Just found this classic picture of me with a newborn, which really captures having a newborn.
At the end of a terrible week, I have taken great pleasure in making a series of over-the-top tweets about my HORROR that my fake boyfriend, Tom Hiddleston, is romantically involved with Taylor Swift, a tall, beautiful billionaire with many millions of fans whose entire wildly successful brand is Bad At Dating (remember when she dated the 18 y/o Kennedy kid and crashed his family wedding? remember when she dated JOHN MAYER?) He is behaving foolishly. You are allowed to have ONE thread discussing their relationship, you may use puns and gifs.
(I have always enjoyed Taylor Swift and her attractive friends and cat. She is not right for Tom Hiddleston, it will end in tears. This is just science. He will need me to pick up the pieces. Your contrarian takes are welcome on YOUR OWN BLOG.)
also there is zero chance those pics were taken by paparazzi, this is STRAIGHT out of Tay’s camp
Some would say this filibuster was more important:
Senate Democrats have ended a 14-plus hour filibuster calling for gun control reform, after Sen. Chris Murphy said he won promises for votes on two measures.
“It is our understanding … that we have been given a commitment on a path forward to get votes on the floor of the Senate — on a measure to assure that those on the terrorist watch list do not get guns and an amendment … to expand background checks to gun shows and to internet sales,” he said in a statement.
I’m really glad Jezebel ran this interview with a woman who had an abortion at 32 weeks (her fetus was “not compatible with life,” which is the kind of awful phrasing we have to come up with for awful things), because it was brave and detailed and HARD and I feel for her so strongly and we need providers who will perform these procedures. If you would like to donate to help cover costs for pregnant people who need later abortions, you can do so here:
Tactfully, they put us in a room pretty quick, but then a nurse came in who had no idea, all smiling and talking about where we would put the baby. After that, one of the nurses went out and put the sad sticker on our door, as we called it—this purple sticker, which basically means, “be cool in here because bad shit’s going down.” After we got the sad sticker, everyone was very sensitive.
YOUR INLAWS ARE AWFUL and you have to give the damn car back and read them the riot act and it will build Stephanie’s character (eventually):
My son Chad and my step daughter Stephanie were born 4 days apart. Their birthdays were last week and well our sons 16th birthday was practically ruined. Our kids both wanted a car for their 16th birthday. My husband and I have good jobs but with recent expenses that we could not have foreseen, we can’t afford a car right now, no way in hell 2 cars. We explained this to our children and they seemed to understand.
Two weeks ago my husband informed his parents about the situation. It was just causal talk when you catch up with family, there is no way he could have known they were going to do what they did. My husband and I planned on getting them something nice and throwing a party for them both.
Last week Chad turned 16 first and we just got him some clothes he really wanted. He was ok with it, it was something he wanted and he really did not mind. What we got him looked like nothing to what my husband parents got Stephanie.
The day of Stephanie’s birthday, my husband’s parents surprised Stephanie with a brand new car outside our house. It had a ribbon on it and they did not even talk to us about it. They just showed up in it without so much as a heads up. Stephanie was so happy she was on the verge of tears. I looked over the chad and he was pissed, he was trying to hide it but you could tell he was not happy.
Your probably thinking great now the kids have a car they can share, well you would be wrong about that. Not only did Chad not get a car and Stephanie did, but Chad is not allowed to drive it, ever. The in laws have told us and made it very clear the car is for Stephanie. The car they so generously “gifted her” will be taken away if they found out Chad has driven it. They have never liked Myself or Chad, we don’t know why.
I’m looking forward to reading this:
Isenberg clearly means White Trash to be a rebuke for generations of middle- and upper-class Americans who write off poor rural whites as worthless and blame their miserable, marginalized existence not on poverty and civic neglect but on bad genes and weak character. As Toni Morrison observed during the Monica Lewinsky scandal in 1998 when she called Bill Clinton “our first black president,” the attributes Clinton’s haters found so revoltingly white-trash about him—“single-parent household, born poor, working-class, saxophone-playing, McDonald’s-and-junk-food-loving boy from Arkansas”—replicate the “tropes of blackness.” In addition to being slapped with virtually the same stereotypes, poor blacks and poor whites have, as Isenberg observes, “similar economic interests.” But the one trait now most commonly associated with white trash—overt, vicious racism—keeps them at odds.
Since the experiment, the authors point out, various public-health researchers have noticed that when they interview African-Americans about their views on the health system, they will often bring up Tuskegee unprompted — it left a deep scar on the country, yes, but on this population in particular. Why should you trust doctors, and particularly white doctors, when the government can allow something this awful to happen?
Which raised an extremely depressing question for Alsan and Wanamaker, and one that no one had yet fully tried to answer: If you tried to measure the damage done not by the Tuskegee experiment itself, but by the aftermath, in the form of mistrust for the medical establishment, as news of it spread through various African-American communities, what would the results be?
Being a single parent is so so hard, and even if you have a two-parent home, if both of you are working, getting the call from daycare to come grab your sick kid at 11am because they just threw up can play havoc with your job. Not to mention, it’s SO frequently expected that moms will always be the ones to bail out of work and come get the kid, which just plays into a weird dynamic that results in people NOT HIRING women in their childbearing years:
I am a single mother to an 8-year-old and a 19-month-old. My youngest gets sick quite often, and when she needs medical attention or simply a day home from day care, I don’t really have anyone to rely on to help me out. This usually means I have to miss work when she is sick.
In the past 2 months, I had take 3.5 sick days for her and to leave work early twice. I’m anxious this is going to reflect poorly on me, especially since I just started my job here 3 months ago.
What can I do, besides finding alternative child care, to prevent this from reflecting poorly on me? What do you think I should expect as a consequence?
Sister of The Toast Laura Ortberg Turner on Joan Didion’s politics:
Joan Didion is a cipher for anyone who reads her, but especially for the progressive young women who’ve found her in recent years. In that sense, Didion is not so unlike another “Goldwater Girl” whose politics shifted as the GOP shifted away from its laissez-faire roots. Hillary Clinton, influenced by her father’s conservatism, noted the party’s shift after the 1960s in an interview with NPR. Her reflection on the process sounds very much like what Didion might say, if she had anything more to add: “I don’t recognize this new brand of Republicanism that is afoot now, which I consider to be very reactionary, not conservative in many respects. I am very proud that I was a Goldwater girl.”
What to do if you are refused emergency contraception (you shouldn’t have to, obviously, but I do recommend buying a pack or two of Plan B and keeping it on hand so you’re not running around when you need it):
In the last few years, laws regarding EC have undergone a number of changes. Each state varies in its specific regulations, and the way the regulations shake down can depend on whether you are at a hospital, clinic, or pharmacy. Some states allow private hospitals and pharmacists to refuse on the basis of their personal beliefs. It’s also possible that the provider you encounter is plainly misinformed. No matter your age or gender, you should be able to buy levonorgestrel-based EC pills over the counter. This guide, though a bit technical, has a run-down of emergency contraception policies per state where you can find out more about the state you live in.
Here are some details on the types of EC pills and how to get them at a store or online. When you can, it’s nice to have EC on hand ahead of time just in case. It’s super-easy to order it online—and some delivery services will even take insurance. If a time comes when you need EC, you’ll be glad you have it and can take it right away.
“For people of color, achievement is a double-edged sword“:
This tragic parallelism reveals America, yet again, to be a country born out of paradox – founded on freedom and built on slavery, we have emerged as a dichotomous nation with only the extraordinarily wealthy and the exceedingly poor. We’re a country that boasts constitutional human rights but can’t come together on the fact that human is human is human, no matter whether we pee standing up or sitting down, sleep with men or women or both, choose to have an abortion or to kneel with our heads to the ground when we honor our god.
I love Kate Beckinsale’s Bad Parenting, her daughter is 17 and whatever who cares.
I need to you share my love for Clea DuVall’s work on this season of VEEP, please:
thank you but let’s not:
Clea Duvall on VEEP has been the light of my life these past few weeks, and a welcome respite from many terrible things.
“I’m so sorry I thought you were Selina!”
“Yeah well… How about you touch neither of us?”
(I know that’s JLD’s line but it’s just so good).
“Ma’am, your daughter’s dazzling eyes could light a fire themselves.”
Ugh, she is such an underrated comedic actor!
Quick question. Can anyone help me find the ad with the terrible DC bros looking for a roommate? I can’t find it anywhere and I’m beginning to think I imagined it.
It’s on this Link Roundup: http://the-toast.net/2016/05/19/link-roundup-576/
Bless you. My baby sister just moved to DC and needs to see it.
they! also recently updated it!
(rose got out!!!)
Free Rose! Godspeed, good woman.
Those Tom/Taylor photos were so CLEARLY staged that I’ve been cackling over them ever since
there is a PILE of DECORATIVE ROCKS as an ACCENT NOTE
IT LOOKS LIKE A LANDS END CATALOGUE PHOTO SHOOT
HOW MUCH MORE WHITE COULD IT BE?
THE ANSWER IS NONE. NONE MORE WHITE.
It could be L.L. Bean.
Found this on twitter:
This is the best thing I’ve seen today, hands down.
*laughing like mad*
I contend that a capella group singing of pop hits always makes things whiter.
To be fair, in Rhode Island, we do just keep decorative rocks around, ready for any and all to take photos like that.
Lived in South County. Can confirm this is A Thing.
My school playground in Coventry even had decorative rocks (boulders).
You are from Rhode Island? Would you be willing to talk to me about this coffee cabinet thing I’ve heard of? It’s relevant to my interests.
I mean, I call them the brand name of “awful awfuls” because I grew up a couple blocks from a Newport Creamery, but what would you like to know?
You might also be interested in Coffee Milk, which is a different thing.
I am not sure. I worked with someone who was from there and talked about them, and she seemed to like them. I googled what you were talking about, and she wasn’t referring to a particular restaurant’s version of them, more like what you might make at home. She really liked the ones her family would make, and I wondering if it was just her? Google has a million recipes and makes it sound like it’s a common thing, but I wasn’t sure if it really was.
okay, so I’ll just talk for a bit, and give you a bunch of other context on coffee and coffee based foods in RI:
Lets start with Coffee. Coffee, in RI, unless otherwise specified, is Dunkin Donuts. There is other coffee– Starbucks is there now, although it took a long time, and there are any number of smaller chains of varying quality. If you order a “regular coffee”, it comes with cream and sugar. If you want black, you have to say black. Iced Coffee is available, and regularly consumed, all year long. But, in general, all of these things are consumed by adults, not children.
Coffee Ice cream is very common in RI. Like, absurdly common. Like, chocolate, vanilla, coffee. It’s not complex, it’s not interesting, there are no chunks or mixins, it is not adulty in the least. In fact, it’s not at all unusual for people to enjoy coffee, or coffee ice cream, but not both. Despite the fact that “regular coffee” contains milk and sugar, coffee ice cream is so light and sweet that, if anything, coffee ice cream is a KIDS thing.
This relates to coffee milk. This is notnotnotnotnot coffee with lots of milk. Or even milk with a little coffee. That would be an adultish beverage. You’ve got milk, chocolate milk, strawberry milk, and coffee milk. Just like the others, you’ve got milk, and you add the coffee flavored syrup. There are two acceptable brands, Eclipse and Autocrat. I came from an Autocrat family (unless Eclipse was on sale). I was not allowed to have chocolate milk as a small child, I was allowed coffee milk. They have since come out with bizarre artisan coffee milk syrups, the sort of think Whole Foods will sell for $9. They are fine, i guess.
We are now ready for your actual question topic:
Like some people say “Kleenex”, I say “Awful Awfuls”, because that’s the brand name of the thing served at The Newport Creamery (a small local chain, similar to Friendly’s). When I was a very small child, they had just started expanding flavors. iirc. It’s mostly Ice cream and milk in a blender, depending on the flavor they also add syrup. The version available there is fairly thick— you can drink it through a straw, but only just barely, and many people prefer to use a spoon instead. Sure, some people call them Cabinets, but it’s almost more of a thing people do because it’s a unique Rhode Island thing and we like those things, rather than a true consistent regional dialect thing (at least in my neck of the woods/family/etc). Everyone does their ice cream based beverages a little differently, region by region, and they call them different things— milkshakes may or may not contain ice cream depending on where you’re ordering it— but they’re mostly the same idea. But because coffee is one of the most common ice cream flavors, coffee is one of the most common awful awful flavors.
Also (correct me if this has changed in the last few years) RI is the state with the most coffee and doughnut shops per capita.
I did not think it was possible to learn so many new things in one day.
I didn’t know coffee flavored syrup was a thing at all! I have NEVER seen such a thing before.
I need this in my life.
My grandparents lived in RI and going for Awful Awfuls was always SUCH A TREAT. Is coffee brandy big there? We didn’t have coffee milk in Maine, but we did have the adult beverage version of milk + coffee brandy.
OMG, I can’t believe I’m going to “actually” you about coffee cabinets, but I AM (this might have made my entire week). My credentials include the fact that, even though I haven’t lived in Rhode Island for more than 15 years, I currently have a bottle of Autocrat coffee syrup in my fridge.
A coffee cabinet is what the rest of New England calls a frappe and the rest of the universe calls a milk shake. Made with coffee ice cream, coffee syrup, and milk.
The Awful Awful is flavored syrup, milk and some kind of ice milk thing. It tastes more like a malted type of thing to me.
They are both delicious and the best way to truly understand them is to visit and try them both. And while you’re there, try our other weird but delicious food. Italian grinders! NY System weiners! Clam cakes! I love my little state.
“Cabinet” is an old Rhody term for “milkshake” and a “coffee cabinet” is just ice cream + coffee milk syrup (like Autocrat) + milk combined in a blender.
Awful Awfuls are milkshakes made with ice milk (less than 10% milk fat) instead of ice cream.
Thanks, y’all! All this just reminds me of how different parts of the country are like different countries all together. I love this kind of stuff. And I’m definitely visiting Rhode Island one day.
If they’re not made with ice cream……. how on earth do they end up so thick??? is it churned like ice cream, so consistency wise it functions like ice cream, but because of the lower fat content it doesn’t end up as rich????????
More or less. I believe the milk in an Awful Awful is whole milk, but the ice milk is only 10% milk fat plus the same amount of sweetener of ice cream. Less rich, still tasty. (Which was good for me as a kid because really rich ice cream makes me barf.) The actual ice milk Newport Creamery uses is a “secret recipe” so for all I know there’s something else to it to thicken, but I doubt it. I think it’s all about ratios.
Aww, dammit, you beat me by like 9 hours. That’ll teach me to do actual work during my workday.
I love seeing all the Rhode Islanders come out of the woodwork to discuss our beloved coffee-flavored drinks.
Two things I desperately miss from RI: Awful Awfuls and coffee milk. Mint Chip Awful Awful 4 Lyfe!
Coffee milk is so entrenched as the state beverage that it was one of the school milk options in the little cartons at my elementary school. One time in college a roomie of mine also from RI brought me back some Autocrat after a trip home and it was the greatest.
That did not have that where I grew up and I’m super jealous.
I grew up north of Boston and we had coffee milk cartons! But only some of the time, like, when Hood had a surplus or something. Anyways they were the most delicious.
and Del’s frozen Lemonade!
I believe at some point the Rhode Island legislature voted on a state drink, and ended up making coffee milk the official state winter drink, and Del’s the official state summer drink.
AWFUL AWFULS
THANK YOU FOR RETURNING TO ME THIS PIECE OF MY CHILDHOOD.
<3
100%. When he was dating Elizabeth Olsen, they did everything possible to avoid being seen together, so no way has he suddenly just got all loosey goosey with the paparazzi.
Anyway, I’ve been going off him for a while now on the suspicion that he’s actually really basic and this is the final nail in the coffin. Also I know Taylor Swift is probably actually fine, but I can’t forgive her for wearing a cocktail dress when HOSTING the Met Gala. So they can piss off together and have basic babies as far as I’m concerned (I mean that’s not going to happen because no way is this going to be a long term thing but whatever)(also my opinion means nothing, I’m well aware of this).
This at least frees up my erotic imagination to officially install Sophie Turner as my pale, aristocratic English crush of choice.
Yeah, ever since Mallory said something like “He can’t be Bond, he’s barely even himself” I’ve started to suspect she was right. And while I still think he’s gorgeous, I’ve had enough half-formed manlings in my life.
I will still probably fantasize about meeting him irl someday because I suspect he is a nerd and a huge dork and I think he could be fun to chat with under the right circumstances. But yeah, feel like this signals it’s time to find a new crush. (Also, the tea in Taylor’s next album…)
Half-formed manlings!!
Truly, my new favorite descriptor.
The suspicion that he’s really basic! That solves the puzzle for me. For a long while I had the sneaking suspicion that he was like a particular brand of bro I grew up with in the Baptist Belt: super handsome, super charming, plays guitar at parties, everybody wants to be him or do him, but attempts for either are gently rebuffed because, ostensibly, God. My theory that Tom Hiddleston had signed some kind of purity pledge seemed to be undermined when he was dating Elizabeth Olsen, but if his sexual orientation is “basic,” then that explains my confusion. There is a lot of overlap between basic bros and Baptist bros.
ugggg, those Baptist bros.
So bland, so sexist. So seeking a woman who is equally bland, Baptist, and basic.
He is SO BASIC. And SO try-hard. Honestly, this relationship makes total sense to me because they are the same person. They are going to pimp out this relationship SO MUCH, and I can’t wait.
