooms with garlic, thyme and salt in butter until the liquid that releases is absorbed. Add a tablespoon of red wine vinegar, cook until absorbed. Spread on top of the polenta, sprinkle with ground red pepper or red pepper flakes if you like a little spice. Cover with shredded cheese (as noted Manchego is great, fontina too) and place under broiler until melted and a little browned. You can also add chopped greens (spinach, chard, kale) to the mushrooms before the vinegar and cook until wilted, or saute them separately with garlic and serve on the side. Top with a fried egg and this is my comfort dish.
zomg thank you! A+ will make.
That sounds terrific!
have a party! or invite friends over for a movie + cheese!
Have a Big Block of Cheese Day! Invite friends to come over and eat cheese and talk about their concerns (power points encouraged).
There’s always the classic Manchego and Membrillo which is manchego with quince paste and it’s amazing and makes you fell so incredibly fancy. Especially when paired with sparkling wine. I also like manchego with chutney but tastes and chutneys may vary.
My mom makes a manchego rice dish with dried sour cherries (the kind you get at Trader Joe’s) and I could eat an entire pot of it in one sitting. I’m pretty sure it’s just onions sauteed in butter in the rice pot, then toast the rice briefly with the onions, then add water and cook the rice, then before serving add HEALTHY serving of grated cheese, cherries, and parsley.
I won’t wear mined gems, which means my jewelry selection is currently rather limited. Apparently, the jewelry industry thinks that the only reason why anyone would buy a lab-grown gem is cost, so it’s difficult to find anything in gold or on the fancier end of the spectrum (except for truly hideous Godfather-esque rings). I hope lab-created gems take off, not only for ethical reasons but also so I can get swanky jewelry.
Have you looked at anything by McFarland Designs? She uses exclusively lab-grown and fair trade gems, as well as recycled metals, and works in all the traditional fine jewelry metals (various colors of gold, plus silver and palladium). My husband and I got our wedding/engagement rings from her, and we loooove them.
Oh, some Elizabeth Taylor-worthy jewelry is my dream! Sparkly stuff, yay!
If you are looking for swankier jewelry and willing to make an investment most good independent jewelry stores have a jeweler on staff who does custom work, or will switch out stones to the stone of your choice!
yes! You can also buy settings that you like, vintage and such and then get a custom stone for it, which you can order or have the jeweler order. In my experience a good jeweler loves stuff like this- its fun work. I brought an old setting of my grandmas in and had them make an ameythst to fit.
I recommend Jansjewells! She uses a ton of absolutely gorgeous antique and art nouveau molds in gold and silver and she’ll straight-up set anything you send to her at a very reasonable price. I had her set two lab alexandrites (actually I’m 90% sure this is a photo of my own ring) and I think it cost like, $25 each?
This post prompted me to go over and dribble at the pretty antique rings on Brilliant Earth (who are ethical). I haven’t done that for years. Back when I thought I’d use my money to buy one piece of decent bling instead of a small business and an education. The latter two were very worthwhile and I am so very fortunate but oh man. I do like shiny things.
http://www.brilliantearth.com/antique-engagement-…
I’m also wasting time while waiting around to see if some man from the other side of the planet replies again to this photo I put up on my business’ facebook of a very freaky rose that I’ve got growing in my garden. Petals as normal and gorgeous. Leaves growing out from the centre where the stamens should be. Weird.
I picked out my engagement ring from Brilliant Earth! One and only time Facebook’s targeted ads based on your relationship status have been useful.
Yes! My engagement ring is also Brilliant Earth, and I love it. And their customer service is great. My husband (pre-fiance, at the time) had many online chats with their customer service to figure out the best stones, sizing, style, etc. Highly recommend!
They’ve got some beautiful pieces there.
That is awesome! You’d have to have two mutations in different genes for that to happen! Can I see a picture? What do the carpels look like?
Is that what happened! The last time it flowered a few months ago it was normal.
Let’s see if I can get this to work.
APPARENTLY I CANNOT. Dammit!
Anyway. Here it is. It’s a Cécile Brünner.
http://s1376.photobucket.com/user/AvicennaIpswich…
This is the quality content I want to see. Thank you!