I feel like the UK (or maybe just my specific group of London-based friends, whatever) has gone off him BIG TIME. I’m attributing this to the try-hardness which the US fanbase loves (he brought his guitar! impressions! dancing!) and the UK is over the Atlantic watching with a mixture of jealousy and wistfulness going “well this is some extrovert malarkey and no mistake”.
I had basically that exact conversation at a party recently, so yes, that seems to be what’s happening.
EXTROVERT MALARKEY
It feels like the uk (in the four months I’ve been here) has been going off the handsome posh boy squad in general
This frees up Lizzie Olsen to date meeee!*
*if she so chooses, obviously.
!!! I did not know that she was the co-host. I was prepared to write her dress off as merely passable if she were simply attending (you will remember that she didn’t even make it into my shouty roundup of Best Dresses on whatever Link Roundup came after the gala), but as a host, I cannot let that stand. THE FUCK, GIRL. DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT THE MET GALA IS. IF YOU ARE HOSTING IT YOU WEAR A FUCKING GOWN OR YOU OUT YOURSELF AS WHAT YOU ARE: A SILLY CHILD PLAYING DRESS-UP.
No, a silly child playing dress-up would take every fucking opportunity to wear a voluminous gown, preferably with a frothy skirt and sequins.
Someone on Twitter said that those photos looked like a man taking his grandmother to visit the ocean for the last time and now that’s ALL I CAN SEE.
AHHHHHH
I KNOW. (MAYBE this will help? As clearly they aren’t dating, he’s just a nice grandson treating his nan to an afternoon out?)
Best thing I’ve read all week. Thank you. <3
AHHHHH my God it’s taking EVERYTHING in my power not to cackle-scream in this quiet shared work space I’m in. OH MY GOD
CANNOT LIKE ENOUGH!
I mean I get that it’s funny but at the same time, does she (or any other celebrity) really have any choice? It just bugs me seeing people who are more nasty about it (not you ofc), because it’s like well, what is she supposed to do? If a celebrity couple is in a real relationship, their only choices are: 1) be outed against their will and in a situation not of their choosing, or 2) constantly stay inside and never go out in public together and/or engage in elaborate subterfuge to hide their public dates (during which they still risk #1), or 3) stage something and come out on their own terms.
Frankly she’s very good at doing #3, which I admire her for tbh. (And whatever, I personally think they’re cute together. Tom Hiddleston seems like a very good guy and a complete gentleman, so good for her tbh.)
I’m not sure I agree. You can leak stuff without staging “a viewing.”
I mean, I don’t care how they want to do it, she can call a press conference or release a coffee table book of couple’s photos for all I care. But there are alternatives to a very staged production of Oh Dear You’ve Discovered We’re Dating.
Was skimming comments and read “You can leak stuff without staging ‘a viewing'” as being funeral-related. Like fluid leakage.
Yes, my brain is morbid.
Not gonna lie, that exact same thought occurred to me right after I typed that, but I was too lazy to rephrase it.
I don’t get it. 1 of all, he’s 10 years older then her, 2 of b its not like he has a PR problem that needs fixing, so why are they doing this?
Because they like each other, let’s not be too cynical.
I saw pictures of them dancing together at the Met Ball and I was like, yeah, those two *like* each other.
Ha! When I saw those dancing vines I had this little celebrity-life feels about how nice it must be to just have a good time with a stranger even after you all accidentally creep each other all the time because *~*faaaame~*~ and all of its inherent shittiness, but in my mind they were like ships passing in the night, so now that they’re dating I’m kinda sad.
Thanks.
(Me, obvs)
because they are two attractive, famous, try-hard dorks (I mean that affectionately).
I actually like to believe this one. If I was very famous and very beautiful I would probably try to hook up with Tom or at least try to start a rumor we were involved.
Apparently Taylor and I have more in common than a mutual love of cats.
I’m confused by Tom’s outfit. Who wears such tight trousers and a buttondown to clamber around on beach rocks? He looks like he’s at a Cannes photocall.
Doesn’t he always dress like that? Shrug, lol.
If it was posed, then one imagines it was just what he wanted to be photographed wearing. If it wasn’t posed…. I don’t recall the last time I changed into different clothes specifically to clamber around on beach rocks. There are a lot of beach rocks in RI, and you just can’t easily anticipate every time you’re going to see an appealing beach rock.
I have no particular feelings on Tom and Taylor, don’t care too much about either one of them, maybe they’re perfect together? But if Taylor were one of my friends, I would probably gently suggest that she take some time to be single. Like 2-3 years of singledom. It’s hard to find yourself when you’re constantly attached! But she’s not my friend so anyways I wish her the best and hope she has some fun.
She actually was single for two straight years before dating Calvin Harris, people just still use the whole “she’s always in a relationship!” thing because???. Anyway she and Calvin were together for a year. They “officially” ended it (aka publicly announced it was over) at the beginning of this month, but that’s not to say that they haven’t been broken up longer than that so it may or be not be true that she’s “only” been single two weeks before dating Tom. We don’t know obviously, because we’re not them lol.
I thought she had been dating Harry Styles more recently than that but I just looked it up and apparently they broke up in early 2013?? aka over 3 years ago?? time to go lay down and think about how time makes fools of us all
There’s also, I’d imagine, the fact that if you’re famous these days it’s hard to just hook up and not have it be A Whole Thing, and I know I’d find two or three years of total celibacy to be hard.
I think Taylor’s reputation is kind of unfair, in that most of her “relationships” are highly publicized “went out with a famous guy 1-5 times.” But I’m a terrible Swift Apologist, because I guiltily relate to being an awkwardly tall white girl who likes cats and, like, vintage bathing suits and tries too hard and is painfully clueless sometimes.
Taylor’s “reputation” is completely unfair.
She’s a person in her mid-20s. She dates just as much as many 20-somethings do. I cannot for the life of me understand why it’s SUCH A BIG DEAL that she has had multiple boyfriends over the past few years. That is what AT LEAST HALF of the 20-something population does on a regular basis.
And the bullshit whining that she capitalizes on these experiences to make her (multi-platinum, best-selling) albums? WTF do people think musicians/artists of all kinds do? They take their personal experiences and turn them into some kind of art. The ridiculous pearl-clutching and outright nastiness that people hurl Taylor’s way because she *HAS THE AUDACITY* to DATE people and then BREAK UP WITH THEM and then WRITE MUSIC ABOUT IT is disgusting and disheartening.
And, as should be patently obvious to all of us on this site, most of the shit thrown her way because of her behavior is because she is a woman. George Clooney did the same damn thing before he married, and women creamed themselves for him. Taylor Swift does it and she is viewed as crazy and attention-starved.
You don’t have to be a “Swift Apologist” to be disgusted by that.
Thank you. The sexism of responses I’m seeing (mostly elsewhere but not gonna lie, a little bit in this thread) has made me really want to hang out under a rock.
Also I’ve seen a couple of interviews with her, and she seems so genuinely upset by her treatment in the media for dating, that it makes me doubt that this was staged. Maybe it was! But she seems to have worked really hard to change her image, and it must suck to be back in the firestorm again.
“My woman left me and now I have feelings” crosses all genres of music for men, as it has for pretty much ever, so why shouldn’t TSwift do the same thing?
Right, and also, at least the songs I’ve heard from 1989 seem to be pretty philosophical about it. It’s not “you asshole, how could you,” it’s variously “shit ends, this is gonna end, at least we’ll have fun” (Wildest Dreams), “this is a bad idea but kind of addictive” (Style), and “hey I’m trouble” (Blank Space). Which…is pretty good, really.
Especially considering that guys have put out stuff like “Friends in Low Places,” which, aside from the chorus which is awesome, is all about barging into a party and acting like shit because you’re not over your ex.
The Guardian has my favorite headline: “As Close as We’ll Get to Two Memes Dating.”
It’s here: https://www.theguardian.com/music/2016/jun/15/tay…
I have less than zero use for the Sun, but “Tinker Taylor Snogs a Spy” is pretty clever.
This is SO great.
“Swiddleston”!
The Guardian is on a Hiddleswift roll today: http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/lostinsho…
“Tom Swifty,” he Taylored, Hiddlestonely.
Thank you, you’ll never know how much this means to me.
I am killed
perfection
“Let me help you scramble across this rock,” Tom said stonily.
“I nearly slipped into the sea,” Tay said drily.
They gazed into each other’s eyes. His were like the DEEP BLUE SEA. Hers were a BLANK SPACE.
I’m sorry, I’ll see myself out.
At first I was going to ask, “Isn’t he old enough to be her dad?” but then I Just Let Me Google That For Me’d, and it turns out he’s not as old as I thought (35) and she’s not as young as I thought (26). But the fact that he seems old enough to be her dad (and she seems young enough to be his daughter) says something about their fundamental incompatibility, I think.
I wouldn’t be bothered by the age difference so much if it weren’t for the fact that this is the second consecutive mid-20s lady he’s been involved with. Please don’t be that guy who continues to date 25-year-olds well into his 40s, Tom! It’s not too late for you yet.
I also had this thought.
This was my reaction! I’d assumed he was in his 40s, and she in her early 20s. I don’t know how old people are, apparently.
I’m sort of confused by the people who don’t realize how old she is? She named her last, fairly popular, album after her birth year. I guess it would’ve worked better if she’d gone the Adele route and just used her actual age.
Then again, I have a distinct teenage memory of learning that she was only a year older than me and being SHOCKED that she was so close to my own age so.
She is only about three weeks younger than me! I find the existence of the 1989 album very handy for remembering this.
She’s six or so months older than me. I remember this because 22 came out the year I turned 22 and I couldn’t escape it
Oh, the particular pain of being a 22-year-old non-Swift-fan when “22” came out.
*raises hand* yes I am in this club. Well, not quite. I actually really liked the album 22 was on (“Red”) so I became a swift fan when it came out. 22 was one of my least favourite songs on the album though.
IDK, I think she intentionally cultivates this image of youthful innocence to better appeal to teens/tweens, which is why people get confused about how old she is.
That sounds logical. I’m also the type of person who immediately wants to know the age of any celebrity I have even a passing interest in so I tend to have a much better knowledge of celebrity ages than most people. I forget this sometimes.
I guess I sort of didn’t realize that’s why she named it 1989, and I never really did the math on how old someone born in 1989 would be (even though I was born in 1982, so it’s not like that moment when you realize someone born in the 90s might be old enough to drink)
I didn’t either.
I told my roommate about them yesterday and she was appalled, because she also thought the age difference was larger than it is.
Actually, no, the fact that he “seems” old enough to be her dad kinda clinches this as The Most (Uppercrust) White. Like, her whole aesthetic thing seems to be going as blandly, WASP-y Newport as humanly possible. And he is like the epitome of blandly, WASP-y Eton (but the *genteel* side of the scale, not the gross pervert side).
Together they are a couple from a book you’d have to read in high school because it is Very Important and probably written by a member of the Lost Generation. The story itself is so bland that years later you remember the act of reading it, but you cannot recall the book at all except some vague ideas about white cable-knit sweaters and boat shoes.
Yes to all of this.
Yeah, I have to say I’m a fan of this because (as someone on tumblr was saying yesterday) it’s like an Edith Wharton novel or something. An upper-class Englishman! A rich American elbow-deep in murky rumors! I just want to see them go to a costume party as flappers together, ok?
Reading Nicole’s tweets last night all I could think was “this is when I discover I’m older than Tom Hiddleston, is’t it? ISN’T IT??” And it was.
Yeah, I had the exact same reaction. I thought he was at least 40.
Who wears patent leather oxfords to climb on rocks with their “boyfriend”? That did it for me.
They’re in Westerly, RI! On a beach I’ve visited and loved! I’m delighted by the fact that I have done marine science by crawling around gathering periwinkles (=snails, not flowers) on those very rocks where the celebrities sit to take an awkward selfie together! I hope they had a nice time.
The periwinkles looked much more relaxed than these two, as I recall.
I was only recently introduced to the idea that celebrities fake relationships for PR and now I think I see it everywhere. Are celebrities even real people? There must be a conspiracy that they’re secret robots, right?
Lizards.
I refuse to believe anyone wears clothes & shoes like that to beach, even if it is Rhode Island. They are both in lace up leather soled shoes! He’s dressed like a dad going to work! None of it makes any sense.
DISCLAIMER: I know literally nothing about Rhode Island.
I dunno, I wear nice clothes on dates, and sometimes you leave a restaurant and just walk around (to somewhere scenic enough for good paparazzi shots).
You take your shoes off if you wander down to the beach though. Surely you do.
If I was going to get sand in my shoes, yeah, but maybe not if it was cold and I was going to walk around on some dry rocks.
So, I would really really like to know the more specific location, but there are a lot of areas in RI that are right on the water that are not “going to the beach”. If I wanted to “go to the beach” from my parent’s house, it would take a 40-60 minute drive, depending on beach and traffic. If I wanted to take a picture like the ones I’ve seen of the two of them, you could get that shot and have a paved sidewalk or grass juuuuuust out of shot— so, like, two paces on the sand and then you’re on the rocks. In fact, my primary “interact with the water in RI” thing is to find some bit of coast with as little sandy beach as possible, drive pretty close to the rocks, climb on the rocks in whatever i happen to be wearing (always rubber soled, but pretty often it’s a mary jane or my docs).
It is 100% plausible they went out to dinner or lunch at a place with a water view, and then saw a rock outcropping to sit on.
Have you seen her Watch Hill house in RI? I’m fairly certain these photos were taken just outside her house. There’s a huge pile of rocks on the beach there that separate her home from the beach (and are also fenced off). As someone who had some time to kill in RI on a rainy Sunday a couple of weeks ago and has fond memories of Watch Hill, I drove over there and actually sat on the border of unfenced off rocks and read for a little while. It was lovely and I was envious of her home, but also kind of respected her choice to have a house there.
As someone who grew up in RI, it is weird to me because this is June. We’ll go walk around the beach/water any time of the year in all kinds of clothes. But once it hits, like, 68 degrees (Fahrenheit) that is beach weather so you’d be in beach gear for sure.
Unrelated: she needs to fire whoever is responsible for that blush.
PREACH on the totally bullshit of using privilege to pit less-privileged groups against each other for scraps. It is why intersectionality it so important; we can’t bring down the patriarchal and racist establishment if we are too busy fighting with each other. Its why so often one group will try to cultivate an image as “The Good X” to try to gain some traction, which might help their cause in the short run but hurts others who don’t fit into that “Good” box. Poor blacks and poor whites (to use the example from White Trash) have lots of common ground (bad schools, bad health care, high crime rates, high rates of violence against them) but are encouraged (by racist jerks) to work against each other instead of banding together. I wish people would wake up and see that being a racist poor white person isn’t in your best interest (in addition to the racism part making you a shitty human being) and start attacking the real problems.
Totally agree, but just want to add that in my observations as someone who is neither Black nor White, poor Black folks don’t work in any structural way or vote against the interests of poor White folks. That’s what makes the dynamic so maddening to me, because then it just further reinforces the inherent terrible-ness of some White people’s racism.
ETA: for instance, on one hand, I understand the alienation that many Trump supporters feel about being left behind economically, but that doesn’t make it okay for them to then project that alienation and anger onto pretty much any POC and other marginalized groups! It’s not okay to dehumanize me or people I ID with just because you’re pissed at your situation.
AGREED and also I am frustrated by the argument by some white self-identified liberals that “we are partly responsible for Trump because of our insistence on PC culture.” NOPE. We do not share the burden of this bigotry because we asked people not to be so fucking offensive all the time.
I mean I really do think that the liberal intelligentsia has done a terrible job of reaching out to white working-class voters (and that neglect from national progressive groups is at least partly responsible for the miserable political situation in many states) but the answer is not “be more racist??” Like why is that suggestion higher up on the list than “commit to economic justice”
Right? He is taking advantage of the fact that the sort of people he is appealing to are 1. undereducated (because our educational system in this country is insane) and 2. have been told for years by the Republican Party that they are Real American who have been wronged by those dangerous brown people (instead of being systematically screwed by rich white dudes).
We need to do a better job of getting that across, otherwise of course resentment is going to bubble up.
I generally agree with that, but at the same time as a WOC who does work in that liberal nonprofity complex, I personally do not feel the need to be that person on the ground, you know? Especially because of the dehumanizing thing.
But at the same time, I know that coalition building has to take place and I do admire/respect POC who are doing that work on the ground.
I’m a white person and a teacher of high school students, some of whom are profoundly ignorant about race, and I do my darndest to be that Person on the Ground, but there’s not a damn thing I can do about what their parents are so obviously telling them.
Ahh, many thanks to you and you keep on fighting the good fight. It’s so, so tough. I’ve been that POC student in class trying to come up with suitable retorts and I do not envy your position as a teacher in this situation at all.
Of course it’s not like every single liberal is obligated to be part of every single campaign! I am a white person, also nonprofity, and sometimes find myself in the role of that-person-on-the-ground (alongside a lot of fantastic POC activists). Some campaigns really do need to be tailored to different geographic/ demographic targets, and what we need is support for people who can devote their full attention to organizing in their own communities and regions, rather than an effort to impose a single political program on the whole country.
But I do think it would behoove every progressive person to cut this shit where we joke about fat toothless hicks who deserve what they get and ignore the fact that higher-earning suburbanites are the actual core demographic of the conservative movement.
Thank you from a poor fat hick with bad teeth who is nevertheless a progressive liberal. That line gets pretty fucking tiresome, but it’s not gonna lead me to vote for Trump.
Definitely agree re. the classism and derogatory comments re. poor white folks and re targeted campaigns.
Totally agree. It seems that people who have only one thing to cling to will cling with all their strength even if it is a brick and not a flotation device.
I come from those people. My grandmother clawed her way out of the redneck class, went to college, was a teacher, thought of herself as progressive. I only saw her racism once: when she was pulled over by a black cop. She was OUTRAGED. Who does he think he is? How could he? She fumed about it for weeks. That racial pride was deep down in the root of her character. Two college degrees, fluency in four languages, and a sophisticated urban lifestyle in a major city never changed it.
Re: deleted comment, we just had/are having a conversation on Toastieslack about Ms. and Mx. and why are we all still regularly addressed as Mrs. in spite of these other better options, so I have to say that I am moderately impressed by Deleted Commenter’s marital-status neutrality and commitment to Ms. even as a lone vocative.
How do we get in on the Toatieslack? Is there a sign up somewhere?
x2
Hey hi! You can email ppyajunebug @ gmail, and she will then invite you to the slack chat! 🙂
Thank you!!
You can email ppyajunebug @ gmail, and she will then invite you to the slack chat, where we have tons of channels and conversations and loveliness and also gifs and emojis.
And all the cat pictures in the universe
Whenever I reply ‘Ms’ to the question ‘Miss or Mrs?’ the other person always gives me this very specific look which is partly embarrassment (as in ‘But of course I should have asked that’) and partly a sort of curious appraisal (I think largely because people still associate it with middle-aged divorced women and I’m not one).
I am a divorced middle-aged lady (but apparently don’t seem like one?) and am always getting addressed as Miss or Mrs., never Ms., which is what I would have preferred pre- and post-divorce and indeed at all stages of life.
No consistency on the Miss/Mrs., though if anything I get addressed more often as Miss, which is very off-putting. I know intellectually that in English “Miss” is polite, but in the language that I grew up in, the equivalent of “Miss” is a word ONLY for girls under 12 or servants (which nobody would do even if they had servants because it is considered so demeaning to call someone “Miss”), so I always bristle and feel awful for quite a while afterwards when someone calls me that — it is very unpleasant. Yet Ma’am sounds like somebody blowing their nose. Can we make “Madam” have a comeback? “Madam” is dignified!
Technically I am “Dr.” but one gets socially conditioned not to use that in the US.
Whenever I am allowed to, I choose Mme. as my honorific. It’s the only one that I like that is currently applicable to me. Unfortunately, in America, this does opportunity does not come along often.
I don’t often use my “Dr.,” but when someone goes to the extent of asking “Mrs. or Miss?” the answer is “Dr.” and there are times when I think that’s the only reason I went to the extent of finishing my PhD.
Oh man, when I get my PhD I am going to make everyone I know address me as Dr. Lemonack. My colleagues are only on a last-name basis with me anyway.
Approved so hard.
OH THANK YOU for mentioning how “Miss” is for little girls or servants. I had a new (older) co-worker from up north and she kept calling me “Miss” because that’s her pet name for her daughter or nonsense like that, even after it was established that yes, she knows my name. But I was one of her supervisors! And i felt it was super demeaning because of the servant connotation, even though I would have been fine with “ma’am”, but it was really hard to explain why “Miss Keri” or “ma’am” would have been okay but “Miss” wasn’t. The worst is that there wasn’t ever a good time to gently correct her, because she always called out “Miss, miss!” from across the way when we were busy and she screwed something up (again). Thank goodness she no longer works with me.
Anyway part of the issue was also that she did treat me like an inferior being because she didn’t like the procedures we have, which were put in place because of audits and reporting. The “miss” just compounded it.
If we have a female Doctor show up in our customer files at work, of philosophy or medicine, I try extra-hard to remember to address her as such.
Is this a regional thing? I never get that in upstate NY, but I do live in kind of a progressive bubble…
I’ve used “Ms.” exclusively since I was about 20, and had a friend sincerely confused because he thought it indicated that I’d somehow gotten divorced (and, presumably, married) without him noticing.
This is so interesting to me, partially because growing up all the women (almost exclusively wealthy, white SAHMs) I knew were firmly MRS. But as an adult in the professional world, it definitely seems like Ms. is the default — like Mrs. often isn’t even on forms.
I don’t know that I’ve ever addressed a work email as anything other than Ms. (or Dr. because i work a at Uni) It just seems so very odd to use Mrs., except when I send greeting cards to my grandmother?
I use Mrs. because it makes my husband super happy and I don’t really care. I didn’t change my last name, so it probably would cause confusion if anyone noticed. HOWEVER that’s MY choice. I think it’s weird when the default is Mrs.
Keeping my last name is one of the reasons I definitely won’t be using Mrs. when I get married, because Mrs. Velocipedestrienne is my mom and it would feel weird to me.
Back when I had a landline, sometimes calls would come asking for “Mr. or Mrs. Gator,” to which I would chirp “Dad and Grandma aren’t here!” and hang up.
Also, with all the Jesus talk, I was bracing for a condemnation of the writer’s queerness, which never came. Tbh the comment is hilarious and intrusive but seems genuinely well-meant.
I feel like Ms is the only thing that makes any kind of sense for me, because I’m married but I kept my name, so Mrs MyLastName feels weird. Also, why are we even using these any more? They serve so little purpose in modern times.
Probably my favorite thing about having a PhD is I can go “DOCTOR actually” if I want. Though overly-formal wedding invitations still come to Mr and Mrs hislastname even though we both hyphenated.
MY freaking college alumni donation requests are addressed to Mr and Mrs Hisfirst Hislastname, so fuck ’em, I’m never donating.
Every time I see that I think “Wait? Are they both named Arthur Kumquat?” Because that’s what it looks like even though I think technically that would have to be written Mr. and Mrs. Arthurs Kumquat, right?
(One of my favorite little silly things in A Room With A View is how everyone calls them “the Miss Allenses” even though it ought to be “the Misses Allen”)
EXACTLY! “Oh I never realized my name also is Jeremy Kingfisher! Thank you, university that my husband has never even seen in real life, for reminding me that YOU think the degree I got wasy M.R.S.!
Of course I simultaneously hold this belief along with a lingering annoyance with all the people who refused to address things to my grandmother as Mrs. Grandfather’s Name. I think the point is that it ought to be our choice.
quiet aside: I work on that kind of thing in a database for a non-profit and it is my sisyphean boulder that i try to fix names to be correct but bad data entry keeps fucking them up again.
my personal preference is for Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Doe when we have to go formal, but that’s a little too outre for the general public. (Lots of women who have Strong Preference request that format, though!)
That’s one of the things I miss about the Army. “It’s Sergeant Velocipedestrienne, thanks.”
I have just the most utter glee over the option of pulling an “actually it’s Dr. [Last Name]” whenever I feel like it’s necessary. It makes the eight years I spent in graduate school worth it. So far I haven’t had the option, although I got some junk mail from my favorite animal shelter last night addressed to “Mrs. [Last Name]” (and for the record, I am not married). That bummed me out.
This makes me want to use “Mr” as my honorific sometime, and explain that as it’s an abbreviation of Master, my M.A. should qualify me for this title.
Every time I insist on Ms. Every time someone’s filling out my details on their screen, I get a blank stare (“Did you say Miss? I’ll just write Miss. My brain can’t process what you’re saying no matter how many times you say it, so I’ll put Miss.”) And when I fill in the form myself, it somehow changes by the time my address gets printed on the envelope.
This was my mother’s battle to fight, and it’s still not won.
I stayed up way too late watching the filibuster and I legitimately might fall asleep at my desk this morning.
Working from home today because ditto.
I actually am pro Hiddlestay if only because, as Nicole so clearly stated when talking about Grace Kelly and Gary Cooper, when you have a chance to hop on that biz, just doooo ittttt. I tried explaining this (gently, chastely) to my 10 year old Taylor Swift super fan daughter and it just went over her head. Trying to explain his level of attractiveness and charisma to a 10 year old is kind of pointless. It can’t be explained, really. My daughter also believes that “she just needs time to herself.” Yeah, agreed, but it’s Tom. It’s Tom.
Honestly I don’t know that this is much different from male twenty-something stars who date all the starlets /models they can get introduced to other than Taylor cares more about the photos being flattering.
I spent too long just now figuring out that the phrase ‘pro Hiddlestay’ was not some kind of baffling new slant on the whole Brexit debacle…
That’s the third option, that the UK leave the EU but Hiddleston specifically stays in it, or possibly the UK stay in the EU on the condition that Hiddleston can never leave Britain again
“She just needs time to herself.”
Oh my god I LOVE your daughter.
(My own mom is uncharacteristically opinionated on this subject and thinks Tay dates/”runs around” too much, which is a more judgmental way of saying same.)
Yeah, I think she’s made some bad choices in who she dates, but haven’t we all, and she doesn’t seem to date all that much. She does seem to date a lot but not a lot a lot. I mean, she’s an active dater, the way many many many people are who like being in a relationship or who want to find a life partner. It’s very normal. I’m not that fond of her, but people are super judgmental about her dating. (But your mom isn’t wrong that it’s good for everyone to take some time to yourself)
Right! I mean, as above, back when I was her age (…in the late Triassic) I was having a date every week or two and surfing OKC regularly. And I wasn’t, like, desperate to be in a relationship or even that keen on it–but I thought it would be nice to have a boyfriend, men were fun, sex was fun.
I was a nebbishy editorial assistant and nobody knew me from Adam, so if I had a couple dates or slept with someone a few times or whatever, it didn’t have to be a whole big-deal Serious Relationship thing: nobody cared.
And as for the bad relationships…eh. Again: mid-twenties. Plus, I’m a proponent of Dan Savage’s saying: every relationship you have will fail until the one that doesn’t.
Yes, exactly! I’m not a huge fan of Dan Savage but I’m a fan of him putting that into words and sharing it. It’s so so normal for young people to date a lot, even back when I was her age (*ahem* before OKC, so that would make it . . . Middle Triassic?).
My mum is weirdly opinionated about Tom Cruise’s inability to maintain a relationship. I mean, obviously it’s because he’s a total weirdo, but he is the ONLY CELEBRITY she has a strong opinion about. And it’s the relationships that are the problem, not his personality generally.
Also, I’m worried that Clever Manka hasn’t checked in. Anyone else worried? Is she okay? I’m thinking about her a lot today. If you’re out there and too upset/busy (really, busy is best bet) to drop by, I hope you’re okay!
Love this comment on the Kate Beckinsale article:
“The English are not like Americans (thank god), all hung up on bodies and sex. They have quite the sense of humour and I can so see this being right funny.”
Have you… have you ever met an English person? To be fair, yes it is funny, but we are NOTORIOUSLY hung up on bodies and sex. Jesus wept.
Oh, my gosh, yes! The “know what I mean, know what I mean” Python character would not exist elsewhere.
As an English person: of course it’s embarrassing, that’s why it’s funny! Case in point, streaking is practically a national sport. Also I challenge you to find any English woman who doesn’t giggle at the word ‘willy’.
Hehe, ‘willy’!
I saw her on Graham Norton a few weeks ago and I think I’m a bit in love. She’s amazing though.
SHE TRAVELS WITH A PANTOMIME HORSE. *heart eyes*
For a (glorious, glorious) minute I thought you meant she was accompanied everywhere by two dudes dressed as a pantomime horse… and now I would give up (1) organ to make this a true thing.
I wouldn’t put it past her, although she says she quite enjoys wearing it.
What else does it mean?!
I laughed most exuberantly when she talked about the horse, and then they showed the photo. I really had no opinion on her, but that made me like her just a wee bit more.
ENGLISH PEOPLE FACTS:
– English people reproduce asexually, via budding.
– If an Englishman attempts to say the word “intercourse” out loud he will explode. This is the fourth leading cause of death among working-age Englishmen.
– English people are strictly forbidden from fantasizing, except on bank holidays.
I actually knew a guy at uni who was the male welfare officer and therefore responsible for giving out free condoms and he had a girlfriend and everything and yet he was still constitutionally unable to say the word ‘sex’. He also went to Eton, these things are probably related.
I’ve typed and deleted about three different responses to this but they all boil down to horrified incredulity and “ah, bless”.
Totally related; my working-class Yorkshire husband has no problem with any of this stuff.
Things are different in the North
I had no idea until marrying into it.
Did nobody else run for the welfare officer position? It feels like LITERALLY ANYONE would be better.
He was a really, really lovely person, and totally approachable and easy to talk to. Great on mental health and other general welfare things. The sex part of it was just giving out condoms and telling you to go and see the nurse if you were worried about STIs, and he did both of those things fine.
I am very sorry for maligning him, in that case!
This is my favorite moment in the recent NBC Dracula mini-series. Dracula and Mina dance at a ball, and everybody instantly realizes what’s going on. There is no ambiguity, just a room full of people who know repressed sexual desire when they see it!
That’s why you have way more bank holidays than the US!
Is this where I link to A Bit of Fry and Laurie’s sex talk in class sketch? I think it is.
Upsettingly, that video is blocked in the UK…
BEST THANK YOU
I can’t link at work, sadly, but the Peter Cook and Dudley Moore sketch about the facts of life is the funniest thing ever. (Do a YouTube search on “Dirty Uncle Bertie”).
I wore over the elbow gloves with a sleeveless dress to church, and I thought nothing of it, because the garments were clean and not revealing, and the colors were liturgically appropriate for the season.
The only person who said anything about it was British Choir Buddy, who said something on the carpool home, while blushing furiously, about maybe that being too fetish-y an outfit for church.
I couldn’t even be peeved at being garment-policed, because he was so writhingly embarrassed.
God, can you imagine the horror if you were wearing such a fetish-y outfit in non liturgically appropriate colors? Shock, horror, shielding of eyes, etc.
I know, right? I’m low-church about many things, but this is not one of them. And I have a reputation to uphold!
One of the many things I enjoy doing, now that I apparently have a makeup addiction, is wearing liturgically appropriate eyeshadow during important seasons. And the dual Advent traditions mean I can alternate between blue and purple!
That is an EXCELLENT idea.
Signed,
Used to dye hair red for Pentecost :p
Pentecost is a day for multiple shades of red and gold eyeshadow. All Saints Day is gold with silver highlights.
I LOVE YOU ALL
Today in (Feminist) SPACE History! [Archive]
On this day in 1963, Valentina Vladimirovna Tereshkova became the first woman to fly in space. Chosen from more than four hundred applicants (and five finalists), she was selected to pilot Vostok 6, a one-person space capsule. Before her recruitment, she was a textile worker who skydived as a hobby. To become a member of the Cosmonaut Corps, she was actually honorarily inducted into the Soviet Air Force, and as such was also the first civilian to fly in space. She was in space for three days, during which time she took photographs, oriented the space capsule, maintained a flight log, and completed a total of 48 orbits of the Earth. The photographs she took on this mission were later used to identify aerosol layers in the atmosphere.
When the female cosmonauts were dissolved in 1969 she ended up becoming a member of the Communist Party and remained politically active through the collapse of the Soviet Union; to this day she is still regarded as a hero in post-Soviet Russia. Now 79 years old, she carried the Olympic flag in the 2014 Winter Olympics, and also recently offered to go on a one-way trip to Mars, if the opportunity presented itself.
On this day in 2012, Liu Yang became the first Chinese woman in space, as a crew member of the Shenzhou 9 mission. She was born in Zhengzhou, Henan in 1978, graduated from the People’s Liberation Army Air Force Aviation College of Changchun, and joined the People’s Liberation Army Air Force in 1997. She is an experienced pilot with 1,680 hours of flying experience, who became the deputy head of her flight unit, and held the PLAAF rank of Major. Liu was chosen as a candidate for the astronaut corps after two years of training. She was then selected for the crew of Shenzou 9 for the first manned mission to China’s first space station Tiangong 1, along with Jing Haipeng (a man, and the first repeat Chinese space traveller), and Liu Wang (a male Chinese pilot). The mission launched on this day in 2012, 49 years to the day that Valentine Tereskova launched to space as the first ever female space traveller. During her own mission, Liu performed space medicine experiments.
(‘Fun’ fact: Liu is married, something that is “preferred” for Chinese astronauts, as they believe spaceflight could “potentially harm women’s fertility” and that “married women would be more physically and psychologically mature”. Originally people thought this was a requirement by the Chinese Astronaut Centre, but they denied that and said it was a “preference” instead.)
Yes, Valentina Tereshkova!!! Russia has some bad-ass women in their history. Queens, snipers, tankers, Night Witches…
Yay! I was hoping for a Tereshkova post today and I got a free bonus taikonaut to boot!
Tom Hiddleston and TSwift. I clearly slipped into an alternate reality during the night. Hello, New Earth Toasties, is there anything else completely bonkers I need to know about this world?
ALL HAIL THE RACCOON OVERLORDS
Yes, the-toast is ending. If you happen upon an earth where the-toast lives forever let us all know pls.
Damnit, I was hoping that was going to be one of the other changes. Have we appealed to the Raccoon Overlords?
I’ve got some incredibly bad news about who the Republican presidential nominee is. You might want to sit down.
You should also check out what the Brexit factions got up to in the Thames yesterday.
Is…Is Kate Beckinsale a complete weirdo? I saw her on Graham Norton the other day and her anecdotes were seriously bizarre. Now this.
Toasties, back in March I adopted a rescue dog (yay!) who was 7 weeks old. The rescue folks were very sweet and well-meaning and also wrong about everything. They said the puppy was a boy (nope) who would probably be 30 lbs as an adult (she’s 30 lbs at 4 months) and that she was a wire-haired terrier mix. Here she is at 9 weeks:
The thing is, she just DID NOT STOP GROWING, and I have just seen pictures of Irish wolfhound puppies, and….yeah. She’s not full-blooded Irish wolfhound (she’d be about 45 lbs, not 30 lbs) but she’s got a lot in her. Have any of you owned Irish wolfhounds or similarly gigantic dogs, and do you have advice for me?