So before we could just look at DNA, mutations like this gave rise to a theory about the evolution of flowers, and now that theory is supported by the magic of DNA. Link is below. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ABC_model_of_flower…
Can I steal these pictures for classes on plant development?
Of course! I’ll update you when the alien flower comes out too, provided I get to it before the weather starts playing shenanigans. The cat has gotten used to me stampeding over her to get out the door in the mornings, which is something neither of us would have ever bet on.
Thank you for the link!
Here’s the photo I took this morning, a few days after the first photo. It looks like there’s a flower bud coming out of the middle of the flower. I have an Alien Rose.
http://s1376.photobucket.com/user/AvicennaIpswich…
Oh, thank you for sidetracking the rest of my day …. sigh.
That sounds like an amazing flower! If you have a link to a photo I would very much like to see it.
Here’s the link! I tried to embed and I failed.
http://s1376.photobucket.com/user/AvicennaIpswich…
And here’s the photo I took this morning, a few days after the first. It looks like I am going to have an Alien rose.
http://s1376.photobucket.com/user/AvicennaIpswich…
Okay, but who writes in to Prudie because of *peanut butter* though???
Haha, right? Develop some coping skills, guys.
I liked that one. It was so relaxing and low-stakes. Must have one’s peanut butter stirred of a morning, don’t you know.
I know it probably isn’t really the case that peanut butter is the biggest problem in that person’s life, but it’s nice to think so.
I did NOT understand that question.
Here is the text:
“My boyfriend and I have lived together for three years. We buy “natural” peanut butter. Both of us used to stir the new peanut butter jars, but earlier this year he asked that he be the one to do it always. I am messier, and he doesn’t like how much oil I pour out. It’s fine with me for him to do it. However, he’s forgetful and procrastinates often. He eats peanut butter every morning and hates when he forgets to stir a new jar the night before. My question is this: If there’s only one serving of peanut butter left in the jar, should I leave it for him?”
How does all of that background lead to that specific question? How are those things related?!
Dude! I didn’t get it either! Like, wtf is wrong with natural peanut butter (which I’ll admit, I do not really know what it is/is like.) that is has too be so carefully prepared? Do you have to “stir” a number of hours before use? He eats this fussy peanut butter everyday and forgets everyday that it needs to be prepared? And what on earth does the last scoop have to do with anything?
Natural peanut butter does not have the emulsifiers that keep regular peanut butter together all the time, so the oil naturally separates out and forms a layer on top. To use it you first have to stir the oil back in.
So is the question, “should I leave the peanut butter for him even though he doesn’t like the way I’ve stirred it?” Isn’t the answer then, “ask him”?
What was she going to do with that last serving of peanut butter if she didn’t leave it in the refrigerator, for him or not for him?
I’m still just way too confused.
Yeah, I still have no idea what this question is really about either. I guess in response to your first comment, I could have just said: “Don’t worry, knowledge of natural peanut butter does not help unravel this mystery.”
hahahahahahahahaha!
And you don’t pour the oil out, because that way you will have some rock-hard less tasty peanut butter in at least one portion of the jar. So maybe her boyfriend should teach her some peanut butter theory, or peanut butter techniques!
I do not do this but my mother used to, with great satisfaction, whip up her peanut butter with one of those immersion blenders right at the beginning of opening the jar up. I never saw but I guess she poured it out, whipped it, and put it back in. She said it was a little effort up front but it made the peanut butter light and airy and it stayed non-separated for as long as it took her to finish the jar! A woman who knew what she liked.
I actually started making my own peanut butter. Which is basically what your mom does, except you start with raw peanuts. All you do is roast peanuts, put them in a blender, drizzle in peanut oil until it emulsifies, and then just leave the blender going until it’s creamy enough (add a little salt, cinnamon, & honey!). And good peanut butter in my store is like, $11 a jar. I feel the same way about fancy mayonnaise. It’s eggs & oil! Why are we spending $8 on a tiny jar of mayo when you can make it at home! I share passion for scratch cooking that is rivals Ruth Goodman.