Yes! Okay! IN CASE SHE GETS WAY BIGGER (45 pounds is still a very midsize dog), giant breeds are way more likely to mess up a joint in their youth, bc all those connective bits take a while to catch up, so do not strain her with agility-type stuff, and do not run her excessively until she’s reached her adult size.
That is GOOD TO KNOW, because when I take her to the off-leash dog beach, she is always trying to run with the much older, larger and faster dogs. The vet said a good rule of thumb is that most dogs will be twice their weight at 4 months when they are adults, so….60 lbs as a grownup, maybe? Although I guess Irish wolfhounds keep growing until they’re two.
That rule of thumb is not as accurate for big big breeds (Sansa is going to blow past it, for example) bc they do indeed keep going until 2. 60 seems like a good guess in your case, though! Just keep an eye on her if she gets too excited with the big kids, also, adorableeeee.
WHAT A CUTIE!
I have no advice as I am not a dog owner but I am 100% here for jumbo dogs. I just want to congratulate you on an adorable dog with fantastic side-eye.
My highly professional advice is that you should deliver that dog onto me for snuggling, or at least provide me with 10x more pictures.
I do a weekly photo roundup on my Tumblr, if you want to see a jillion more.
http://lilah80.tumblr.com/tagged/my+puppy
HEART EYES EMOJI.
Advice: CUDDLE THIS DOG A LOT. AND POST MANY PICTURES.
Seriously, though, the best advice I can give is to have a vet that you trust and who is friendly, and ask that person lots of questions…
Well, here’s one from the first morning after I gave in and let her sleep in my bed. She’s an excellent snuggler, but I may have to upgrade to a king-sized bed at some point…
Make it a California King! A friend’s dog sleeps in my bed whenever I stay at their house– it’s a full bed, she’s 20 lbs, and there’s not enough room for both of us. Dogs take up non-euclidean amounts of space.
Also ohgodthatsleepylittleface.
If you get a king size bed, she is still going to sleep completely on top of you. It is Pet Law. I think if you were even to let gerbils sleep on the bed, they would sleep directly on top of you.
OOOOOOOOOOHHHH LITTLE BIG DOGGIEEEEEE! This cat person wants to kiss her noooose!
You may not need to upgrade! My husband and I share a queen bed with two dogs (one 60 lbs, one 70 lbs) who sleep under the covers because we’re pushovers (and the one is a ridgeback–he’s a desert dog, he’s not designed to cope with temperatures below 70) and somehow there’s room for all of us.
I don’t know about Irish Wolfhounds personally, but YOUR DOG IS A DELIGHT.
I have no advice but I just want to KISS ALL OVER HER LIL FACE AHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
That is just the most beautiful dog ever! I’ve never owned a dog so I can’t give you advice but I just had to comment because she is so cute!
I grew up with a Great Dane. Don’t keep anything breakable on side tables at tail-wagging height.
Yeah, this. Everything is going to get wagged on. I’m an artist and I had to repair a stripe across this pastel drawing once because he wagged on it. He also wags regularly on the good china cabinet, putting it in jeopardy, something which makes my heart sing every time as my sister (his human mother) claimed everything of value in the house for when my parents die as hers and the good china was up the top of the list. Wag harder, dog!
I think he’s also wagged a hole in the wall. They were apparently playing rough that day.
I’ve also been concussed twice by big dogs, but I am short so…
My parents acquired a puppy from a litter where the mom was found as a pregnant stray and at just past 2 years he’s about 150 pounds (they never had a dog larger than 30 pounds before). If you haven’t done any training classes, I highly recommend it. Ozzie gets a little wild as puppies do, but the training makes it much easier to calm him and he is much less nervous around new people/dogs than his littermate, adopted by my brother and not given any formal training.
They only did the first two classes offered by the local Petsmart so it wasn’t a huge time commitment.
Well, she looks ALOT like my Giant Schnauzer-Beauceron mix puppy at that age. I think Abba was 23 lb at 10 weeks, so not that far off from your pup. She’s now over 80 lb at 9 months.
Seconding Nicole’s comment about joint issues – Abba had Panosteitis, which is basically puppy growing pains. Not much we could do about it, besides occasional anti-inflammatory meds and trying to prevent too much crazy exercise. I’m only starting to run with her now (she 9 months), and even still keep it pretty short. Swimming is great though, easy on the joints and tires her out.
Another thing to consider is the type of food you feed her – you may want to get food specifically for a large puppy (Fromm’s has a type that we use, other brands have it as well I think). Too much food can actually lead to large dogs growing too quickly and contribute to joint and bone issues.
I’d also recommend obedience training as young as possible – our awesome positive motivation trainer really helped us to understand how to channel her high-energy into positive outlets and prevent mishaps. Good luck!
I’ll definitely look for the large-puppy food, that’s a great tip. I used Authority’s puppy food when she was really little, and we’ve been using Taste of the Wild, which said it was for all ages, but I’m probably better off with food specifically for puppies if feeding her too much could harm her joints/bones.
I had her in a puppy class at 8 weeks and it was a TOTAL disaster, because she loses her shit at the sight of other puppies because she wants to play with the whole entire world. Last night I had a private session with a trainer to work on how to help her calm down and focus on me, and we’ll be going into a new obedience class next month. It’s just not fair to a dog to not train it, and if she IS going to be big, it’s even more important that I teach her how to calm her excitement when greeting people and animals.
Taste of the Wild has a puppy version!
I second the training recommendation. My dad brought home a Rottweiler-Mystery mix one day. Jake was an adult when we got him and weighed about 150 lbs with his back level at my hips when he was standing. Fortunately someone had put in the time to train him in the past and he was a smart dog because he was stronger than me. It could have been a disaster but instead he was the best dog I ever had.
Also great for keeping creepy guys away at the park. Women and children wanted to meet him all the time but guys seemed put off by the woman with the giant Rottweiler.
I’ve found that dogs are great for attracting nice people you actually *want* to talk to, and driving away weirdos.
We had a collie when I was growing up who looked just like Lassie, and adored being mobbed by small children.
45 pounds? Pshaw, that’s just a lil pup of love. Our biggest dog ever was our best dog ever (throwing shade at the 45 pound Most Beautiful Dog currently in our family.) Big Dog got to 70 pounds – a boxer mutt – and wagged stuff off tables and discovered it was fun to remove the loaf of bread left on the kitchen counter until I wised up and got a bread bin, and otherwise was the most perfect ever.
Oh, except when we thought she was trained enough for the 9 year old to walk and the neighbor’s Golden Retriever was off-leash and in the mood to play, and trying to contain Big Dog resulted in leash cord burns on Kid’s neck and hand. So: firm leash control and be better at training than we were.
Your dog is a floof of joy.
I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I have a friend with a big dog who ate a bag of garlic on the counter. She *reeked.* I think remembering not to leave things on counters would be the hardest thing for me.
Oh, they train you pretty quick
Wow, those rescue people were almost as incompetent as your pup is adorable!
Right? I had a sort of similar experience with a rescue either having no idea of the breed or obfuscating it (at least they got the sex right …) and it did not end well (for my family, the dog is fine and now in a more appropriate home). It’s really given me a cynical view of rescues. Probably unfairly, but it’s a big flipping deal to hand someone a dog that’s going to be of a completely different size and temperament than expected.
My negativity aside, this dog is SO CUTE and big dogs are great, and it sounds like this is going to work out beautifully.
Yeah, I’m very fortunate. I am planning on buying my first place soon, and I realized how enormous she’ll be in time for me to switch from thinking about a condo to planning on a little house with a yard. There are a lot of condo associations in Chicago with size/weight restrictions on dogs of >50 lbs. I can’t imagine how devastating it would be to be counting on a 30 lb adult dog and to end up with a dog who wasn’t allowed to live in your building. Or to think you had a breed which is calm and chill and good at apartment living, when really you have a dog who needs huge amounts of space and 2 hours of running every day.
Oh shit, this was a Chicago rescue? Can I ask which one?
Midwest Canine Connection. She had three identical siblings (2 boys, 1 girl) so I think they just mixed up which pup they’d given me, gender-wise. The four of them had been dumped off in front of a high-kill Kentucky shelter in a BUCKET as newborn pups, and MCC had transported them northward and hand-reared them. She was the first to be adopted, at 7 weeks, and I did see that as her sibs grew, they changed the breed listing and estimated adult size on the adoption ads. They were really lovely people, and clearly cared a lot about the dogs. I think this was more of a fluke than their standard result!
Re: apartments and large dogs, we had a 80+ pound German Shepherd in a two bedroom apartment above my in-law’s bakery; she did fine because we walked her LOTS. As a matter of fact, when we moved to a house with a large backyard, her “walkies” slowed down to once a day, as opposed to 2-3x a day and evening! She lived to 13 and is legendary within our family for being A Good Dog (RIP Sara).
Rescues often mistype dogs to give adopters plausible deniability. “We thought our {obvious pitbull} was a lab mix! The rescue said so!” I only don’t mind this when they wink-wink at the adopters so those people KNOW they’re being given an out, if their community is not pitbull-friendly (I love pits and think breed restrictions are nuts). When the rescue doesn’t clue people in at all, they do no one any favors. :/ I’m sorry you experienced that firsthand!
Eta: not that it only happens with pits! Rescues will mistype anything “undesirable” – an obvious border collie mix as golden mix, for example – to “help” find them homes.
I see everyone else has covered any big dog advice I can offer, so I’m free to just fawn over the big little cutie and exclaim how adorable she is. Congrats!
Sorry I have no advice, but OH MY GOD SHE IS BEAUTIFUL. All the heart-eyes for your pup.
I don’t have any advice; just wanted to say that your dog is ADORABLE!
Proposed: Toastie meetup at Montrose Dog Beach. My dog is available for snorgling because she loves people and is a bit of a shit with other dogs sometimes.
YES! We go to Montrose Dog Beach all the time. She very much enjoys leaping into strangers’ laps who’ve had the temerity to spread out a blanket and sit down. And running between people’s legs, which will not be an option much longer if she continues to get taller. Message me on Tumblr (lilah80.tumblr.com) or something, we’d love to meet up. My dog will not mind if your dog isn’t up for playing, because there are SO! MANY! DOGS! AND! SMELLS!
We usually go early in the morning on weekends before the crazy starts, or I take her a few times during the week around lunchtime. Are you in the Chicago fb group? I feel like this is something we could rope a lot of people into.
Excuse me, but Google Maps informs me that this Dog Beach of which you speak is in Illinois, which is just TOO FAR AWAY from me (in Seattle). Seeing as I am the most desperate of dog snorglers on the planet (as my cat gives me some serious side-eye), I request a relocation. To my house. Mkay thanks.
We had friends with an irish wolfhound, and she was an AMAZING dog, great temperament. Big dogs are often lazy indoors and active outside, which is Proper Dog Behaviour for me, so I’m a big dog person.
Wolfhounds can be crazy fast – so I would work on excellent recall with yours – they can get to the edge of an off leash area or yard very quickly.
I have heard a terrible anecdote about wolfhounds’ hunting instinct/poor eyesight and a smaller dog – so… maybe be mindful of that. I’ve had a scare once or twice with my rottweiler/lab mix at the dog park when she reacted to little dogs in the distance with the same posture as she does groundhogs.
I have always wanted a wolfhound. They are so beautiful! Of course they always make me think of that Nero Wolfe book where one character had, like, seven of thereabouts.
If you can, get a Costco membership! Big dogs need big beds and eat a lot of food. Plus, pet meds and supplies are just really well-priced at Costco. My 90 lb. greyhound loves his big round bed from them, and we get his dog food and treats there too.
Congrats on the awesome new member of the family! She’s definitely a beauty, whatever her breed lineage. My penny-ante bet, just from looking at these pics, is Giant Schnauzer. Most Giant Schnauzers are black, while most Irish Wolfhounds are grey or brindle. She’s also already got the prominent eyebrows and face fuzz going at only 4 months, so there’s a good chance she may get the full beard going on. Whether she’s Irish Wolfhound or Giant Schnauzer or whatever else, the tips others have already given are equally true… take care of her joints and bones with moderate exercise and proper diet. I see that commenter abba_wabba has already pointed out the pitfalls of puppy food; I started spewing out a diatribe only to notice it had already been covered 🙂 Many brands of puppy food are higher in protein and calcium than might be strictly good for a large breed puppy. Puppies in general need more protein, calcium, and calories than adult dogs; but large breeds can get too much and grow too quickly, putting strain on their bones and joints which may not be noticeable until later in life.
No advice, but she is gorgeous and soulful and I am in awe of her.
OH MY GOD HER LITTLE SCRUFFY FACE
THIS IS AN EXCELLENT DOG! I have no advice to offer other than yeah, I always get stuck with giant dogs, and the only way I’ve found to cope is to, basically, give up.
Good thing they are cute.
So, I worked with dogs for a long time! I would say that while Wolfhound mix is a possibility, there are not that many Wolfhounds to begin with, and only a small percentage of them breed accidentally. So while that might be it, and I don’t want to be a buzzkill about it if you love wolfhounds, what’s more likely is 1st or 2nd generation labradoodle.
I know that sounds weird, but I worked with dozens of dog breeders. When a cross did not produce blonde, soft-coated puppies, they were almost always worthless to the breeder, and MANY got dumped.
Since any solid color labradoodle can result from a breeding of lab and poodle, and any coat type from fluffy to wire to lab-like, there were LOTS of puppies who looked just like yours who wound up at shelters. :/
Since modern labs can easily be 80lbs or more, and modern poodles are very leggy and square, wire-coated labradoodles often look VERY MUCH like Wolfhounds.
And of course there might not be any wolfhound, poodle, or lab at all in your puppy. 🙂 Once they crossbreed, dogs revert to “dog-type” VERY fast. A DNA test could be fun, and they’re not terribly pricey, if you’re very curious. I recommended DNA tests for health reasons too. If the dog is a wolfhound mix, it would have different health concerns than a schnauzer mix, for example.
ANYWAY. I apologize for dogsplaining – I’ve just got a random wealth of knowledge built up, and black, wire-coated labradoodles are a particular concern of mine! No matter what, she’s absolutely adorable, and I wish you long and happy years of companionship! 🙂
Don’t APOLOGIZE, this is AMAZING! I love learning this stuff. And I’ve actually gone ahead and ordered a DNA test for exactly the reason you mentioned: If there are breed-specific health concerns, I want to know about them now. I’ve heard that breed type can even affect how anesthesia works on a dog, and since I’ll be getting her spayed in the near future, I’ll want to have all available info.
Oh good, I’m glad that wasn’t too obnoxious. 🙂 The results of the DNA test will be super interesting, I bet. And that’s a good point about anesthesia! The more info you go in with, the better off she’ll be.
It’ll be helpful info for training, too. A sighthound has different needs than other dogs. They’re generally super sweet and easy to live with, but sensitive, where a lab mix can be a boneheaded rocket dog, but you almost can’t screw up with them.
Ahhh, puppies are so exciting. Sometimes chew-the-wall-down exciting, but also fuzzy exciting! 😀
I LOVE HEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
I have never had jumbo dogs, but I have known a few Irish Wolfhounds from the dog park and they have been pretty chill. Especially given my corgi was almost always without fail trying and failing to get a good butt sniff in. I would definitely google some stuff about Irish Wolfhounds to see what their temperaments are usually like or if there is any training things you should look out for. I’ve used dogtime.com/dogbreeds before and it’s pretty good.
The thing about huge dogs is that they have nothing to prove.
Maybe go do a training class now so the dog is super well behaved by the time it gets big? Like a puppy that pulls while leash walking might seem like no big, but a 60lb dog that does will be another story. A big dog that jumps on people is gonna bother friends/family members and potentially hurt kids and seniors if it knocks them down, so if you train it in basic good behavior stuff now you won’t have to worry nearly as much then.
Edit: I see now that you’re already doing it. Good thinking!
no advice just oggling the gorgeous puppy, but where can i get that awesome colorful bedspread? or is it sheets?? because those colors and the pattern are fantastic.
This is maybe a little embarrassing, but I can tell YOU, the Internet, that I get almost all my bedding from the Teen offshoot of Pottery Barn, PB Teen. It seems like Pottery Barn’s target audience became “retirees outfitting their Boca Raton vacation home” like 7 years ago, but their PB Teen stuff is ADORABLE, and you can find sheets and duvets for up to a queen-size bed. Highly recommend.
Oh, yes, of course! I keep forgetting that PB Teen even exists, even though they always have the perfect bookshelf/storage beds for a loft and hot-pink-polka-dot sheets which i adore. I never felt bad for being an adult and castle-shopping from the PB Teen and PB Baby catalogues. 😀
Your PB description of “Boca Raton retiree” is so on point I had absolute visions of not only my aspirational grandparents’ place in Florida in the 80s but the nearby PB store itself, well done.
I felt so bad for the woman in the Jezebel article. Everything about her story was heartbreaking, but the delivery was a carnival of horrors. I came out of reading it wanting to donate to programs that help women afford these procedures.
I read something yesterday on Religion Dispatches that called the kind of magical healing thinking lots of Christians indulge in Gnostic. I am thinking it through as to whether it applies. But certainly Deleted Commenter has a lot of magical mastery over God, or thinks they do.