I stir it right when I use it, no problem. This guy sounds like he has a stirring ritual that would significantly slow down his morning. A problem for which I have no sympathy; I would eat the last of the peanut butter with no hesitation. Especially since it sounds like she’s not allowed to start a new jar, so would otherwise go without, under this weird system that she has apparently accepted. But, of course, Mallory’s solution is best.
it’s like: hi our dog has an itchy coat so we brush her every day and can’t decide if a shave would help like my bf thinks or just give us less fur to sweep up like our groomer says. My question is this: are mangos good in salsa?
dying laughing.
Literal spit take while reading this!
That one was a wild ride, I can’t decide whether I think their relationship is great, because that’s the only source of conflict in it, or nightmarish, because whenever they disagree on something they both collapse catatonic on the floor until an outside influence comes up with a compromise for them.
I think the background –> question goes like this:
1) New jars of natural peanut butter must be manually emulsified. Old jars are already pretty well incorporated.
2) Boyfriend takes forever to manually emulsify because of neatness.
3) Old jar has one (pre-emulsified) serving left, girlfriend can either eat it, leaving boyfriend no choice but to time-consumingly emulsify new jar before work, or leave it, so he has his preferrably emulsified serving for the morning and she can remind him to emulsify the new jar the next night.
4) Girlfriend CANNOT eat last serving and emulsify jar herself, because boyfriend does not approve of her methods.
Hence: would it be better to sacrifice her own morning PB ritual, or to slightly inconvenience boyfriend? Still a wild question, but I think it at least… follows.
Oh gosh, thank you for breaking that down for me! What I was stuck on was that I wasn’t understanding that the last serving left in the jar was one that she wanted to eat! I was imagining that she ate some peanut butter and after eating it, there was one more serving left, and for some reason she couldn’t figure out whether to leave it for him.
Somehow the truth makes this question even more absolutely absurd.
ASK YOUR BOYFRIEND?
EDIT: also I eat natural peanut butter too and what on earth is he doing that takes that long? I must be sloppy like the letter writer, because it takes me maybe three minutes of aggressive stirring, tops.
Yeah I was getting more and more confused and irritated as I typed that out. This would take two seconds to resolve. “Hey, babe, if there was only one pb serving left, would you prefer I eat it and leave the jar for you to stir, or eat it and stir the jar myself?
Because i’m not going to deny myself peanut butter for your weird stirring preferences.<\s>”I would amend Prullory’s excellent advice to: “Buy separate jars of peanut butter and consider what lengths you are willing to go to coddle this man.”
Yeah, this question actually stressed me out MORE than any of the others! Like just ask him if he wants that last bit. Or just break up with your weird peanut butter miser boyfriend. I was almost expecting a twist at the end all, “Oh and ALSO he’s cheating on me with my younger sister and I’m five weeks pregnant,” except NO it’s just peanut butter all the way down.
“Just peanut butter all the way down” sounds like a some delightful slangy euphemism for when things are going poorly!
Thank you for this?? Thank you for explaining this question. It would have haunted me for too long, especially for a question about peanut butter.
Candle on the Water is one of my favorite songs of all time, period.
Me too. We sang it in eighth grade choir as a part of our “graduation,” and then as a tribute to our choir teacher (we had the same one middle to high school, she was and is a dear friend) as our Senior Tribute when we graduated high school. Such a good song.
One of my favorite songs when I was a kid! I had a CD (purchased in a fit of extravagance at a time when music CDs were still very new and cool) of Disney songs and I listened to that one so much I would have worn it out if it were a tape.
It was one of the first songs I learned to both play on the piano and sing at the same time. Has always been a favorite, and I thank Nicole for getting it stuck in my head this morning.
ETA: And Helen Reddy rules.
As July creeps closer and closer, I’m preemptively mourning more and more. I gotta get up with the Toast Slack stuff.
Me too. It sounds wonderful.
It is!
It’s like open thread ALL THE TIME! So great.
But how do you get anything done?
what exactly is Slack?
I third this, it is excellent.
At IHOP the other day with my niece, I legit got a bit misty simply from seeing the little Toast character wearing nerdy glasses on their kid’s menu.
I recommend total denial.
I keep meaning to email and request a slack invite but that would mean the toast is ending sooo…
Relevant question: are you tied to the email address you use as a slack username? like if my email is “[email protected]” would that mean my slack username would also be “firstnamelastname”
No, you can pick a slack name, lots of us kept the name we’re known by here.
The Toast retrospectives/collected works posts are bringing me joy but also great anguish.
I have to change!” and the other half are like, “I don’t want to change!” And sometimes the same person is saying both.
Isn’t that, like, most people, though? I mean, change and personal growth usually sucks.
Also, that sucks about IntenseDebate getting more squirrely. I’d hoped to use it on clevermanka.net so people’s profiles would carry over, but…
Sansa is so magnificent and dog and oh man I am so jealous but also happy for you.
IT”S JOB INTERVIEW DAY!!! Any tips on appearing to be a sociable and pleasant person??? I’ve got the qualifications, but I’m afraid I will lose out on the schmooze factor. Help!
Smile, and pretend your interview team is made up of Toasties. You can do this!
It’s going to be all old white men, but I will do my best! Thanks.
Look at them like Lin Miranda Manuel looks at everyone.
Could work! Or could backfire horribly.
Turn the spigot on your personality tap halfway. Good luck and have fun!
so, only tell three or four fart jokes?? sounds like a plan! thanks 🙂
Ah sorry sorry should’ve been more specific – tell 3.5 fart jokes. Leave em hanging, tell them if they want that last punchline they have to hire you.
(jk jk! you got this!)
I like your strategy!
Listen and nod, open body language, when they say “What questions do YOU have?” ask “What do you like best about working here?” (Advice given to me by my Dad – a peak dad moment – and given by me to my son – who got the job and further reported that the manager he interviewed with was Chris Traeger from Parks and Rec.)
That’s a great question! Thanks!
Also a good question, cribbed from the excellent Askamanager although this terrible phrasing is my own – “what differentiates an outstanding performance in this role from a good performance” – or something like that, perhaps worded less douchily
That’s pretty good too! I will think about phrasing.
I’ve always just phrased it as “What does it look like to really excel in this role?”
Yes thanks!
OH, your dad is a genius. Filing that one away in my back pocket.
Love the advice apple_pi gave about the questions! So important.
I always like to ask if there’s anything in the interview I came off as weak in, or unclear in, and if they’d give me the chance to address it. Most the times it’s “no, i think we heard what we needed from you” or whatever, but I always got the sense they were pleased I was already asking for feedback / looking to improve / blah. Obviously you have to word it so you’re not coming off as too desperate, but yeah!
That’s a good one, too! Thanks.
Friendly smile and firm handshake!
Tip the hell out of your barista. It’s good luck!
I’ll find one on the way over just to tip 🙂
I assume it’s because like 30% of them are Unseelie and found a very stable access to all the milk they can drink. Hence the glamour. They like gifts.
Every time I see something about the ethical dilemma associated with purchasing diamonds, I joke to myself, “Yes! THAT is why I spent $150 on my wife’s gem-less engagement ring! Ethics! It had nothing to do with the fact that I was making $12 an hour and swimming in debt!”
What engagement ring? *clears throat awkwardly*
You’re not alone! I don’t get the big deal over diamonds as “the” engagement stone. The last straw that pushed me to finally end it with a guy I was with for almost 5 years was that he was going to go ahead and buy me a diamond engagement ring against my wishes, because how would anyone even know I was engaged if I wasn’t wearing a diamond?
Dodged a major bullet with that one, I think!
Ugh, we can fire him into the sun along with my ex who was planning on proposing on a jumbotron after multiple conversations about how the most important thing to me about a proposal was that it be private.
I literally used to tell people that if I ever got a public proposal, the answer would be no.
In his wisdom, my husband proposed in bed on a lazy Saturday. (Granted, the story does involve the doorbell ringing with me still in my pjs, me thinking it was probably a GOTV volunteer or someone handing out tracts, and finding a flower delivery guy instead. But that’s still not a public proposal.)