Honestly, it was like everything that could have gone wrong did.
I’ve always been very pro choice, but having gone through a second trimester loss and receiving a treatment that wouldn’t have been allowed at Catholic hospitals and possibly certain states, I truly and deeply believe that any limitations on when and how a pregnancy can be terminated is torture. It’s a human rights violation and it is horrifying and criminal what people are forced to go through at often the worst and most vulnerable times in their lives.
My mom received that treatment, and started hemorrhaging as they were prepping her. She told me that if they’d sent her home to think about it for 24 hours before they could do the procedure, she almost certainly would have died. That was very upsetting to think about.
Oh, it was heartbreaking to read. And I’m so glad I did.
It was so cruel how all these things kept going wrong, but not wrong enough that there was still hope for so long. Just devastating.
And then, because of the politics of abortion, having to fly halfway across the country for care. What a thing to put people through when they’re going through one of the worst experiences possible.
HAVING TO PAY TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS IN CASH. Twenty-five thousand if you get the whole procedure. In cash! That’s a year’s salary for a lot of people. It’s horrifying.
And which could actually be the cheaper option but if you don’t have the cash, you don’t have the cash. Having no alternative but to give birth to a baby with extreme medical issues, who will only live for days or weeks in the NICU, will also incur tens of thousands (or even hundreds of thousands) of dollars in hospital bills, the only difference being that the hospital doesn’t have the choice to turn you away.
ACCESS Women’s Health is California based but runs an abortion access health line for pregnant people all over the country who need support– anything from procedure costs to hotel rooms to rides to childcare. They are incredible and their fund also supports late term abortions.
I’m visiting my gun-toting, Ted Cruz-loving, “love-the-sinner-hate-the-sin-actually-hate-the-sinner-too”ing relatives on this lovely post-filibuster afternoon. Pray for me, friends.
Just be as smug as possible re; filibuster, no one can break your stride.
Strength!!
Almighty Creator, look down upon your child as she goes forth into a place of disagreement and conflict. Give her wisdom and patience. Hide her in the shadow of Your wings. Open their hearts to her, that they might learn a new perspective and reconsider their beliefs. Amen.
ETA: I realize that I assumed you are female. I apologize if my assumption is wrong!! I will change if necessary, plz reply and let me know!
I called my Senator’s office to thank her for being one of the people who stood up in support of the filibuster, which I recommend to everyone, especially if you happen to be in the states that had Republicans stand up in support. Let them know that you appreciate them (finally, finally) trying to get something passed!
Same! Mine are Chris Murphy and Richard Blumenthal, so I was extra enthusiastic like THANKS SO MUCH FOR TODAY.
thanks for the nudge, I just did this!
I did that for mine too! One was there, the other one I wasn’t sure, and there’s a lot of Republicans and a gun tradition in our state, but both our senators are currently Dems. So I really wanted them to get support calls.
(One of them, when I called during the evening of the filibuster, had a voicemail left over from the government shutdown….I hope that only activated because his mailbox was full. It wasn’t there the next day when I called.)
Cackling at that Silicon Valley tweet, it’s so true. As for the invention, “portable showers” along the lines of the giant wipe are not at all new–I know someone who patented a version a while ago and still have a few samples. I’ve never used them (kept them mainly as a novelty) but I feel like they could be a real boon for people who are homeless or who can’t get clean water to their homes or something like that– not a “never shower again” thing, but a stopgap.
Yeah, my sympathy skyrocketed reading that the inventor came up with the idea while deployed — because I sent an epic ton of wet wipes in care packages to my brother when he was in Afghanistan. It’s a silly invention for most of us, and I have a hard time seeing them become a household staple, but I can see uses.
My brother uses Tena wipes, which are about a foot and a half square, because being wheelchair-bound with poor mobility in his hands makes showering a pain for him (and its also stressful bc last September he fell out of his shower chair and broke his leg so). I think giant wipes are a great thing for some people. I use so many regular size wipes just keeping my toddler un-sticky lol.
GUYS Calvin Harris ‘Feels Betrayed’ By Taylor Swift, Had No Idea About Tom Hiddleston
his retaiiation is sending a dick pic which is now floating around LA
AMAZING
A scholar and a gentleman.
I was so confused until I realized he sent it to some other woman! I was thinking that’s a very odd attitude to have to your dick. BEHOLD MY DICK AND COWER WITH FEAR AND DISGUST!
I know what you mean, but I like to imagine that “floating” means he hired a pilot to fly a banner with the dick pic over the city, or perhaps that he hung it from a drone and is sitting in his bedroom cackling while he flies it around the city.
Just wanted to say — we had a sort of Toastie IG name exchange yesterday, and I followed a few and a few of you followed me, and it was very exciting and fun! If anyone didn’t get in on that yesterday and wants to today, comment your username and I’ll come find you! You’re welcome to follow me @ladyfreelove but don’t have to as it’s mostly cats, waiting for my baby to arrive, nature, and things my husband cooks.
Have a great day, everyone!
That was me who started that and I’m the worst and didn’t even include my own IG username (or add anybody yet because I got home from work and watched the 100 and knit for a while) but mine is theagd. It’s mostly knitting. And then occasionally me drinking wine.
Please, please tell me that your IG username is a smush of The Aged, like from Great Expectations, because when Pip goes over to Wemmick’s castle I am always just giggling. What a weirdo.
It’s not! It’s my name plus the first initial of my mother’s maiden name and the first initial of my last name. Or it’s a reference to Nina Simone’s “Mississippi Goddamn”.
I am pajama_fish if people want to see cats and “quality” archival material (I am private because men selling fitness equipment kept following me and I did not like that, but I will approve everyone who seems like a real person!)
I’m medevlin. Mostly food, cocktails & Philly adventures.
mine is andreascottart, trying to make it about my illustrations, but a good chunk of it is my cat.
I love the angry donkey-corn and the sad-eyed jackalope!
Hey there, I’m rosie.clarke – mine’s mostly heritage-y stuff with occasional flowers and railway stations.
Love this idea! I’m at @bethanyincle and post pics of museum stuff and board games and my cat, mostly.
Yay! I’m trying my best to hit up everyone as the email notifications come in, so hopefully I got everyone. If not, I apologize! Like roumbaba said — I’m not always a Twitter person (I like it, I just forget about it) but I do love IG a a lot!
Oooh! I missed it! I’m rallisaurus!
ETA: And I post cats and baked goods and old weird newspapers
I’m rachel.ball! Which outs my true identity on the Toast but with 13 days to go WHY NOT half of you follow me on Twitter already.
I’m following you all (I’d rather not post my real name here) just so you know who the random redhead following you is!
I’m @2for1cheesecake — funny (“funny”) signs, lakes, hiking, dick jokes.
Adding all of you is going to be a great procrastination moment this morning!
I’m @themegnapkin and my dog IGs at @archibaldtrex.
I’m massocheichei (from that Ylvis song, remember that?)
I will add y’all!
I’m hola.chels. I think I have posted twice, I mostly lurk on Instagram. (I mostly lurk at most places.)
Ooh, I forgot about this, better check Insty! And I’m at @west50east.studios, just as a reminder for everyone (mostly my artwork, and horses and horsey artwork!)
I’m @battlestar_gasmacktica and I love Instagram. I mainly post pictures of my cats and beers that I drink and things that I lift. Also if I text someone a joke I think is funny, I screenshot it and post it, and I will not apologize.
I am not prepared to post my own IG at this time because it’s pretty clearly linked to real life, but I just followed a bunch of you! Good idea!
I’m amandasalamandah on IG. I don’t post much, but it’s usually interesting things I see walking around Boston, plus food and books when I feel particularly good about having cooked/read the thing. Also I want my feed to be more interesting, so I’m following everyone.
I’ve been adding people since yesterday! Mine is: sofialaconquistadora
Mostly pictures of my dog/condo renovations/gardening/occasional explorations!
It’s the best idddeeeeeaaa! I’m @crystabrittany pretty much everywhere (here, IG, Twitter, etc) so go ahead and follow whatever feels right. My IG is yarn, my kitty Sebastian, stuff about my amazing job, and will soon be stuff about how glorious summer is because I am a teacher and yesterday was the last day with the kids – I love them to pieces but I am also not sorry to see the back of them you know?
Speaking of, today is a work from home day where I write these INTENSE narrative reports about my 11 advisees, but so far I’ve:
– slept in until 11.
– had a pot of tea.
– read the Toast.
Next up:
– adding all of you on IG.
An excellent work from home day.
I am just @jenscaffidi at IG (just like twitter) and am open to all follows! Apparently my feed is mostly pie (I’m 21 pies into a 40th birthday year #40piesfor40years THING), experimental noise music, and dogs. Which is an accurate representation of my makeup. Anyway.
shegoesroar
I’ve basically never, ever used instagram, but I never want to deal with facebook again, and just want my social media to be full of good people and pretty things.
I’m planning on an absurd amount of kitty pictures, selfies and anything else that makes me smile.
headysarah — mine is cats, my rescue senior pooches, garden, and weird stuff I find at thrift stores.
I’ve followed all of you guys. My insta is 90% cats and… I feel weird sharing my name and I’ll probably change it next week. I follow a bunch of people on Twitter but I quit using it a while ago because its been kind of excessively political and I’m just tired of it.
IG: amchisu
My thoughts on the deleted comment/faith healing:
Sirach 38 Douay-Rheims 1899 American Edition (DRA)
38 Honour the physician for the need thou hast of him: for the most High hath created him.
2 For all healing is from God, and he shall receive gifts of the king.
3 The skill of the physician shall lift up his head, and in the sight of great men he shall be praised.
4 The most High hath created medicines out of the earth, and a wise man will not abhor them.
5 Was not bitter water made sweet with wood?
6 The virtue of these things is come to the knowledge of men, and the meet High hath given knowledge to men, that he may be honoured in his wonders.
7 By these he shall cure and shall allay their pains, and of these the apothecary shall make sweet confections, and shall make up ointments of health, and of his works there shall be no end.
Unfortunately, as far as I know most faith-healing types are Protestant (of some stripe) and thus unlikely to pay any attention to the Apocrypha! This is an excellent quote for the situation, though.
We have that reading come up in the lectionary every so often at my Episcopal church, but we probably aren’t Protestant enough for the faith healers.
OTish because my dad is a freaking delight and I’ve missed him.
I’m visiting my parents and accompanied my dad on his morning dog walk on the golf course near their house. The walking paths are by the tree-line and a lot of the branches tend to hang low, so I generally walk a bit on the green. Even though he’s a half-foot taller than me, Dad was walking in the trees. After a while, I noticed a 6-ft high one-Dad-broad tunnel through the leaves that he was walking through. Then, he paused, pulled some pocket-sized shears out of his cargo pants, and started touching up a part of his self-made trail! (When I made the same trek with my mom the next day, she pointed out the wildflowers she’d tossed seeds for on her walks, so apparently they’ve both been modifying the landscaping more to their liking…)
Later, I pointed out a low plane and Dad showed me an app on his phone that tracks where just… all planes are? all the time? and told me all about what flight it was.
THEN I asked what he wanted to do for Father’s Day and he remarked that he’d been planning on extending the attic walkway but if I wanted to cook him dinner, he knew exactly what he wanted. (Steak.)
Dads.
That is A+ Dadding and also A+ mumming – my mum does the same thing!
If your mum’s near London, we should introduce them and they can rampage around the countryside, seeding plants in inopportune places!
I love this. Perhaps introduce him to seed bombing?
If I introduced either parent to seed bombing, they would likely become a public menace. My mom, at least, is going to start volunteering with… “The Queen’s Garden”? To be honest, I’m not sure what garden it is but it sounds fancy and will hopefully curb her vigilante flower-planting.
Public menaces are fine! Think of what they could do with vacant ground! They could grow lovely vegies for passersby.
YARN BOMBING THE GOLF COURSE. EYE BOMBING. GOOGLY EYES EVERYWHERE. OH MY GOSH.
The veggies would kind of need more work than just seed bombing, probably.
Which is not to say that I’m necessarily opposed to ElainaJay’s parents becoming public menaces. The golf course wildflowers sound lovely. And it’s quite possible that The Queen’s Garden is a more follow-through-y sort of food thing.
Oh, probably. But if the man walks around with secateurs in his pocket he can probably make it work.
Or maybe even focusing the wildflower scattering to varieties that bees would like. That would be cool.
True!
I might cry from how perfect this is.
That is such a lovely story!
I will have to tell my Dad about that app. All the men in my family know what all the kinds of commercial airplanes that the airlines fly and will discuss them after a flight. Whenever I fly, they ask me what kind of plane it was, I have no idea, and then they just figure it out for themselves. They know all the airport codes and which airlines fly out of which airport. They also always, always know the weather forecast.
My sister has inherited that gene, but it mutated. She always knows what the price of gas is at your nearest gas station and where it’s cheaper.
Your sister has an amazingly useful superpower.
It has come in handy SO many times.
Although I drive her crazy because I’m lazy so often I’m just like “this one’s fine!” even though it’s much more expensive. But when I’m being lazy AND smart, I call her to find out where I should go.
This is a wonderful post and reminded me that next time I visit my parents on Cape Cod I’m due for a nature walk with my dad on one of the “secret” trails we found last summer (he is not yet maintaining them but I expect that joining the local nature conservancy that does will come in retirement). <3
I asked my mom whether there was anything Dad wanted to do for Father’s Day. She responded:
Yep! He’s working a race in West Virginia.
Your parents sound GREAT!
When I first read the thing about the son and stepdaughter born four days apart, I originally missed the “step” before daughter. This made me think there were twins with different levels of motivation for getting their start in the world.
“Welp, sis, I guess it’s time for us to move on out. Go see what’s out there.”
“You go ahead. I’m gonna hang back, finish what I’m working on.”
“So you’re not coming?”
“I’m coming. Just…not quite yet. You know what? You go do recon for me, bring me up to speed when I’m ready to come out.”
My coworker is an identical twin born on a different day to her sister (it’s less impressive than it sounds, though, because one was born shortly before midnight and one was born shortly after).
I have a niece and nephew who are twins and are comically non-twin like.
Born different days (same situation you described)
One is a curly blond. The other is a curly-haired brunette.
Because of the naming convention my brother and sister-in-law agreed on (girls get mom’s last name, boy gets dad’s), they even have different last names.
They’ve been in classes together where people didn’t even realize they were related.
😍
I look very similar to my triplet brother and sister, but the fact that they both have dark brown hair and I have red hair, and the fact that people are more used to twins than triplets, meant that there were quite a few occasions as a small child where people assumed I was just a friend tagging along with a set of twins.
Whereas I am 20 months older than my little brother but we were the exact same height growing up and basically had the same face so people always thought we were twins. No, we are not twins. I am his Big Sister and he is my Little Brother and you are giving him Ideas Above His Station.
I have a twin, and we have theorized that I was supposed to be older but she got out early because I was trying to kill her (umbilical cord was around her neck). Once in public we were with a friend, and this woman stopped us to ask if our friend and I were twins. She didn’t think my actual twin and I looked anything alike. We are definitely identical. Our friend doesn’t look like us except our hair color is in the same family (hers is auburn, ours is brownish with auburn-ish highlights when we’re standing in the sun?). The three of us still haven’t figured that one out.
Me too!
I also misunderstood at first what was going on in that story, but I read it as “my son [with my husband]” and “my husband’s daughter with his ex-wife,” so I thought that 16 or so years ago, the husband had left his pregnant wife (Chad’s mom) for his pregnant girlfriend (the OP). Then she said she didn’t understand why his family had never liked her, and I was like, “uhh, I have a reason…”
Then I figured out what was really going on.
I also assumed that her son was her son with her husband, so was massively confused as to why the grandparents would be favouring one of their son’s biological children over the other to such an extent.
Oops, just realized my post up there should have identified the pregnant wife as Stephanie’s mom and the pregnant girlfriend as Chad’s mom/the OP, in what I initially thought was going on.
I mean, I could maybe see the grandparents engaging in that type of favoritism if their son really had been cheating on his wife and gotten both the wife and girlfriend pregnant around the same time — disapproval of Chad’s mom and of their son’s relationship with Chad’s mom could turn into resentment toward Chad. They’d still be assholes for taking it out on a blameless kid, but there would at least be a straight line you could draw from A to B. But given what’s actually going on — that they’re not only favoring their biological grandkid over their step-grandkid, but actively promoting issues between the two kids? That’s just utter assholery without even a semi-understandable reason.
That reddit thread is enraging, and I really need an update. I truly do not understand how people can be so awful and petty.
Am I the only one baffled that a 16 year old would expect a car for his/her birthday? Growing up we could borrow our parents’ cars, buy our own cars, but I never knew anyone who was GIVEN a car at 16. Such a request to the parents would have been met with outrage.
If you’re somewhere sufficiently affluent and with essentially no public transit, it’s pretty common. I think about 80% of my friends (myself included) either were given a car or got their parent’s car while the parent bought a new car for themselves. I did go to a private school, so my numbers are probably skewed, but I know it was reasonably common at the public school as well. I know my parents considered it worthwhile to not have to drive me everywhere or do without a car constantly, since they both worked.
It was really common in my town growing up as well. Most people got a hand me down or a used, sometimes the oldest kid would get new and all the kids after would drive the same car. I think a lot of parents were willing to pay the payment/insurance if it meant no more carpooling.
Yeah, it was pretty common in my town too – usually not a birthday present, but not long after someone got their license, some kind of car would be scrounged up so the parents didn’t have to do the driving any more but also didn’t have to trust their nice car to a 16 year old they’ve sent to get milk.
I didn’t get my license until I was nearly 23, so I got custody of my mom’s much-abused Honda then, but in high school, my friends had everything from relatively new but still inexpensive cars to ancient grandma cars bought from relatives depending on what they and their families could manage.
My part of town was reasonably well off, but it wasn’t exceptional when it came to the cars.
Yeah, super common where I’m from as well, and it’s a really blue-collar area in the midwest. You just couldn’t get anywhere without a car, and most parents were thrilled to have another driver with their own car who could schlep the other kids around (I’m old enough that the restrictions about teenage drivers having other teenagers/children as passengers did not exist when I got my license.) Most of the cars people got at 16 were not fancy or new, but once you hit 16 you were more likely than not to have you own car–or, if you weren’t the oldest, to have the “kids’ car” that you shared with your other driving-age sibling(s).
I was also shocked when I turned 16 and some of my friends (not many, but some!) got cars. Like… that was something that happened on TV, not real life. And we were not poor, either. Just totally blew my mind that it actually happened.
My *family* gained a car when I turned 16. I am the oldest of 3 kids. The car was used. I was required to ferry younger sibs once I had a driver license. It was *not* my car, not a gift, and I was not allowed to use it except for parent-sanctioned pursuits.
Trying to ignore how that reddit reads ” I looked over the chad” so I can stop thinking about Tom Green’s character in the first Charlie’s Angels. “The Chad was great! The Chad was great!”
Thought-process: “How can Kate Beckinsale have a daughter who is 17? She’s only a few years older than me and I’m 37 and … Oh.”
As someone who doesn’t have kids and never plans to, I’m always getting surprised that I’m actually old enough to have kids–and not just kids, but older teens or even a young adult (I’m 37, too). I marvel at my peers who are in full grown-up mode with nearly-grown kids getting ready to go off to college! How did they do it? I still feel like a kid myself most days!!
I regularly get confused by TV characters who are parents of non-infant children, because “they’re hardly older than I am…oh shit.”
Just a link for some beautiful music that always soothes this ravening soul, and might hopefully soothe yours should you require it. Any other Einaudi fans around?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhBmb9Y0puo&l…
Kate Beckinsale! Gotta admit I had no idea who she was outside of the Underworld movies until I looked her up after seeing Love and Friendship last week. Has there already been a discussion of Love and Friendship? I thought it was delightful – I had never read the Austen novel it’s based on so the story felt very fresh as well, if a little unsatisfying in the end.
Kate Beckinsale as Flora Poste in Cold Comfort Farm! You will be so charmed!
I have now seen Love & Friendship twice (once by myself and once with my mom) and have found it a complete delight both times! I was a little bit disappointed with the ending the first time I saw it,but somehow knowing how it was going to end the second time gave me a better chance to appreciate how Lady Susan (spoiler? But not really) basically got everything she really wanted,which is all I really wanted by the end of the film.
Also, I know the daughter’s name in Love & Friendship is Frederica but I keep catching myself calling her Francesca in my head which probably shows how much I care about her (not much, poor dear).
My bf LOVES Kate Beckinsale, which is how I got him to watch Cold Comfort Farm and Love & Friendship with me this year, both of which are an absolute delight.
Cold Comfort Farm is always a hit with gentlemen and I have no idea why, of all the British import costume comedies THAT one is the one that breaks through the weird prejudice men get against such films. I’m assuming Kate Beckinsale’s luminous beauty is part of it, but it’s not her prettiest role and she keeps all her clothes on in this one, but who knows?
I think my particular gentleman friend is more inclined to watch such things than he may have expected–he enjoys witty dialogue as much as the next English major. (We also watched the entire BBC P&P together in a matter of two or three days–I’ve seen it a billion times but he was the one pressing “next epsidode”!) I was actually the one swooning over how gorgeous Kate Beckinsale looks in CCF, not him!
Mental and emotional maturity is a lot of the matter.
I have seen it twice, once opening night because it looked like it was only going to be in Phoenix that day and again the next week with my mom and sister when it was in more theaters. I really liked it and so did mom. My sister didn’t enjoy as much but she isn’t an Austen person. I picked up the book after the second viewing but haven’t read it yet.
i saw it twice (once with my mom, once with friends) and enjoyed it both times and will gladly watch it again in the future, particularly the introduction of sir james martin. i was also unfamiliar with the story, which was kind of a nice way to go in, because i was actually surprised at the twists and turns!
I saw it just last night with my ladyfriend! I almost never go to the movies and even less often to see movies that get as little attention as this one did.
Pros: I loved the whimsical captioning of characters and letters/poems; the guy who played the silly moppet Martin did an A+ AMAZING JOB; they brought Austen’s wit to life
Con: such a white movie (I can’t stop noticing that sort of thing now)
I thought the ending was hilarious. I love how Manwaring JUST LIVES WITH THEM NOW and Martin loves him, omg. What a perfect arrangement.
I loved Love and Friendship! To me it felt kind of like Jane just going all in, in terms of the density of snarky lines and the sense that she’s not even going to bother with a romance? Just zingers all the way through.
I first encountered Kate Beckinsale way back in the mists of time when she played Hero in the Emma Thompson/Kenneth Branagh Much Ado about Nothing and have loved her ever since.
Love and Friendship is absolutely delightful. I went with a friend, and it was a matinee and there were only about a dozen people in the theater and we were all non-stop cackling the whole time.
OT: Does anyone have experience dealing with RentBureau? I’m currently in this ridiculous situation where I finally was able to find a reasonable seeming apartment in the city I’m moving to in August, but when I applied, they told me that they’d pulled a RentBureau report that said I had an outstanding payment of $900 due to an apartment complex I’d moved out of a year ago. This is completely wrong, and the new apartment complex told me that they’d hold the apartment for me for 48 hours while I got it corrected with RentBureau. The problem is that when my previous apartment complex tried to call RentBureau to correct it, RentBureau refused to work with them, and when I called RentBureau to file a dispute, they told me that it takes a minimum of three days for them to process a dispute. UGH how is this legal?! Every time I call RentBureau (currently it’s been five times), their customer service reps tell me something different.
My previous apartment complex manager has been stellar and is outraged on my behalf – she called the new apartment manager and offered to send them paperwork documenting that I never had a late payment that was my fault (i.e., one time my rent was a day late because their automatic payment system didn’t work and so I paid it manually the next day, but every other time I paid it in full on time). The new complex is thinking about whether this is sufficient, but if they deny me, I will need to deal with RentBureau some more.
I’ve never heard of RentBureau, but I’m having issues with all these flames on the side of my face on your behalf. Fingers crossed that this is resolved as soon as possible, moving is not a thing that needs extra stress piled on top ffs!
O.o
In case you’re still reading, you may want to contact a lawyer that specializes in consumer protection law (specifically the Fair Credit Reporting Act), because you might have a claim against them!
I cannot understand the behaviour of those in-laws at all. Why? Why would you be such a monster? I hope the sister is nice enough that she is not going to go along with this nonsense.
That deleted comment is not great. I had an internet friend when I was in my late teens who was an evangelical Christian and very into the idea of faith healing; she talked at one point about a funeral someone at her church had gone to where someone was raised from the dead (no), and it just made me so uncomfortable. The implications of faith healing are so unpleasant (if you aren’t healed, presumably you’re just not praying hard enough/a good enough person); plus, there are those situations where you see very religious parents denying medical treatment for their children because they are using prayer instead. (In light of the conversation on the link roundup a few days ago about why people get upset when other people believe different things to them, which they believe are irrational: this is why I feel so uncomfortable about things like religion. Obviously not all religious people believe in faith healing, but it feels like such a short step from one irrational-to-me thing to another.)
I am three-quarters deaf and in my younger, nicer days I got stuck next to a pushy old lady on the train who was very devoutly Christian and it turns out, a faith healer. One thing led to another – she was talking very fast and was indeed very pushy and I was a lot more naive. She asked me if she could faith heal me, told me that if I believed in God enough (uhhh…) it would work, or it just wouldn’t work at all. Naively went along with it. So. I got faith healed at Central train station in Brisbane.
Funnily enough, she was doing her thing and I realised… I didn’t want it to work. I was happy as I am. I like the way I see the world, which always seems to be a slightly different, broader angle than everyone else, and I know it was the hearing loss (and some other stuff) that led to the development of that perspective. I also get a sick thrill walking through a crowded city not being able to hear a thing at all, but that wasn’t something I found out about until later.
Different isn’t wrong, lady, I thought, and I thanked her and went off to meet an internet friend IRL for the first time. And that’s what I’ve lived my life by since. Different isn’t wrong is what I hope to instill in little kids when they ask me what those things in my ears are before the adults get in and shush them for being rude. I explain to them every time. It doesn’t bother me. I’d rather they asked. Let’s make each generation more open-minded than the last. I think of that old lady every time I do it too.
It could be argued that God had his hand in that realisation. Maybe.
One of the guys my dad went to seminary went tried faith healing my eyes when I was maybe 12 or so. I should point out that there’s nothing terribly wrong with my eyes. I use glasses, always have, and have a decently strong prescription.
I just remember thinking that I liked wearing my glasses while they prayed and my dad looked super uncomfortable. We’ve never talked about that incident to this day. Maybe I’ll force an awkward phone call later!
did it work tho
waiting on tenterhooks to find out
Lol. Deaf as ever, lots of ear-related shenanigans in the years since. MAYBE GOD WAS THERE IN THE LIFE-AFFIRMING, OKAY.
Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh.
Perhaps what was healed…was your self-image.
*Puts on dark sunnies*
*Is a craggy older ginger white guy in a dark suit*
YEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Faith-healing is just the worst, and one of the things that makes me most uncomfortable to be share the label ‘evangelical’ to be honest.
I wanted to be a faith healer, about 6 years ago. I had recently had a major Holy Spirit laying on of hands thing and I was miserable in my marriage and deeply depressed. I wanted my life to mean something outside of the hell of my marriage that I could not leave (due to beliefs, ya know). I started going down that path, and then the insanity of where that path would lead became clear.
I have since reverted to atheism, gotten divorced, seen a different side of humanity (good, bad, indifferent, evil), lost everything.
Slowly rebuilding my brain. Pray for me, lol.
I am very glad you’re out of an unhappy marriage, and I hope very much that things continue to get better for you. (And i am certain that your life does mean something. You are a person and unique and valuable.)
Thank you! You’re very kind.
Tarragoner, I’m so happy you’re out of that terrible situation, and I’m glad you have a chance to rebuild your brain in a healthier, more supportive context. I don’t know if you care one way or the other, but I’m praying for you, that you get to be the very best Tarragoner you can be, and can surround yourself with people who appreciate the wonderful person that is you.
You’re the best. Thank you for all of your prayers and kind thoughts and encouragement over the last year!
You’re so brave. *high five*
When I was first diagnosed with fibromyalgia, my mom took me to a guy who was waaaaay more faith healer-y than I expected and the whole experience was so awful–like, I had to hold on to this iron cross in my hand and gripping it HURT, and the language in his prayers/mantras I was supposed to repeat made me feel super uncomfortable (I bounce around on the liberal Christian background to agnostic spectrum, but even when I was more religious I did not believe in a God who intervenes for you directly if you are persistent and groveling enough) and when I tried to tell my mom how uncomfortable this dude made me, she yelled at me for not trying. Eventually the guy started talking about how to REALLY heal he needed to take me to his “off the grid” cabin in the woods and ultimately the only way to get either him or my mom to hear my NO I had to say an incredibly rude/intellectual snobby thing I would probably never have said out loud and the whole thing was sooooo messed up.
So I’m 100% in favor of expanded background checks and preventing those convicted of domestic violence from purchasing guns. But… I don’t feel really comfortable tying gun purchasing rights to the terrorist watch list when 1) we have no idea how one gets put on the list, 2) there’s no way to appeal one’s placement on the list, and 3) the FBI’s demonstrated Islamophobia.
Totally agree. Also background checks and terrorist watch lists usually ping more Black and other POC men than anyone else, for lots of reasons, mostly structural racism and implicit bias.
I agree completely, but my hope is that if the legislation is passed, there will be a major push for an overhaul of the terror watch list and we will end up with the best of both worlds. If nothing else, it would definitely bring the issues into the spotlight.
Yeah. I’m less thrilled about the specifics, and more about how a) something got done, which I think is the first break in the NRA ridiculousness, and b) how people talked substantially and movingly about the victims of gun violence for fifteen hours, which I’m really hoping got through to folks.
Supporting broad inroads into civil liberties in the hopes that the government will go back later and tighten up the secret courts to have limits and accountability again seems ill-considered, but on the other hand if you’re still willing to do that in 2016 I couldn’t possibly find anything to say to dissuade you
I agree with you here. Expanded background checks and evidence of actual convictions of a crime are constitutionally and rationally a much better foundation for a restriction. And restrictions there should be. The terrorist watch list reminds of me far too much of the McCarthy-inspired black list of former days.
Yeah. On one hand, I’m glad we’re starting to actually legislate some gun control. On the other hand, it’s disappointing that the place we’ve decided to start is de facto a racist place. But my solution to the bias thing would just be to ban everyone from buying guns, so…
TBH I would also be fine with this solution, or at least banning all handguns and “technically-not-assault-rifles”. (I went to school in a rural area so I understand the cultural importance of game hunting and am cool with regular hunting rifles/shotguns.)
This is why I think we should focus more on manufacturers of assault rifles than the profiling of potential owners, not that background checks don’t have their place. Gun control is impossible when manufacturers have no restrictions on what they’re allowed to market.
This is an important point. Thank you for making it.
I agree with the concerns about the list. However, I don’t really have any problems with the possible outcome there (i.e., a few more people won’t be able to buy guns).
I don’t really understand how tying gun access to not being on the no-fly list would ever hold up in court. Are they trying to do TRAP-style things where they put unconstitutional restrictions in place, knowing they’ll be stricken down, just to make it practically difficult to exercise a theoretical right?
By the time this makes it to Supreme Court review just about anything might be constitutional. Shoot for the moon! Strip ’em of the right to vote and put anyone who complains on the list too!
Toasties! My kid has been in treatment for cancer for over a year and sometimes bikes himself to the hospital (!!) for chemo, blood transfusions, and other treatments. Here’s a picture of him from last year, which I like to call #NoHairBigHeart, in honor of the immortal Toast catchphrase. https://twitter.com/KidicalMassDC/status/74340272… May it brighten up your day!
Your kid is a baby badass and more power to him!
Aww, what a champion! Best wishes to you with his treatment.
Totally brightened up my day. Thank you and the kiddo!
Your child is beautiful
Oh my goodness #nohairbigheart I am swooning. Your little boy is obviously amazing and this fills me with joy. Thank you for sharing it. Please pass on a fist bump from the internet if you think he’d appreciate it.
Only if the Internet wants to do a fist-bump-with-blow-it-up, as that’s the only kind of fist bump he accepts. 🙂
pow!
Your kid is fantastic.
– I have no particular opinion on Hiddlestay except that, even though I’ve never been able to get into Swift’s music, she seems like a basically decent person with her heart in the right place. Hiddles is OK too, I guess, although if I’m looking forward to anyone in particular in the next Thor movie it’s Valkyrie.
– #fuckyeahchrismurphy
– I think I’ve said before that I generally try to stay away from /r/relationships , but this commenter hit it right on the fucking head: “This is an excellent opportunity to teach Stephanie something important.
Gifts that come with strings attached that require you to be mean or exclude someone should be declined.
They are not gifts, they are weapons.”
– Oh, deleted commenter. Maybe it’s just the lapsed Catholic in me, but when you say “the blood of jesus” I think “wine” and it did nothing for my health issues but make them worse.
I like a surprising amount of 1989. (HAAAAATED “You Belong With Me,” AKA Hey I’d Use The Term “Friendzone” If I Had a Dick Also Bonus Slut-Shaming, but she was super-young then, so I can let it pass.) A friend of mine has adopted “Shake it Off” as her personal anthem for dealing with asshats, and I support that; I also could do a whole English paper about the similarities between “Wildest Dreams” and Billy Joel songs; and Style/Blank Space are just good times.
So if she’s hitting that, go her.
And yeah, I actually have something of a crush on Chris Murphy now.
I find something about 1989 super-satisfying, like in the sense that it’s not Great Music but it’s great at the specific thing it’s doing. And there’s a part of me that just loves the high school lit journal-ness of stuff like “band-aids don’t fix bullet holes” AND loves that’s she built an empire on it.
(idk I’m also confused when people say she’s a “fake feminist” or whatever. I mean, I think she’s a very well-off white girl choice kind of feminist, but sometimes I get this sentiment that she’s using the Power of Feminism in a sneaky way to make money or something and I don’t get it.)
That’s an amazingly insightful quote that needs to be shared far and wide. Put them on those silly kitsch items people hang in kitchens or embroider on pillows.
Unrelated to all the above but I just learned that there is a movie of Orlando starring Tilda Swinton. It’s from 1993 and I have high hopes for it.
It is quite good! Tilda Swinton was the perfect choice for the role.
It’s exactly as batshit insane and wonderful as you think! Enjoy!
Tilda Swinton in Orlando totally is my root 💞😻 It’s my all time favourite film apart from the Red Shoes! You are in for a treat and now I think I might need to go watch it again myself 🙂
It’s GREAT and you will ADORE IT.
And Jimi Somerville as the angel! Perfect movie at any point in time, but especially perfect this month. “Ah, poetry.”