My engagement involved us talking about how we should think about getting married as we walked home from a Trader Joes. I was very anti-engagement ring, and this was respected by him. However, omg, so many people (people who I thought were reasonable) were super upset that I didn’t have a ring and kept questioning his commitment. …which made a lot of sense given that we had lived together for 4 years at the time and he had moved across the country with me, so clearly commitment was a real concern!
I actually got so annoyed with it that I just started wearing my wedding ring. I got a ring with 4 tiny stones (I think like .15 carats) set evenly spaced and alternate sapphires (his birthstone) and diamonds (my birthstone). Because I’m a nerdy geologist, I put a ton of research into finding a place that had at least semi-ethically sourced diamonds not from Africa, so I was okay with that. This seemed to satisfy annoying people, but I had had no idea that social conditioning around engagement rings was so very strong.
I cannot wait to read the Manson article. That roadtrip would be the dream trip I could never take any of my family on with me.
I have done that roadtrip! Well, daytrip–my sister has a fascination with the Manson murders (which sounds creepy, but it’s…not? or at least not that creepy, idk), so for her high school graduation gift she asked to go on a trip to LA, including a day where we drove out to Spahn Ranch.
It was a lot less unnerving and weird than it likely sounds written down, I promise.
My bff and I want to roadtrip to visit the graves of the people mentioned in the musical Assassins.
Have you read “Assassination Vacation,” by Sarah Vowell?
the author of that article just released a book about a lightly fictionalized version of the Manson murders! I read a review copy and it is good. The Girls by Emma Cline
Anytime Mallory says, “life is a rich tapestry,” you know it’s a good Dear Prudie letter.
Thanks to everyone who helped yesterday with my concern over my nieces being around their grandpa and aunt while they were carrying guns. I did end up speaking to my sister about it, and she agreed that she would prefer that they not carry while they have the girls with them. She’s going to speak with them about it. They do keep their guns safely stored in their houses. So I still don’t really like it but I feel better about it.
I’m glad you spoke up and were able to have a good discussion with your sister about it. It might have been the push she needed to tackle the unpleasant conversation, and it probably helped her to know someone else is thinking carefully about this.
I’m so happy that the conversation went well and may go toward making your nieces safer. You’re a good aunt.
THAT UNREAL PROFILE.
Wow, Shapiro’s story on the Bachelor sounds so much like an UnReal episode, which shouldn’t surprise me but wow.
Shapiro sounds so interesting as a person and she has introduced me to my new favorite phrase: “He was a populist idiot savant…He was dumb enough to say the stupidest idea and then smart enough to pull it off.”
I worked with her for years (in the ad biz) and she would tell AMAZING stories (she’s done so much cool work in the arts and had some wild adventures that the profile didn’t even get into), it’s profoundly satisfying to see her gnar old job become a critically acclaimed hit! She was always really badass at identifying the sexist bs we both had to put up with.
Once described a clueless and very powerful exec “it’s as if a kitten in a top hat has been given the power of speech”
soooo cool to know that! Oh man, she had even MORE adventures? I better get on that. 😛
Profiles Theatre (the company run by an abusive gaslighting monster) is closing and I am here to dance on the ashes: http://www.chicagoreader.com/Bleader/archives/201…
Also, on the same subject, an article about why critics should have caught on sooner: http://www.chicagoreader.com/Bleader/archives/201…
Thank you for sharing this update!! This is chilling from one of the actors regarding critics: “Like, at the very least, how hard is it to notice that every time you go to a Profiles show you are watching a misogynistic, predatory story involving [Cox] and a youngster-du-jour?”
ETA: MEN ARE FUCKING IDIOTS
Ooh, i love stories about abusive directors.
ETA…but that is utterly revolting. Gahd…
God. Good. I hope someone lights that dude on fire and no one tries to put it out, because it’s just “staggeringly real-seeming stage fire.”
Hi everyone,
Just wanted to post a friendly reminder that we have created a subreddit for your post-Toast use. It’s fairly quiet right now (as we do, thankfully, still have the Toast for another couple of weeks) but if you’re at all interested, there are currently about a thousand subscribers, and I feel like we’ve got a really good Mod team going. If you’re interested it’s:
https://www.reddit.com/r/toastcrumbs
Thank you! Just signed up (as Genevieveofthetoast, since regular Genevieve was taken). One question – does reddit prohibit frequent posting? I posted a comment, and then went to post to the comment above, and got a “you are doing this too often. Try again in 7 minutes.” message.
That Manson Girls article is a great read. I’m always really fascinated by the Manson Murders, for the sheer bizarre and horrifying nature of it — and part of that is because of the girls following him, both those involved in the murders and not. I guess it’s really frightening to me — I was born decades later but it’s scary how much I could see myself in those girls — naive, innocent, needing a father figure or at least male affection. Trusting a man who made them feel special. I like to think I’d have had enough sense to steer clear of trouble, but I remember how naive and trusting I was at 17, 18, 19, before I learned some hard lessons. I don’t know, this article really spoke to me in that way where you recognize a part of yourself from the past that has no changed.
Same. I’m also really into their iconography – the clothes and the hair, and the way they carried themselves. Fascinating.
CNN does those documentary series, the Sixties, the Seventies, now the Eighties. They’re all really well done, but both the Sixties and Seventies touch on Manson. Seventies has a whole episode on Crimes and Cults (if you are into that sorta of thing – I AM – it’s a great episode), which briefly touches on Manson Murders — but the Sixties, of course, has a whole episode dedicated to the Hippie Movement, and towards the end, they discuss how much the Manson Murders affected the Hippie Movement and really kinda shut it down, because before they were all harmless hippies, but then there were these who looked like hippies but ended up in brutal murders. It’s a very fascinating watch on a TON of levels.
It’s a pleasure and a relief that the College of Heralds has finally ruled on how to handle the combined coats of arms resulting from same-sex marriages. Precisely what impaling a coat of arms or placing the arms in pretence involves should remain mysteries known only to the initiate.
Hah! I was just coming here to post that link! 😀
That sounds like something from a particularly purple 80’s romance… “and then she felt him, impaling her coat of arms, and immediately blossomed like a like scented flower of the night, cendree, a shield parted per pale and per fir twig fess”
Impaling means the two designs are placed side by side! (I see from Wikipedia that “on the dexter side of the escutcheon, the position of greatest honour, are placed the arms of the husband”. Why do men have to be more important in everything? (And how can a side even have greater honour than another? THIS IS NONSENSE.))
In the dining hall of the society which employs me, the walls are covered with the coats-of-arms of every Treasurer of the society (it is an annual post, so they are running out of room). Apparently when people are appointed nowadays who didn’t have an existing design, they get to traipse off to the College of Heralds to have one created. I think I would refuse; Terry Pratchett’s Feet of Clay did not make me feel very kindly towards them.
I have been abstractly fond of the CoH since I enrolled at a college that had a recognized and fairly dull coat of arms featuring a smiling sun over academic buildings and an unofficial one that featuring a candle burning at both ends, on a field rainy.
I wasn’t aware that a coat of arms could include a smiling sun; that does sound pretty great.
“(3) A married man will continue to have the option of bearing his own arms alone. A ruling of the Kings of Arms made on 6 November 1997 allows a married woman to bear her own arms alone differenced by a small escutcheon. That will continue to be the case but the addition of the mark of difference will forthwith be optional.”
And keep your escutcheon, I got my own.
I saw a Sansa-looking Dog the other day and squeed with joy.
Sansa sees photo of alleged Sansa-looking dog: “Pfft. Oh, please.”
That dear Prudie letter about re-homing the girlfriend’s cats confuses me, because of this line: “there also aren’t any animal shelters in my Central American country of residence.” Why would that be a solution? Don’t surrender adult cats to shelters, they will never be adopted, find a friend or a friend’s friend!
well, if you’re badly allergic you might be in a rush. Otherwise point taken.
I feel like people who leave their pets at kill shelters are willfully deluding themselves, like when I give garbagey things to Goodwill instead of throwing them away, because I want to defer the responsibility for waste onto someone else.
Well, that may be true, but open-admission shelters are a better alternative than putting unwanted pets out on the street or in the woods, locking them in the apartment you’ve been evicted from, etc–all of which remain wildly popular. Open-admission shelters can be grim, but they exist because people need them, and for everyone who surrenders a pet in a way that seems frivolous or callous, there are many more people who are seriously out of options.