You should watch it asap! Not only does it star Tilda Swinton, It features a young Billy Zane (with luscious flowing locks of hair!) as Shelmerdine. Quentin Crisp as Queen Elizabeth, too. Unreal.
Billy Zane is the manliest man who ever manned in that movie.
Which is especially interesting given the conversation about gender identities which they share in an intimate moment.
Thank you for reminding me about this movie! Teenage snowqueene was BLOWN AWAY by it and I want to see it again now. It kind of upended everything for me and I broke up with a boring boyfriend the next day. I forgot all about that.
I am so glad that there are so many toasties with positive reviews. I’m excited to watch it!
“This movie caused me to end a relationship with a man” is the highest of Toast compliments.
Right? I think perhaps we need a Toastie ratings system.
One star: made non-dish doing schlub seem like a good option
Two stars: provoked a single eye roll at an individual man
Three stars: Awakened nascent bisexuality
Four stars: spontaneous and gleeful cries of “smash the patriarchy” erupted during the closing credits
Five stars: Caused breakup with a man
Six stars: Forgot the concept of men entirely.
Agree with everyone else, it is the best and crazy and beautiful all at once.
Hello!!
My interview last night went amazingly well, as far as I can tell. We all got along, joked around a bit, got excited about each others’ side projects… They’ve been in a couple of my buildings and really liked them, so that was awesome.
Later I called an employee who I’ve met a couple times and she went on for 20 minutes solid about how awesome they are, and how well they treat employees (PAID MATERNITY LEAVE Y’ALL! WHAT?!?!), and I asked her how often someone yells, and she was like, what are you talking about?! yelling at work??? Never!! which is amazing to me.
I have my fingers and toes and eyes crossed. I should hear back pretty quickly I think, and I have already drafted a resignation letter (I will probably keep it classy, but boy the temptation not to is strong!)
Also several of my current coworkers are lunching together today to draft a letter to the senior partners about the micromanaging incompetence of one of the junior partners, which should be even more fun as I sit serene in my bubble of immanent departure (I really hope oh god it will be bad if it does not work out!)
Thank you all for your advice and well wishes yesterday. I forgot most of the questions, but I did ask what their favorite thing about the firm was, and they seemed to enjoy that.
“I have already drafted a resignation letter (I will probably keep it classy, but boy the temptation not to is strong!)”
When I resigned from my last job, I wrote two letters– one short, classy one (which I actually sent), and a very long one detailing every single thing that was wrong and incompetent at the office (which I just showed to a few close friends there). It was very cathartic!!
I like you.
😀
And ditto!
(After I left, our terrible manager got demoted! Which was also very cathartic).
On a lighter note, here’s a grandma who uses “please” and “thank you” on Google.
For some reason, the “modern-day numbers, based on the Hindu-Arabic system” makes me smile.
A Labour MP has been shot and stabbed, about 10 miles away from me. Holy shit.
I feel like we’re reliving the 1930s. It’s fucking terrifying.
She died. I don’t even know what to say. She was one of the good ones. This is awful and shocking.
Shit. What horrifying news.
I’ve been watching the updates all morning. I’m so sorry. What a sad, miserable time we are living in right now.
I just can’t even begin to be coherent about this. I also feel like we’re living in the 1930s. I’d like to believe this was the act of a lone person but am finding it hard to believe it can possibly be separated from the terrible rhetoric we’ve been living with recently. Just awful.
I don’t understand how this can be happening. I’m so ashamed of our country.
🙁
I am so sorry.
I just can’t process it. What have we become?
There’s a lot of anger around about not politicising her death. I don’t know. She was a political figure, who worked and lived out her political ideals.
The Guardian’s piece was very moving: http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/jun…
I have an OT, am i an asshole question, its about houses, rent and friend and money, I’ll stick it in a reply
I live in a 4 bedroom house and the lease is in my name; I took over this lease last year (after living there for about 4 months) because the guy who had the lease was moving out. I basically set up the same arrangement he had, and the same arrangement that my mother ran a houseshare with for years; The lease and all the bills are in my name, I have full responsibility for them being paid. I have 3 housemates who sublet from me, they each pay a fixed amount of rent that has ‘bills included’. If anyone moves out, within the terms of their contract, I have to cover the deficit until someone new moves in.
The way I have split it up is that the 3 ‘rents’ coming in pretty much cover the house rent, I pay the difference and I cover all of the bills and variable costs. This means that I pay a bit less in ‘rent’ than my housemates, but I see that has the benefit I get for taking on the risk of an empty room and payment in leiu for all my time/stress over finding housemates and dealing with the landlord as needed.
For the last two months I’ve been covering an empty room; I’ve also had to discount the rent on that room, from what I originally budgeted because its bloody tiny with a single bed and no one wanted it. In the meantime one of my other housemates is moving out; her room is huge and I initially underpriced it when she moved in, so I’m putting it up for the next person.
One of my housemates is a friend of mine from home (the others are randoms), and she’s been living with me for about 6 months. We’ve talked about the house and she’s asked me about how it all works out, I’ve tried to keep it vauge, but that didn’t really work (How do you not talk about money when people ask specfiic questions?). Anyway, her room is a bit smaller than the large front room (still a double), but she was paying the same amount as the large, we talked about it because she didn’t think it was fair and I said if someone takes the big room at the new higher price, I’d take down her rent a bit, that way it still all balances out and I’m not any worse off, but she gets a bit of a break because her room is smaller.
And now she’s having a go at me, not angrily, but annoyed, because she and the other two are ‘paying my rent’ and she thinks I’m trying to make money off my friends and it isn’t ‘fair’. Which is not true at all, I’ve never made money on the house (and the guy before me was breaking even/making a bit at times), I pay about 1/2 what they pay if the house is full, and they’re paying reasonable rent for our area of London and its a fixed cost for them so they never have to worry about a big bill hitting.
Personally I don’t see a problem here; I’ve paid peoples mortgages as a lodger, when I moved into this house I was paying the most out of anyone and Ollie wasn’t paying any rent or bills. My mum ran a big house like this for years and did actually make money on it occasionally. I’m not trying to make money at all, but yeah its kinda nice to be able save an extra bit occasionally and it makes up for the stress of worrying about rent/house crap. I took this on seeing it as an investment, I’d get a bit of break in my rent so I could save, and I could be running it like a business and making money, but that’s not what I want to do.
Tl;DR am I an asshole for paying less rent than my housemates in exchange for risk and stress?
This is fine. If people agree to pay x amount to rent their space, they should not care what you pay.
Thank you; She’s moaning about fairness, but for me, when it comes to money I’m very business like and fairness doesn’t really come in to it. Obviously there is a benefit to me in this arrangement, or else I wouldn’t be doing it and I’d live in someone elses houseshare or leasing through a letting agent.
Her main complaint is that I’m putting up the rent on the big room, even though the landlord hasn’t put up the house rent. And when I reminded her that I said I’d give her a discount (which probably wasn’t the right word to use) she said its not about discounts its about being fair. Which to me it isn’t. If someone is willing to pay the rent (which is just about market rent for the area), then why shouldn’t they? And to be honest, yes I need a bit more money coming in to dig me out of the hole the last few months have put me in.
It seems like if it’s about fairness it’s actually more unfair on you, to be honest. You initially underpriced the big room and had to keep it underpriced while someone lived there, you’ve been paying two months extra rent for an empty room, and you’re the one financially at risk if people want to move out.
I’m not suggesting you change the agreement as it works for you, but her argument about fairness just doesn’t seem to wash in this case?
I initially set the rent for the big room last year just before the landlord put up the rent, and yeah I couldn’t suddenly ask the person who had just moved in to pay more. I also initially inherited two of the housemates from the guy before who had mates-rates agreements on rent with him (one of them was paying £250 a month!!), and I had to cover the difference, so yes as they have moved out I have increased the rent in those rooms to reflect the new house rent.
I just don’t know how to make her understand; my guess is she’s not been in a situation like this before (previously living with parents or student/agency houseshares). I don’t really want to declare the whole finances of the house to her, cause its none of her business, but I also want her to let this go.
Like she’s saying she understands the whole risk/benefit deal I have, but then she’s complaining that they are paying my rent, which just isn’t true.
I could work it out by proportions, each paying rent and bills, and we’d all still be paying the same, just for the sake of ease I have priced it and organised it that their 3 rents go straight to paying the house rent, and everything else is left to me. Its much of a muchness how the money is organised, if it all goes into a pot to pay everything or I organise it this way (Its currently all going through my personal account, so this keeps it easier for me to track)
She says she understands the risk/benefit deal, but she clearly doesn’t. And if she thinks you have this sweet deal, then she is free to go out and try to set up something like that for herself, or go rent somewhere that’s divided differently.
If she thinks of all the bills that have to be paid relating to the house (rent, utilities, whatever else) as one large bill, and all the money pooled together to pay it as one account, then it makes sense. You take all the money out of the account, wherever it came from, to pay that one large bill. She’s separating out the rent from the other bills, and your time and effort in managing it all, plus the risk, but it’s not separate. It’s all one big bill called “home” that has to be paid out of one pool of money.
And +1 for using the expression much of a muchness, which I love but don’t hear that often these days.
Maybe she thinks I’m getting too much benefit? I’m tempted to ask her what she thinks fair looks like. I don’t really want her to move out, but I also don’t want to keep having explaining myself to her.
I think of it exactly like that, house rent plus bills = total cost. They’re paying maybe 7/8ths of it and I cover the difference and the discount makes up for my time and emotional labour (which recently has been a lot.). I also work from home whenever there’s something happening at the house. It’s only for the sake of ease that I explain it as they pay that they pay fixed costs and I pay the variables (the bills aren’t really that variable)
Yeah, it sounds like she’s made up her mind that it’s unfair and facts aren’t going to change her mind. We all do that sometimes, but you’d hope that your friend would be willing to step back and think about it.
All I can think of is stuff that would entail you doing even more work, like keeping track of how long you spend on this stuff, and how that means you have to put off doing other stuff, or making her do it and tracking her time and giving her deadlines for handling it in exchange for a one-time discount, just for her to see how much time it takes. But for the former you are now adding time tracking on your to-do list, and in the former, you still have to do the work because you have to check what she’s doing to make sure it’s all getting done.
I feel pretty bad for you.
Don’t feel too bad for me, I know its a sweet deal for me really. I just had a moment of worry that I was just being an unfair asshole, but you guys have reassured me!
Friends and money! Ugh. This is why I prefer living with strangers.
I know of at least one other friend who rents out a garage apartment, but refuses to lease to friends. I think it’s a solid policy.
It may be better for you in the long run if she moves out and you replace her with a new tenant. How much do you trust her, now that she sort-of-knows and objects to how you run things, to not complain about the “unfairness” to new or prospective tenants?
I don’t think she’ll pull any shenanigans, she’s not like that, but this will probably be a rift between us. I have a feeling she’s been talking to her boyfriend about it but his situation is completely different, until recently he and a friend had a lease on a big house and shared it with friends. It was all equal But he had the ultimate responsibility and it was a huge hassle because the others didn’t pull thier weight. So recently they all moved to a new house and all have separate leases with the landlord and it’s all equal/proportional. that’s one solution to the problem, I have a different solution that works best for me.
All this just means now I’m super anxious in the house because I don’t want to see her and have a confrontation. I hope it just passes soon.
You need to get her to understand that your time and labor are worth cash money. This isn’t *fun,* it’s *work.* It’s actually not about fairness or unfairness it’s about valuing your labor appropriately.
That’s how I see it, but I doubt she’ll think that the calls to the landlord and organising plumbers etc takes a whole lot of time, I also count the emotional labour and stress as a cost to me. So yeah I technically pay less but I also spent an hour this morning searching for a new housemate
Oh man, I know it. I have shared house, and it’s set up quite a bit differently, but I still do all of the bill paying, landlord wrangling, etc (not to mention keeping track of people’s chores and stuff). It’s a lot of work, and I would be SO annoyed to have to justify it on top of all of that.
I had a roommate once who was sniffing around and talking about what was fair. We were not friends and I tried to shut her down right quick – don’t like your rent? Then leave. But it was still hard, because I want to be fair.
[Our house is breaking up in just over a week waaaaah! I have to move to a one bedroom apartment with a husband and two cats! Waaah!]
Yes! Like I don’t want to be an asshole over it (hence trying to keep it all quiet) but there has to be some benefit to me in this situation or else why would I do all of work? But then she has rented before so she knows landlords a D I’m sure she won’t think that my dealing with the landlord is ‘work’.
Good luck with your move! I cannot wait to be done with houseshares. Only another 10 years or so to go.
Can I ask, roughly, what your set up was? I know other people who have done it by everyone paying equal/proportional rent and then each taking a bill that is their responsibility
I’ve done it a few different ways, and never your way exactly. I moved into my house with a couple who were dear friends of mine and another person, and we split it I think by the couple paying 1.5x total what each of us singles paid in rent, but that was a co-housing thing, and we were all on the lease. Bills were split in four, by person.
When they left because they got pregnant, I took over and started basically managing it on my own, but it kind of grew organically. When I had “randoms” I just set a rent close to proportionate share of the house and split bills equally, sometimes trying to make a bit of money to off-set the risk and work. But it’s been fluid. The market wasn’t so hot at the time that I would have been able to get people in for more (now I could probably make a killing).
And now my husband and I share with another couple and we all pay the same – my husband and I have a balcony and a much bigger room, they have a dedicated second bedroom, so it all feels pretty equal. Plus we are very good friends, so it’s a bit different, I think, and we all decided to stay another year and negotiated the terms altogether. Oh, and we have new lease that we are all on.
TBH I’ve never “made” much or any money (ie paid less in recognition of my risk and my work), so I haven’t been exactly in your position. I actually think my roommate who was sniffing around thought I was, but I was not.
ETA: I’ve been in my house for 5 years, and have lived there with… 14 different people? I’ve sort of lost count. Sometimes friends, sometimes randoms, my sister lived here for a while, my husband (then BF) moved in, etc.
Thanks!
“she’s complaining they are paying my rent” NO NO NO, that is not how this works! You are the landlord in this situation!
Right? They are each paying *THEIR* rent. To OP. The one they agreed on.
Selma is the one who took on the risk and responsibility of being the lease holder! She can’t just ditch this place with little consequence the way they can. UGH, people.
Yes. Thank you. They can all feck off with a months notice and I have to cover their rent, I’m stuck with the house (and all of the bills in my name!) Until the lease ends.
YES.
Nope. She’s either naive or trying to sucker you.
Right? Tbh I think she’s being naive and I can kind of see how she thinks its unfair, but like, the world isn’t fair, tough shit. But I don’t know how to explain this too her without being a complete asshole and ruining our relationship or making her move out?
I think she’s used to letting agency/student houseshares where everyone has an individual lease with the agency/landlord and everything is equal or proportional to room size, but that’s not how any private houseshares I’ve ever known worked unless your were all very good friends beforehand.
So in her version of fair, you could add up the square footage of all the rooms and then divide the rent by the percentage each room takes up of the total. Then split the utilities X ways, and split the cost of the empty room between all of you. Then, find out what it would cost to have a management company provide the services you’ve taken on for the house, and add that cost to the total, to be divided among the renters and paid to you. I mean, that’s “fair,” but she probably wouldn’t like it any better.
Agree with Nicole, if she came into the situation knowing how it was going to be run, it’s none of her concern if you want to raise rent on a room or let someone live in it for free. You’re basically the landlord of your household.
I think that’s kind of what she has in her head, or at least that I am paying a portion of the house rent as well as the bills or something. But I see it that i am technically the landlord and I can do what I see fit (while not gouging the hell out of them like I could and I know other people do.)
However; I wasn’t exactly explicit about the ins and outs of it all with her when she moved in; I deliberately don’t explain everything (Especially the less rent bit, cause of this kind of shit.) to new housemates, i just explain that the lease is in my name and they are subletting from me and all the rent goes through my account. Its only because we’re friends that I’ve given her more details, and since she now knows how much the total rent is on the house and how much all the rooms cost, she’s figured out that the 3 rooms cover the rent (or at least if I get the new room leased and her rent stays as it is, it would cover the whole rent plus a small bit that would go towards some of the bills) and isn’t happy about it.
So should i have told her upfront? Part of me wants to just be like ‘Capitalism yo, get out my face.’, but she is a friend.
Hmmm. Hard to handle that one and still be diplomatic. Maybe something like, This is how the house is run, I usually pay close to what you do by covering the utilities. Right now I’m paying significantly more than you are because I’m covering the cost of the empty room. This is what works for me, I think your rent is fair, but if you can find someplace cheaper, maybe that would be a better fit for you.
Good luck! The whole situation sounds crappy.
That was working until she figured out that I’m paying about 1/2 what she’s paying, in money, but then there’s my time and stress on top of it. Tbh it’s none of her business, but I know she’s not going to let it go.
Can you just emphasize how you’re the one on the hook for the entire place if everyone decides to move out at once, which they can clearly do, and there’s no guarantee of when you’ll get new tenants? That’s the biggest point, I think. Along with what Knowsey said.
You could try, “I can give you 1/4 of the total as rent if you’ll also agree to always pay 1/4 of all bills and maintenance costs from now into the future,” if you don’t mind actually doing that if she says yes. Showing her an example where her actual cost per month or per quarter goes up might make her see that she’s actually getting the middle of the stick here – it’s a fair arrangement.
Maybe that + having her take on some of the labor of paying the bills. Cause that’s part of the issue.