That’s fair– I can be a bit reactionary when it comes to pet ownership.
Thank you for the link to Ask A Former Drunk! I feel like this is a particularly tough subject for younger women, as they transition out of the bar scene, where everyone is drinking to excess, into the two-bottles-of-white-wine-with-the-girls thing. You look around and realize that you need this way more than any one else at the table, and that is scary.
The first thing I did when I broke up with trash bf was seriously cut back on drinking, which I realized I was doing to endure him. Self-medicating at its finest.
I bought a magazine the other day (enticed by the cover story “She escaped a cult, her boyfriend was eaten alive and, OMG, it didn’t end there”. How could I resist?) which turned out to contain an advert which is VERY defensive about how non-lab-grown diamonds are better.
“In the beginning were the gemstones, and the gemstones became our family’s world. Welcome to Gemporia, and our quest to restore genuine gemstone jewellery as the most sought after of personal possessions. We denounce the fakes and mass-produced synthetics that have infiltrated, confused and flooded the jewwellery market for the last few generations. We encourage women around the world to be at one with nature – to fake nothing.
“This issue we showcase a rainbow of captivating Coloured Diamonds. Available in seven striking colours, uncover the spectrum of the most famous gemstone in the world. We so truly believe that you are spiritually naked when dressed without a gemstone, designs start from just £79.”
Hands up who else is spiritually naked most/all of the time? I feel vaguely scandalous.
I’m pretty sure diamond (etc.) mining has enough of a negative environmental impact that wearing the results is not the best way of becoming one with nature. And that’s leaving aside the human rights issues.
(hand immediately shoots into air, waves furiously, “me! me!”)
perpetually spiritually sky-clad
*throws hands into the air and twirls into the sunset*
Wow and I thought Sea World’s recent tv ads were defensive.
WAIT what about the girl who escaped the cult??
She was brought up in the Children of God cult and left when she was 23, after a childhood involving being separated from her parents and often beaten. Her boyfriend did not, as implied, get eaten alive by people (probably good?) but by a crocodile while kayaking in Uganda. She then became the fastest woman to circumnavigate the world on a bike and is now a top ultra-endurance cyclist! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juliana_Buhring
http://arstechnica.com/the-multiverse/2016/06/an-…
Late, but has everyone seen the movie written by an AI? Its all kinds of weird.
What I took from that movie is that Batman v. Superman was also written by an AI.
OT: Toasties! Today I am wearing a swimsuit without a skirt-thing on the bottom for the first time since I was about 10 or 12 years old, and I am ENJOYING doing so. It is a very cute swimsuit and I feel so much more comfortable than I thought I would. (It is a one-piece, not a bikini; baby steps, baby steps.)
I am now going to go lay on a beach with a book (Radiance by Catherynne M. Valente) and some podcasts (switching between Stuff You Missed in History Class and Radiolab).
Whoo! I’m delighted for your confidence and cute swimsuit and deeply envious for your beach access! After work I’m going to swim laps at my college’s outdoor pool, since in the summer it’s nearly free of undergrads.
Best life! 😉
i need to say that the Toast really saved my life. The moderated comments, the caring, the wisdom, the fun, the heart. Damn. Just gotta get strong enough by July 1 when we get kicked out of the nest.
Lightly related to the diamond article: here is an older article talking about engagement gemstone suitability that I found funny and informative. I had originally planned to get myself an emerald ring- if I hadn’t talked myself out of it, this probably would’ve! (Caveat: I still think emerald rings are the most gorgeous things ever, please show me pics if you have one!)
Link please and thank you. 🙂
Oh my god, doy!
Haha, here it is: http://spirerjewelers.blogspot.com/2012/08/no-no-…
I was considering emeralds, too, but went with a sapphire instead because of this.
I’m sorry, but that pen pals and Charles Manson article– is “Rodney Bingenheimer” a real name?!?!?! That is a Wodehouse character’s name, not a real person’s name.