(FYI: i am an asshole)
i don’t think she deserves an explanation. you’re her landlord. you have no obligation to make her understand or approve of your business model. put the past behind you. you’ve lost tenants AND your landlord has raised the rent on you. act like she doesn’t exist and refigure what each room needs to bring in to keep your business afloat. present her with the adjusted rates and let her choose a room.
if the new maths makes her current room more expensive, i would, at most, offer to let her keep her current room at the old rate and make up the difference by tacking it onto one or both of the other rooms.
bottom line: this isn’t about “fairness”. you’re running a business. do what’s right for your business.
Assholes unite! This is how I’ve been thinking of it! This is a business/investment for me, Like tough shit. I’m pretty much charging what the market will take (or a touch below in some cases) and making up the difference. My mum ran a house as an actual business, and we lived there basically free, eexcept labour, and that’s what made me see that me taking on this house would be possible and a good situation for me. At the end of the day I’m going to do what is best for me.
Part of me wants to be fair but also, so what if I made money at this? (I’m not for the record) apart from this one person, these people aren’t my friends, and I’m giving them a fair price. And part of her complaint was that it looks like I’m trying to make money off my friends, again I’m not, but so what if I was? Is there some unwritten rule of running a business that says you can’t make money from your friends? Or is it just because we live in the same house that we’re supposed to be equal?
The new maths doesn’t affect her in anyway, except that I have offered her a discount based on the new income from the other room, because she felt it wasnt fair that she was paying the same price for a room 1/2 the size. I’m not going to make myself worse off just for her sense of ‘fairness’
I agree with the other commenters & you, this is perfectly reasonable and your roommate doesn’t Get It and will be mighty surprised if she ever tries to move into another homeowner-leasing-out-rooms situation. I know my own landlady covers a ton of her own costs with my and my roommate’s rent – we all split bills evenly, but the landlady just does not have the income to pay the mortgage herself; we’re doing that for her. As her renter, we’re her income. And it’s very clear she’s in charge of upkeep on the house, managing the utility bill payments, keeping things up to code, scheduling cleanings, etc. So it’s not like she’s mooching.
Some people just don’t make considerate renters, though. I’ve had one in every living situation I’ve ever been in, and I think what’s to blame a lot of the time is this warped idea of what counts as “fair” that really just benefits them (i.e. if it doesn’t let them come out ahead in some way, it’s not “fair” – equitable arrangements are “unfair”).
To commiserate, I’ll give some examples of bad roommates I’ve had with similar illusions of “fairness”:
– The one who didn’t want to pay her share of the cable bill this month because “she didn’t watch TV this month”
– The one who was actually in charge of the lease (so in your position!) but did not do right by us, as you are doing by your sublessees: she switched the lease to a rolling monthly lease that was $200 more expensive each month without telling anyone, because she couldn’t move out in time by the end of the 12-month lease to avoid signing a new one. Stayed an extra month packing her belongings and quietly paid the extra $200 without telling us. Moved out of state before we learned what she’d done.
Exactly, thank you! I’ve lived with homeowners before and perfectly aware that I was paying their mortgage and thus leaving them better off. Other than this she’s a great housemate, she definitely does more than her fair share of cleaning and we get on well. I think the rent she’s paying is a bit of a stretch for her, and i have agreed to a discount etc, but I feel like she won’t think it’s fair unless we were paying the same. which no. currently I can only afford to live here becuase of this arrangement.
You’re not being an asshole. When I was in grad school, I lived in a huge shared house. One of our roomies was in your position, and she paid significantly less in rent than the rest of us because she was ultimately responsible for the lease and she was in charge of making sure shit got done (internet, utilities, toilet paper, etc., and sometimes–rarely, thank goodness–mediating disagreements between us).
I am in your friend’s/flatmate’s/tenant’s situation; my partner owns a house and I rent a unit from him; I pay him a flat rate that’s “all utilities included” and he uses it (plus the other rents) to pay off the mortgage, bills, etc.
I know that he probably spends less out of his income on housing than I do because he’s mentioned that all the rent is deposited into an account just for housing expenses, and he’s been building up the account balance in order to pay for renovations. (That is, there is more rent going into the account than is coming out to pay for mortgage/bills.) So, technically, he’s paying less than I am and he’s making a “profit.”
But the thing is, it’s not unfair because he needs to use that money to pay for repairs, renovations, etc. And I benefit from those repairs, renovations, etc! And besides, I’m still paying less on rent than I would be if I were renting from a stranger.
So this is a long way of saying your setup is totally reasonable, and your friend is being unreasonable.
Completely agree with so many others here- I don’t see it as much different from dividing the rent based on room size/car spaces/ensuite bathrooms etc. They are paying more so that they have less risk, less household management chores, less bills. If everyone pitched in with those things it would be a different thing.
Been in a similar boat and this right here is why you don’t loan or rent to friends you want to stay friends
it’s not unreasonable at all, you’re not even turning a profit which makes you the most generous landlord your whiny-ass friend will ever encounter in her entire life, ever, and the only one who’d even consider trying to justify herself when a tenant starts moaning about how ‘unfair’ their agreed-upon rate is. And now she’s abusing your generosity. Unfortunately this seems to be what happens when you try to be accomodating and ‘fair’, being utterly inflexible once you’ve arrived at an agreement and telling folks they can take it or leave it has actually in my experience resulted in a much happier house and tenants much more willing to stick around; it’s when they think getting shitty about it’s going to get them somewhere they convince themselves they’re getting a raw deal and not gonna take it anymore.
If you’re the only one on the lease, then it is your apartment. You’re the one with all the risk and the one doing all the work to get utilities paid and etc. You can charge your “tenants” whatever you want (presumably it is somewhere around reasonable market rate) and you should not have to justify it. If you were a homeowner renting out your house you wouldn’t have to justify to your tenants how much your mortgage was compared to their rent, would you? This isn’t any different.
Something else that may be of interest to Toasties who are into Apple stuff: The End of Apple Man?
In such trying times as these, I have never been more grateful for Shaqtin’ A Fool.
Also Nicole; Your babies fat rolls are adorable and I want to eat them.
TOASTIES I JUST CAME OUT AS QUEER ON FACEBOOK AND IT’S BEEN A LONG TIME COMING AND EVEN THOUGH I EXPECT EVERYONE TO BE NICE I’M STILL FULL OF ADRENALINE.
Congratulations!
Yay! That is fab and you are amazing.
You rock!
UPDATE: EVERYONE WAS REALLY NICE.
Even better! Yay! Have some congratulatory bubbly. Or ice cream. Your call.
That is *wonderful*!
We are with you. You walk you and it’s good.
I’m so very amused and pleased about the US Senate passing the bill requiring women to sign up for the draft. But the back story is even better- the bill’s author expected Democrats to vote against adding women to the draft so he could call them hypocrites but they all voted for it and now he’s trying to get that amendment taken off: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics…
Yeah, Duncan Hunter. Kind of a tool generally; he basically inherited his House seat from his dad of the same name and has tried to turn his undistinguished four-year stint in the Marines into his being Mr. Veteran in Congress. Doesn’t like women serving in the military in general and was also against DADT repeal.
Also known as The Vaping Congressman.
omg the one who vaped on the House floor? Not that I’m opposed to vaping, necessarily, he just looked silly imo.
That’s the one!
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload…
The expression on his face kills me in this GIF.
I cackle in glee.
I am 100% against the draft, for anyone, full stop, but the arguments they’re making for why women shouldn’t be allowed are SO STUPID I almost want it to go on through.
^ THIS
yes! if nothing else, it would take the arguments of so many misogynist dudebros that are based on men having to register for the draft when women don’t. None of them WANT women in the military, yet they make the fact that women aren’t equally included as something that entitles them to special privileges over women.
Exactly, my thing is that if I think it’s wrong then I have to be willing to submit to it too. I mean, I’ve aged out I think, but I was willing at the time.
It’s funny in a way. Back in 1968-9 we women demanded an end to the draft or draft us as well. The powers that be effectively ended the draft. Went with a lottery and then stopped making young men serve compulsory service. It’s also funny that the author of this actually expected it to be shot down.
Of course it is foolish of me to think this sort of madness would only happen once.
I approve of this way of bending sexism to serve your own purposes.
As a parent of two teens, boy and girl, of course I think nobody should be drafted. But if you have a draft, it should be gender blind.
I am in the “either don’t have a draft for anyone (preferred) or else everyone has to register” camp, but I do love watching Republican hypocrites squirm.
There has been very little Republican schadenfreude I’ve been able to enjoy, I’m clutching this one to me like a teddy bear.
I think the reason I can enjoy this one is because it’s comparatively harmless, you know? I mean, the draft hasn’t been active in decades, and will not be for the foreseeable future, so it doesn’t really matter which way this goes. Yes, the sexism is obviously still there, yes the draft in and of itself is horrible, but the stakes aren’t super high, here.
Yes, that’s it, exactly.
The Jezebel interview is so heartbreaking, and important, and also terrifying.
Dr. Hern is 77 years old. Nobody is stepping up to take his place. I really think that we are at the end of a time where abortions, especially late-term ones, are legal in anything but name. Even now, a patient might have to pay up to twenty-five thousand dollars in cash to get a constitutionally protected procedure. I want to cry.
The state I live in recently passed a law similar to Texas’, enacted a three-day waiting period (the longest in the nation), and is voting on denying Planned Parenthood any state funding whatsoever, even for non-abortion related services.
I’m waiting on the Supreme Court decision on Texas’ recent anti-abortion legislation, but part of me thinks it doesn’t really matter. States will continue to chip away at accessibility, force clinics to close for spurious reasons, and what’s the good of abortion being technically legal when it’s impossible to get? The federal government is no better. The extension of the Hyde Amendment was part of Healthcare reform, and Obama personally signed off on it.
I’m really not optimistic, you guys.
That was the harrowing part. No one else wants to do what this guy is doing. It’s dangerous, it’s expensive, ugh.
Yeah, the part where the woman says that everyone in the clinic essentially gets danger pay because they are literally risking their lives to come to work every day–oof.
Toasts, Lois Duncan has died after a long, full life. Which of her glorious YA masterworks did you read first? Which one do you want to re-read this summer?
My answer to both questions is Stranger With My Face. Island mansion! Troubled teenage boy! Astral projection! SECRET TWINS!
Oh, I am so sad to hear this, especially because it means she never got to find out who killed her daughter. I was obsessed with that book as a girl and even as an adult I would periodically check her message board for updates or new theories.
What? Oh no! I stiiiiill think about Stranger With My Face all these many years later.
Me too! Not infrequently!
Oh no! I hadn’t heard and now I’m regretting not packing all my childhood Lois Duncan books in my suitcase when I was visiting my parents last week. 🙁
My first of her books was, perhaps appropriately, Daughters of Eve, which I am now searching the library catalog to find and reread this weekend.
I re-read that one a few years ago while writing my own YA about ~vicious feminist revenge~ it was much more insidious and depressing (but good!) than I remembered!
Down a Dark Hall was my first, but Stranger With My Face was by far her masterpiece. I still remember someone handing me their copy of DaDH in summer camp, then running out to read the rest of her oeuvre. RIP Lois Duncan.
Oh no I’m weirdly sad about this? I know there’s more important things to be sad about but /wow/. I don’t remember which I read first but the ones that left the biggest Impression were Killing Mr Griffith (deadly pranks! chrasmatic teenage quasi cult leaders! cover ups!) and Locked in Time (evil witches! Asshole immortal teenagers! Southern gothic esque stuff! The whole “is this magic or not” thing!)
Ahhhhhhh I forgot about Locked In Time (how is that even possible when I can remember that that book is where I learned the words “apertif” and “lourved”) thank you for reminding me!
Here is the entirety of the 70s TV movie version of Summer of Fear: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zH7A-oiz_1c
And while looking for that I found a 70s tv movie of Are You In the House Alone by Richard Peck, which was traumatizing for me as a child bc 1. rape 2. my mother yelled at my beloved children’s librarian for it being in the children’s section (the YA section got moved around a bit at my public library in the early ’90s). I was 10 and I still remember the librarian’s stone cold expression and the feeling of knowing my mom was wrong but not know why. (That was a weird anomaly in my childhood, I was reading Stephen King by 14 and nobody batted an eye.)
I’m going to be /that/ pedantic weirdo, but it’s Killing Mr. Griffin. The only reason I know that and it’s important to me is that my maiden name was Griffin, and my brother is a Mr. Griffin who teaches high school, and it’s always great fun when his students happen across that book in the library.
I know what you mean about being weirdly sad when authors pass whose work you read and enjoyed when you were younger, though! I only just a few weeks ago found out that Barbara Parks had died, two and a half years after the fact, and I was so upset. 🙁
Ahhhh sorry! Didn’t mean to get it wrong!
No need to apologize! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to seem like it was something to be upset about, it’s such an easy mistake. Mostly I just enjoy the stories my brother tells about his students, lol.
A Gift of Magic was my favorite, I wanted to be Nancy so badly.
I ate her books up. Locked in Time, Don’t Look Behind You, and Down a Dark Hall . . .
SPOILER!!!
A special (evil) school for the “gifted” where dead artists/writers/musicians possess the bodies of teenagers to continue creating their art!!!!!
Stranger With My Face. Also A Gift of Magic. The original, unsullied 1970s one.
whaaat? they fucked with A Gift of Magic? how?!
(and which version was the one I read, I wonder – it was my first Lois Duncan book around 1996, I think I must have been in 7th grade, anyway)
LOL! You read the “good” version. Apparently it was updated in 2012:
http://www.tor.com/2014/11/13/rewriting-after-thr…
Good morning Toasties! Its my birthday and I am feeling quite pleased about the day. I am leaving work early to meet my Mom for a late lunch then tonight I am going to see Avenue Q! I will almost certainly be hung over tomorrow but my boss is on another continent for the next two weeks.
I also happen to know that my parents got me the Hamilton cast recording on vinyl and a super cute record player for my birthday. Mostly because my mom asked me what I wanted and had me text her the links.
Mid-thirties are shaping up to be good. At least for the first couple of days.
Happy Birthday!
That sounds delightful. You’ll have to let us know if vinyl really is the one true way to listen to music, or if it’s mostly just cute which is still nice
Excuse me, but taytay has TWO cats.
I’ll go now.
I read the news. Sorry for The Telegraph, but all the news are reporting it. I am reminded of Gabrielle Giffords.. Dear, there aren’t supposed be many guns in the UK. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/06/16/labour…
Welp, who wants to cry some more:
“In a Shaken Orlando, Comfort Dogs Arrive With ‘Unconditional Love’”
“On the Monday following the Orlando massacre, 12 golden retrievers arrived in the Florida city.
“They had come to offer comfort to some of the victims of the attack, the families of those killed and the emergency medical workers, as well as anyone else in the city in need of some canine affection after the deadliest shooting in American history”.
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/06/17/us/in-a-shaken-…
Those are certainly some good dogs.
Toasties, I see that two of you bought tickets to my burlesque sci-fi lesbian play and I want to say THANK YOU for supporting weird queer live art in Seattle!
http://spaceopera.brownpapertickets.com/
I put a reminder in phone to buy some tonight!
Bless you! You are too witches.
Too bad it’s a couple thousand miles away from me, that looks like fun.
On “white trash”: The term bugs me and always has. As though the default human is “white something-not-trashy.” I can’t quite parse what else, though – why “white” trash? Why not “trash”? (Or better yet, why not skip the classist terms altogether?) Is “white trash” somehow supposed to make up for the epithets used to denigrate people whose skin is not the much-lauded “white”?
Can anyone climb on up into my brain and figure put wtf I’m trying to say?
The default is “non-whites are trashy” and “whites are classy/whatever.” When a white acts/lives like a non-white (poor, no class, whatever), they become white trash. As I understand the concept, in any case.
Right. That sounds like what I’m trying to say. Thanks!
The more you think about it, the worse it gets.
Whites are not automatically trashy the way nonwhites are, so when whites are trashy it’s unexpected and needs to be noted. Sort of the inverse of the model minority trope.
There is not a way to make this sound anything other than intrinsically racist and horrible.
An MP in Britain has been killed. Guns and knives. Can we stop a minute and think about our representatives.
That Jezebel interview was pretty rough. “Yeah, it had to be that guy to do the abortion. There would’a been the other guy, but he was shot dead” what the flippin hell.
Looking forward to this book too! I’m currently reading Common Ground by J. Anthony Lukas. It was published in the mid-80s, and looks at desegregation busing by telling the stories of three families in Boston. It is fascinating (and is also giving me a lot of great background about the city I currently live in!). Highly recommend.
I'm 48 and am dating a 29 year old. And we got together 6 years ago. So.
(My other partner is my age, however.)
"oop North", surely. 🙂
It's your name on the lease and they are subletting from you. Beyond that, it's none of their business how you divide things up or subsidise your own rent.
The only aspect I agree with her on is paying the same as the large room cost. You've justified their covering your share of the rent as being about your taking on the risk and also covering the cost of any shortfalls. So I don't see why she should have to pay the same as the large room cost, if you're the "cover" while it's empty. It seems a bit like you're trying to have it both ways there.
I'd say it would seem fairer that you charge more for the larger room and set reasonable prices according to size for the other rooms. Beyond that, once again, it's not their concern what you're paying for rent on the property as a whole and what your share of that is or isn't. If the rental seems fair in terms of the "going rate" for rooms where you live, then that's really the end of it.
Now I've gone and googled met gala to see pictures of dresses and what the fuck is on Sarah Jessica Parker's head.
Okay that was 2015. But Still.
I'm owlcatlady. I don't post much except for the odd cat but I'll like your pictures 🙂
D: is my face after reading this