Rodney Bingenheimer is (was? is he still with us?) actually a very well-known LA DJ. Not sure he was born with the name, but he’s been known by it since the 60s, when he was very much the early guy on the Beatles bandwagon.
Yes! Wikipedia says he’s still alive.
yes! Rodney on the ‘Roq was one of my favorite late-night-driving-home-after-the-club programs!
Apparently so and according to the strangely angry comments on the article he was very beloved. The one that was like “why would you talk about him if it wasn’t something nice?!” is especially bizarre…
Golly, Jeeves, there’s some raw work pulled at the font from time to time, is there not?
Guys I’m going to do that annoying thing and tell you about my dream last night but it’s RELEVANT, I swear.
I was outside walking with my (recently) ex-boyfriend and some guy came up on a bike and starting being creepy. There was a big rambly farmhouse near by so I ran away from him and the boyfriend into the house and there I was in Mallory’s country kitchen.
There were various women (although not Mallory herself) strewn around the large wooden table, eating scones and oatmeal cookies and drinking coffee, and it was clear that this was just a Normal Breakfast Gathering that happens all the time in Mallory’s rustic country house, so I poured myself a cup of coffee and ate the most delicious scone of all time and that’s the end of it.
I’m assuming that this is a subconscious reaction to my recent breakup – which is mostly fine but Complex, as the end of all longterm relationships are – as well as to my deep and unfulfilled desire to spend all of my mornings leisurely consuming baked goods with Toasties.
Now I wish to travel back in time and paint a Western Art of this scene so Mallory can analyze its homoerotic undertones.
I love that you ran from creepy, hurt-y men into a farmhouse filled with supportive women and an awesome breakfast spread.
The best part of this dream? It is actually a thing that could and should totally happen in reality!
here u go
This may be the thing that actually makes me take up cross stitch instead of just talking about taking up cross stitch.
Finally I have a use for the roll of aida cloth in my closet.
Don’t know if you’ll see this, but can you tell me what program you used to create that? I used to laboriously plot out cross-stitch patterns by hand on graph paper, but this looks potentially a lot less painful.
This is unrelated, but does anyone know of any good, unbiased sources for information on Clinton’s email server? I keep hearing contradictory things. Could she be indicted? How big of a deal is it?
I read the progressive alternative news site OpEd News, and they have some interesting posts about it. Not entirely unbiased, but highly informative.
I’m not trying to stir up trouble, but I’m not totally sure about this site… it strikes me as very anti-Hillary, perhaps to the point of spreading misinformation. Which I guess is fine if that’s your thing, but in terms of cutting through to just the facts, I’m not sure it’s going to happen here. I’d suggest poltifact instead.
Fair enough, OpEd contributors do tend toward supporting Bernie, as do I, but the site has some pro-Hillary articles, too. I personally think some corrective is needed in the face of shenanigans like Wasserman, the super delegates, the email scandal and the bias of the mainstream media against Bernie, to the point of the AP calling the CA primary in Hillary’s before it happened. There is a lot of questionable stuff on Hillary’s side and OpEd has published some insights into that. It’s also published some good investigative journalism, some aggregated from heavy hitters like Glenn Greenwald.
is the last thing I’ve read on it and seems fairly level headed. it comes down to “not impossible but very unlikely”
To the Oh You Can Still be Furious lady, the issue may be self-correcting, the public humiliation may be enough to make him amend his ways. But I’d still have a Conversation about it, and I say to demand couples counseling if YOU feel you want it. I see you as the injured party here, not him, and you have every right to make some inquiries about his honesty and faithfulness.
Whoaaa, finally got around to reading the UnREAL piece, hoping to be convinced to watch the show… but wow, Shapiro sounds like a nightmare? She sexually assaulted two people, she explicitly preyed on other women’s ED and seems to have a lot of fat-hatred herself, she’s dating a man because there is “less drama,” the weird gross comment to her Iranian friend… some of it she seems to be self-aware about but other stuff she says with a straight face. Does not seem particularly feminist. (Still probably better than most other showrunners I guess.)
It’s a sign of how much I’ve been on the Toast that when Shapiro said men were “less drama,” I thought, “wow, what an unusual belief” and not “oh, that stereotype again.”